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: Anonymous 17 KB JPG 02/12/23(Sun)00:00:32 No.72183650 >my dad is a plumber >step mom complains he doesn't make any money >step mom works at Dunkin Donuts >step mom makes $300/wk >step mom drives with dent in new car and refuses to fix it for 5 years

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I'm tired Markiplier - 6.5M views • 10 days ago 20240322_214300.png 324 KB PNG >I GOTTA PLAY VIDEO GAMES ONCE A WEEK AND MAKE MILLIONS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH I'M GOING INSANE 6:55

File: IMG_1723.jpg (89 KB, 950x950) > after a while he answers less and less > buys a phone that only has calls on it Miss my friend Anonymous 11/20/24(Wed)10:29:50 No.32338271 >>32340765 >>32340815 >>32340988 >>32340998 > be me > move to a new city and switch schools just before 4th grade > thissucks.png > first day of class > sit next to some random dude > teacher starts roll call > calls his name just before mine >mfw we become friends >mfw we stayed friends since then up to the end of hs >mfw he's one of mine if not my best friend > 11th grade starts > becomes extremely religious (this happened over the course of HS) > decides to leave school and become completely religious > sad to see him go but keep in contact cuz I love my friend > goes to a monastery to be completely isolated > loose contact as he's completely obsessed with religion and scripture and cannot talk about anything else and also cannot accept nor hear any opinion other than the one his religious sect deems right (we're both religious) > last time we talked felt like talking to a stranger, completely different then my old friend >mfw I lost a friend just like that > ffs today > be bored at work > decide to read our old chats > makes me tear up I miss you bro How do you cope with this? He was such a good friend and it still hurts

: Anonymous 03/02/24(Sat) 13:53:30 No.196821808 >when the media literacy kicks and the giant man-eating insects are actually the good guys 69 KB JPG

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Anon misses the old cereal boxes | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous ori Sip AN UIC 0% F Sun-Pe OP analogus affections For FROSTED FLAKES CACEAN CONSTIT 8 % PU 281 KB JPG trip to Disney! Now 02/15/23(Wed)11:30:11 No.72236746 2000 >Cereal came with light up spoon >Box covered in fun puzzles >Box-Tops you could redeem at the book fair >Go to our websites for a chance to enter our sweepstakes giveaway for a $50,000 >Open the box and the top is shredded to pieces >Open the bag and it rips down the lengths of the bag, spilling cereal all over the inside of the box >No light up spoon >No Box-Tops >One puzzle, it's a spot-the-differencr >Scan this qr code to play more games! W-- happened?

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Anon plays Valorant. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/15/23(Wed)21:21:22 No.72237908 >be me >never played Valorant before >finally give in and download the game >ready to become the next big thing in esports 133 KB JPG >load into my first game >running around, feeling like a pro >suddenly, I hear footsteps behind me >turn around to face my enemy >get shot in the head >dead instantly >respawn and try again >hear more footsteps >turn around >get shot in the head again >dead instantly >teammate types in chat: "dude, stop turning your back to the enemy" >me: "what do you mean?" >teammate: "you're literally just showing them your head" >me: "oh" >try to play more cautiously >hear footsteps >start to turn around >remember teammate's advice >try to dodge instead >end up running straight into a wall >get shot in the head >dead instantly >decide to try a different strategy >camp in a corner >hear footsteps approaching >ready to finally get a kill >see enemy's head peek >around the corner >shoot >miss >enemy headshots me >dead instantly >me: "I think I need a break" >abandon game >uninstall >never play Valorant again

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Anon hates small American towns | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/14/23(Tue)12:13:35 No.894360946 AFE7A3D2-DB42-4085-83DB-F31ECE457025.jpg 95 KB JPG there is nothing worse than being born in a small town >no one around >the same 5 people everywhere >every person is an ass hole >it's all white people white people are the f------ worst >no malls parks or beaches >everyone is obsessed with and f---- dogs >everyone is extremely poor and stupid >everyone is addicted to meth and drunk we could kill everyone in small towns and the world wouldn't even blink. life would improve in every way. : Anonymous >>894360946 (OP) # did get to drop rocks down a p--------'s pants one 02/14/23(Tue)12:17:40 No.894361115 : Anonymous >>894360946 (OP) # >white people are the worst Written by a jew. Ugh! It's ALWAYS a f------ jew! >>894361239 # 02/14/23(Tue)12:20:16 No.894361214 : Anonymous 02/14/23(Tue)12:20:54 No.894361239 >>894361214 # you're a retard

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Anon learns new depths of psychology | /r/Greentext

dreamt a valentine thing last night Anonymous 02/14/23(Tue)16:52:14 No. 72229461 >studying on the couch in some unfamiliar house >get up to look around and find the bathroom >open the door to see a brunette on her hands and knees, who sees me and says smth like "How much does a gal need to grovel for a few kicks in the ass during these troubled times >w-- but ok you asked >proceed to give three kicks to the area specified >no vocal response till afterward, she says "Damn that was great, here you can take this" >opens her mouth revealing a candy and I awaken I may need a shrink more than I did yesterday.

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Anon is cuckold | /r/Greentext

File: Édouard Manet_-_Le_Suicidé_(ca. 1877)(1).jpg (314 KB, 1280x1043) O/adv/ Anonymous 02/13/23(Mon)21:05:25 No.28342266 [Reply] Am I a loser cuckold? >Be me a 23 yo > get a cute alt gith anime gf > had a 2 year relationship with no problems > good sex average 5.5 inches d--- and she is thick af >we had a stupid fight for a misundestanding and dumped her > I regret a week later and tried to get back with her but she didn't want to she is proud af > we still feel something for each other so we continued being friends > after a 6 month break up she finally decided to come back with me > we talked about the dates we had during the break up > I told her I just dated 3 girls and nothing happened not even a kiss >then she told me embarrased that she dated 6 different guys and she f----- all the 6 guys >I tried to be calm but I just asked her how was the sex with the guys >she told me that 5 of thode guys were normal in terms of sex average d--- between 5 and 6 inches like me but she told me I f----- better than them > but then she told me about one of the guys she f-----, she told me he had an 7.5-8 inches d--- >but she told me she f----- the worst and came fast >I became obsessed with that guy, she told me that they met in an anime group and that he was a big nerd and that that was the second time he f----- on his life > but now I feel inferior about that big d--- that f----- my gf

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Anon needs a workout schedule! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/02/17(Sun)11:57:40 No.737628777 >be me. 5'11" 260 pounds. Yes I'm fat. >my life consists of cleaning out the trashcans and wiping s--- off of hospital floors >know of a patient dying of cancer. been on a hospital bed for 3 weeks 61 KB PNG now. >he called me over yesterday. first time he's ever spoke to me. I'm listening intently >"I don't know you but my dying wish for you is to lose all that f------ weight so you don't die a fat slob" >he died today I don't know how to feel Anonymous 07/02/17(Sun)11:59:10 No.737628906 Lose the weight fgt

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Anon celebrates Chinese New Year. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/15/23(Wed)17:49:28 No.72236423 >be me, a foreigner in China 5## >Chinese Lunar New Year was coming up >excited to experience the 7 KB JPG festivities and cultural traditions >get invited to a friend's family dinner on New Year's Eve >arrive at their house and they're already feasting on a huge spread of food >join in and start filling up my plate with dumplings, noodles, and other delicious dishes >feel a sudden rumble in my stomach >oh no, not now >rush to the bathroom and unleash the biggest fart of my life >it echoes throughout the house >can hear my friend's grandma shouting >"Aiya! What is that smell?!" >try to play it cool and pretend it wasn't me >come back to the dinner table and everyone is giving me weird looks >suddenly, my friend's little cousin asks me "Do you know what year it is?" >confused, I reply "No, what year is it?" >he grins and says "The year of the fart dragon!" >the entire table erupts in laughter >spend the rest of the night being teased about my flatulence >well, at least I made everyone's Chinese Lunar New Year a little more memorable

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Anon frequents r/wsb | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/14/23(Tue)16:27:12 No.894369188 >>894367950 (OP) # >watches mr. robot and sees him use tech to reset the economy >narrative economics book comes out in 2019 890 KB PNG >people post fake company tweets in 2022 wiping billions from their worth (the narrative economics book in action) >chatgpt comes out and can generate text en masse >>894369244 # and there you have it folks

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Anon is loved | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 97 KB JPG 02/15/23(Wed)18:56:28 No.72235663 >be me, a lonely anon on Valentine's Day >decide to treat myself to a fancy dinner at home >get dressed up and light some candles >pull out my best bottle of wine and pour myself a glass >sit down to eat my steak and lobster dinner >realize halfway through that I forgot to cook the lobster >oh well, I'll just have to order next year >suddenly hear a knock at the door >who could it be on Valentine's Day? >open the door to find a delivery guy with a giant bouquet of flowers >"Are you anon? These are for you." >confused, I take the flowers and read the card >"Roses are red, violets are blue, I didn't forget about you, you big doo-doo head" >mfw my mom sent me flowers for Valentine's Day >at least someone loves me

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Anon provides life advice and comments on religion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >>34078614 (OP) # >boohoo Jesus didn't interfere with my free-will to stop me from making mistakes 02/13/23(Mon)14:19:17 No.34079071 Grow up s------. You're the arbiter of your choices. Don't blame Jesus because you're a s------. >>34079106 #

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Anon Pirates Elden Ring | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 20 KB PNG >cmd opens and closes 6 times >error message boxes popping up constantly >screen flickers a couple times >all files get encrypted and ransomware box asking for bitcoin appears >messagebox opens that says "jk lol" >all files get unencrypted and ransomware file deletes itself 02/15/23(Wed)15:00:33 No.91548281 ok >download pirated Elden Ring >run it >game runs >hits main menu of Elden Ring and a messagebox pops up that says "not jk actually" >computer s---- itself and turns off >have been trying to turn my pc back on for 2 hrs Anonymous 02/15/23(Wed)15:02:50 No.91548310 zoomers are the victims of more ransomware and scams than boomers now

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Edit: thank you for the gold, kind stranger uwu | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous REDDIT AWARDS (S Silver Spend 100 Gold Platinum Spend 500 Spend 1.800 75 KB PNG 4 Replies Anonymous >>72234255 # Anonymous Somebody awarded my post with reddit gold. 02/15/23(Wed)12:45:32 No.72234230 Did you edit your post to say thanks for the gold kind stranger 02/15/23(Wed)12:42:42 No.72234201 I'm not sure what to make of this. >>72234230 # I edited it to say: View Thread >>72234411 # >>72234619 # 02/15/23(Wed)12:47:27 No.72234255 Edit: Kill n------. Behead n------. Roundhouse kick a n----- into the concrete. Slam dunk a n----- baby into the trashcan. Crucify filthy blacks. Defecate in a n------ food. Launch n------ into the sun. Stir fry n------ in a wok. Toss n------ into active volcanoes. Urinate into a n------ gas tank. Judo throw n------ into a wood chipper. Twist n------ heads off. Report n------ to the IRS. Karate chop n------ in half. Curb stomp pregnant black n------.

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Greentext Stories - Anon talks about how his stepmom said his dad can't earn money because he's a plumber | /r/Greentext

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: Anonymous 17 KB JPG 02/12/23(Sun)00:00:32 No.72183650 >my dad is a plumber >step mom complains he doesn't make any money >step mom works at Dunkin Donuts >step mom makes $300/wk >step mom drives with dent in new car and refuses to fix it for 5 years

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