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RedDyeNumber4 · 13 yr. ago · edited 13 yr. ago 3 ,2 & 12 More Can we make that a unit of measurement? One Cuil = One level of abstraction away from the reality of a situation. Example: You ask me for a Hamburger. 1 Cuil: if you asked me for a hamburger, and I gave you a raccoon. 2 Cuils: If you asked me for a hamburger, but it turns out I don't really exist. Where I was originally standing, a picture of a hamburger rests on the ground. 3 Cuils: You awake as a hamburger. You start screaming only to have special sauce fly from your lips. The world is in sepia. 4 Cuils: Why are we speaking German? A mime cries softly as he cradles a young cow. Your grandfather stares at you as the cow falls apart into patties. You look down only to see me with pickles for eyes, I am singing the song that gives birth to the universe. And so on. edit: other Cuil levels added for completeness. 5 Cuils: You ask for a hamburger, I give you a hamburger. You raise it to your lips and take a bite. Your eye twitches involuntarily. Across the street a father of three falls down the stairs. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands. I give you a hamburger. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands. You cannot swallow. There are children at the top of the stairs. A pickle shifts uneasily under the bun. I give you a hamburger. You look at my face, and I am pleading with you. The children are crying now. You raise the hamburger to your lips, tears stream down your face as you take a bite. I give you a hamburger. You are on your knees. You plead with me to go across the street. I hear only children's laughter. I give you a hamburger. You are screaming as you fall down the stairs. I am your child. You cannot see anything. You take a bite of the hamburger. The concrete rushes up to meet you. You awake with a start in your own bed. Your eye twitches involuntarily. I give you a hamburger. As you kill me, I do not make a sound. I give you a hamburger. 6 Cuils: You ask me for a hamburger. My attempt to reciprocate is cut brutally short as my body experiences a sudden lack of electrons. Across a variety of hidden dimensions you are dismayed. John Lennon hands me an apple, but it slips through my fingers. I am reborn as an ocelot. You disapprove. A crack echoes through the universe in defiance of conventional physics as cosmological background noise shifts from randomness to a perfect A Flat. Children everywhere stop what they are doing and hum along in perfect pitch with the background radiation. Birds fall from the sky as the sun engulfs the earth. You hesitate momentarily before allowing yourself to assume the locus of all knowledge. Entropy crumbles as you peruse the information contained within the universe. A small library in Phoenix ceases to exist. You stumble under the weight of everythingness, Your mouth opens up to cry out, and collapses around your body before blinking you out of the spatial plane. You exist only within the fourth dimension. The fountainhead of all knowledge rolls along the ground and collides with a small dog. My head tastes sideways as spacetime is reestablished, you blink back into the corporeal world disoriented, only for me to hand you a hamburger as my body collapses under the strain of reconstitution. The universe has reasserted itself. A particular small dog is fed steak for the rest of its natural life. You die in a freak accident moments later, and you soul works at the returns desk for the Phoenix library. You disapprove. Your disapproval sends ripples through the inter-dimensional void between life and death. A small child begins to cry as he walks toward the stairway where his father stands. edit2: We need a standard notation for Cuil to make calculations easier. I suggest the interrobang ?, but I'm open to any other suggestions. For those who are interested in helping to create a working Cuil Theory, come visit the new wiki at: http://cuiltheory.wikidot.com/ The password to gain wiki access once you register is "hamburger" 2.7k Give Award Share Report Save

You Ask Me For A Hamburger


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One level of abstraction away from the reality of a situation. For example, I am on a dinner date, my companion says something unpleasant, and I leave. At 1 cuil, I beg off the date while shoveling breadsticks into my bag. At 2 cuils, I depart carrying with me the meal I haven't ordered yet. A proportionate amount of the appropriate ingredients has vanished from the kitchen of the restaurant. At 3 cuils, my departure is much slower, as I have shoved my date into my purse. My date finds themselves surrounded by my collection of pilfered appetizers. At 4 cuils, I am confronted by a farmer about the wasted food l caused by departing. The expansive fields behind him repeatedly turn from seed to sprout to stalk to grain to flour to dough to breadstick to seed again. We are still in the restaurant. At 5 cuils, I depart the restaurant by the front door only to enter the next restaurant by the back door.I sit down at the table with my new date. Their previous date just left carrying her cup of ice water. My old date tries again to voice their opinion to their new date. I stand up, affronted by my new dates position on a negligible issue. Ileave the restaurant by the front door and enter the next restaurant by the back door, carrying a platter of crab dip. None of us have finished a meal or ordered the second course. At 6 cuils, my date stands up and takes the potato skins. As she leaves my mind is compressed into a single point of loneliness, only to rapidly expand into a universe of new emotion at the arrival of Immanuel Kant. He is ashamed. The Big Bang within my mind is represented upon the outside world with the creation of an alternate reality. Kant disapproves. The restaurant fades out of existence to reveal the interior of my mother's skull. Kant attempts to destroy himself and me with mental explosives. My date disapproves. Kant fades out of existence as my new date enters the restaurant.I wave her over and begin discussing politics. Universes are born and die in fragments of seconds throughout our discussion. I stand up in disgust and take the table with me, floating away as our universe contracts to a single point of sadness.
wwW.STICKCAT.NET DO You HAVE ANY IDEA THE CONSEQUENCES OF youR ACTIONS! THIS PASTA 15 BETTER THAN YOUR usuAL SLOP WHAT CHANGED? I ONLy USED IT 4 OR s TIMES! You....DID. WHAT??? I LOOKED UP 50ME NEW RECIPES ON CUIL.COM TODAY you usED 5P??!? CLINK! ANYWAY I'M NOT MAD, LET'S SUST PLAY HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS OKAy, BuT I GET TO BE THE CAR!
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Uploaded Feb 07, 2022 at 02:56AM EST

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Cuil Theory

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copypasta, you ask me for a hamburger, cuils

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