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: Anonymous >be me >grandpa owns over 3.8 billion acre dense forest that no human has ever set foot in since the Cambrian Explosion >decide to go camping >[ahem] 11/25/22(Fri)16:20:16 No.33457386 >innawoods >sort of into /k/ s---, nothing special >bring some light stuff, didn't go too crazy on it >brought my dad's M119 Howitzer (with bayonet just in case) >go out in my 3 story tent >pretty normal until nightfall, where it gets really crazy >there was no sunset, it went immediately from high noon to the dead of night in a literal second, like real life had just become some kind of s----- and obviously fake horror story with over three thousand cliches >suddenly I smell something like rusty blood and old metal, or salty coins and milk, it's hard to describe and/or remember >I see a humanoid figure in the treeline, about 6 inches away from my face >h-------- it's a walkskinner >I can barely hear it, and it shouts from the treeline, "gimme 20 dollars" >fire my howitzer at it >it misses, explodes, pisses off The Walkskinner >start to run away, can barely make it the distance from my campsite back to civilization (my house was like 10 feet away, but my feet were really sore) >start to write this story >do the captcha >post it >>33457793 # >>33457884 # >>33461239 # >>33465602 # >>33465805 # >>33465831 #

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Inaqar 137 KB JPG land you protect 12/24/23(Sun)09:54:58 No.91319497 >skilled warriors seen as the main bulwark against dark forces >sons of powerful and intelligent beings of legend >follow the teachings of a golden, almighty Master who created the >sometimes have powers such as shooting fire, lighting, shockwaves, blasts of ice or energy >wield some of the most powerful weapons around >battle beastly green enemies, awakened soulless armies, spirits, undead, malicious versions of yourselves, daemonic forces, and the literal embodiments of evil >wear bright colors to sell plastic toys >be the Ninja from Lego Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu >pic unrelated

Anonymous 10/26/13(Sat) 19:06 No.215457549 File: 1382828761196.jpg-(42 KB, 480x480, 1353212900339.jpg) >My dads face when >"Well have fun" >leaves room >Playing Silent Hill 3 >at the end >dad walks in >"Hey son, what you playing?" >Heather regurgitates a fetus >the other girl picks it up and shoves in his mouth >"I WILL BIRTH THE GOD"

>she stops me, wants to roleplay >blindfolds me, we're playing doctor >kinky but okay >feel pressure around my ass >pull off blindfold 00 Anonymous (ID: zuq0 ITT: Weird sex experiences >be 22 >start dating blonde. 7/10 >shes quirky but fun > dat ass >second date >go to her place >shewantstheD.jpeg >go down on her >things are going well >crazy bitch is shoving 3-4 plastic horses into my a------ >she says my condition is "stable"

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This is a completley original greentext that hasn't been posted 30 times before | /r/Greentext

y [02nD, D12X304) 25 A Second Side Anonymous 07/ >be me >browsing r/greentext >see some f------ post with 5 upvote >thisissosad.mp3 >save it and repost it later >3.5k upvotes this is how you succeed on the interne

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Anon falls in Love | /r/Greentext

□ Anonymous 05/07/21 (Fri)06:58:28 No.853835864 >turned 29 today >feels like any normal day >mom, dad and 2 other friends greet me >nothing special going on today >hot Korean neighbour rings doorbell >been friends with her for 3 years now >she greets me and hands me a box of sushi >fall in love I wanna marry her.

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5 Years ago | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Guys am I broken? 69 KB JPG 07/25/21(Sun)06:52:50 No.64705304 >go outside >McDonalds nugget time >see the spitting image of the basedjak there >I say hey did you start working here cause of the Schezwan sauce? >Its not gonna come back no matter how often you post on Reddit >he says dude what? Anyway here are you nuggets >angry at his dismal of me >I say you know what I mean >like the funny meme from a bit ago >dude that was 5 years ago Was 2016 really 5 f------ years ago? No way right? I know how f------ long a year is and thats too short. Are years being sped up to deny us of our youth and get us to wage slave faster? 10 Replies / 1 Image >>64705495 # : Anonymous >>64705304 (OP) # >be OP 07/25/21(Sun)07:14:38 No.64705483 >10 years from now >see an amputee with no arms >look him straight in the eyes >"amogus." View Thread

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Anon fears the samurai | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous What is your opinion on Japan? NO SOUTH A WSKA HOOL JAPAN Pokkade Ma 8 KB JPG >>110140888 # 08/20/19(Tue) 20:28:54 No.110138909 : Anonymous The jews fear the samurai >>110140888 # Personally, not a fan. They are like aliens from another planet to me in how they look, think and behave. 08/20/19(Tue) 20:29:52 No.110138945 >>110140888 # : Anonymous The jews fear the samurai 08/20/19(Tue)20:31:28 No.110138995 : Anonymous + 08/20/19(Tue) 20:32:10 No.110139032 The jews fear the samurai

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Anon plays the long con | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/12/10(Tue)12:31 No.75545XXX ▼ [!] File1286901093.jpg-(48 KB, 678x444, 1233814009623.jpg) >Pretend I'm a girl just to get items >Meet a great girl in the process that convinces me to join her guild >Become best friends >She turns out to be a lesbian >Keep pretending even if it feels wrong >7 months of online dating and cybering >She tells me we have to talk >Think she wants to meet IRL and get ready to tell her the horrible truth >She tells me she's really a guy pretending he's a lesbian >My f------ face when we've been two guys cybering lesbian sex for 7 months

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You can truly only love once | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 189 KB PNG 11/27/22(Sun)03:20:46 No.27802105 >wife comes seething because she found my old love letters to my first girlfriend (I had them stored in an old tool box, i forgot that i still had them) >you are never like this with me you even called her the love of your life, you never called me that So? I'm entitled to have a "past" just as much she has her own, she married to me but i wasn't her first, neither her second or even the third, she told me that she had slept with at least 8 dudes before when we began dating and i accepted that and made peace with it because at that point she said "you either come in terms with it or leave but i won't lie to you, I decide to be honest of this relationship is meant to last" Meanwhile AT LEAST she was my second woman. And she is second in more than one way because even today I'm entitled to keep my world and say that my first girlfriend was in fact the love of my life, you can only have ONE love of the life because life itself is only one. Because i have never been able to love another woman as much i loved her. Still I'm not saying this to my wife because i don't want to hurt her or antagonize her, all that i said to her was "stop being insecure, i married to you not her and I'm loyal to this marriage" Still that answer didn't satisfied her.

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anon tells a horror story | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/26/17 (Fri)08:13:26 No. 19057712>>19057756 a friend of my dad's would babysit me sometimes when i was little (mom wasn't in the picture) and he used to tell a story to me that scares the absolute s--- out of me to this day. >dad's friend, I'll call him Bob, is driving a rig out in the middle of b------ nowhere oregon >has to make the delivery by the following morning so he decides to just drive through the night >it's like one in the morning, no one else is out on the roads >hasnt seen another car in probably a hundred miles >he is literally in the middle of nowhere >suddenly the whole entire sky lights up >instantly like daylight >Bob f----- slams on the breaks, has no idea what the hell is going on >everything stays lit up for a good solid ten seconds, he can see everything >whatever's happening, it's not lightning, it doesn't stop or flicker at all >Bob hunkers down, anticipating imminent nuclear devastation >suddenly sky goes dark again >no sound, no blast wave >he sits there in the middle of the road waiting for almost five minutes, then decides to keep going >figures it was a meteor or something >goes about two miles up the road and sees a car with its flashers on stopped in the middle of the road >stops a good distance away from it >there's not enough room to go around it >front end of the car is crumpled like it hit something >Bob figures they probably hit a deer that got spooked whenever the meteor went over and ran into the road >he gets out of the cab and goes to see if the driver is okay >driver is sitting on the ground by the driver side door >has his knees up and is resting his head on his arms >"Hey buddy, you okay?" Bob calls. >he stops about ten feet away for seemingly no reason >something about the whole situation feels weird >Bob is one of those guys that always listens to his gut so he stays put >'God my head is killing me." The guy says, but he doesnt lift his head up so it's muffled >"Did you hit a deer?" Bob asks >he's getting more and more uneasy >somethings wrong (cont) Anonymous 05/26/17 (Fri)08:25:14 No.19057756 >>19057767 >>19057712 >but he still can't figure out what exactly it is >the guy says he think he might have hurt his head, asks Bob to please help him >Bob takes a step forward but his instincts are going a------ >he looks at everything again >that's when he notices it >the f------ car is all wrong >it looks like what someone thinks a car looks like >it has all the right pieces but there's nothing extra, if that makes sense >Bob says it looked like a cheap hot wheels knock-off, it just looked wonky and wrong >he looks around at the back of the car and realizes that not only is there no license plate, there's not even a trunk >it's just one solid piece of material with taillights put in it >there's no manufacturer or model names >Bob knows cars, and this thing is nothing he's ever seen before >from where he's standing, he can see there's no tailpipe or even hubcaps >it's just the shape of a car >he starts to back up and the guy asks him for help again >Bob tells him he can't help him and that he'll call a tow truck when he gets to the next town >the guy lifts his head and looks at Bob >tells him he thinks he might have a concussion >something is really really wrong with the guys face but again it takes a second for Bob to figure it out The next part is exactly how Bob described it: >everything on the mans face was where it should have been, in their normal positions >he looked totally normal >except for the fact that his eyes and mouth were on upside down >Bob goes a------ and sprints back to his rig >climbs in, locks the door just in time for the man to slam into the door behind him >how the f--- did he get there so fast >he knocks on the glass and smiles at Bob but because his mouth is upside down it looks like he's screaming >tells Bob to open the door so he can come in >Bob f------ floors it >doesn't care if he hits the guy or not >his truck easily pushes the "car" out of the way >whatever it is, it's light and it makes no sound when he hits it Anonymous 05/26/17(Fri)08:30:06 No. 19057767 ► 29384574832.jpg (18 KB, 267x200) € >>19057756 Unfortunately it's an anticlimactic ending. Bob got where he was going fine, with no other problems. My dad knows the story, but I don't think he believes it. But Bob tells it to everyone he meets, so he obviously does. He's absolutely adamant about the guy being an alien. Years later I heard about the Thatcher Effect and nearly had a f------ heart attack when I saw it. I showed one of the pictures to Bob and he wouldn't even look at it. He says it's exactly what the guy looked like. >pic very much related

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Anon had a weird friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Childhood Sexual Experiences T(...) 11/26/22(Sat)12:12:38 No.889742047 93 KB JPG >Be me >be 11 years old >weird kid with no friends >only friend was an equally weird kid >this was around the time everyone was discovering p--- >always talked to each other on the playground about cartoon p--- we saw on newgrounds >both decided that having your d--- sucked probably feels really good >Decide that one day we'll suck each others d---- to see what it feels like >One day in the summer we ride our bikes to the playground and go under the roof part of it >playground is in the middle of a huge field and we live in a small town with nobody out walking so we figure no one will see us there >show each other our d---- >we're already both erect in anticipation >one of his balls is bigger than the other >Think it's kind of weird but don't care >it's very awkward and neither of us wants to start cause it feels like we're crossing some line >eventually I work up the courage and suck his d--- >feels kinda weird but I don't hate it >suck it for a minute then stop >he gets ready to suck my d--- but is hesitant >he tickles my balls first as a joke > I urge him to hurry up and do it so we can leave >he likewise sucks my d--- for about a minute then stops >feelsgoodman >asks me if I like the feeling and I tell him I do >neither of us c-- (we hadn't learned how to yet) >After that we ride back to his house and do regular kid s--- > I move away later that summer >we still sometimes talk but we never mentioned that ever again >see shota threads here every day and realize I literally lived these f------ dreams

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Anons Revenge Arc | /r/Greentext

>>71147954 (OP) >be me >ugly ass f----- >years of rejection from all the twinks on grindr >finally have enough >start catfishing >catfish an old boomer to make plans to meet up >have the twink im catfishing meet at the oldfags place >use the twinks photos when talking to the boomer >once they arrive at the planned destination I block them I wonder how many hot twinks were pressured into having sex with some ugly ass boomer

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Anon holds world record for loudest fart | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous be patient I'm doing my best Embarassing school stories thread? >Be me >2nd or 3rd grade >gym class >days almost over just one or two more classes to go 11/26/22(Sat)18:44:01 No.71146659 135 KB JPG >teacher has us all line up and sit on the floor along the wall because she has to put us into teams and is writing things down on a clipboard >the floor is hard wood and the entire gym is empty >everyone is silent and teacher is taking a while to get things set up >sitting next to an ugly girl and I'm at the end of the line >suddenly feel an enormous pressure building up in my stomach that moves >gym was right after lunch >feel the enormous urge to fart >hold it in until the urge subsides >it returns >this continues for some time >begin sweating visibly because it's beginning to hurt >teacher is taking a very long time to come up with stupid teams for the stupid game >I fail >a very loud fart explodes out of me, vibrating the floor and echoing on every surface >teacher shakes her head but doesn't look up from her clipboard >ugly girl turns to me and asks 'was that you?' >i begin to use the tactic known as lying and tell her no >hear kids start whispering and laughing >realize that it was so loud that it was impossible to decide where it came from >go through gym class >on the way out I hear kids accusing each other of being responsible for the fart >this continues for the entire next class too, tales begin spreading that day about the biggest fart anybody had ever heard >Nobody ever knew it was me >not caught to this day

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Anon stops caring | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: KBkDrsgv 10/31/18(Wed)13:38:48 No.11591846 203949A5-02BF-4C88-93A1-CCAC4A00F4DF.jpg 157 KB JPG Stop caring. That's literally all you have to do. Just imagine this pepe everytime you get mad, sad, anxious, jealous, etc

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Panicked anon asks for help | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 69073539 72.2 kB JPG 15 REPLIES 10 hr ago... >do nofap for 3 weeks >finally meet cute girl after years of being single >bring her home to watch some movies at my apartment >eventually get her naked in bed >about to have sex >penis is completely flaccid the whole time What the f--- bros, how do I fix this? I'm a normal 21 year old guy, give me exercises and supplements to fix this s--- right now 1 IMAGE REPLY

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Greentext Stories - Anon has an encounter | /r/Greentext

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: Anonymous >be me >grandpa owns over 3.8 billion acre dense forest that no human has ever set foot in since the Cambrian Explosion >decide to go camping >[ahem] 11/25/22(Fri)16:20:16 No.33457386 >innawoods >sort of into /k/ s---, nothing special >bring some light stuff, didn't go too crazy on it >brought my dad's M119 Howitzer (with bayonet just in case) >go out in my 3 story tent >pretty normal until nightfall, where it gets really crazy >there was no sunset, it went immediately from high noon to the dead of night in a literal second, like real life had just become some kind of s----- and obviously fake horror story with over three thousand cliches >suddenly I smell something like rusty blood and old metal, or salty coins and milk, it's hard to describe and/or remember >I see a humanoid figure in the treeline, about 6 inches away from my face >h-------- it's a walkskinner >I can barely hear it, and it shouts from the treeline, "gimme 20 dollars" >fire my howitzer at it >it misses, explodes, pisses off The Walkskinner >start to run away, can barely make it the distance from my campsite back to civilization (my house was like 10 feet away, but my feet were really sore) >start to write this story >do the captcha >post it >>33457793 # >>33457884 # >>33461239 # >>33465602 # >>33465805 # >>33465831 #

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