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: Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)08:44:26 No.864418400 >be me duill >23 jihadist male >hate those white heretics >*idea.jpg* >decide to ddos that reptilian c--- to show them that allah is eternal 19 KB JPG and Facebook is temporary >decide to write about it to my jihadi friends >realize that Facebook is down because of me >be sad >go f--- one of my many wives >realize I don't have any >cry myself to sleep Don't be jihanon

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File: chainsaw man.jpg (100 KB, 1627x915) Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)07:55:42 No.252911844 ►>>252911908 >>252914188 >>252914377 >>252916077 >>252919346 >>252919475 >>252920429 >>252921191 W--? >> Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)07:58:52 No.252911908 ►>>252913869 >>252913951 >>252914028 File: 06467EB6-9CF5-49FC-84A4-5(...).jpg (599 KB, 2730x4096) >>252911844 (OP) Denji could've got laid. He f----- up bad.. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)08:21:47 No.252912389 ► ok groomer Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)09:44:20 No.252913869 ▶>>252914047 >>252914093 >>252914100 >>252914125 >>252914134 >>252914294 >>252914315 >>252914527 >>252914536 >>252914582 >>252914605 >>252914643 >>252914670 >>252914680 >>252914780 >>252914811 >>252915009 >>252915019 >>252915216 >>252915260 >>252915280 >>252915315 >>252916087 >>252916275 >>252916436 >>252916516 >>252916539 >>252916565 >>252916569 >>252916574 >>252916659 >>252916737 >>252916787 >>252916802 >>252916842 >>252916974 >>252917020 >>252917066 >>252917095 >>252917156 >>252917166 >>252917201 >>252917265 >>252917325 >>252917490 >>252917497 >>252917507 >>252918071 >>252918109 >>252918460 >>252918543 >>252918601 >>252918806 >>252919082 >>252919137 >>252919328 >>252919382 >>252919432 >>>252919448 >>>252919457 >>252919510 >>252919544 >>252919551 >>252919576 >>252919615 >>252919616 >>252919650 >>252919702 >>252919759 >>252919779 >>252919804 >>252919882 >>252919944 >>252919980 >>252920003 >>252920030 >>252920106 >>252920276 >>252920335 >>252920347 >>252920412 >>252920415 >>252920494 >>252920535 >>252920577 >>252920610 >>252920647 >>252920712 >>252921030 >>252921081 >>252921110 >>252921138 >>252921146 >>252921257 >>252921392 >>252921415 >>252922113 >>252922329 >>252922635 >>252922833 >>252923296 >>252923418 >>252923492 >>252923792 >>252924120 >>252924150 >>252925598 >>252925778 >>252925795 >>252925980 >>252926106 >>252926146 >>252926234 >>252926278 >>252926350 >>252926563 >>252926620 >>252926624 >>252926689 >>252926756 >>252926764 >>252926876 >>252926911 >>252926918 >>252926925 >>252927034 >>252927073 >>252927110 >>252927127 >>252927301 >>252927310 >>252927461 >>252927677 >>252928003 >>252928114 >>252928431 >>252928442 >>252928498 >>252928709 >>252928848 >>252928958 >>252929393 >>252929964 >>252930095 >>252930514 >>252930728 >>252930740 >>252930886 >>252930911 >>252931013 >>252931111 >>252931128 >>252931382 >>252931493 >>252911908 losing your virginity to the office slut is like eating the last balloon at a wedding as in, only have you in if only one Donaustk € 12, kwĐH T• MAZD ALİH PF 12. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)09:58:27 No.252914093 ► >>252913869 brother what Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)11:20:41 No.252915260▸ File: doomer Zoomer.png (802 KB, 720x720) Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)09:55:23 No.252914047 ► e: 1266667790002282.jpg (134 KB, 1234x521) >>252913869 >losing your virginity to the office slut is like eating the last balloon at a wedding as in, only have you in if only one >>252913869 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:59:10 No.252920412 ► >>252913869 This is a certified 4chan moment Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:15:48 No.252919432 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:57:35 No.252916842 ► e: b81.png (264 KB, 474x377) File: 1495908995260.jpg (78 KB, 1280×720) >>252913869 >>252913869 at last I truly see Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)13:25:28 No.252917325 ► File: i kneel.jpg (86 KB, 405x720) >>252913869 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:47:49 N File: file.png (178 KB, 404x489) my f------ sides best post all day i kneel >>252913869 >t. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)19:13:15 No.252927301 ► File: it's so over.png (816 KB, 1121x673) >>252913869 My sides Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)10:33:58 No.252914670 ► File: 1683785740614529.jpg (30 KB, 567x496) >>252913869 Damn, this post really mindbroken everyone Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)10:44:57 No.252914811 ► File: 1674008914715180.jpg (29 KB, 680x504) >>252913869 Never have I seen a sentiment conveyed through nonsense with such clarity before. A true modern poet. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:27:55 No.252919702 ► File: 1235316161e7427.png (161 KB, 774x788) Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)18:43:30 No.252926278 ► >>252913869 ESLkun... >>252913869 >The most sane CSM fan Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:56:05 No.252920335 ►>>252920351 File: 1681220115757034.jpg (95 KB, 1200x1200) >>252913869 Anon bravely dying of a stroke to shitpost one last time. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:30:34 No.252919759► File: 1667874544032923.png (42 KB, 289x256) >>252913869 XXXX Anonymous UCDAZZJIVYOCHT_42:16 No.2021 20224 IC: JUS_405_4.129 [12 <1, 300 Audinous 1024/2004; 004:20 > 2225 4000 desale Zaroor A 7841 IN It's because that man's arguments are so right that they leave no room for debate. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:41:19 No.252916516 ► File: 1679679759269336.jpg (9 KB, 302x225) >>252913869 >thread doesnt eat their balloons at a wedding Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)17:24:07 No.252923296▸ File: 1682955308164217.jpg (85 KB, 415x375) >>252913869 I HATE THIS i am extreme dissapoint *forced smile Are you allright anon? Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)17:26:44 No.252923418 ► File: Interrogation_mark.jpg (266 KB, 659x932) >>252913869 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)11:33:23 No.252915435 ►>>252916020 >>252916057 >>252926173 I just want to know who in the hell eats balloons Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:20:59 No.252919551► e: 1683274551527799.jpg (22 KB, 800x450) Neory BonCINII VA; CDT > < = >>252913869 >only have you in if only one Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)16:26:01 No.252921146 ► 4148bc178917d22bf0a75c7d3(...).png (2.97 MB, 2508x3541) >>252913869 This feels like an eldritch being is trying to communicate and spread its wisdom on thots. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)18:51:26 No.252926563 ► File: 1628025425644.png (86 KB, 250x250) >>252913869 Holy f--- I missed these kind of posts. Thanks anon. "cb1100 "PRETEND" ? Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)19:06:55 No.252927073 ► File: 1616620564086.png (506 KB, 709x708) He is speaking the language of gods. >>252913869 beautiful I-I DON'T KNOW! JUST... PRETEND TO BE RETARDED OR SOMETHING! Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)16:06:02 No.252920577 ►>>252920932 >>252913869 Confused reaction image farmpost Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)17:36:25 No.252923792 ► File: 1680879053748926.jpg (87 KB, 644x954) >>252913869 Funniest s--- ive all week Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)16:02:20 No. File: 1647832313112.png (236 KB, 405x560) >>252913869 We got it all wrong. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:55:51 No.252916802 ► File: 1676938237963971.jpg (285 KB, 1711x1108) >>252913869 put me in the screenie weenie

Inaqar 137 KB JPG land you protect 12/24/23(Sun)09:54:58 No.91319497 >skilled warriors seen as the main bulwark against dark forces >sons of powerful and intelligent beings of legend >follow the teachings of a golden, almighty Master who created the >sometimes have powers such as shooting fire, lighting, shockwaves, blasts of ice or energy >wield some of the most powerful weapons around >battle beastly green enemies, awakened soulless armies, spirits, undead, malicious versions of yourselves, daemonic forces, and the literal embodiments of evil >wear bright colors to sell plastic toys >be the Ninja from Lego Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu >pic unrelated

Anonymous 10/26/13(Sat) 19:06 No.215457549 File: 1382828761196.jpg-(42 KB, 480x480, 1353212900339.jpg) >My dads face when >"Well have fun" >leaves room >Playing Silent Hill 3 >at the end >dad walks in >"Hey son, what you playing?" >Heather regurgitates a fetus >the other girl picks it up and shoves in his mouth >"I WILL BIRTH THE GOD"

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Apologies for the poor quality but my favorite greentext of all time | /r/Greentext

File skkk png (175 KB, 500x375) U Anonymous (ID: CHZND) 07/05/14(Satj00:31:26 No 554774383 > 25547E651 22554776730 225E4777012 okay /bl, story time >be me >beta 15 ylo >had weed a few times, nothing bad happened >docide to try acid, know a guy >hooks me up, go home >close toom door, close blinds >time to f------ party >lying on bed waiting for effects to kick in >ohfuckthereitis jpg >nothing looka right >decide to play some vidya to see what its like >good al zelda on wi >ater 10 minutes get hungry >try to leave, door wont apen >find key and unlock doar, needed alot of farce, must have been stuck >go downstairs >see parents on couch >trying to act cool >howstheweather png >they leave alter a while, success >make some nutella toast >taste like s--- >sudden urge to evacuate my bowels >just make it ta the toilet before i start erupting >feels good man >decide to sleep, grab blanket and clock the f--- out >wake up to screaming >too tired to comprehend >go back to sleep >wake up in hospital >mfw what actually happoned, according to my family >got aut of bed and threw zeida game case at the wall >jumped around in frant of my off tv swinging a spoon like a wi remote >aiter an hour of this i shoved the spoon into the keyhale and threw myself against the door untill the lock and my shaulder broke >went downstais >rnade a variety of facial exprestions at parents while saying weather over and over untill they let >went to kitchen spread nutella onto bare hand and took a bite >bload trail all the way to my sisters room vhere i sat on her chair and took a huge dump >fell asloep wrapped in a rug from the fioor, where sister found me 10 minutes later parents couldnt look at me for a month, sister want talk to me vhats your worst tripping balls experience /b/? reddit

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Afraid of the dark | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)10:12:46 No.63796100 >be me >in uni >talking to a girl >she complains about the 12 yo brat she has to babysit >says he's weird >"idk he does weird stuff, not the 980 KB GIF kind of stuff that a 12 yo boy does. You for example, what did you do when you were 12?, anon?" >"uhm... I..." >flashbacks of me spending every single afternoon on /pol/ >"anon? Did you hear me?" >"yes, well I... did racism on the internet" >"racism on the internet?" >"yeah" >"oh ok, got to go, bye" How to outlift this situation?

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Anon like Fred Flintstone | /r/Greentext

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Anon gets trolled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)17:00:19 No.846977777 > be me, closeted bisexual > mostly into grils, but have a thing for traps > decide to find a trap irl > go on Grindr, swipe left until I find a cute femboy > we start talking and sharing nudes, body is surprisingly feminine for a trap 356 KB JPG > he wants to meet up > itsHappening.exe > show up, hes shorter than me and petite, just how I like em > get up to bedroom and start making out > he stops, "Anon, I have to tell you something" > "It's cool, I know you have a d---" > "Actually Anon, I'm ftm. I dont have a d---" > mfw, it's actually a chick > mfw, I got reversed traped

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Biden tears apart anons "family" | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)22:28:07 No.864433083 >be me >25, young n dumb, just graduated uni >thinking about grad school since I majored in psych >while in grad school, meet 8/10 absolutely adorable grill 96 КВ ЈPG studying liberal arts (yea yea I know, massive red flag, I was dumb a 20- something) >we hit it off >ffw 4 years, graduated grad school >we have a son, lil f----- monster but I love him >pop the question >she says yes >first months of marriage go swimmingly >then the problems occur >2020 elections roll around, tell her I'm voting trump cuz I don't really agree with Biden >freaks the f--- out >starts hitting me >grab both her hands so she won't hit me, stand far back enough to not kick me >still f------ screaming >tell her I won't let go until she calms the f--- down >she says she won't calm down till I vote for Biden >not letting her go then >keep this up for an hour, flailing and shouting at each other the entire time >mind you, son was in other room and house has thin walls, so he heard everything >she will not f------ stop >finally let go of her hands and tell her to gtfo >packs her s---, takes son, tried to not let him go with her but I didn't wanna argue in front of son anymore >she's staying at friends house >local polling place opens >consider voting for Biden, so I can see son again and she won't be as mad >having a f------ mental crisis over whether or not I vote for Biden or trump >decide f--- it, I'd do anything to get son back >vote Biden >leave polling place a little conflicted and chucked >text wife I voted Biden >read >no response >few days later I get divorce papers in mail >judge completely f---- me over and gives sole custody to ex-wife >despite me telling him she was a crazy bitch and describing the fight in detail >refuses to listen >can only see son once a month, for 2 hours at a time, with a supervisor in the room >after a few months he still recognizes me but tells me that mommy says I'm evil >tell him she's Ivina Cont. : Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)22:30:13 No.864433153 >>864433083 (OP) # | only vote libertarian. JJ was the girl for us. We didn't deserve her. : Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)22:41:16 No.864433522 >tfw family got ruined bcos politics those two morons wouldn't give a f--- about you at the end of the day. whys politics such a big deal with you americans jfc : Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)22:41:47 No.864433539 >>864433083 (OP) # this is b------- OP, I hope it's a LARP. : Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)22:41:55 No.864433544 >court finally decides to be a little more merciful >get to see son every other weekend >his 6th birthday is rolling 411 KB JPG around >super addicted to Minecraft, but he only has the s----- iOS version >decide to get him entry-level gaming laptop with Minecraft Java on it >show up to house with laptop wrapped in present paper >ring doorbell >nothing >ring door again >no reply, even after waiting for a hot minute >text ex, nothing >knock really loudly while shouting, still nothing >looking thru windows, all the blinds are down, can't see anything >supervisor shows up >tell her I've been standing her for a while and no one in answering >ex's car was still in driveway, no way they're at the store or something >call cops >they get a key from the city >sons room is empty >ex's room also empty >look in garage >other car was on (the car that was on the driveway was mine at one point) >find wife in there >she's unconscious >son is also unconscious, both are still breathing >cops get ambulance >doctors tell me they've been hit with carbon monoxide >it was a suicide attempt >she attempted to kill herself with son >police search the garage car and find suicide note in glovebox how son is only happy when he sees >says me, and this conflicts with her view of herself as "the perfect mother: way better than that f------ rightoid slob". >wife and son make full recovery, although son seems a lil different >bring this up to lawyer >get full custody of son >ex is put in mental hospital >l've won >teach son my favorite song >it starts like >get on the floor >everybody walk the dinosaur >>864433702 # >>864434583 #

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Anon changes his mind | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: IP4U8N1W )[] 10/05/21(Tue)09:10:37 No.342225864 MAKE AME GREAT AGA maga vax.png 435 KB PNG >*cough *cough >"o-okay, please give me the vaccine now. W-what do you mean it doesn't work that way? Please, I have a wife and ki- >BEEEEEEP

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Anon's unstoppable grindset | /r/Greentext

ENO PRE-MARITAL GEX- - >be me >sigmamale.jpg >gf asks me if i want to have sex.gif >stupid bitch interrupted my grind >beat her to death with my massive c--- >missionaccomplished.ogg >eat her body for sustenance for the grind >continue the grind >go to bed at 5am, use dry ice as a pillow >it helps with the grind It's been a good day anons.

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Anon’s pain | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/04/21(Mon)22:21:11 No.65635181 >meet a girl >she unironicly "transistions" and wants to be a boy >gets a short haircut and jeans and a jacket ... >cut contact with that bpd w---- after she tells me she f----- some 45 KB PNG 49 year old dude while being 19, 1 year ago you cant make this s--- up how unlucky i am

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Medieval Doctor's tales | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 11/22/17(Wed)06:25:11 No.751726623 >Be me >Prestiged Doctor living in a sweetass Doctor Castle by the lake >Have collection of scary masks and sharpened beating implements >Lifesgood.Descantlute >Spending the day beating the 105 KB JPG plague out of a peasant >Peasant passed out on floor, but beating anyway because stressed >Courier arrives >Tells me I have a King's Summons >Finish beating unconscious serf and wipe off blood off favorite doctor stick >Pack bags for King f--- castle >3weekcarriageride.parchment >Get to King f--- big ass castle >Anticipation of lots of medieval bitcoin makes me beat the carriage driver in excitement >Throw meager sum of coins at repugnant serf driver >Go inside >King sees me >Tells me his son is ill and is getting worse by the day >Explain to him that he needn't worry because I am a professional and a doctor >Wearing my formal scary doctor mask >King f-- takes me upstairs to his son >Ohfuck.canvas >King f--- son is covered in boils and vomiting blood >"Ah yes, I see... I've encountered this once before" I explain to the King >l've never seen this s--- in my life >Gonnafuckingpuke.oilpainting >Think I should beat the illness out of him >Decide it's probably a bad idea with several guards and King f-- watching >Decide to wing it >Search through fancy doctor bag purchased with hard earned medieval bitcoin >Pull out jar of goat s--- >Explain to the king that I will have to force this down his sons throat >King f-- believes me and tells me to do what I have to do >Walk up to the disgusting plague ridden child >Start shoving goat s--- into this f------ kids mouth >Dad's watching not batting an eye >Kid passes out a half hour of me force feeding him s--- >"Ah good! The treatment is beginning to take effect!" >Pretty sure this kids gonna die >King f-- thanks me for my service and pays me precious medieval bitcoin >Gtfo quick >Sell house >Move to new country >Mfw I hear kid died shortly after my visit >l am a doctor

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Anon is hungry | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/13/21(Sat)19:35:16 No.849508884 >be me >goes to fast food restaurant >orders mcdonalds >cashier says "sir this is wendys" >I look up >checks menu >is actually at wendys >mfw 62 KB JPG >l order wendys anway

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Anon tries to make a pun | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)01:12:27 No.152913314 >make pun about Hungarians needing to eat something >make pun about the Finnish needing to end things >make pun about Germans being infectious bacteria >everyone laughs >make pun about Niger >everyone loses their minds

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Anon works for the Amazon marketing team | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)08:35:08 No.864431168 It's Prime Day Two days of epic deals prime day II 7E7592EC-C9BA-44C9-B905-57280EE72761.jpg 145 KB JPG >be Amazon marketing employee >Board wants an inclusive advertisement >struggle to think of anything >Bezos will face f--- me if I miss a deadline again >f--- it >submit the worst photo possible >mfw they f------ approved it

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Greentext Stories - Jihanon destroyes facebook | /r/Greentext

PROTIP: Press the ← and → keys to navigate the gallery, 'g' to view the gallery, or 'r' to view a random image.

: Anonymous 10/05/21(Tue)08:44:26 No.864418400 >be me duill >23 jihadist male >hate those white heretics >*idea.jpg* >decide to ddos that reptilian c--- to show them that allah is eternal 19 KB JPG and Facebook is temporary >decide to write about it to my jihadi friends >realize that Facebook is down because of me >be sad >go f--- one of my many wives >realize I don't have any >cry myself to sleep Don't be jihanon

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