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: Anonymous 08/08/22(Mon)14:38:26 No.67895798 >my grandma gives me her old phone >she has a new one >make pictures of myself on new phone >some cloud fuckery causes my shirtless pics to appear on her phone >she tells me my pictures are on her phone >i lol and tell her it's probably a cloud thing >take her phone >tell my grandma I'm deleting them >she says nooo why? >grandma continues to mire my physique pointing out the names of the muscles (quadriceps aren't an arm muscle but I'll accept the mire regardless) >>67896511 # >>67897057 # >>67897586 #

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Inaqar 137 KB JPG land you protect 12/24/23(Sun)09:54:58 No.91319497 >skilled warriors seen as the main bulwark against dark forces >sons of powerful and intelligent beings of legend >follow the teachings of a golden, almighty Master who created the >sometimes have powers such as shooting fire, lighting, shockwaves, blasts of ice or energy >wield some of the most powerful weapons around >battle beastly green enemies, awakened soulless armies, spirits, undead, malicious versions of yourselves, daemonic forces, and the literal embodiments of evil >wear bright colors to sell plastic toys >be the Ninja from Lego Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu >pic unrelated

Anonymous 10/26/13(Sat) 19:06 No.215457549 File: 1382828761196.jpg-(42 KB, 480x480, 1353212900339.jpg) >My dads face when >"Well have fun" >leaves room >Playing Silent Hill 3 >at the end >dad walks in >"Hey son, what you playing?" >Heather regurgitates a fetus >the other girl picks it up and shoves in his mouth >"I WILL BIRTH THE GOD"

>she stops me, wants to roleplay >blindfolds me, we're playing doctor >kinky but okay >feel pressure around my ass >pull off blindfold 00 Anonymous (ID: zuq0 ITT: Weird sex experiences >be 22 >start dating blonde. 7/10 >shes quirky but fun > dat ass >second date >go to her place >shewantstheD.jpeg >go down on her >things are going well >crazy bitch is shoving 3-4 plastic horses into my a------ >she says my condition is "stable"

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Anon makes a discovery | /r/Greentext

File: 1605583654463.jpg (25 KB, 564x542) Anonymous 08/14/22(Sun)00:10:07 No.69798259 [Reply] >Get diagnosed with Autism at 16 >My life couldn't POSSIBLY get worse >Recently told it wasn't actually Autism, it was early onset schizophrenia F--- you god, and your f------ Jerry Seinfeld plot twists!

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Joe Rogan saves anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 100 KB PNG 03/13/21(Sat)21:40:37 No.62729154 >be at the store >see some vegetarian tendies on sale >meh might as well try them heard they taste the same >go home and open the package >suddenly the window breaks as a m----- rolls in >its Joe f------ Rogan >"no vegan b------- eat wild game like a man" >he takes out a bow and shots my cat >jumps me the moment i start to hesitate >jiujitsu grapples me and almost chokes me to death >i instinctively grasp for air >notice a bong in my mouth >"dimethyltryptamine will help you see the light" >get blasted into a dimension more real than this one >filled with Joe Rogans preaching and doing standup

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All females are the same | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 3.58 MB JPG 09/13/22(Tue)10:47:32 No.4300627 >adopt her >feed her the best food >pour her the purest of H20 >take her to the best of vets >buy her any toy to keep her entertained >treat her like a queen >respect her privacy >in return she : hisses at me for causing any minor inconvenience, bites me if i touched her in some way, doesn't respect my personal space, won't set on my lap

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Anon meets a chad in vrchat | /r/Greentext

Megalon3.png 85 KB PNG >go to a club in vrchat >a huge t---- dragon girl and a cat girl are groping each other and kissing >a f------ dude runs over as this guy >screams 'I AM MEGALON' >crashes the map

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Anon posts on TruthSocial | /r/Greentext

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! 0 Anonymous (ID: (wyXqtq3g 09/13/22 (Tue)08:59:15 No.395164811 [Reply] >>395174471 >>395174725 >>395175504 >make TruthSocial account >username is QR_rainmaker >don't post or comment >the queen dies >lightbulb.jpeg >the queen is dead -> the q is dead ->q is dead -> long live qr >i am now larping as qr, aka q 2.0, on TruthSocial >start posting plausible conspiracy theories about the chinese government spying on us >get positive comments >seems like people are taking me seriously >get email >"you have been banned from TruthSocial" >mfw

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anon isn't the sharpest tool in the shed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 59 KB PNG 08/25/18(Sat)17:02:31 No.778151892 >friend sends me iq test >okay ill do it > finish test and get 75 iq >i cant show this to my friend >i do the test again knowing answers >get 73 >mfw

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Anon has a Jewish room mate. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: NABivc0z 05/07/20(Thu)16:51:36 No.256576962 file.png 1.6 MB PNG Help how do I stop my jewish room mate from doing this? >>256577124 # >>256577462 # >>256579048 # >>256579608 # >>256579698 # >>256579813 #

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anon's school events | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/17/18(Wed)00:22:54 No.42551236 >Teacher f------ a hot student in the gym locker rooms after school (Fired she was 18) > Teacher got so mad he threw a desk at a student (Fired) >Teacher came to school wasted (Fired) >Teacher browsed the living f--- out of Infowars and would regurgitate every dumb as f--- conspiracy theory to us instead of teaching us American History. Also made us watch Wizard of Oz alongside Dark Side of the Moon. Once stood on his desk SCREAMING about water filters. Named the jew a few times. Also heavily hinted that the Holocaust was faked (Still employed) >Class bullied a teacher so badly she cried (Still Employed) >Goth chick told us she was going to bring a gun to class and murder us. The class jock responded with "Do it c---" >Kid punched a window out in the hallway and cut a major artery and died (Still dead) >Stacy and cheerfriends botched a "throw the girl in the air" during a pep rally and she snapped her arm to a 90degree angle in front of the whole school >Kid s--- himself during a test because he didn't study for it Oh small town USA

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Anon needs advice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 369 KB JPG 09/13/22(Tue)18:48:24 No.885588429 >be me >have bad social anxiety >forever alone >decide to try to get a gf >still unable to approach women >make plan >wait for group project in school >get paired with 2 girls >decide to use the plan >break out a pre-planned conversation with the girls, designed to flow naturally >spent like 30 minutes practicing it in my head, so I have it down >mfw it works >they're both responding positively >it's closing time Do you think I could get your snaps? >mfw one enthusiastic yes and one socially obligated yes Later that day >decide to hit one of them up >I'm not 100% sure whether she's gay >I'm not 100% sure whether she's single >no idea how to ask What do I do anons?

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Anons love a based female Prime Minister | /r/Greentext

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Anon does some trolling | /r/Greentext

>working in a high end restaurant >chef is hard ass german >decide to f--- with him >bartender brings up case of apple juice in cans, and leaves it in the kitchen >snag 3 cans from the case, and crank the oven to 500 >service starts >it's time >place cans of apple juice in the oven >they start to melt and contort, leaking apple juice into the inferno of an oven >chef walks into the kitchen >"VAT IS ZAT HISSING" >try to contain my laughter as k---- chef opens the oven door to see melting cans of juice >k---- chef starts yelling "WHY IZ ZE JEWZ IN ZE OVEN, TAKE ZE JEWZ OUT OF ZE OVEN me >entire dining room can hear him >k---- chef never found out that it was

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Anon thinks he's 6 feet tall | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/13/22(Tue)15:21:41 No.70198725 (sad music playing) 78 KB JPG >be me >tell my idiot classmates that im 6 feet tall >they dont believe me and say that im 5'11 and coping >my id says 6 feet to i pull it out to show them all how wrong they are >when i show them my id they see that my name isnt anon >they see that my real name is flart plungus >instantly they all start making fun of me for my name >they still even call me a manlet despite evidence to the contrary i hate my parents

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Greentext Stories - Anon's Grandma likes anon's physique | /r/Greentext

PROTIP: Press the ← and → keys to navigate the gallery, 'g' to view the gallery, or 'r' to view a random image.

: Anonymous 08/08/22(Mon)14:38:26 No.67895798 >my grandma gives me her old phone >she has a new one >make pictures of myself on new phone >some cloud fuckery causes my shirtless pics to appear on her phone >she tells me my pictures are on her phone >i lol and tell her it's probably a cloud thing >take her phone >tell my grandma I'm deleting them >she says nooo why? >grandma continues to mire my physique pointing out the names of the muscles (quadriceps aren't an arm muscle but I'll accept the mire regardless) >>67896511 # >>67897057 # >>67897586 #

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