Haunted Doll That Drinks All Your Pepsi And Calls You A Bitch - He can’t hurt anyone anymore.

Item #: SCP-4001
Object Class: Neutralized
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4001 must remain in a tightly sealed cookie jar. The cookie jar must have a piece of tape on it on which the words "Do Not Open" are written with black marker.
Description: SCP-4001 is a small, anime-esque doll with large, round brown eyes. It bears a open-mouthed smiling expression. It wears it's pink hair in a single braid that hangs off the left side of it's head. It has a round shape, with four nub-like appendages serving as it's arms and legs (the two nubs at the front would be it's "arms" and the ones at the back it's "legs"). When unconfined to it's containment unit, it seeks out males and performs fellatio on them. Upon completion of fellatio, it refers to the male as a homosexual. When not performing fellatio it seeks out the popular soda "Pepsi®." It drinks all the Pepsi® in it's area, then continues to seek out more Pepsi® and males. Though having the appearance of a simple doll, it is fully sentient, thus it was previously placed in the "Euclid" class.
The 05 Council has debated whether it is truly dangerous or not. It has helped several test subjects realize their sexual orientation and increased productivity of workers (due to lack of Pepsi® being available during resting periods). However, should this creature escape containment it will surely wreak havoc.

He doesn't need to say anything though, he knows how gay you are just by staring. Better cover it with a towel.