You know what? I'm not suicidal or anything, but if I were, this'd be a pretty good idea.

Call that hotline first, though. Reach out.

I think last time I was scared, was me being scared of the fact I felt no fear at all when I dodged being splattered by an out-of-control vehicle coming from my behind. I was like "ok I meme all the time like everyone, but does my body at an unconscious and instinctive level just doesn't care anymore at this point?"

It's a mindset like this that got me headfirst into one of the few jobs that still exist and even thrive during a global pandemic (food industry: Bad pay, hazardous environment, toxic people with easy access to sharp blades and giant meat grinders, guaranteed to get every disease known to man and first dibs on new ones), at the time I rationalized this as "well, this is war, and I'd rather die fighting".

"The light is broken but I still work" is pretty much my motto now.