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Title describes it all!

I have nobody above me, so…

Crash some castles

Battle some Pokemon!

Reach unreachable places!

Little property damage can't be too bad, right?

Bite through almost every obstacle.

I don't like reading the news paper in the morning.

Do all the work for me.

Let the echoes become my strength.

Stare awkwardly

TRY to be helpful

You can make friends with other characters with ease!

Have him solve all of my problems with his fist.

Summon his "waifu" to demolish the foe!

Summon deathclaws

Here you go:

That's how fire magic works, right?

They'd ram their horns into my enemies.

She'd seduce the enemy (so they let down their guard) before she strangles/throws/strikes them.

eat protein bars then knock people out

They'd make the enemy stop… while I execute a silent takedown from behind.

Can take down enemies through any obstacle

I don't trust communist trees

defend reach from the covenant

Stealth kill people using futuristic laser guns.

Shove his huge donger compensation lance into enemy assholes.

Manipulate her to do my bidding and use benefit from her…godly powers..or something. Oh and ask her to get the formula.

He'd run off to come up with some harebrained scheme to steal some guy's burger recipe (and OBVIOUSLY fail) while I'm stuck with having to deal with the enemy/enemies at hand.

a Multi-tool cyborg, yeah there can be quite a lot of things that i can use him for. But he keeps saying he never asked for this.

We'd make a big drama out of why we're companions in the first place

Near perfect anime duo

Makes it so that every plan the enemy comes up with backfires on them

Lay waste to Hyrule

I reckon we're both too lazy to really do anything in a fight. And then we stab the sumbitch in the back when the hobos get up from their naps.

We'll fight a sea god and while they keep it busy with their speed I would go inside the god and kill it from within.

Cool,we could use the muscle

Blasting orbital friendship cannon.

I can use your freshness to distract enemies while I attack them.

Well
I got Guts on my side
r.i.p adversaries

YAY! With Ryuko fighting by my side I'll be unstoppable.

Will molest the opposition.

Well take a picture of the opposition. Could be useful on figuring out who to target and their location and position and assuming which type of camera is being used blind them with the flash.

Get down 'n dirty with fistfights.

It'd be too easy to say 'he has a katana ;)'.

So he actually has a stick that's kind of sharp. But what they don't know is that he has an M9 in his backpack.

I'll let my partner bite the enemy and wait as the venom does the work.

That's Guts right?
Looks like I'll die instantly…

Provide amusing commentary, and maybe predict the tide of battle.

trick the enemy into making a hair comment

He will just stand there staring awkwardly and possibly bewilder and confuse the enemy.

Throw scrolls with explosive runes on them.

Healing.