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No need to be realistic. Hugs is as good of an answer as brass knuckles or a lightsaber with a kryptonite handle.

a fish wrapped in a newspaper

Combat shotgun from Doom

Hmmmmm….
His teeth (as in using them in a Fire Fang attack)

Hitting people with a train?

Banana RPG (Rocket Propelled Grenade).

An RPG launcher with a lightsaber on the other end.

A bomb

A keyboard.

Hiding under a cardboard box with a picture of a cute anime girl on it in order to sneak up on your target and shank them.

I dunno, something Organic as a weapon…

Volt-driver (Basically a deadly homemade railgun that shoots ball bearings.)

A train

A flamethrower or pyromancy.

a staff but with more staffs on the end

A bone. (Most likely the femur of a large animal.)

A briefcase full of bees.

Telekinesis.

Boolets

Dihydrogen Monoxide.

420 Swag stick

Horns

a big gun

A toxic grenade, dart gun, or a poisoned sword.

The gun the guy in their avatar is holding.

Horns.

Magic Missile Spell

Train tracks and some rope.

A rusty sword.

A stand that confuses everyone.

A flamethrower with a balisong duct-taped to the end to act as a bayonet.

Schwerer Gustav

A giant laser blade

A carrot with a sharpened tip.

A baton

Bare hands

Magic staff

A makeshift pistol

Spider webs, duh

Some hell weapon

Flag pole

who needs weapons when you have an army of evil spiders?

His killer jokes.

Probably some oversized, penis-compensating sword.

A moon cannon?

Something seizure-inducing, if the name is anything to go by.

a lance

A Stand