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: Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)16:10:17 No.864449618 >be me, romanian, just noW >really love bananas >like raw bananas, bananas juice, banana shakes, banana cakes, etc. >start thinking about some thick banana 997 KB PNG cream >have some free time to waste, start looking for banana cream recipes on youtube >get retarded "american pie" recipes with banana cream >the cream has no f------ banana in it, they just add bananas to the bottom of the pie >literally all of them call it banana cream pie, yet the cream has no f------ bananas???????????? >start googling "banana cream recipe -pie" >get icecream or cheesecake >look up banana cream recipe in romanian >first result literally tells me how to make actual banana cream with no f------ pie. Are americans literally this f------ retarded when it comes to food?

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Origin Entry: Greentext Stories

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HOW IS YOUR NIGHT GOING /v/? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:34 No.39833040 Mine is doing good, I just sat down and cracked open a bear and about to play some TF2. Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:35 No.39833090 You cracked open a bear? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:36 No.39833114 >Cracked open a bear Oh god what OP TF2 IS FOR CASUALS Crro Lack

Anonymous (ID: 31kpyf2g) I f------ hate these people 07/11/21(Sun)21:52:59 No.329597517 1d Amen. As a Democract, I worry about us allowing our cities to become wastelands of homeless drug addicts. I am excited to move out to the suburbs because at least life will be pleasant out there, even if I have to live amongst the Republicans. I want to be able to go for a walk without fear of attack. Do Democrats only care about the rights of antisocial drug addicted transients? I will never vote Republican, but I hate how us Dems don't have the courage to let the ends justify the means. 1625859701519m.jpg 110 KB JPG there is no political solution Anonymous (ID: ricZnDZD) >>329597517 (OP) # 07/11/21(Sun)21:55:23 No.329597743 >I recognize that my party doesn't have my best interests in mind >in fact, I can see that my party favors literal criminals over law abiding citizens >I have to literally pack my s--- up and move because my party ruined my home >I wont ever change the way I vote though Imao Democracy was a mistake >>329599805 # >>329600177 # >>329601081 #

34 KB JPG >Be born in 1949 >Don't have to fight in a war >Be 20 years old in time for the summer of '69 >Pick up some ridiculous 11/10 who's hitchhiking to Woodstock in my Plymouth Roadrunner I bought after working a summer job for a month >She's immediately into me because she's from a small town and I'm the only man in her life who's not her father or brother >Bring her home and marry her >Go to get a job, hired off the street with no experience and get trained >Buy 10 acres of land for less than what I make in a year >rent out my land for decades >retire and sit around house all day looking at my collection of boats and cars I never use Kids today just don't understand hard work and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps

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Anon is autistic | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)21:49:47 No.864448499 >>864449191 >Be me new college freshman at mostly black school >Kind of Autistic >Dark skinned classmate teases me saying that I am some SJW f----- >Prove him wrong by calling him a N----- in front of the whole class >He was Hindi Bros what the f--- do I do from here. Is there any way out of this?

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Anon was bamboozled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/06/21(Sat)10:33:16 No.848945557 >be me, home alone >family is out >browsing /b/ >see an advertisement that says "GET A HUGE C--- IN LESS THAN A DAY" >l'm lacking in the meat 150 KB PNG department, so I click on it >loading >says "Thank you, your order has been received" >I didn't put any info in >hear the front door slam open >yell “hey guys how was the shopping?" >no response >just high pitched giggles >small footsteps, then a thud >the r--- dwarf is coming >mfw

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Anon is a good guy | /r/Greentext

File: avatars-000623228610-a6xg(...).jpg (41 KB, 500x500) O Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)16:39:45 No.864426517 >864426655 >>864426714 >>864427373 >Be me >Family goes to a city 100 miles away to attend a wedding >Distant cousin has exams, so her family leaves her at our place >First night alone >She's sleeping >Door is open >I shut the door, go to my room and doze off because l'm not a f------ retard O Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)16:40:34 No.864426540 File: IMG 20210924_203632.jpg (75 KB, 579x713)

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Eskimo Brothers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/04/21(Mon)22:22:16 No.65641277 >be me, 17, 3 years ago >order fleshlight using one of those debit cards you can load with however much cash you want. >fleshlight arrives >f--- the s--- out of it, better than masturbating 107 KB PNG >ffw 2 months. >14 year old brother figures out I have one. >he wants one too, asks me to buy one for him. >tell him to get a job and earn the money himself >he storms off. >ffw another two weeks. >get horny one sunday, go to get fleshlight. >it's missing >fuckfuckfuck.jpg| >look around frantically for it, believe parents found it. >boy was I wrong. >hear moaning coming from brother's room >ohpleasefuckno.jpg >get p-----, f------ barge in. >he's using MY fleshlight. >he didn't even wash it, still has my dried c-- on it. >we look at each other in horror. >he came just as I entered the room >I slowly exit, don't even go back for it, too disgusted to buy a new one. ... and that's the story of the time my brother and I didn't talk to eachother for over a year. We eventually agreed to never speak to eachother about it ever again

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Anon like his new salt toy | /r/Greentext

i Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)08:26:10 No.864417664 Okay /b/, so I recently bought a pic related because my room has had a bug problem. Honestly would recommend. Pros: 92 KB JPG >Get to snipe spiders off the wall >Hit a fly midair once was cool >Like doom IRL but with salt and bugs Cons: >Floor and desk covered in salt now Anyone else have one? 27 Replies /3 Images View Thread : Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)09:21:43 No.864419967 >>864419602 # i agree your salt gun is badass anon, i have one too : Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)09:23:30 No.864420043 >>864417664 (OP) # Own 2 of these. The Black fly 2.0 or the lawn and garden are more powerful than the original bug-a-salt. Also on the newer versions you dont have to push the safety each time you pump to shoot. : Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)09:25:29 No.864420107 >>864419714 # I own the lazer too. Can confirm.

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Jihanon destroyes facebook | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)08:44:26 No.864418400 >be me duill >23 jihadist male >hate those white heretics >*idea.jpg* >decide to ddos that reptilian c--- to show them that allah is eternal 19 KB JPG and Facebook is temporary >decide to write about it to my jihadi friends >realize that Facebook is down because of me >be sad >go f--- one of my many wives >realize I don't have any >cry myself to sleep Don't be jihanon

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Apologies for the poor quality but my favorite greentext of all time | /r/Greentext

File skkk png (175 KB, 500x375) U Anonymous (ID: CHZND) 07/05/14(Satj00:31:26 No 554774383 > 25547E651 22554776730 225E4777012 okay /bl, story time >be me >beta 15 ylo >had weed a few times, nothing bad happened >docide to try acid, know a guy >hooks me up, go home >close toom door, close blinds >time to f------ party >lying on bed waiting for effects to kick in >ohfuckthereitis jpg >nothing looka right >decide to play some vidya to see what its like >good al zelda on wi >ater 10 minutes get hungry >try to leave, door wont apen >find key and unlock doar, needed alot of farce, must have been stuck >go downstairs >see parents on couch >trying to act cool >howstheweather png >they leave alter a while, success >make some nutella toast >taste like s--- >sudden urge to evacuate my bowels >just make it ta the toilet before i start erupting >feels good man >decide to sleep, grab blanket and clock the f--- out >wake up to screaming >too tired to comprehend >go back to sleep >wake up in hospital >mfw what actually happoned, according to my family >got aut of bed and threw zeida game case at the wall >jumped around in frant of my off tv swinging a spoon like a wi remote >aiter an hour of this i shoved the spoon into the keyhale and threw myself against the door untill the lock and my shaulder broke >went downstais >rnade a variety of facial exprestions at parents while saying weather over and over untill they let >went to kitchen spread nutella onto bare hand and took a bite >bload trail all the way to my sisters room vhere i sat on her chair and took a huge dump >fell asloep wrapped in a rug from the fioor, where sister found me 10 minutes later parents couldnt look at me for a month, sister want talk to me vhats your worst tripping balls experience /b/? reddit

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Afraid of the dark | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)10:12:46 No.63796100 >be me >in uni >talking to a girl >she complains about the 12 yo brat she has to babysit >says he's weird >"idk he does weird stuff, not the 980 KB GIF kind of stuff that a 12 yo boy does. You for example, what did you do when you were 12?, anon?" >"uhm... I..." >flashbacks of me spending every single afternoon on /pol/ >"anon? Did you hear me?" >"yes, well I... did racism on the internet" >"racism on the internet?" >"yeah" >"oh ok, got to go, bye" How to outlift this situation?

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Anon like Fred Flintstone | /r/Greentext

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Anon gets trolled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)17:00:19 No.846977777 > be me, closeted bisexual > mostly into grils, but have a thing for traps > decide to find a trap irl > go on Grindr, swipe left until I find a cute femboy > we start talking and sharing nudes, body is surprisingly feminine for a trap 356 KB JPG > he wants to meet up > itsHappening.exe > show up, hes shorter than me and petite, just how I like em > get up to bedroom and start making out > he stops, "Anon, I have to tell you something" > "It's cool, I know you have a d---" > "Actually Anon, I'm ftm. I dont have a d---" > mfw, it's actually a chick > mfw, I got reversed traped

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Biden tears apart anons "family" | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)22:28:07 No.864433083 >be me >25, young n dumb, just graduated uni >thinking about grad school since I majored in psych >while in grad school, meet 8/10 absolutely adorable grill 96 КВ ЈPG studying liberal arts (yea yea I know, massive red flag, I was dumb a 20- something) >we hit it off >ffw 4 years, graduated grad school >we have a son, lil f----- monster but I love him >pop the question >she says yes >first months of marriage go swimmingly >then the problems occur >2020 elections roll around, tell her I'm voting trump cuz I don't really agree with Biden >freaks the f--- out >starts hitting me >grab both her hands so she won't hit me, stand far back enough to not kick me >still f------ screaming >tell her I won't let go until she calms the f--- down >she says she won't calm down till I vote for Biden >not letting her go then >keep this up for an hour, flailing and shouting at each other the entire time >mind you, son was in other room and house has thin walls, so he heard everything >she will not f------ stop >finally let go of her hands and tell her to gtfo >packs her s---, takes son, tried to not let him go with her but I didn't wanna argue in front of son anymore >she's staying at friends house >local polling place opens >consider voting for Biden, so I can see son again and she won't be as mad >having a f------ mental crisis over whether or not I vote for Biden or trump >decide f--- it, I'd do anything to get son back >vote Biden >leave polling place a little conflicted and chucked >text wife I voted Biden >read >no response >few days later I get divorce papers in mail >judge completely f---- me over and gives sole custody to ex-wife >despite me telling him she was a crazy bitch and describing the fight in detail >refuses to listen >can only see son once a month, for 2 hours at a time, with a supervisor in the room >after a few months he still recognizes me but tells me that mommy says I'm evil >tell him she's Ivina Cont. : Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)22:30:13 No.864433153 >>864433083 (OP) # | only vote libertarian. JJ was the girl for us. We didn't deserve her. : Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)22:41:16 No.864433522 >tfw family got ruined bcos politics those two morons wouldn't give a f--- about you at the end of the day. whys politics such a big deal with you americans jfc : Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)22:41:47 No.864433539 >>864433083 (OP) # this is b------- OP, I hope it's a LARP. : Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)22:41:55 No.864433544 >court finally decides to be a little more merciful >get to see son every other weekend >his 6th birthday is rolling 411 KB JPG around >super addicted to Minecraft, but he only has the s----- iOS version >decide to get him entry-level gaming laptop with Minecraft Java on it >show up to house with laptop wrapped in present paper >ring doorbell >nothing >ring door again >no reply, even after waiting for a hot minute >text ex, nothing >knock really loudly while shouting, still nothing >looking thru windows, all the blinds are down, can't see anything >supervisor shows up >tell her I've been standing her for a while and no one in answering >ex's car was still in driveway, no way they're at the store or something >call cops >they get a key from the city >sons room is empty >ex's room also empty >look in garage >other car was on (the car that was on the driveway was mine at one point) >find wife in there >she's unconscious >son is also unconscious, both are still breathing >cops get ambulance >doctors tell me they've been hit with carbon monoxide >it was a suicide attempt >she attempted to kill herself with son >police search the garage car and find suicide note in glovebox how son is only happy when he sees >says me, and this conflicts with her view of herself as "the perfect mother: way better than that f------ rightoid slob". >wife and son make full recovery, although son seems a lil different >bring this up to lawyer >get full custody of son >ex is put in mental hospital >l've won >teach son my favorite song >it starts like >get on the floor >everybody walk the dinosaur >>864433702 # >>864434583 #

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Anon changes his mind | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: IP4U8N1W )[] 10/05/21(Tue)09:10:37 No.342225864 MAKE AME GREAT AGA maga vax.png 435 KB PNG >*cough *cough >"o-okay, please give me the vaccine now. W-what do you mean it doesn't work that way? Please, I have a wife and ki- >BEEEEEEP

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Greentext Stories - anon questions the American culinary arts | /r/Greentext

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: Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)16:10:17 No.864449618 >be me, romanian, just noW >really love bananas >like raw bananas, bananas juice, banana shakes, banana cakes, etc. >start thinking about some thick banana 997 KB PNG cream >have some free time to waste, start looking for banana cream recipes on youtube >get retarded "american pie" recipes with banana cream >the cream has no f------ banana in it, they just add bananas to the bottom of the pie >literally all of them call it banana cream pie, yet the cream has no f------ bananas???????????? >start googling "banana cream recipe -pie" >get icecream or cheesecake >look up banana cream recipe in romanian >first result literally tells me how to make actual banana cream with no f------ pie. Are americans literally this f------ retarded when it comes to food?

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