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Lori+Ovanessian-2823.jpg 133 KB JPG I r--- teslas on the highway by merging directly into them, and watching their helpless drivers as the tesla's machine instincts take control and jolt it out of my way. I do not ask for it's consent. These cars desire to show off their automated cat-like reflexes, the sleek aerodynamics in their curves, and the comfort their boring owners have nestled sleepily inside the tesla's inviting womb. I accelerate my steely F350 fast and hard directly at the tesla and the machine takes control, battery energy pulsing through its quivering engine as it speeds out of way, while its boomer white male's face goes pale and his wife is panting hard, lost somewhere between sudden fear and complete thrill of being dominated. Teslas and their owners on the road secretly ask for this and at night they can only confess to themselves in bed how hard their tiny d---- become, and how their suburban t-- cow wives have to wash their sopping wet target bought panties from my sudden and unprovoked onslaught on their otherwise secure lives. I am a male and I am voting for Ye.

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: Anonymous 11/06/18(Tue)22:08:34 No.784190163 >>784189907 >be me >also from Cuba >decide to swim to America >jump into ocean >pringles in my pocket in case I get hungry >doinwell.jpg >get hungry after about a half hour >pull out pringles >cap flies off >pringles everywhere >f---.exe >see a shark fin >them n----- like pringles >shark n---- eats all my pringles >starts to come after me >swim the f--- away >shark catches up >bites my leg right the f--- off >about to go for my arm when I see a US coast guard boat >they carry me aboard >pass out >come to a couple hours later in back of grimy American boat >"hey, you're finally awake" >look at the officers nametag >"Todd Howard" not again >>784190258 #

Anonymous 182 KB JPG 02/11/25(Tue)21:45:58 No.702710239 >written to be empowered "anti- male gaze" lesbian protagonists by neil cuckmann >i still want to gaze at them

Anonymous HEY GARDI I KNOW YOU LIKE THE LIPSTICKS TO TEST YOU BUY. BUT COULD YOU PLEASE STOP? I CAN'T FEEL MY CHEEK ANYMORE Mwah JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE MASTER YOU TOLD ME THE SAME THING AN HOUR AGO. I REALLY NEED TO DO THE DINNER SHOPPING. DON'T WORRY, I'LL CALL FOR PIZZA. ♡♡ Mwah SIGH*... OK... 00 02/10/25(Mon)22:28:05 No.702688473 **Mwah ♡♡♡ Mwah 653 KB PNG >so why did you become a pokemon trainer? >oh you know, just my career path... much

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Anon receives affection | /r/Greentext

01/02/23 (Mon)14:36:43 No.71665918 >leave my soul-sucking room and make my way into the kitchen >grandma surprise attacks me and starts to gut punch me lightly as a joke >think its really cute given that Im twice her size and I could probably beat and r--- her to death >she ends with giving me a hug and asks me what I want to eat Anonymous M 308 KB JPG >go the rest of the day with a slight smile on my face its the little things that matter bros

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Anon makes a cultural oopsie | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Did i offend my bf? 365 KB PNG 01/02/23(Mon)16:17:31 No.28032566 >Be me, F19 in college >texting BF (18) about vacation plans, he's arab/jordanian and I'm 2% milk levels of white >ask where he's going and what he's doing >"you're with your grandparents right?" > "Yep, I'm with my grandpa. We're going to go to Jerusalem to reconnect with his childhood home. He was forcibly displaced at the age of 7, as were the rest of my family. We're going back there. It's where my roots lie and where they always will. I'm very passionate about it." >tism activate >"That's great, you and your grandfather can share the respect and passion of your history/heritage'!" > "...it's not history anon, it's the theft of our culture." >ah beans i messed up "Israel killed and stole with impunity of the last 17 years, 2022 was the bloodiest year for Palestinians at the hands of israel's occupation, and for what? blood and lives gone to waste children shot dead for no reason," >continues on > F--- f--- what do I do what do I say, is offering condolences offensive?

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Anon walks dogs and has zero chill | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Dog friends 51 KB PNG >mostly young but big dogs with no social skills >every day is new adventure for dogs and bit of exercise for me since i dont like walking alone 01/01/23(Sun)21:22:33 No.71649565 >be me >currently NEET but not broke >nothing to do all day >decide to walk dogs that dont belong to me for fun >we walk around every day for minimum of 1 hour sometimes even 2 hours >made some great pics of dogs >neighbors are always thankful that i walk thier dogs and ask for nothing in return >>71649875 # : Anonymous That is very wholesome anon. original post 01/01/23(Sun)21:28:01 No.71649614 : Anonymous >>71649565 (OP) # i hope all dogfags die 01/01/23(Sun)21:32:21 No.71649664 01/01/23(Sun)21:46:15 No.71649875 : Anonymous >>71649664 # I am sure they will but then again each of their lives will be infinitely more happy and fulfilling then yours will ever be

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Anon discovers shocking truth | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Sins of the Past 71 KB JPG 01/02/23 (Mon)14:09:42 No.891894976 >be me >be 6 years old >first time going to disney world >i was so happy >one day my family spots a worker dressed up as Pocahontas >they wanted to take a picture with her >i refused >they keep trying to get me in the picture until i started crying >they asked why >lie and say its because she is a girl >truth is her skin was red and it scared me Flash forward years later >look my family ancestry >f------ native American royalty on both sides of my family >memories of pocahontas rush back >nooooo >its not true >that's impossible >mfw Anonymous 01/02/23 (Mon)14:32:29 No.891896312 so rather than them thinking you're racist, they just think you're so gay you've got an irrational fear of women

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Anon busted a nut | /r/Greentext

File: E2FbNCiVUAMROZq.jpg (239 KB, 1578x1800) Well happy f------ new year I lost one of my tesicles Anonymous 01/02/23 (Mon)02:42:44 No.891867569 >>891867695 >>891867702 >>891868558 >>891868675 >Been having massive occasional stomach aches for the last 1,5 months or so. >Only really feel it if i do cardio >Took 1 week sick leave before the holidays >Thought i might have a stomach virus >Got really concerned when my wife asked me if I had been masturbating (I don't because i find it immoral and it's against my religion) because when she goes to push out the leftover c-- after sex she says there's barely anything. >Just a few drops. >Fear the worst >Go to the doctor the next day (22. December) >Says they can't help me but gave me the number to a Urologist. >Make an appointment for the 29th >Go there and they tell me that i got testicular torsion. >They freak out when i tell them it's been going on for over a month. >Tell me i need surgery asap >Get it scheduled for 1. january. I woke up 3 hours ago, apparantly my testicle had died and they removed it right before i got gangrene, they said that i should avoid e---------- for at least a couple months. I'm not 100% sterile and I'll still be able to have kids it just might be more difficult and e---------- is going to be a bit painful for a couple years, and my testosterone levels only MIGHT be affected. How was your New years eve anons?

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Anon is a sensible christian | /r/Greentext

HOLY BIBLE Anonymous 01/02/23(Mon)11:08:18 No.891885391 >>891885519 >>891885678 >>891886026 > be modern day christian > healthcare is evil socialism > be jesus > be perfectly sinless > wash feet of sinful disciples > invite unanimously hated tax collector for dinner > thousands of years later... > be modern day christian >cant even have a f----- in the same building without going a------ dumb modern christians i swear, they missed the whole point Anonymous 01/02/23(Mon)11:10:56 No.891885519 ► >>891885391 (OP) maybe they just don't want what happened to jesus to happen to them Anonymous 01/02/23(Mon)11:14:11 No.891885678 >>891885391 (OP) > be jesus > heal the sick, no questions asked, no charge

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Anon tries Curling | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Curlmaxxing 188 KB JPG 01/02/23 (Mon)14:34:15 No.71663452 >watch Curling in olympics because bored, pic related >kek this is meme sport >occasionally see recommended videos of curling matches on youtube >not bad, actually requires skill >look up old matches and get a sense for how its played >pirate ebook on Curling strategy so Im less clueless >learn game styles of different players >actively follow rankings and championships >go down deep Wikipedia rabbithole on history and evolution of the sport >baffled by how niche this is >see learn to curl classes near me so I can actually play irl >pricey but fuckit >first day, youngest guy there, everyone is boomer but idgaf I jus wanna learn >boomers are very nice, value my presence >drink a couple beers with them after a few classes >classes come to an end after few months, end up buying my own equipment >sign up for a team with the regulars >actually look forward to game nights >first time having a hobby and socializing >actually enjoy time outside my room thank you meme sport

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anon gets a birthday gift | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 156 KB PNG 01/02/23(Mon)14:23:16 No.891889584 >be me (20) >work in nerd store >pokemon cards, manga, gundam model kits, anime figures etc... >cute older girl (26) comes at store >she buys a couple card packs >chat with her while she pays >thanks her and watch her leave >ffw 3 weeks >turn 21 >next day I work >older girl brings me a late birthday gift >she's been coming regularly so she knows me pretty well >surprised that she remembers my birthday despite only mentionning it once >open gift >it's a gundam kit from the store that I've mentionned wanting to buy >gets a hug and thanks her >she asks if I want to build a Gundam kit with her at her house >holy f--- it's actually happening >sweat a bit >say yes >ffw 2 days later >arrive at house >as soon as she opens the door I spot 2 other guys behind her >"hey anon have you met my boyfriends Anthony?" >ffw a year >have older gf, 2 bros and massive Gundam collection

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Anon cooms again | /r/Greentext

Anonymous I failed again Robots BORN TO coom 442 KB PNG 01/02/23(Mon)16:23:39 No.71660608 >be me >promise myself to not coom again in 2023 >fast forward >about 20 min ago **coom again** What is wrong with me anons I couldn't even last a day.

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anon is Christian Bale | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 377 KB PNG 1 Reply / 1 Image : Anonymous 40 KB JPG 01/02/23 (Mon)11:39:03 No.891886972 I look like Christian Bale View Thread 01/02/23 (Mon)11:39:30 No.891887002 in his movie Vice

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Anon has a girlfriend | /r/Greentext

>he says "that's not a girl" >I say "she's gender fluid" >get fired Anonymous 01/02/23 (Mon)20:57:35 No.71662237 [Reply] ► >be me >wage cuck >my boss is gay, puts up rainbow flags everywhere and invites us to seminars "against discrimination" >one day he asks me to stay late >nervously agree >realize he's trying to make a move >panic >tell him I have a girlfriend >he says "Oh, I didn't know that. Can you show me a picture?" >pull out my phone >show him a picture of me and my dog

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Anon thinks there's no sex involved because.... that's what she told him? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous No.66441000 22 KB JPG 12/05/21(Sun)16:10:26 >sister got kicked out of the house because she didn't do well in school so she slept in her car in a parking lot >that same f------ day she met a random old dude who took her in >she's been living with him rent free for the past six months now (like actually free, no sex s---) That proves it. If you're born an attractive female you physically cannot lose at life.

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Greentext Stories - Anon owns a big truck | /r/Greentext

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Lori+Ovanessian-2823.jpg 133 KB JPG I r--- teslas on the highway by merging directly into them, and watching their helpless drivers as the tesla's machine instincts take control and jolt it out of my way. I do not ask for it's consent. These cars desire to show off their automated cat-like reflexes, the sleek aerodynamics in their curves, and the comfort their boring owners have nestled sleepily inside the tesla's inviting womb. I accelerate my steely F350 fast and hard directly at the tesla and the machine takes control, battery energy pulsing through its quivering engine as it speeds out of way, while its boomer white male's face goes pale and his wife is panting hard, lost somewhere between sudden fear and complete thrill of being dominated. Teslas and their owners on the road secretly ask for this and at night they can only confess to themselves in bed how hard their tiny d---- become, and how their suburban t-- cow wives have to wash their sopping wet target bought panties from my sudden and unprovoked onslaught on their otherwise secure lives. I am a male and I am voting for Ye.

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