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>married, with a six year old daughter >wife hates violent videogames and doesn't want me playing them with daughter in same room >my little girl loves some of the violent stuff, but I do draw the line obviously >she absolutely loves, loves, loves Raiden, Sam, and the MGR: R cast of characters. Mostly likes Raiden and Sam over the rest of them. >get a phonecall from school, saying she was in a fight. >have to leave work and address this mess >principal explains to me that she punched a boy who made fun of her, stood over him and said, "Show me a good time, Jack." >I almost, almost started to laugh and had to brush it off like a cough. >had to ball my fist over my mouth, excuse myself. >"Anon, do you have any idea where she learned this?" >"No sir, but I will talk to her about it." >We made it five steps into the parking lot before I lost my s---, imagining my daughter standing over some little s--- with her arms spread saying, "Show me a good time, Jack." >got her ice cream, had a heart to heart, and had to play it down when wifey got home Kids are a treat sometimes.

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File: chainsaw man.jpg (100 KB, 1627x915) Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)07:55:42 No.252911844 ►>>252911908 >>252914188 >>252914377 >>252916077 >>252919346 >>252919475 >>252920429 >>252921191 W--? >> Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)07:58:52 No.252911908 ►>>252913869 >>252913951 >>252914028 File: 06467EB6-9CF5-49FC-84A4-5(...).jpg (599 KB, 2730x4096) >>252911844 (OP) Denji could've got laid. He f----- up bad.. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)08:21:47 No.252912389 ► ok groomer Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)09:44:20 No.252913869 ▶>>252914047 >>252914093 >>252914100 >>252914125 >>252914134 >>252914294 >>252914315 >>252914527 >>252914536 >>252914582 >>252914605 >>252914643 >>252914670 >>252914680 >>252914780 >>252914811 >>252915009 >>252915019 >>252915216 >>252915260 >>252915280 >>252915315 >>252916087 >>252916275 >>252916436 >>252916516 >>252916539 >>252916565 >>252916569 >>252916574 >>252916659 >>252916737 >>252916787 >>252916802 >>252916842 >>252916974 >>252917020 >>252917066 >>252917095 >>252917156 >>252917166 >>252917201 >>252917265 >>252917325 >>252917490 >>252917497 >>252917507 >>252918071 >>252918109 >>252918460 >>252918543 >>252918601 >>252918806 >>252919082 >>252919137 >>252919328 >>252919382 >>252919432 >>>252919448 >>>252919457 >>252919510 >>252919544 >>252919551 >>252919576 >>252919615 >>252919616 >>252919650 >>252919702 >>252919759 >>252919779 >>252919804 >>252919882 >>252919944 >>252919980 >>252920003 >>252920030 >>252920106 >>252920276 >>252920335 >>252920347 >>252920412 >>252920415 >>252920494 >>252920535 >>252920577 >>252920610 >>252920647 >>252920712 >>252921030 >>252921081 >>252921110 >>252921138 >>252921146 >>252921257 >>252921392 >>252921415 >>252922113 >>252922329 >>252922635 >>252922833 >>252923296 >>252923418 >>252923492 >>252923792 >>252924120 >>252924150 >>252925598 >>252925778 >>252925795 >>252925980 >>252926106 >>252926146 >>252926234 >>252926278 >>252926350 >>252926563 >>252926620 >>252926624 >>252926689 >>252926756 >>252926764 >>252926876 >>252926911 >>252926918 >>252926925 >>252927034 >>252927073 >>252927110 >>252927127 >>252927301 >>252927310 >>252927461 >>252927677 >>252928003 >>252928114 >>252928431 >>252928442 >>252928498 >>252928709 >>252928848 >>252928958 >>252929393 >>252929964 >>252930095 >>252930514 >>252930728 >>252930740 >>252930886 >>252930911 >>252931013 >>252931111 >>252931128 >>252931382 >>252931493 >>252911908 losing your virginity to the office slut is like eating the last balloon at a wedding as in, only have you in if only one Donaustk € 12, kwĐH T• MAZD ALİH PF 12. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)09:58:27 No.252914093 ► >>252913869 brother what Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)11:20:41 No.252915260▸ File: doomer Zoomer.png (802 KB, 720x720) Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)09:55:23 No.252914047 ► e: 1266667790002282.jpg (134 KB, 1234x521) >>252913869 >losing your virginity to the office slut is like eating the last balloon at a wedding as in, only have you in if only one >>252913869 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:59:10 No.252920412 ► >>252913869 This is a certified 4chan moment Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:15:48 No.252919432 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:57:35 No.252916842 ► e: b81.png (264 KB, 474x377) File: 1495908995260.jpg (78 KB, 1280×720) >>252913869 >>252913869 at last I truly see Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)13:25:28 No.252917325 ► File: i kneel.jpg (86 KB, 405x720) >>252913869 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:47:49 N File: file.png (178 KB, 404x489) my f------ sides best post all day i kneel >>252913869 >t. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)19:13:15 No.252927301 ► File: it's so over.png (816 KB, 1121x673) >>252913869 My sides Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)10:33:58 No.252914670 ► File: 1683785740614529.jpg (30 KB, 567x496) >>252913869 Damn, this post really mindbroken everyone Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)10:44:57 No.252914811 ► File: 1674008914715180.jpg (29 KB, 680x504) >>252913869 Never have I seen a sentiment conveyed through nonsense with such clarity before. A true modern poet. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:27:55 No.252919702 ► File: 1235316161e7427.png (161 KB, 774x788) Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)18:43:30 No.252926278 ► >>252913869 ESLkun... >>252913869 >The most sane CSM fan Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:56:05 No.252920335 ►>>252920351 File: 1681220115757034.jpg (95 KB, 1200x1200) >>252913869 Anon bravely dying of a stroke to shitpost one last time. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:30:34 No.252919759► File: 1667874544032923.png (42 KB, 289x256) >>252913869 XXXX Anonymous UCDAZZJIVYOCHT_42:16 No.2021 20224 IC: JUS_405_4.129 [12 <1, 300 Audinous 1024/2004; 004:20 > 2225 4000 desale Zaroor A 7841 IN It's because that man's arguments are so right that they leave no room for debate. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:41:19 No.252916516 ► File: 1679679759269336.jpg (9 KB, 302x225) >>252913869 >thread doesnt eat their balloons at a wedding Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)17:24:07 No.252923296▸ File: 1682955308164217.jpg (85 KB, 415x375) >>252913869 I HATE THIS i am extreme dissapoint *forced smile Are you allright anon? Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)17:26:44 No.252923418 ► File: Interrogation_mark.jpg (266 KB, 659x932) >>252913869 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)11:33:23 No.252915435 ►>>252916020 >>252916057 >>252926173 I just want to know who in the hell eats balloons Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:20:59 No.252919551► e: 1683274551527799.jpg (22 KB, 800x450) Neory BonCINII VA; CDT > < = >>252913869 >only have you in if only one Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)16:26:01 No.252921146 ► 4148bc178917d22bf0a75c7d3(...).png (2.97 MB, 2508x3541) >>252913869 This feels like an eldritch being is trying to communicate and spread its wisdom on thots. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)18:51:26 No.252926563 ► File: 1628025425644.png (86 KB, 250x250) >>252913869 Holy f--- I missed these kind of posts. Thanks anon. "cb1100 "PRETEND" ? Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)19:06:55 No.252927073 ► File: 1616620564086.png (506 KB, 709x708) He is speaking the language of gods. >>252913869 beautiful I-I DON'T KNOW! JUST... PRETEND TO BE RETARDED OR SOMETHING! Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)16:06:02 No.252920577 ►>>252920932 >>252913869 Confused reaction image farmpost Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)17:36:25 No.252923792 ► File: 1680879053748926.jpg (87 KB, 644x954) >>252913869 Funniest s--- ive all week Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)16:02:20 No. File: 1647832313112.png (236 KB, 405x560) >>252913869 We got it all wrong. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:55:51 No.252916802 ► File: 1676938237963971.jpg (285 KB, 1711x1108) >>252913869 put me in the screenie weenie

Inaqar 137 KB JPG land you protect 12/24/23(Sun)09:54:58 No.91319497 >skilled warriors seen as the main bulwark against dark forces >sons of powerful and intelligent beings of legend >follow the teachings of a golden, almighty Master who created the >sometimes have powers such as shooting fire, lighting, shockwaves, blasts of ice or energy >wield some of the most powerful weapons around >battle beastly green enemies, awakened soulless armies, spirits, undead, malicious versions of yourselves, daemonic forces, and the literal embodiments of evil >wear bright colors to sell plastic toys >be the Ninja from Lego Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu >pic unrelated

Anonymous 10/26/13(Sat) 19:06 No.215457549 File: 1382828761196.jpg-(42 KB, 480x480, 1353212900339.jpg) >My dads face when >"Well have fun" >leaves room >Playing Silent Hill 3 >at the end >dad walks in >"Hey son, what you playing?" >Heather regurgitates a fetus >the other girl picks it up and shoves in his mouth >"I WILL BIRTH THE GOD"

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Anon is a Doctor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/10/22(Wed)07:30:43 No.883633418 >Be me, Dr. Anon. >Spend 9 years going through medical school, residency, and fellowship >Get a job in the ER. >A lady comes in, overdosed on Fentanyl >Narcan, put her in the vent for airway protection. >She finally wakes up. Buck f------ wild on the vent. I talk to the ICU doctor, he says no reason to admit her. She's good and we'd have to really sedate her to keep her on the vent. >Take her off the vent. Bites me. Draws blood >Refuses to take a HIV or hepatitis test. Have to take the prophylaxis. Get diarrhea. 50 KB PNG >Her boyfriend comes. He's a "club promoter." Thanks me for saving her life. Tries to recruit a couple of nurses to make a movie with him. Security kicks him out. >$400,000 in student debt >I was a weeb in high school and college. Never left my room, just drew s----- manga, and s--- posted on 4Chan. Decided to straighten my life out >Look at me now. FML

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anon is a prophet | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous HOLY BIBLE KING JAMES VERON 234 KB JPG 07/14/22(Thu)00:43:46 No.69400717 I'm a (diagnosed) autistic incel. When I was a child I liked to read but my mother only had a Bible, so I memorized entire sections of it. I met a 37 year-old woman a while ago (I'm 22) and she ended up believing (for whatever reason) that I'm a prophet of God. I am very lonely so I started to entertain her delusion and now I feel like I can't come back. We are together and she says she considers herself my wife. I like her and she behaves like a mommy gf so I don't want to lose her but I feel like this s--- will end up crashing and burning. What the f--- should I do?

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anon is dreadful (repost because i broke rule 4) | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 59 KB JPG 03/31/21 (Wed)17:56:24 No.63001106 >Feel like I should be doing something >Don't know what >Vague sense of uneasiness that I'm not doing it

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Anon picked the wrong side | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous My 8 KB JPG 08/10/22(Wed)06:41:50 No.69753491 >it's Odin mfw >be me >atheist ass the whole life >on my deathbed >really want to see heaven before going to the void >murmur "I accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior" as breathing the last breath >everything becomes white, I can see a gate >"aww sweet this is heaven"

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Anon outsmarts his superiors | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/24/21(Sat)00:53:44 No.852792905 19 KB JPG >be me >Tuesday at school >it's 5th period and I'm bored as s--- >turn to my friend and say "don't come to school on may 2nd lol >next day I get called into the guidance counselors office >start talking about how they think I'm dangerous and that I'm gonna shoot up the school >mfw May 2nd is a f------ sunday

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Anon wanted a rifle | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 309 KB JPG 08/09/22(Tue)13:26:33 No.54721473 >be me >14yo >birthday, asked for a rifle so dad takes me to cabelas gun library >interested in milsurp, spot a No.4 Mk.1 Enfield >$400 >reach out >intercepted by picrel >smiles at me, says "sorry bud" >unironically tips hat >only other surp is out of budget or 91/30 Mosin nagant >end up buying mossberg 590 I f------ know you're on here you fat bastard. F--- YOU. That Rifle is now >800 dollars.

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Anon doesn’t understand why Liverpool is named the way it is | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/10/22 (Wed)21:27:51 No.69753565 >liverpool >not a giant pool full of livers

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anon is in a predicament | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous MY GOD HE'S NOT EVEN IRONIC 578 KB JPG 08/09/22(Tue)21:57:16 No.883597694 > hey anons. > I met someone on a game i play and they asked me if i had a discord to add me. > I complied and added them, we talked for a while and hit it off, we both share a lot of similar interests and love for similar things such as music, food, shows and games. > They also told me they were a femboy, I didnt mind and we kept talking casually. >>883597929 # > recently they have started calling me stuff like "senpai" and making more sexual jokes and references such as last night they said "good night daddy :3" > i just played it off as a joke. > are they also joking or am i in too deep? Anonymous >>883597694 (OP) # n..no senpai, you need to stuff his b..bussy 08/09/22(Tue)21:59:54 No.883597834

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Anon watches Andrew Tate | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Andrew tate ruined my internet 08/10/22(Wed)15:28:25 No.69751223 32 KB JPG >people wont stop talking about this dude >Andrew tate this and that >Friends and cousins sharing andrew tate stuff >Nephews sharing andrew tate stuff >Coworker: you know andrew tate? Basicaly he's this guy that >Sick of all of it and decide to check him >Watch one video >He's like one of those 9 step program to being successful kind of guy while saying woman bad >Decide to check another video >Same s--- >Stop and go to sleep >Wake up check phone for news and youtube >Phone is now full of andrew tate suggestions, articles and youtube recommendations WHAT THE F--- I DON'T EVEN HATE OR LIKE THIS GUY I GET HOW HE GOT HIS AUDIENCE BUT WHAT THE F--- MY FEED IS NOW FULL OF THIS F------ GUY'S FACE AFTER JUST CHECKING ONE OR TWO VIDEOS ABOUT HIM I CAN'T EVEN F------ ESCAPE HIM IN REAL LIFE WHY ARE THEY SHILLING THIS F------ GUY ONTO PEOPLE SO MUCH??? HOW DO I RESET MY INTERNET FEED??

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anon has a female coworker | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 42 KB PNG 07/10/22(Sun)10:59:36 No.881767997 >be me >have a female coworker >not attracted to her at all >find out we live in the same building >It's dark out, so I offer to walk home with her. She accepts >we go home after work a couple times, she did 90% of the talking and it was nice >again, still not interested in her >out of the blue, another coworker tells me that she's lesbian and taken >find out that said coworker told him to tell me >we never walk home again together I'm not mad at her, I'm just confused how she equated walking home together with romantic interest. I thought I was just being kind

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Anon doesn't get the orange juice | /r/Greentext

1h (8/10 7:14). 69753665 11 Re. 0 Img JPG 49KB (432 × 435) : why do people do s--- like this? >be me yesterday >be in kitchen getting something to drink >roommate "is there still any orange juice?" >just saw it in the fridge so say yes >he doesn't say anything >i get tap water and leave >he gets mad at me "WHERE IS MY ORANGE JUICE?" >i'm confused, i tell him in the fridge >"WHY DIDN'T YOU GET ME A GLASS?" did this n----- really expect me to get him a glass from that question? tell me r9k, am i autistic or is he just retarded?

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Anon gets yeeted from home | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >be me >mom tells me I can't live off her forever and that I need to get a job >tell her I can't imagine working and that i'd rather be homeless >she doesn't say anything >redpill her more about how my birth was her fault and that I didn't choose to be born so now she has to take responsibility for me >she starts to cry a little bit >tell her to stop crying because she's an adult >few days later I come home from the liquor store >her and a couple of family friends are over >one of them tells me I have to move out right now >tell them I have no place to go 70 KB PNG 01/17/21(Sun)16:11:17 No.845050615 >they say I have to move anyway >basically getting kicked out of my own house >tell mom she owes me for all those years I was on social security and she was basically living off me and my brother's autismbucks >tell her she should feel ashamed because she spent some of that money on herself instead of giving it to me and that she was basically stealing from me and my brother the entire time >one of the guys comes out of my room with a suitcase full of clothes >throws them outside and tells me to leave >mom is crying >this is b------- >he tries to force me out of the house >throws me off the porch >start screaming and crying >lay there for at least 5 minutes screaming and crying >scream and cry so hard I start coughing in between crying >tear down all her wind chimes and start wrecking her flower bed >one of the guys comes out and tries to wrestle me away form the house >spit in his face and throw plants/windchimes at him until he goes back inside >keep screaming and crying until she lets me back inside >immediately head to me room to watch my favorite twitch streamer to calm me down >use mom's debit card to donate to him so I can get the text to speech bot to say how my mom almost killed me

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Greentext Stories - Anon’s daughter plays metal gear rising | /r/Greentext

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>married, with a six year old daughter >wife hates violent videogames and doesn't want me playing them with daughter in same room >my little girl loves some of the violent stuff, but I do draw the line obviously >she absolutely loves, loves, loves Raiden, Sam, and the MGR: R cast of characters. Mostly likes Raiden and Sam over the rest of them. >get a phonecall from school, saying she was in a fight. >have to leave work and address this mess >principal explains to me that she punched a boy who made fun of her, stood over him and said, "Show me a good time, Jack." >I almost, almost started to laugh and had to brush it off like a cough. >had to ball my fist over my mouth, excuse myself. >"Anon, do you have any idea where she learned this?" >"No sir, but I will talk to her about it." >We made it five steps into the parking lot before I lost my s---, imagining my daughter standing over some little s--- with her arms spread saying, "Show me a good time, Jack." >got her ice cream, had a heart to heart, and had to play it down when wifey got home Kids are a treat sometimes.

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