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: Anonymous BRAAAP/ 620 KB JPG 04/04/23(Tue)10:01:08 No.72821791 >Woke up feeling like s--- because of some s----- tacos I ate yesterday >Went to the bus station with half of my soul >half sleeping while holding the handgrip like those animes >Suddenly heard some loud screeching >There's an chinese woman that demands everyone to move to the back of the bus so she could go on it, with extremely broken, accented English >This was the first time I saw her so she's probably the new neighbor >everyone slowly moves back unwillingly >the woman brought her 5 four to twelve year old snotty little s---- on the bus and crammed the bus even further >Those f------ would scream randomly and use their phones to watch tiktok and play genshin impact at full volume >Knew these absolute nightmares would continue taking this bus and plague my bus ride if I do nothing >Saw one of the older kids as as tall as my butt, and is busy playing genshin at full volume to notice me >Started brewing an idea and a fart >Slowly approaches him >Burried his face into my butt when opportunity strikes, and ripped the largest smelly fart I've ever had in the history >Quickly headed back to the back before he realized what's going on >He and his mother cried during the entire f------ bus ride >They rarely took the bus since I think I did a good thing

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reddit greentext greentext memes 4chan 4chan memes /r/greentext

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Inaqar 137 KB JPG land you protect 12/24/23(Sun)09:54:58 No.91319497 >skilled warriors seen as the main bulwark against dark forces >sons of powerful and intelligent beings of legend >follow the teachings of a golden, almighty Master who created the >sometimes have powers such as shooting fire, lighting, shockwaves, blasts of ice or energy >wield some of the most powerful weapons around >battle beastly green enemies, awakened soulless armies, spirits, undead, malicious versions of yourselves, daemonic forces, and the literal embodiments of evil >wear bright colors to sell plastic toys >be the Ninja from Lego Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu >pic unrelated

Anonymous 10/26/13(Sat) 19:06 No.215457549 File: 1382828761196.jpg-(42 KB, 480x480, 1353212900339.jpg) >My dads face when >"Well have fun" >leaves room >Playing Silent Hill 3 >at the end >dad walks in >"Hey son, what you playing?" >Heather regurgitates a fetus >the other girl picks it up and shoves in his mouth >"I WILL BIRTH THE GOD"

>she stops me, wants to roleplay >blindfolds me, we're playing doctor >kinky but okay >feel pressure around my ass >pull off blindfold 00 Anonymous (ID: zuq0 ITT: Weird sex experiences >be 22 >start dating blonde. 7/10 >shes quirky but fun > dat ass >second date >go to her place >shewantstheD.jpeg >go down on her >things are going well >crazy bitch is shoving 3-4 plastic horses into my a------ >she says my condition is "stable"

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Anon says no | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Dad is mad at me I let mom die L 132 KB PNG 04/04/23(Tue)07:55:21 No.72821014 > Be my mom > Son is autistic > Whenever he is going to eat something he asks "Do you want it?" > Even when specifically for him, so annoying... > Always respond "No", as I cooked it for him > One day have allergic reaction and lay in ground while I cannot move > Son brings epipen and asks if I want it > Reply "No" out of habit > The f------ retard of my son just looks at me while I die

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anon gives someone a core memory | /r/Greentext

Anonymous I got one that I did to a delivery guy once. 10/25/22(Tue)21:30:41 No.18507967 >me, wife, cousin, and cousin's fiancee sitting around getting drunk and rocking out >get serious munchies, call for pizza delivery >after ordering, I suggest I should answer the door naked for laughs >wife proposes I wear her lingerie instead >send cousin outside in camo jacket, earplugs, and the last of my fireworks for secret mission >hear doorbell ring, swing door open with the gayest "Heeeeeeeeyyyy!!!" I can muster >pizza guy gets a full look at me with oranges packed into this skimpy red bra and my hairy nuts hanging out the panties >his face goes slack, his eyes go wide, WindowsXP- shutdown.wav is heard >cousin, laying in the bed of my truck, executes next phase of operation by lighting off a mortar >pizza guy distracted by launch boom, turns slowly in time for dazzling sky burst to short circuit the rest of his reasoning ability >he turns back to me as I shout something about air raids from the Reich and yank the pizzas from his hand >stuff some cash into his now empty grip, he stares at it like I just handed him an alien artifact >as he starts to leave, I spin around and announce the $5 tip hanging out of my thong with "And this is for you, big boy!" >to my surprise he takes it, then slowly waddles back to his car and leaves after remembering how to start it >pizza was delicious >>18508141 #

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Anon was there for John Wick, nothing more. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 83 KB JPG 04/03/23 (Mon)13:02:03 No.72815744 >be me >going to see john wicks 3 >fuckyeajohnwick.wav >20 minutes in enjoying john wicks >suddenly figure is lingering behind me >im in the last row w-- they doing >they come and sit right next to me >I turn to look >issa chick, not that pretty but young looking >"hello" she says >sorta stare at them, turn and continue john wickers >they get up and leave so w-- just happened? Could I of gotten my d--- sucked or was I a dare?

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Anon is a filthy cheater | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous The one who got away 86 KB JPG 04/03/23 (Mon)23:10:25 No.72820205 >Be me >Retarded college student >Start dating this chick >Fairly intelligent, attractive, we get along well >She trusted me enough to take her virginity >Absolutely in love with her >She loves me back >Relationship gets serious >At the three year mark > It's St. Patrick's Day >Plan on going to a party >She doesn't feel well so she stays home and I go by myself >Get completely s-------- >Horny as f--- >End up fooling around with another girl at the party >I regret it and end up crashing at my friend's place because I don't want to see my girlfriend >Wake up and feel instant despair about what I did >Head back to my apartment >Gf wants to talk >One of her friends at the party saw me with the random w---- >She's obviously hurt >Ends up giving me a second chance >Relationship is never the same again >She leaves me a few months later >Nearly a decade later I feel borderline suicidal thinking about what I did >Look her up on social media occasionally to see how she's doing >She's married with kids and seems to be happy >That could've been us >She's the reason why I abstain from alcohol >No woman I've met even compares to her >Why even live

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Anon learns the esoteric truth | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 16872 4150 MBY9952994345 04/20/21(Tue)13:26:21 No.149806974 BB6B0149-59C3-43F2-9FE7-329FE6283F3E.jpg 25 KB JPG >look up meaning of name "Drake" >it means "snake or dragon" >the devil is referred to as both a snake and dragon in the Bible >Jesus's birth name was Yeshua, which translates a Joshua in English >MFW the Bible was the original Drake and Josh >MFW Drake Bell is the antichrist and Josh Peck is the Messiah

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Anon tells a bad joke | /r/Greentext

09/30/18(Sun)09:23:11 No.47829822 >>47829862 >>47829884 >>47829907 >>47829939 >>47829951 >>47829956 >>47829960 >>47830118 >>47830125 >>47830163 >>47830168 >>47830182 >>47830452 >>47830501 >>47830536 >>47830601 >>47830697 >>47830737 >>47830847 >>47830857 >>47831328 >>47832066 >>47832229 >>47832302 >>47832353 >>47832354 >>47832513 >>47832696 >>47833199 >>47833530 >>47833818 >>47833850 >>47834179 >>47834587 >>47834632 >female coworker makes a joke at my expense about something I can't control (being bald) >I make a joke back about something she can control (being fat) >she goes home early and everybody is mad at me How was I the bad guy here? Anonymous 09/30/18(Sun) 09:56:06 No.47830163 >>47830238 >>47829822 (OP) # What was her joke? And what did you answer? Anonymous 09/30/18(Sun)10:06:34 No.47830238 ► >>47830163 # >broke up with gf a few weeks ago (I ended it) >coworkers were talking about their exes (working with women is Hell) >>Anon, why don't you ever talk s--- about your ex? Didn't she break up with you because you were bald ha ha? >Ha ha, good one. Didn't you have a miscarriage because you're so fat?

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Anon Needs to Poop | /r/Greentext

File: pepepoopoo.png (29 KB, 300x250) Greentext Anonymous 04/03/23 (Mon)00:48:13 No.896948003 >>896948034 >Be me, 3 years old >wake up at 1 am >havetopoop.jpg >realize I won't make it to the bathroom in time >get idea >take my trashcan and poop in there >go back to sleep >dad walks in while I'm sleeping, smelling poop >he can't locate it after 5 minutes of searching >he wakes up mom >mom finds it immediately and makes dad clean up trashcan poop >mfw the bathroom was less than 10 feet away from the trashcan >mfw I made my dad clean trashcan poop for no reason

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Anon has a ghost story | /r/Greentext

Anonymous > Be me at 16 > a friend invites me to smoke > Friend suggests we go to a cut > Idk where it is, so I agree and follow > We walk across town and stop at an abandoned house by my old middle school > instant bad feeling > there was lots of rumors about the house 04/03/23(Mon)07:17:22 No.34461039 > The homes owner allegedly killed himself > a girl from another school went missing some years prior. > Last seen by the house. > I'm already creeped out but want to get high, so I go in anyway. > The inside is dark. All the windows and doors are boarded. > We had to get in and out by climbing through a hole in one of the walls. > Graffiti and broken glass everywhere. > We sit amid the debris and smoke. > while we're there I can hear noises from inside the darkness. >Scratching. Creaking. > We shine a phone light down the dark hall but something weird happened. > The house was small, but the darkness inside was deep. > The hallway beside the room where we were looked like it went on forever. > More noises. More scratching. Louder than before. > I'm starting to freak out but say nothing because my friend would talk s---. > My friend says we should explore the house, see if there's anything valuable in it. > I'm at my limit, too creeped out. > I make up an excuse and say I need to go home, and we leave > While we're walking back I ask him if he heard the sounds in the house > "What noises man? I didn't hear anything..." > I drop the matter, and we part ways. I neither of us went back to the house again after that.

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Anon’s new outlook | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/03/23 (Mon)20:24:28 No.72818809 638 KB PNG I ran into an autistic kid while being a wagie also 'tism thread >be me, 21 years old >working a deadend job at a fast food >one day a autistic kid comes in and orders a 20-piece chicken nugget meal >as i'm handing him the bag, he looks at me dead in the eye and says "I hope you know how lucky you are to be working with chicken nuggies all day" >at first i'm confused but realize he is right >chicken nuggies are the ultimate food, the perfect combination of crispy breading and juicy meat >I start thinking about all the different dipping sauces and ways to eat chicken nuggies >BBQ, honey mustard, even ranch >from that moment on, I have a newfound appreciation for my job and the chicken nuggies >I'm serving Even start experimenting with my own chicken nuggie creations, like dipping them in milkshake or chocolate >Thank you random autistic kid

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anon is "straight" | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 86 KB JPG 03/19/23(Sun)15:19:59 No.72628067 I'm straight but I would tongue man's foreskin before licking and massaging the glans delicately just to see his reaction

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Anon is harassing girls | /r/Greentext

Anonymous banned from the grocery store 04/04/23(Tue)00:12:52 No.72817024 89 KB PNG >go to pick up some groceries >at checkout line >foid cashier >nervous already, but figure i will just act calm >im the last one in line, there's no one else >notice up close how cute she is >egirl aesthetic with wednesday addams hair and really pretty >can feel my spaghetti being lost already >she checks of all my items, i pay >she asks me how long i have had my hair dyed (i have it blonde similar to xqc) >tell her 2 months >she nods and doesnt reply >suffer a tism attack and tell her "i can see you have the egirl look going on" >"yea" while giving me a bit of a weird look >"i think you look very sexy with it" >meant to say pretty, now i f----- up >she looks visibly uncomfortable >another employee comes up, tells me i cant speak that way to the employees and that im banned from the store >say nothing and get my groceries >speedwalk as fast as i can out of there I just came back and ive been crying for the past 20 minutes. why am i like this?

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Anon offers some interesting tips for everyday life. | /r/Greentext

File 1248135955.jpg-(77 KB, 1200x1200, Tips.jpg) TIPS Sig aka Jizzy 07/20/09(Mon)20:25:55 No.147652384 ITT: Tips for everyday life. I'll start; When you're given a cocktail napkin or coaster with an excessively wet drink (condensation), sprinkle salt on it. It will cease to lift up with your drink. Get hold of an army ration pack and keep it in your house / car. Especially useful in cold climates. If you need to leave your car in an area where you think it might get stolen, remove some small but vital part like the fuse for the fuel pump. Even though you may be nervous about talking to random people, the worst you can get is "Go away." Open a bank account, put a hundred dollars in it. Then put the atm card in a box somewhere. Having a hundred dollars that no one knows about could save your life. You can throw clothes in the dryer for about 5 minutes or so to get wrinkles out. Put smelly shoes in a plastic bag and put it in the freezer overnight. The smell is caused by bacteria, which will die when deep frozen. Use lighter fluid to remove sticky stuff from price labels etc. A couple of grains of rice a salt shaker will absorb moisture and keep the salt from turning into a miniature brick. Sharpen scissors by using them a few times on a piece of sand paper. If theres something you really need to remember the next day, put a weird object in a weird place. It helps you to remember anything by triggering your memory.

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Greentext Stories - Anon is at the bus | /r/Greentext

PROTIP: Press the ← and → keys to navigate the gallery, 'g' to view the gallery, or 'r' to view a random image.

: Anonymous BRAAAP/ 620 KB JPG 04/04/23(Tue)10:01:08 No.72821791 >Woke up feeling like s--- because of some s----- tacos I ate yesterday >Went to the bus station with half of my soul >half sleeping while holding the handgrip like those animes >Suddenly heard some loud screeching >There's an chinese woman that demands everyone to move to the back of the bus so she could go on it, with extremely broken, accented English >This was the first time I saw her so she's probably the new neighbor >everyone slowly moves back unwillingly >the woman brought her 5 four to twelve year old snotty little s---- on the bus and crammed the bus even further >Those f------ would scream randomly and use their phones to watch tiktok and play genshin impact at full volume >Knew these absolute nightmares would continue taking this bus and plague my bus ride if I do nothing >Saw one of the older kids as as tall as my butt, and is busy playing genshin at full volume to notice me >Started brewing an idea and a fart >Slowly approaches him >Burried his face into my butt when opportunity strikes, and ripped the largest smelly fart I've ever had in the history >Quickly headed back to the back before he realized what's going on >He and his mother cried during the entire f------ bus ride >They rarely took the bus since I think I did a good thing

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