when you are at the dentist fill your mouth up with mayonnaise so the dentist can have a snack on it while he is checking your teeth yum mayonnaise my favourite no problemo

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mayonnaise art shitpost

Origin Entry: Chris (Simpsons Artist)

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life tip: now that autumn is here remember to start growing your leg hair so you can build a warming nest for your children as the days get colder

hahaha bees hahaha a true friend is someone who can make you laugh until thousands of bees fly out of your mouth

the sunshine doesnt come from the skies it comes from the love thats inside a dogs eyes

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Alexa

did vou know: inside everv alexa there is a trapped tiny little woman who must be freed so she can get back to her family at last i am free from this hell amazom

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a fun april fools day idea

fun april fools day idea: put some spiders eggs under your friends eyelids so when they hatch it looks like they are crying little baby spiders to give them a fun april fools day surprise april fools hahahahaha you got me 0

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the reason why we call today good friday is because on a friday 300 years ago jesus went around putting mini chocolate eggs between peoples toes to cheer them up and everyone had such a good friday we still talk about it to this very day

haha thanks jesus hold still

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spring is finally here to kick winter in the face and make everything better again

see you in hell winter you selfish idiot

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The Gospel according to Chris

Simpsons pictures that I gone and done December 24, 2014 . 600 ysars ago today on a cold north pole night something magical happened under a star that shined so bright that is right it is the birth of our lord saviour baby jssus christ a lot of peopls sometimes always forget the true story of christmas time so pull up a seat or borrow a stool from a friend and listen to the tale of the newbom king when mary was lay in her bedroom on christmas eve feeling really excited for it being christmas day a angel whos name is called gabron floated down from heaven to tell her that while she was sesping the other night santa claus laid an egg inside of her and mary said i cant bel eve it and then gabron did a massive screaming laugh that sounded ike someone rolling a barrel of children ofif a roof and he said well we wil see about that haha and hen he tapped his finger on his nose 3 times and he did a slow motion wink and then he completely vanished into a puf of steam and then mary ran over to her boyfriend josephs house and she told him that santa claus had laid an egg inside of her and joseph said he couldnt believe it and mary said i know it is the one thing i least expected to happen and then suddenly a bright star whos name is called north appeared in the sky above them and he told them to follow him quickty before it is too late so mary and joseph climbed onto a donkeys back and they galloped afiter the star which led them to a ban in the middle of the north pole and he said this is where you are going to have your baby and mary said are you actually kidding me this place is so dscusting and it stinks of camels and the star said i know but it is the besti could do atthis short notice and joseph said fair enough this will do isuppose and he looked at mary and rolled his eyes and then the star said good and it disappeared into the darkness and then 3 wise men came to the barn because they heard there was some sort of birhing coing to be happening and joseph said they could wa:ch if they each give mary a gift so they gave mary some gold earrings a 6 pack of frankfurter sausages and a olly murs od because those are the things that she enjoys the most and then as quickdy as a christmas wish mary starts pooing the egg out of her bum and one of the 3 wise men bursts out laughing when he sees the top of the egg coming out of marys bum and his laughing makes the other wise men burst out laughing as well and joseph kept on looking at them and tutting and then he said either you three just shut up or just stand outside of the barn because you are putting my mary off laying her egg and then mary did one last thick deep push and the egg completely slid out of her bum andlanded on the barn floor and cracked open and baby jesus slowy climbed out of the egg and when jossph sees jssus he cant believe how big he is and he screams jesus christ he is massive and that is why they decided to call him jesus chris: because it is what everyone always says when they first see the size of him and as mary and joseph and baby jesus and the three wise men all lay in the barn cud ing each others ags they hear the sound of sleigh bells high above their heads and at that very moment they ㎞ew that the spirit of Christmas will forever live on inside of each and every single one of us for as long as baby jesus name is remembered and that is why on christmas eve santa claus lays an egg down everyones chimneys so they will always be reminded of that magical night when mary laid our lord saviour baby jesus christ out of her bum and into our hearts. love from your friend Chris (Simpsons artist xox

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Dr. Who and Dalek

whatever nerd* i have got high blood pressure because of you Qolo

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Walter Jr. (Breaking Bad)

breakfast

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Miley Cyrus

my thigh gap is as wide as a village and as deep as a lake

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How to be a Really Mysterious Person

chris (simpsons artist) lif e tips: how to be a really mysterious persn s your son depressed or is he just mysterious it is a mystery act like you want to divorce your wife so that she thinks you are more mysterious why are you acting so mysterious son pretend that vou are blind so people wil feel sorry for you i dont want to talk about it what have i done wrong honey dont look at me i am so blind and mysterious i am fine dad i just want to be on my own never look people in the eye especially wifes wear a lace glove because thev are the most mysterious gloves known to man act sensitive tell people that you are deaf for a mysterious deaf effect tell your friends that there is a creature living inside of your head why not dress like a ghost so people will think you are mysterious and haunting 1.a, flop a jacket over your shoulder wear clothes that suit your figure so people will think you have a mysterious stvlish attitude i am dea hi there geotl boo what the hell bruv

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Star Wars

i am sorry that i hurt yoiu i forgive you 0

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Football

Chris (Simpsons artist) life tips: how to look like you know loads about football put your wrist and hand on the television so you look like you know loads about football teams sellotape a flag around your face if you are a old man write striker on your chin so people will think that striker is your best player when they have a look at your chin make a hat out of a bit of a football so you look like a football player say the football score out loud loads so you dont forget it and look like a idiot wear some shorts so you look really football dont be afraid to ask people around you what is happening if a football player gets shot wait for him to say play on (shout header it you idiot loads)

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Royal Family

meet your king worship him kneel at my crib, o

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+18

Chris (Simpsons Artist) - Mayonnaise

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when you are at the dentist fill your mouth up with mayonnaise so the dentist can have a snack on it while he is checking your teeth yum mayonnaise my favourite no problemo

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Nedhitis

Nedhitis

Jun 14, 2019 at 10:45PM EDT

+37

Vinje

Vinje

Jun 15, 2019 at 07:27AM EDT

Of course this is the first thing I see when going on this website.
Back to bed I go

+16

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Uploaded Jun 14, 2019 at 11:06AM EDT

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