Forums / Fun! / Just For Fun

>The chosen one was supposed to defeat the dark Lichnomancer 500 years ago
>He failed and the Lichnomancer cast the world into darkness
>You live in squalor in one of the few remaining villages of the living trying not to gain the attention of the roaming zombie armies the terrorize the "lucky" survivors
>One day a carriage made of painted skulls and bones pulls into your village
>Everyone locks themselves in their homes but you're too slow
>Out of the carriage step a 12' Lich with a flaming skull and black robes, his 9' staff adorned with a gem the colour of souls on top
>"HUMAN, I HAVE COME HERE FOR ONE REASON AND ONE REASON ALONE. SUBMIT AND I MAY SPARE THIS VILLAGE IF ONLY OUT OF DISINTEREST"
>Shaking with fear you manage to croak out a "What?"
>The Lich slams his staff on the ground and around you forms a basketball court made of blood and bone, nets made of sinew and dried skin.
>The moon disappears from the sky- no wait, it just shrunk. It begins to fall from the sky, and lands bouncing in front of you
>The Lich picks up the moon and passes it to you, its wight no more than that of a mere basketball
>The Lich addresses you again his voice makes your blood run cold
>"I CAME HERE TO JAM"

COME ON AND SLAM AND WELCOME TO THE JAM

Alright, /kym/, lemme tell you a story.

>be 7 years old
>shrek visits my school
>it's obviously some silly farquaad in a costume
>tell him that "onions have layers"
>he gets upset for some reason
>shrek guy leaves and slams the door
>i open the door
>get on the floor
>stupid bullies made me trip
>get off the floor
>shrek guy is nowhere to be seen
>don't look any further into this
>teacher gives detention for getting out of seat and following strangers
>umm okay sure
>clock ticks down in detention room
>detention supervisor says that he'd like to take a minute outside, so sit right there
>he comes back after a few minutes and tells me how he became to be in possession of the prints of a town's cold beware sign
>wtf
>fast-forward a few years
>be 10 now
>visit europe in winter
>it's very cold
>start the day by visiting some weird ancient church
>"Don't deny your heritage, Mike" say some protesters in the market outside
>my dad's name is Michael, so i wonder why they know his name
>"You are a European. Embrace it" they continue chanting
>alright, i think it's time to leave
>suddenly, cheering
>guy in shrek costume takes off his mask to reveal that it's mike myers
>spaghetti falling out of everyone's euro-pockets
>"I'm finally home." says Mike
>want to continue watching, but dad takes me somewhere else
>"I wouldn't go ogre there if I were you" shouts Mike
>there is a "Beware! Cold!" sign, like the ones my detention supervisor had
>this is getting a bit 2spooky now
>a skeleton pops out of the cyrogenic freezer
>retreat back to the youth hostel
>sit back and relax to the sounds of 80s european pop music
>truestorybro.jpg

;n;

>be mod
>browsing this thread
>no mention of spaghetti
>not nazi mod, will not lock thread for not having spaghetti
>feels bad man

>tfw you mention spaghetti in your story and the mods don't see it

>be 12
>makes profile on okcupid
>profile says I'm 42
>finds cute girl
>she says she's 12
>ask her out
>waits at location 10 minutes
>cops appear
>mfw they don't know I'm the predator.