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Embarrassing, abnormal, normal, and random Confessions.
I'll start.

I once was a DJ for a party and I played Space Jam remixes.

I am Lisa Lombardo.

I once punched a high school guy so hard till he started bleeding when i was in middle school. I have temper issues.

I rush school bandit and get smoked

In middle school I was like legitimately vampire-kin. I had no idea what kinship even was but I basically believed I was a vampire unironically and without falter.

Also a few years before that even when I was really little I like to pretend that I owned Pokemon that were invisible and I pretended so much and believed in it so much they almost felt real to me. They never grew a mind of their own or fully controlled themselves and I never really hallucinated enough to see them but my imagination was pretty strong. I legit thought they were there.

I feel ashamed for everything I've done.

Because of years of bullying in elementary school, the last year of it I took vengeance:

Acting like I was "innocent" , I said to them my hotmail email and password. Of course, they started using my account to harras my Mom, Dad and Aunt. When they asked me what was happening I told them they brought me to the bathroom by force and punched me until Insaid them my password.

The next days, my whole family made the scandal of century in this school (which by the way was private chatolic school). Not only all my classmates ended suspended, but the director herself let me go the school without doing the exams (at that time I was brainy as fuck, everything 10) and told me that "This school is not at your level". Yet, because I wanted to, I did the final exam anyways. When I finished it (I was the first one) everybody saw me and I just flipped the bird on them! So the last image of those fuckers had was me screwing them over and giving them the "Fuck you". All of this……when I was 9'years old!

I would fuck a dragon

I thought you didn't like pokemon.

Anyway my thing is that I like Serbia strong unironically.

I was the one who poisoned the water supply, burned the crops, and delivered a plague unto the houses all along…

I'm not really a cat.

I'm a Christian and go to church every sunday.

I supported ISIS once.

I once accidentally shut my younger brother's fingers in a truck door.

I sometime fall asleep during masturbation.

I once yelled "Fuck you!" at a guy in school (who was a jerk) after he said one word because I thought he was going to call me by a name I really hated. Turns out he was talking to someone else and hadn't noticed me. Luckily, no one seemed to notice me yelling "Fuck you!" in the middle of the hallway but I guess that's a relatively normal thing to hear in my school.

Luckily, I don't really lash out too much anymore.

Funny story, as a kid, everyone around me was playing Pokemon and playing the card game and watching the show and I had access to none of it. I had no Nintendo consoles, no channel that aired the show, and my parents wouldn't get me cards. This lead to a deep jealousy since like everyone I knew was deeply into it and I tried to learn everything I could about it as a 7 yead old. I was basically a poser fan.

However many many years later at like 14 when I had long gotten over Pokemon I finally had a 3DS and was so excited to try the game and then I played it and got bored instantly. Beautiful story if I do say so myself.

This makes me proud for some reason. I'm a fight loving asshole

Related confession: Back in high school a kid shot a rubber band straight into my eye on purpose. I punched his eye twice, second punch landed flush and made a popping sound. He got sent to the clinic, and eventually sent home.

I still type letter by letter. I never did get used to proper form.

I like to sometimes read vintage porn novels from the 70s and 80s. I like to read and I like porn so one day I decided to combine the two and see where that takes me.

I made out with my cousin a few times when I was 5 years old. She was 2 years older than me and probably new better, I didn't. We were playing fort in the closet and she dared me to kiss her and this led to us "playing fort" in the closet and kissing each other sometimes when she came over. I don't know if she remembers that it happened, but we've never mentioned it again.

I . . . I know that feel. Same thing happened to me except I was 8 and she was 9. We got caught once and even now (11 years later) we still don't speak to each other.

I used to think sex was peeing inside a girl.

I used to think masturbation involved pounding your testicles.
Never tried that one, thankfully.

I'm wincing in pain just thinking about it.

I'm straight but I'd probably do it with another girl if she was cute and asked.

I'm actually 70% water.

You sure? These are the figures I have:

Same here.

Another fight confession: I pissed off one of my close friends in secondary school, the tension had been brewing for days and I think it was something petty.One time at lunch we exchanged words and he grabbed me so I headbutted his mouth and he was bleeding. He then tackled me to the ground and hit me on the back of the head a few times. When the teachers came and broke it up, they leaned in favour of me because they didn't expect me to do that and viewed me as a bookworm or whatever and he had anger issues, plus I told them that I accidentally hurt him in self-defence. Plus no one in the yard saw me headbutt him and only saw me on the ground so no witness accounts said it started it and hit him on purpose.

In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max’s toupee and I glued it on my face when I played Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog. Then my mom sent me to a summer camp for fat kids and when they served lunch I went nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out. But the worst thing I ever done: I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, I made a noise like I was puking. And then I dumped it over the side, on all people in the audience. And then – this was horrible – all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.

Five Nights at Freddy's scared me more than any other horror game (and I have played A LOT). It scared me so much I cried.

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Apache” and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

I once posed as a (non attention-whoring) girl in an online game to see how hard they have it. Spoilers: they have it really hard.

I shot the deputy.

A large portion of Metallica's music bores me to sleep.

I pretend to be ironically arrogant but in reality it's just straight up arrogance.

I think I might be legitimately sadistic.
I dream of what is essentially the equivalent of an incredibly bad fan fiction when I sleep.
At first I actually liked The last airbender the movie and the Michael Bay transformer movies until I read up on what was wrong with them, not a day goes by without me thinking that younger me was a fucking idiot.
I'm a bit of a rager when it comes to video games and it's not uncommon to see me get angry or bang on my desk a bit.
Now that I think about it I have temper issues in general.
I will honestly never understand politics and will forever think they're just absolute bullshit.
Literally half of the time i'm making long ass posts I often get distracted or doze out so a post that should take 10 minutes to make takes me like 40 minutes.
FNAF managed to scare me to the point of tears when I first played it, ironic given that when I watched it on Markiplier's channel I was kind of shit talking the game.
Apple sauce is literally the best fucking thing ever and I wish genocide upon those who disgrace the lord of food by eating their little plebeian pudding every day.

Well I killed a man in Reno just to watch him die.

I don't find masturbation to be all that enjoyable.

I was an asshole as a kid. Always putting everyone down and thinking I was the greatest man in the world. What made me change, you ask? Everyone started staying away from me and I got lonely.

Also, I used to eat pencil lead.

The first time I masturbated was to my 8th Grade English teacher.

I find myself enjoying 2d (drawn) porn more than 3d (live action) porn a lot of the time.

I find 3d to be so…generic. People seem to have the same facial expression, the same boring hairstyle, boring clothes, their own bodies aren't very appealing. (Some background: i study drawing and part of it is anatomy). For example, look at the distribution of muscles (or lack thereof) of the arms with the torso, the legs, the distribution of body hair. As our lord and savior Don would say, "Do you even lift? You don't skip leg day?". 2d allows for more, err, "plot", for example it's easier to draw a fantasy setting and make it look good than making a whole set and not make it look obviously fake.

This is even worse once i found about the furry fandom. A lot of furry artists draw their characters with better anatomy than real life humans. Better anatomy. Better anatomy.

But now let me tell you about the time i went to a public internet forum and made an analysis of porn.

Well time to confess again.

I used to be a Neo-nazi, no not one of the Skin-Heads, more of a idiot who thought that being a Neo-nazi would solve a shit ton of things. it didn't.

I'm actually the best. I absolutely cannot get into 2d. To me 2d is just what it is, I see it as more imagined things on a page, nothing physical so I can't be attracted. Also 2d things are very disproportionate 90% of the time to the point where it's personally funny to me and sometimes sickening. And I have the same problem you do with 3d stuff except inverted. 2d stuff is very very samey to me. Almost everything has the same face and body but with swapped hair and clothes, especially drawn in the hentai style. I've probably masturbated to drawn porn twice maybe 3 times max in my life and it was always when I was deeply desperate and it still took ages for me to feel anything even with the desperation. I also feel this weird guilt afterwards and I'm not sure why.

Another thing, I don't like the media of shows in general. Even with eliminated problems like commercial breaks and set watch times (which makes tv pretty unbearable for me) I still don't enjoy them that often and stick to things like movies and games. I don't like the fact that I have to wait for new episodes and that it's very time consuming as well. Even though they're usually 30 minutes to an hour, that stacks up. Finally, they're usually low in budget since they have to continuously make it unlike movies where they go all out. I can still enjoy shows but it needs to be glorious to warrant me seeing it.

Also, when I was a kid, I thought Jews were evil and lesbianism was a religion.

I once went on a teen dating site. Horny retards everywhere. Pic of a 13 year old girl? Let me lick that pussy as a comment. Nobody liked me because all girls my age went into puseo-peadophalic relationships with far older guys. Also everybody there were unenlightened bmwtards. I'm happy i deleted my account.

EDIT: Also i'm planning to use an account posing as a company i dislike to shit talk a bitch that freinzomed me by calling me a fucking stalker.

I once tried to masterbate because i watched a youtube poop of sonic masterbating.
Nothing happened what-so ever. I just wasted my time.

Back in middle school, I used to make shitty "sprite" videos: think of the Dorkly videos, but with shitty editing skills (I made these videos with Windows Movie Maker), crappy jokes, basic photo-editing skills (MS Paint), and text to speech voices I got from some program. At the time, I was really into those types of videos, for some odd reason.

I discovered how to masturbate completely by accident, and to a weird source too. So there's a scene in the movie Porky's II where this one woman goes into a fancy restaurant to blackmail some guy, but the whole time this scene is going on she's got her bra stuffed with some kind of water balloons that make her bust look big, and every time she moves her "boobs" bounce around and make "sloshing" sounds. A young me realized I found myself very aroused at this whole thing. Out of complete nowhere, I don't know why, I began to… rub myself in the nether regions. After doing this for a while I felt myself orgasm for the first time and of course "stuff" came out of me.

I had not yet taken a sex ed class so this whole turn of events shocked the heck out of me at first, and I didn't want to tell my parents about it mostly out of embarrassment. Eventually I did manage to learn what had happened when I did take sex ed and learned about things like this. After knowing it was all natural, well… you take a good guess.