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: Anonymous >Peter, make sure to wear gloves when working with poisonous animals, especially spiders and women. They like to stab you with thier fangs and suck out all the life and happiness right out of you. That's all a woman is - a hideous, poison-filled parasite. >Now I know what you're thinking, "But Uncle Ben, you're married to a woman." Shut the f--- up Peter, don't talk about May that way. You think l'd marry a real woman? Why do you think we don't have any kids of our own? Trust me Peter, beneath "her" dress is a c--- and pair of balls as old and wrinlky as a month-old zuccini and a pair 7 KB JPG of avocados. Her a------ is like a used rubber band now but back when she was young, goddamn she was as tight as a infant and just as smooth. >Anyways, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, spiders. Wear gloves. I saw on the news a farmer got bit by a wolf and turned into a werewolf. His brother got his finger slammed in the front door of his house and now he's a werehouse. Has to have forklifts drive into his recieving dock every day, unloading boxes. >Anyway, I wanted to tell you all this before the Alzheimers gets me.

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HOW IS YOUR NIGHT GOING /v/? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:34 No.39833040 Mine is doing good, I just sat down and cracked open a bear and about to play some TF2. Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:35 No.39833090 You cracked open a bear? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:36 No.39833114 >Cracked open a bear Oh god what OP TF2 IS FOR CASUALS Crro Lack

Anonymous (ID: 31kpyf2g) I f------ hate these people 07/11/21(Sun)21:52:59 No.329597517 1d Amen. As a Democract, I worry about us allowing our cities to become wastelands of homeless drug addicts. I am excited to move out to the suburbs because at least life will be pleasant out there, even if I have to live amongst the Republicans. I want to be able to go for a walk without fear of attack. Do Democrats only care about the rights of antisocial drug addicted transients? I will never vote Republican, but I hate how us Dems don't have the courage to let the ends justify the means. 1625859701519m.jpg 110 KB JPG there is no political solution Anonymous (ID: ricZnDZD) >>329597517 (OP) # 07/11/21(Sun)21:55:23 No.329597743 >I recognize that my party doesn't have my best interests in mind >in fact, I can see that my party favors literal criminals over law abiding citizens >I have to literally pack my s--- up and move because my party ruined my home >I wont ever change the way I vote though Imao Democracy was a mistake >>329599805 # >>329600177 # >>329601081 #

34 KB JPG >Be born in 1949 >Don't have to fight in a war >Be 20 years old in time for the summer of '69 >Pick up some ridiculous 11/10 who's hitchhiking to Woodstock in my Plymouth Roadrunner I bought after working a summer job for a month >She's immediately into me because she's from a small town and I'm the only man in her life who's not her father or brother >Bring her home and marry her >Go to get a job, hired off the street with no experience and get trained >Buy 10 acres of land for less than what I make in a year >rent out my land for decades >retire and sit around house all day looking at my collection of boats and cars I never use Kids today just don't understand hard work and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps

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Anon gets intimate with a female | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/05/21(Fri)13:17:34 No.866141962 r1591.jpg 140 KB JPG Here's how I ate p---- for the first time: >Be me, 15. With a woman around twice my age. >Her bush is overgrown and red as Russia >I feel like Moses talking to the burning bush >l'm pretty drunk. >She tells me to eat her p----. >l'm 15 and a male, I don't know what a female orgasm is. >l don't wanna ask her what to do and seem like a chump. >Eureka! Eating p---- means eating the pubic hair off of it. That's why all the pornstars don't have hair down there. >Not going to defend my actions, just sayingI was a 15- year-old drunk retard. >I bite a mouthful of her bush and rip it off her. >She screams in pain and surprise. >She cries and cusses me out, askin what the hell is wrong with me. >l'm there, on my knees,chewing on the hair like a barnyard animal. >She leaves. >Foiled again.

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I've seen it a few days ago but couldn't post it... Here you go fam | /r/Greentext

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Anon has good karma | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/04/21(Thu)19:30:14 No.866111464 >be me >high school >every time we start up a sport in pe, the teacher would start pulling me aside after a few days after every class >she would tell me I'm not trying 12 KB JPG hard enough, lowkey telling me she was gonna fail me out of the class, and generally just making me feel like s--- >l was trying though, I was just a 350lb fat f--- who never once thought about taking up sports in his life, but needed the credit >about a month before school gets out >teacher's mom has a stroke and f------ dies >teacher ends up leaving, not having entered any grades >new teacher comes in and just lets us f--- around for the last month or so, everyone passes with an a Remember /b/ros, karma is real. Be good little blobs of lard, and good times will come your way.

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Anon trolls two subreddits discord servers | /r/Greentext

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Anon gets a compliment | /r/Greentext

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The mistakes Anon makes | /r/Greentext

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The beautiful letdown | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/04/21(Thu)10:18:57 No.66021418 lost my v card last night and feel awful about it bros. story incoming. >be me 19 kv >meet black girl on dating site >start talking >she plays games watches anime etc 115 KB JPG >cool girl right >start hanging out >says she likes me etc >"I like you too" >l f------ don't like her I don't feel anything toward her >last night 11pm texts me and s--- >tell her to come over to my dorm room >drink >f--- >good sex I guess >lost the v card >get breakfast together >she smiles and everything seems super happy to be with me >"I really like you anon" >all I can feel is regret because I am not attracted to her in any emotional way >"hahaha I like you too" >kill me this is the morning after and I feel awful about it for whatever reason I cannot find myself to like her in a romantic way >what do bros? lead her on or dump ?

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Anon has the ticket to Heaven | /r/Greentext

story time /b/ >be me >9 years old and in 4th grade >my 2 closest friends were a pair of twins >they're muslim >one day at lunch i had pizza rolls 79 KB PNG >one of them asks "hey anon, can we have a pizza roll" >i gladly give them one >fast forward to now and me being 15 >i realize my mom only gave me pepperoni pizza rolls >i gave them pork >mfw i gave them a ticket straight to hell

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Anon has bad trip | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/04/21(Thu)10:32:33 No.9973080 >be 15 >Have shrooms >First time doing it, decides to do it at 2 am. >After I take them, my friends come Psilocybin Mushrooms over. 43 KB PNG >In my head, they kept staring at me in a demonic way. >They got weirded out, and left. I was probably going crazy when they kept staring at me in my head anyway. >About an hour later power goes out. >l kept seeing a demon like person with white or red eyes staring at me >But when I focused on it, it disappears Power goes back on >Went to 7/11 >Saw it again, decides to punch it. >Punches the slupry machine, breaks and spills all over the place. >Left >Slept in a Ally way Never took shrooms since, but I took lots of acid tho

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Anon does NNN | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/04/21(Thu)20:56:58 No.66024255 >NNN, Day 4 >Morning Wood lasts for literally an hour each morning >Balls feel "full" and tingly >Today I went to McDonalds for lunch 106 KB PNG >When the cashier's hand brushed mine while she was giving me my change, I got instantly rock hard I'm not sure I'm gonna make it, bros...

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Pump and dump | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/19/21(Thu)22:07:58 No.65055078 >be rentcuck >live in tiny apartment building >water pump located at the top of the building failed, no water pressure, can't take a shower, takes 5 mins to fill a cup of water >message landlord who owns half the building 54 KB JPG >yeah sure l'll get right on it >2 months later, still nothing >tell him I have some extra money and that I'm willing to buy a new pump, he can take it as an advance payment, I did some googling and its not really that expensive >"sure just wire me the money" >"No, give the model of the pump and I will buy it for you" >says no and stops replying for 3 days >l message him again, he insists I should just wire him the money >"Ok but I want it in writing, I'll write up a contract (am a lawyer) can you come by tomorrow to sign it?" >"I'm not signing anything" Why are landlords like this?

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Anon does it | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/10/18(Fri)15:03:10 No.47416540 >be watching the water boy >get horny cause think about how the chick from American History X would look good with my d--- in her YOU CAN DO IT! ass >pause movie, look up p--- >fapping commences 1.44 MB GIF >fapping intensifies >bump remote on the ground with my foot as l'm about to nut >movie unpauses >have an intense orgasm to Rob Schneider yelling "you can do it" >responded with "okay" Am I gay now

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Greentext Stories - Anon learns great responsibility | /r/Greentext

PROTIP: Press the ← and → keys to navigate the gallery, 'g' to view the gallery, or 'r' to view a random image.

: Anonymous >Peter, make sure to wear gloves when working with poisonous animals, especially spiders and women. They like to stab you with thier fangs and suck out all the life and happiness right out of you. That's all a woman is - a hideous, poison-filled parasite. >Now I know what you're thinking, "But Uncle Ben, you're married to a woman." Shut the f--- up Peter, don't talk about May that way. You think l'd marry a real woman? Why do you think we don't have any kids of our own? Trust me Peter, beneath "her" dress is a c--- and pair of balls as old and wrinlky as a month-old zuccini and a pair 7 KB JPG of avocados. Her a------ is like a used rubber band now but back when she was young, goddamn she was as tight as a infant and just as smooth. >Anyways, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, spiders. Wear gloves. I saw on the news a farmer got bit by a wolf and turned into a werewolf. His brother got his finger slammed in the front door of his house and now he's a werehouse. Has to have forklifts drive into his recieving dock every day, unloading boxes. >Anyway, I wanted to tell you all this before the Alzheimers gets me.

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