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Hey Siri, why don't my relationships work out? This is Alexa.

LIBRA SCIENCEpho s--- You have lupus. ENGELHOLOLIBRARY I dunno man, that sounds kind of rash.... COLIBRARY SCIENCEPHOTOLIBRAR SCIENCE OTOLIBRARY SCIENCEPHOTOLIBRARY EphotoLIBRARY SCIENCEphotoLIBRARY SCIENCEphoto So I said to her, "I don't give a s--- if you're part of the body. If you have antibodies, I'm going to kill you."

Me: I got bitten on my walk by a Great Dane Her: My God - imagine if it had been a small child Me:I could have fought off a small child, Alice ale alay al

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hate when that happens

hey Jimmy, I'm 7 years old too! Wanna be my frien abandoned house where we can play, it'l be our little secret Jimmy? man this is embarrassing

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When You Know It's A Bad Idea

kill me pls

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Universal Helthcare pfff... that's for hippies and commies

doc, it hurts when i touch my shoulder then don't touch it that'll be $60 beaux-knows American healthcare system be like tubacondom I f------ hate this uuddlrlrba-start definitely made by a non-american with VERY little understanding of our healthcare system doc, it hurts when i touch my shoulder ying then don't touch it that'll be $6000 there, I fixed it big-gay-bird More like doc, it hurts when i touch my shoulder You're making hat up to get painkillers that'll be $6000 still femoids you're forgetting doc, it hurts when i touch my shoulder You're making hat up to get painkillers that'l be $6000 but we still raised by 560% Source: cliffordmemes77 77,353 notes

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1,040mph / 80mph / 10mph

1 040mph mph @LS

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What's Your Biggest Weakness

BOSS: biggest weakness? ME: I never know when to quit BOSS: that's ok, ur hired ME: I quit random.ape

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Girl: Our relationship is over / Me: Our relationship is what? Over.

Girl: Our relationship is over Me: Our relationship is what? Over.

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When your buddy Brian tags you ina meme from across the room

When your buddy Brian tags you in a meme from across the room and you look at each other like:

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The printer won't stop jamming

THE PRINTER WONT STOP JAMMING! Whoooa... Amber is the color of your energy

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I'm going to have to draw blood / Thanks for waiting

mgoing tohave to draw blood Thanks for waiting

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He Looks Like His Father

He looks like his father

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When your trying to eat a salad and accidentally fuck your dog

when your trying to eat a salad and accidentaly f--- your Dog

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Will You Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ey babe come here will you uhhhhhhhhhh check your Ema for a verification so i can play

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