Sit your asses down and shut your pie holes. I’ve got places to go and more important oldfags than you to see, because I happen to be a Conversationalist and we Conversationalists have a tendency to be very busy and important people. If you’re out there in the folding chairs, that means that you’re the new guys. Bottom of the totem pole. But, it also means that you passed the entrance exams. Welcome to the KYM moderation team. From this moment onward, your job is very, very simple: you are going to Deadpool Memes and lock threads.
In the face.
You will deadpool memes and lock threads. When not deadpooling memes, you will be planning on locking threads. You will be developing new ways to lock threads. You will read about deadpooling memes. You will write about deadpooling memes. You will study locking threads. You will dream about locking threads. You will ban the newfag. You will collect and contain newfags, then lock their crappy entries and delete their crap-tier threads
Locking threads is your life.
You may be asking yourself “Self, how am I to deadpool these memes?” With your fists.
And you may ask yourself “Self, what if I am bitten by a newfag? I am unsure of what to do.” Go see an oldfag.
And you may say to yourself “Self, my threads have become noob-like, in the sense that they have all turned into deadpools!” Good, now start punching them.
It’s an important job, mark my words. There are people out there, many people who just don’t understand why. They don’t realize how important our job is. You will be challenged, you will be mocked, you will be insulted, but you cannot lose sight of the goal: your keyboard buzzing with the sounds of “+1 deadpool”.
Several years ago, a former employee asked me “Why do we lock threads?” You know what I said to him?
“Sir, do you hate science? Are you a science-hating newfag-hugger? Do you approve of the non-science newfag agenda?" He said no, he wasn’t.
I punched him the face anyway, because he was clearly a closet newfag. Because that’s what we fucking do at KYM.
When you all came in here, there was a copy of Sun Tzu’s The Art of Locking Threads on your chair. You are all to have read that by the time you report in tomorrow morning. Now get out of here. Those threads aren’t going to punch themselves.
Because they don’t have hands.