Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten

Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten

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Updated Sep 18, 2012 at 09:56PM EDT by Brad.

Added May 20, 2009 at 07:43PM EDT by Zoser 23.

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Every time you masturbate…God kills a kitten is a popular Internet meme that exists in a variety of forms, usually as a snowclone printed over a photoshopped image macro. While most varieties will retain one or more elements of the original phrase and/or picture, the general form of the meme is "Every time you {VERB}, {NOUN} {VERB}s a {NOUN}".


According to an article on cardhouse.com[1] the phrase “Every time you masturbate, God Kills a Kitten” first appeared in print in BarFly magazine[2] as the image below, prior to the year 2000.

Stop the saughtek EVERY TIME YOU MASTURBATE, G00 KILLS A KITTEN think ebout it.

Email from the originator

Thanks for your interest in killing kittens, Chris. Yes, it's true, that popular phrasing (of an old Catholic school joke) was originated by me, and immortalized in the pages of the first issue of BarFly Magazine, which came out in May 1999. It was one of the things that put BarFly on the map! It became an immediate fixture on fridges and backbars in Portland, and several people photocopied it, made stickers (including someone who re-set the type, misspelling masturbate, but leaving the BarFly tag on it, much to my chagrin), and variously disseminated it throughout Portland, and then, the rest of the world.

That image is the same as the one that appeared in the first issue of BarFly, except somone whited out our logo, which appeared to the left of "think about it". I'll send you a scan of the original page, when I'm back in office, later today.

Please let me know if you have any further questions.

Your pal,

Jen Lane

While the image began spreading at a local level IRL, the image eventually found its way to the Internet via email forwards, such as the one mentioned in the cardhouse.com article.

FARK.com photoshop

On November 28, 2002, the phrase was lifted from the original picture and applied to a picture of two Domo-kuns chasing a kitten in a FARK.com photoshop thread. It was largely from this version that the meme grew to world-wide popularity. Google Insights for Search shows that "every time you masturbate" has shown a steady decrease since at least 2004, but does continue to show some interest.


The "Every time you masturbate" meme is sometimes cited as the vehicle by which Domo-kun was introduced to the United States. Domo-kun first appeared in December 1998 as a mascot for Japan's NHK Television[4], where he was used until 2004. (You can read more about Domo-kun's memetic influence on Know Your Meme's Domo page.


Over time, the phrase has become popular enough that in addition to appearing on sites like FARK and 4chan, it has been used by a religious anti-porn web site[5] and inspired the naming of an IRL Scottish sex party company[6].

Notable examples

Every Time Vou Spam... michael jackson Wll Mdest A Kiłty. Please think of the kittens This Message brought to you from PaPa RoAcH ne Every time you get older... God kills a birthday cake. Please, think of the birthday cakes
Every time you kill ^od. fap Ol So please, a kitten masturbates verylime a woman maslurbates gwes the world apuppy ease...

External References

[1] Cardhouse – Domokun FAQ

[2] BarFly magazine

[3] FARK.com – Photoshop a porn addiction 'Get Well' card…

[4] Wikipedia – Domo

[5] XXXchurch.com

[6] Daily Record – Killing Kittens sex parties…

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