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My job is so fucking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career oppertunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fuckers around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

2/10 already heard.

EDIT: I didn't downvote you, that was someone else.

Man, Freddie, that really sucks.
Except you work for your father, and don't actually contribute to society.

So…

Who the fuck pays you?

delicious

That pretty much sums up what I have to say. Well done. Needs a little improvement, though. 7/10

Haha
That was pretty good.

By the way 7/10

MAXIMUM QUALITY THREAD RIGHT THERE!

PEOPLE NEED TO GET PAID BY THE HOUR FOR MAKING AWESOME THREADS LIKE THIS!

What the fuck did you just fucking say, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with getting first on a post on the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking fingers from typing. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it.

<img src="https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/172/461/1315608252001.gif"

You know, this thread would have been a whole lot better if less people posted to tell Random what a great thread it was.
Now it's just a mediocre thread.

This post is completely pointless. Still, I feel I have to say thank you, for that made me laugh so hard. I'm sure this has been posted other places, I'm to much of a fag to know. I thought that was real. Congratulations RandomMan, you have entertained me.

And whatever MDfification, I do what I want.

What's that? Fucking Queer. My dad graduated top of his class in IMF, and I grew up to become a sniper. I am a trained gorilla with over five thousand witnessed beatings. You are nothing to me but just another faget. I will wipe my ass with your fucking face after eating taco bell. You think I'll forget about this after today? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am backtracing your signal and using my secret network right now so you better prepare for the fucking end, assbitch. The end of everything you hold dear. You're fucking dead, but you already knew that. I wont stop there, and I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over ten hundred ways, and that's just with your mom's dildo. Not only am I extensively trained in horseback mounted combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of NASA and area 51 and I will use it to threaten others to hunt your miserable family anywhere on the face of the planet, you little prick. If only you could have known what kind of vindictive motherfucker you were dealing with and what your comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have chosen a better response. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will leave you analcrusaded, butt blistered, recally ravaged. You're family is dead, and you wont have an ass after I'm done with you.
Me too.

So you think you had a rough childhood?
Well fuck you, its got nothing on mine. My mom practically kicked my ass out of the house before I even hit 13, and I never even met my dad. My only friend till I was 10 was the faggot prick next door who was always beating the shit out of me and telling me I wasn't worth shit. Its not even like I had a choice, the town fucking had something like 9 people living in it, I shit you not. My entire adolescence was just moving around from place to place trying to get along with people who didn't even want me.

You think that's the worst? My only friend was an Asian guy in his 20's or something, who only kept me around because he thought I could help him get laid. The only perk was that I also got to hang around with this cute ginger chick, she was flat as a pancake sure, but damn she was a total nymph, She must have been a sadist or something cause she always took pleasure in hitting me and telling me how she loved to get wet.

But dear god the bane of my existence was this adult couple that I could NOT seem to avoid. You know these types of couples that are absolutely sickening, like they wear matching outfits and finish each other's sentences? Yeah they were fucking creepers, and they had a cat, which was at least twice as annoying as they were, I swear this thing would never shut the fuck up.

Like I said I ended up moving from town to town getting into fights with other kids my age, even adults from time to time. The only thing that kept me going was my dream to become a pokemon master.

Lol, good one.

but you missed a part:
And then we all died, the end.

Uhhh…

Sorry, my eyes quickly jumped to the last sentence.

ha ha fuckin' awsome.

the punchline was just diamonds

I've had my GF for 2 years now (practically lives with me) – small white, petite thing, cooks for me, always been good to me.

I go away on holiday for a week, come back and something just doesn't seem right. I asked my dad if he had seen anything happen with my GF and he acts clueless.

So fast forward to 3 weeks later… I'm coming home from work when BAM clear as day, right in my Kitchen I catch my father red handed with his meat in my GF.

I was PISSED, told him to get his meat out of GF and GTFO, needless to say my GF got turned off. I just couldn't get over it and that night kicked my GF to the curb.

Now it's been 2 weeks since the incident and that I've been without my GF and about 10 minutes ago my dad had the audacity to ask my how my GF has been, when he's the damn reason we ain't together no more.

Should I get off the computer and start swinging at him?

OR

Pack my stuff and be on my way.

Here's pics of my GF for you lot as I know you'll ask.

http://img139.imageshack.us/img139/3034/85743524.jpg

Heh, it's funny because GF stands for girlfriend, and it also stands more George Foreman, and there is a grill called a George Foreman grill.

I see what you did there Kim Jong, well played.

Heh, it's funny because you did that last time and it killed the joke, and you've done it this time to kill the joke as well.

I see what you did there sting_auer, well played

@Kim Jong:

I saw that a mile away. Still good.

@sting_auer

>everyone else has aspergers

Oh, you guys think you've got it so bad…..wait until you hear about MY workplace……
I can start out with the working conditions. Seriously, we change places of business more often than Hugh Hefner changes Playboy Bunnies. One second we're in a place with sewers and shit that lead to the rival company's place, the next we're in a fucking hydroelectric plant. No matter where you go, you get shot at. I'm tired of ducking every time someone passes by. Its not fuking Detroit, people. Its a goddamn electrical facility. Please, corperate, find a more hospitable place to do business than where you've been choosing the past 5-or-so years.

Next is my boss. Bitchiest boss ever. And that's her on a good day. Always toying with us, insulting us when we don't do EXACTLY as she wants, and treats us like puppets when we do. And she can't go 5 minutes without having a cigarette, that stupid chain-smoker. She and the snobby french bastard (Smoker as well, carries around one of those fancy cases for them. Sometimes smokes multiple ones at once.) that they brought over here to "diversify the workplace" would have a few laughs together, if that cold-hearted bitch has enough undamaged vocal cords to even chuckle.

Don't even get me started on my coworkers.
There's the drunk guy who carries his damn bottle everywhere. I swear, he can barely do his job right, which requires PRECISION, and he just throws random crap everywhere in favor of drinking more.

There's the obese moron who can't even speak decent english. It comes out all broken and makes him sound dumber than he really is (Which isn't saying much, guy can't even do anything besides simple tasks and often calls for his buddy to bail his fat ass out.) Along with constantly eating, he's basically useless unless you need a simple job for a simple person done.

Speaking of his buddy, this guy is a fucking sadist, I shit you not. Always with the "progress" thing when it comes to blood. It doesn't make me comfortable that he's also the default physician for my little workplace. I don't even think he's got a medical liscense. I thank my lucky stars that he's too busy hanging around with his fat boyfriend (I shit you not, everyone here knows that those two are more than friends.)

Then there's the douche baseball fan (Youngest guy here. I don't think he's even old enough to work in a place like this. Guy's mother is way too young for him to be the appropriate age for this line of employment.) He's addicted to this soda and won't stop running around and jumping all over the place. Not to mention everyone here hates his attitude. He's a dick. Kids these days, I swear….can't keep still and have no respect…..

Oh, and the next two are just priceless. They're the only two who can't stand other people here besides me, albiet a few less ones than I do. The Australian and the Frenchman hate eachother with a burning passion. You literaly cannot leave these two in a room together without them tearing eachother apart. I hate them both. The Aussie lives in a van and smells like piss 24/7, and the Frenchman is a elitest asshole. Always lying and causing trouble. At least he's not very strong up-front. If you can catch him in one of his pranks, you can easily kick the crap outta him.

And then there's the batshit insane guy. Thing about him is VOLUME! If my boss didn't scream at us enough, I've got this crew-cut jackass yelling at the rest of us. He thinks he was in the war….whichever war that was. Along with that, I'm pretty sure he's psychotic, seeing as how he beats his own head with a shovel every time he has one.

At least there's one decent guy there. The Texan. Always nice, always there to lend a hand. He watches my back, I watch his. Unfortunatly, he's smart as fuck, and his various displays of knowledge tend to make you feel stupid at times. But that's okay, because I know I can count on him to get me where I need to go, or to get people off my back, or to provide me with the stuff I need to do my job. I feel sorry for him, though. He's usually the focus of the Frenchman's tricks, and the little shit from Boston won't stop telling him what to do. He's undervalued, a bit like me. We get along easy.

But yeah, work sucks. If it wasn't for the fact that my current position at the company requires doing what I love, I'd have quit long ago. I hope I can one day earn enough pay to get my ass outta this shithole of a workplace, and off to what I really want to do: Pyrotechnics for rock concerts. I don't care what you think, that shit is the best fucking job ever. But until then, I'll keep calm and check for Spies……

Oh god, that feel when your reply to a maximum quality thread has just as many upvotes as the OP of the maximum quality thread.

Random was getting a metric fuck-ton of negs when he first made the thread.

Odd, considering his swag is unbreakable…

Explosive Lasers is a Demopony wrote:

metric fuck-ton of negs

I am now curious to see the actual amount of negs that would have to be.

And I thought the negs were because of some karma bombing guy. He also struck the hide yo posts thread and the shark punching thing.

My life is f*cking unbearable. Do you even know what I go through?

I live in a neighbourhood where charity or a growing business is considered a scam. What the f*ck, these damn people need to get a job.

Let's start with my friend whose brain is the size of a walnut. He's tall and completely clueless. He has a love for chickens (more like a fetish) and he has a bitchy sister who hangs out with a little pussy. With braces. He's just a f*cking toy.

And my other friend is as smart as f*ck. Just one thing: he wears a sock on his head. I wouldn't want to know what's under there. He acts like a damn saint, telling us "you shouldn't do this". He makes everyone in this place like an idiot. Oh wait, they all are!

Then there's this f*cking immigrant who lives like it's the Middle Ages. He has a bloody farm and his accent is stupid as f*ck.

Then there's the complete asshole. He rides around in his bloody bike like he's cool. He wears a f*cking cap turned backwards. It's like he's not even acting his age.

Oh and there's this retard. He talks to a wooden plank like it's a person. He seriously belongs in a mental asylum. He's annoying as f*ck.

Did I mentioned three sluts that live in a f*cking trailer van? They love me and my friends like hell, but I don't even know why. They can go to hell, oh wait, they are!

I just want to get a snack I enjoy but everyone thinks I'm a f*cking scammer. Imagine trying to get money when everyone thinks your a villian. I'm Eddy and f*ck my life!

Hey Faggots,
My name is John, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass pictures. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any pussy? I mean, I guess it’s fun making fun of people because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off to pictures on facebook.
Don’t be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I’m pretty much perfect. I was captain of the football team, and starter on my basketball team. What sports do you play, other than “jack off to naked drawn Japanese people”? I also get straight A’s, and have a banging hot girlfriend (She just blew me; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.
Pic Related: It’s me and my bitch

I f*cking hate my life. No one's life could be worse.

I work in a f*cking hellhole of a place, and I live in a tiny ass neighborhood, surrounded by f*cktards.
Let me tell you about my coworkers. First off, there's my boss. What. A. Tightass. The old f*ck cant let a damn penny roll away without having an orgasm. He pays us barley enough to f*cking survive.

Then there's the f*cking fry cook. Jesus F*CKING CHRIST how I hate him! He's always laughing, and his voice is so f*cking high because he wears his damn pants near his f*cking chin. And I dont have to just put up with the f*cker at work, I live next to him. F*ck. All I hear all day coming from that f*cking freaky as shit house of is constant f*cking laughter and innocence. F*cking dumbshit.

Speaking of dumbshits, you should see the fat f*ck he has as a best friend. The f*cker is so goddamn dumb, his friend has to explain every f*cking thing to him. He eats so f*cking much, I'm surprised hes still standing. Hell, I'm shocked that he is still alive, the f*cker shouldnt even remember to breathe.

God I wish I could just stay in my Easter Island head and get some f*cking sleep. F*ck my life.

Wrote this mahself.

Oh screw you guys, you all ain't know nothing about having a terrible life as a child. Being this sh*t neighborhood really rustled my jimmies everyday. Being the only child in the family and being smart and sh*t didn't really make any changes. Hell, I have the IQ similar of f*cking Albert Einstein and no one care jacksh*t on me.

I built my own hover-car out of junkyard metals just so I can ride in mid-air to school. I even made by own augmented jetpack as my own school bag. I even constructed a secret lab basement underground my own f*cking backyard. I even constructed a 7cm x 7cm x 7cm hyperspace dimensional cube just to store unlimited sh*tload of useless garbage. My childhood is so f*cked up that my parents can't even allow me to have an animal in the house. So I have singled-handedly BUILD my own robot dog. No noble prizes and shit!

Not to mention how screw up my family background is. My father can't even maintain his job in a toy company and I can't even stand his idiotic antics. The worst part is that his f*cking obsession and fetish with DUCKS, for Christ's sake, f*cking DUCKS! He always got way too excited about ducks every time he spots one and go all singing and dancing in the f*cking public. All the people around just laughed at me, never had a normal picnic once in my f*cking life.

The only two friends I have only makes things worse. I can't even handle this fat friend of mine who really need to get his fucking health on the edge. His snot always stick to my hover-car every time he f*cking sneezes. Every time we do stuffs, all he does is complain every f*cking time. His asthma always delay me in every f*cking situation. He is always obsessive with llamas same sh*t like my freaking dad. The other skinny one as stupid as f*ck, always screws up anything he touches. His mind can't even comprehend to every term I said to him. He is also another jacksh*t like my father. He is way too obsessive to this f*cking action figure called Ultralord or whatever. Having these idiots around really messes me up real bad.

These is also this blonde girl having a secret crush on me and been stalking me. In school, she will be competitive towards me when it comes to science projects and sh*t. She also has a black girlfriend who thinks she's a center of attention. I have to drive these idiots around in my hover-car just to do adventures and shit. This is Jimmy Neutron and fuck my life!