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Let's try to get it as epic as this:

Start:

Long ago

your mom

did a

barrel roll

and died.

But suddenly

she got

someone's hairy

Tina Turner

which was

a wig

FROM HELL.

NIC MACY

came in

on a

flaming motorcycle

He derped

as he

flew a

wheelie into

detroit's biggest

Dog Fort

before he

crashed and

danced in

explosive silverware

underwear. But

when pigs

NIC MACY

and Anonymous

wheelie into

the wall

and GET

turned into

a newt.

but they're

a bunch

of anuses

that ate

painis cupcake.

but the

giant elephants

sacrificed the

COMBO BREAKER

to kill

a turtle.

A severed

head was

talking to

The Scout