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$Anonymous 01/22/21 (Fri) 19:15:59 No.845507560 >in P.E class >run into wall >scrape d--- >start to cry >cute mommy coach walks over >'whats wrong anon? You got a boo boo?' >pulls down my pants and kisses the head of my fractured weewee >'better?' >i nod 57 KB JPG >mfw i try to go back for seconds but get stuck behind line of male students claiming to have d--- injuries You f------! This was my idea!!$

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Anonymous (ID: rcEmtL+i) Fun Fact 01/23/25(Thu)10:43:26 No.495162041 1.84 MB PNG Peter griffin has punched 2 fascists. sage (ID: Mnplspsu) >Fact Fun fact: Peter Griffin is not real. Anonymous (ID: FOPfkp2b) 01/23/25(Thu)10:43:29 No.495162220 01/23/25(Thu)10:45:30 No.495162046

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1765434598764.jpg, 64KB, 711x718 Anonymous Wed 23 Dec 2020 13:27:24 No.59011713 View Report happened last year, but i'll greentext it >be me, work at a big tech company >leftist ultra-woke usual corporate nonsense etc >i'm 6'2 and lifting for 2.5 years, working up to 2/3/4/5 >wear polo shirts to work bc comfy and collared/professional, downside is everyone can see my physique >i outright refuse to talk about weightlifting/fitness to my coworkers to avoid becoming a stereotype >always change the subject, or say "yeah I used to lift in the past but not anymore" >but i'm obviously very muscular, especially by normie standards >normie standards are so f-----, they think i'm mr olympia while to me i'm a work in progress >i can always feel the unspoken resentment from other ppl tho >thotty summer interns and vendor sales hoes always approach me, plenty of mires >some fat girl on a team adjacent to mine always making weird fitness jokes at my expense >not a landwhale (yet) but extremely overweight, massive feminist, white BLM activist >approaching the wall at warp speed and secretly knows it (they all do) >theres a disagreement on how to use engineering resources >"hey, i'll bet anon over there probably wants to settle the debate by arm wrestling lol" >constant weird annoying comments like that >one day i get to a meeting 5 minutes late bc i had to walk across two buildings to get there >"well well nice of you to join us there protein shake" >enough >"well I'm here now, sorry I'm late McFlurry" > room with a dozen people in it falls silent >everyone staring at me like i just murdered a child or something >literally 15 seconds of silence >fatty is in shock, doesn't say anything for the entire meeting >next day >manager requests a 10am meeting >walk into the room, its him and 2 HR people >assigned 4 weeks of sensitivity training >online courses on diversity in the workplace >mfw around fats never relax

9 Anonymous Sat 02 May 2020 23:09:33 No.24864120 Quoted By: >>24864171 >>24836558 I've had repeated contact with an "alien" visitor or entity since I was a kid. I don't know any other way to explain what I've seen, or what I remember seeing. >be me, little kid >get a drink of water >see bob the builder digging around in my garden through the window >because im just a kid this doesn't phase me somehow, I pop outside to say hi >ask him what he's building >he smiles and says he's making a sandbox for me to play in >next day my dad says he's going to start building a sandbox in the backyard for me and my brothers to play in >thankyoubob.jpg >grow up a bit, don't see bob for many years >one day adults are very worried and all in the TV room talking, I think it was when 9/11 happened >go outside because bored/scared >It's f------ Zoboomafoo from the Kratt brothers swinging on my swingset >But I can tell it's based Bob >sit on the swing next to him, ask where he's been >he points up to the moon and give me a cheeky lemur puppet smile >ask why he's here now >said he wanted to check up on me because some stuff happened >thank him for the sandbox >he laughs and swings away into our tree like a retard until I can't see him anymore >>24864120 >Long time, many years pass with no visits from based bob >begin to think it was all a dream/my imagination >parents think it's a cute story when I tell them >Finally learning to ride a bike >I'm slow at learning things and I really should have learned years ago and I'm still bad at it >Dad always telling me to check both ways before I cross a street, keep forgetting >crossing street back to my house, hear a noise out of nowhere and all of a sudden I'm on the ground >Based bob is wearing an Iron Man suit (The silver one) and has gently lowered me to the ground >my bike is completely mauled to shreds under the car >thankyoubasedbob.jpg >>24864171 Okay, time for a little bit of sad s---. I was trying to keep it light but there's some not so fun stuff in here. My parents abused me and all my siblings when we were growing up. They were pretty religious and crazy about a lot of things, it changed in what aspects over time but they definitely followed the whole "spare the rod spoil the child" mentality. I somehow ended up being the black sheep of the family because I'm kinda slow and stupid and stubborn and I daydream too much. So I got beat way, way more than any of the other kids. Anyway, back to the story. >Dad finds out about accident and destroyed bike >asks if I looked both ways >lied and say I did >he knows I didn't >not sure if he's mad about me being in danger or the bike being f-----, but he's P----- >getting the ass beating of my life >hurts so f------ much and is going on forever, I'm just screaming at this point >Begin to scream and beg for jesus to help me >All of a sudden my dad stops hitting me >cry into the bed for a few minutes before looking back >My dad is frozen in place looking terrified as f--- >It's based bob, hovering in front of him, looking like his OG builder self again >The spoon my dad was using to beat me literally disintegrates into a million pieces >dad's eyes are bulging as his wrist begins to bend backwards >Snapcracklepop.jpg >Bob looks at me >Says he's sorry for not doing something sooner >can almost see tears in his eyes >he floats through the ceiling and f---- off >dad never beats me again If you're watching out there based bob, thanks for the help. come back and visit sometime.

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Anon farts | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/25/19(Fri)11:52:52 No.52918475 >>52918093 (OP) # Not sure if this is funny or cringe, but here it goes >Do my squats 210 KB PNG >Make an audible fart >A trio of young girls behind me are giggling >Try to play it cool >"Hey, at least I got this entire area to myself" I shout at them while smiling >They look at me with confusion and one of them goes "what?" >"Well now it smells bad here so nobody will disturb me" >"Um what are you talking about?" >"You know, the fart that I just made smells pretty bad" >"...okay" >Realize they were laughing at something else >Mfw I can never return to that gym >>52918505 # >>52918515 # >>52918520 # >>52918529 # >>52918542 # >>52918636 # >>52918666 # >>52918843 # >>52919216 # >>52919266 # >>52919388 # >>52919810 # >>52920013 # >>52921450 # >>52924310 # >>52925214 # >>52926955 # >>52927839 # >>52928827 # >>52929379 # >>52929936 #

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Anon has a coworker | /r/Greentext

File: f2649e624f7df7cc56de952ae(...).jpg (89 KB, 735x1040) Cuddled with coworker. Almost lost virginity Anonymous 05/14/23(Sun)17:59:27 No.73318629 [Reply] ► >>73318817 >>73318840 I'll keep it as short as possible >be 28 virgin (technically virgin. I went down on 2 girls when I was a teen) >severely misogynistic incel >cute tomboy severely autistic girl >night shift 00-09 AM >all systems down at 1:30ish AM >just me and her on our floor >tech says to wait around computers. might take minutes, might take hours >chat for an hour with her, go to dark break room sit on couch and watch tv >she comes and sits there >traumadumps the least red-flaggy s--- imaginable >basically the autistic tomboy virgin mary with no friends, no man in her life besides her brother and father which both sound great >half-pretend half-seriously feeling empathy towards her >share some mild s--- about my insanity she gets very nice about it >asks if I want a hug >hug >talk more about family, religion and political views >every single letter coming out of her mouth is incomprehensibly based >hug a few more times >2 more hours have passed, we kept getting useless updates from IT telling us to keep waiting >she's tired and cold, snuggles, almost lays on top of me >hold her hand >we go back to work a while later at sunrise >when the morning shift came in we didn't get the chance to talk much I am petrified now. What the f--- do I do? Is this some ruse? Is she using/abusing me in some way? Should I text her that I enjoyed our talk? Should I invite her on some sort of date? This female restored my faith in females

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Anon is a starwars fan | /r/Greentext

>>184683992 >>184684063 >>184684958 >>184687931 >>184687971 >>184688025 >this was a 10 in the 80s Anonymous 05/12/23 (Fri) 23:29:31 No.184683898 File: 1682065582080353.webm (1.24 MB, 442x536)-[Close] >>184683552 (OP) # And in the 90s and in the 2000s and 2010s and will remain so in the 2020s, Ive lost a lot of sperm to that perfectly toned midriff, a man never forgets his first erection

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Anon wishes he never left | /r/Greentext

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Anon talks to a German veteran | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/14/23(Sun) 06:42:18 No.58192874 ► >>58192921 >>58192953 >>58193006 >>58193534 >>58193592 >>58193779 >>58195062 File: Gauacamole n---- penis.jpg (240 KB, 1026x770) Guacamole Ni99a Penis >>58191016 # k---- here, there actually was an old man in my town who was a survivor of D-Day. I asked him once when he was at the library looking a book for his grandchildren what it was like. He basically said something along the lines of >get shelled for like five hours straight, two guys who were caught outside going to the bathroom were basically turned into red mist staining the cement >before the first American boats had even reached the shore, everyone in the bunker had already uniamously voted to surrender >stick white flag made from someone's handkerchief out of machine gun port as soon as the first American soldier shows up, never fired a shot >get shipped off to England, spend the next three years making shipping crates (le comprehend the incomprehensible) >piss off Nazi parents by bringing back Jewish girl who had fled Germany before the war as a bride

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Anon forgot | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/23/22(Sat)22:51:13 No.68347881 >go in public >see guys that are uglier than me with girlfriends >see guys that are more out of shape than me with girlfriends >see guys that worse dressed than me with girlfriends 75 KB JPG >even see guys that are shorter than me with girlfriends Is "self improvement" pointless? I just feel like I'm cursed to be alone forever, even though I have a lot going for me I still can't seem to attract a woman, even though inferior men seem to have no problem doing so 04/23/22(Sat)23:02:16 No.68347884 Anonymous >>68347881 (OP) You forgot the part of self improvement where you work on your personality.

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Anon predicts the Zelda movie | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/14/23(Sun)03:41:51 No.637150882 >>637149803 (OP) # >legend of zelda movie >zelda is captured by ganon >link is planning a sneak attack on ganon >he trips and crashes through the 118 KB PNG ceiling, landing on his ass >navi rolls her eyes and sighs, cue audience laughter >ganon starts beating the link over the head with his bbc >link drops the master sword >zelda looks in and laughs >"finally, just the distraction i need" >zelda retrieves the master sword in the chaos, and the sword begins to glow. >navi gasps "can she be? the true wielder of the master sword?!" >"alright boys, play time's over." >she blasts both ganon and link with a beam of light, which eviscerates them both >>637151156 # >the people of hyrule begin to celebrate as ganon's forces begin to disappear from the realm >link peels himself off the ground bloody and bruised and approaches zelda >"zelda, i've come so far to tell you... I love-" >a goron smashes through the wall and tramples link. "Princess, I got here as soon as I could!" >"Oh Tyrunia.... I'm so hungry...I could eat an octorok," >Zelda begins deepthroating the goron's giant futa c--- and rides it, squirting her p---- juice over link's bloodied face as he weaps screenshot this, it's gonna happen

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Anon goes on r/twoxchromosomes | /r/Greentext

File: file.png (136 KB, 758x676) r/TwoXChromosomes by HarperPee. 1 day ago I had a realization that I don't want to have a boyfriend ever again I'm 29 and I've been single for 4 years. I've experienced love, I've met amazing men, I had a slut phase where I didn't give a s--- about anyone. Now I'm ready for an equal partner. I started dating someone and I've realized how much emotional labor I have to do even though he's great. This will always be an issue for as long as I date men. The last few months I've had so many negative thoughts and feelings about dating. I've tried to intellectualize my feelings, be flexible, tolerant, accomodating. But recently I decided to stop intellectualizing and just be present and accepting, and it's led me to a huge realization. I've gotten everything I'm ever going to get from dating men. The desire simply isn't there for me anymore and I need to listen to that. I can't date men without abandoning myself. I have this overwhelming gut instinct that I will never have a boyfriend again and frankly I am completely relieved. Edit: there are a lot of very upset little boys in my DMs and comments. This is why I won't date y'all. Regarding "that's not what emotional labor is" - what isn't? I didn't describe the emotional labor I'm doing in this post. ↑ 13K ↓ Sort by: Best 2.4K ↑ Share 2.4K comments Women are taking the blackpill Anonymous 05/14/23(Sun)09:24:11 No.73314351 [Reply] >>73314578 >>73314808 Women are increasingly refusing to date anyone because their standards are so insanely high, these are the same people who deride MGTOW as "misogynist" but when they want to go their own way it's "empowering" and "feminist"? Is it any wonder that western birthrates are so low? https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/13gdt8q/i_had_a_realization_that_i_dont_want_to_have_a/

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Anon committed a critical error. | /r/Greentext

230 KB JPG eight years >Me and friend walking to class >Friend says "We're really late" >Autism kicks into overdrive >"You're mom's late" >His mom's been dead for

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Anon shares a memory from his time as a wageslave at Wendy's. | /r/Greentext

File: pepe-cringe-face-camera.png (132 KB, 597x418) What are some horrible memories you have from work? These threads are interesting. Anonymous 12/24/20 (Thu)15:34:27 No.61537508 ► >Be me >Wageslave working at Wendys the summer prior to my senior year. > Everyone is an a------ to each other in the store, except me for some reason. >So many damn variations of cups for drinks >Group of cups for ice cream, soda, the lemonade, etc... >Same as the f------ chicken. >Walk in one day at 3:00 >Get me a Large Coca Cola Vanilla >Go to the Fry Station to relieve the poor f--- thats there. >Dude flees out the store in happiness >JustAnotherMotherfuckingDayInHell.jpeg >Start talking to the burger cook >Dude flips a burger and sets it in the far end corner of the grill. >Around 5 and the same f------ burger is still there >Start talking to the cook saying that that burger is too old, and cant use it >For some reason, couldn't use burger meat after 15 minutes of being cooked. >It was well over 3 hours old by this point. >he says "Don't worry, im gonna eat it" >By this point, due to the heat, its all charred and f------ coiled and caked it old grease that's been caked to the back wall for well over 10 years. >Dude never ate it >Exactly at 8:55 at the last minute before closing, some dude comes through the drive thru and orders a Large Chili >Grill always got shut off at 8:50 >Manager starts complaining because there's hardly any hamburger meat in the Chili >F------ burger cook hands him that 7 hour old f------ hamburger and puts it in the chili >I start sayi that the burger is well over 4 hours old and to not f------ use it. >I get cut off and told to shut the f--- up. >By this point it was just a charred piece of its former self >Manager breaks it up, doesnt even take off the chunks of decade old grease that fell onto it from the wall, and stirs it in the chili where the customer couldn't see and hands it to the customer. I left the next day and haven't ate at a Wendy's since. This was in 2019, and i still cringe thinking about it to this day. [Return] [Catalog] [Top] [Update] [Auto] [Post a Reply]

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Anon doesn't believe in genetics | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/01/22(Thu)11:45:56 No.70046146 33 KB JPG >be balding >"it's because you're using s--- shampoo!" >Change shampoo >Still balding >"it's because shampoos are chemicals, stop using shampoo!" >Use shampoo only twice or thrice a week, went nopoo for a week once >still balding >"it's because of your diet and lack of exercise" >change diet and start working out >still balding >drive across homeless area in the city >almost all of them have thick ass hairs that sunlight can't even penetrate I'VE BECOME SO NUMB I CAN'T FEEL YOU THERE BECOME SO TIRED SO MUCH MORE AWARE

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Anon wears silly socks | /r/Greentext

File: c000b94e8d41943e4b758bb02(...).jpg (99 KB, 1200x1200) Anonymous 03/02/23(Thu)16:28:37 No.895253690 [Reply] most cringe shot you did in high school? i'll start >be me, 13 in school >got laughed at for wearing some dumb-ass novelty socks once >decide to make it my personality trait to get people to laugh with me not at me >spend $1000+ over a couple years just on my quest for the most absurd socks >dad left cash for me before he died specifically for my to get driving lessons but i blew though this on socks >people would walk past me in the corridor and say "hey its weird sock guy!" or "hey, show us your socks" >would pull my pants leg up as i stomped as hard as i could on the ground to do my big sock unveiling and people would laugh >fastforward 10 years >on a date in a bar with 3.14 qt >hear from the corner of the bar "hey its retarded sock guy" >5 chads from high school and ask to see my socks and tell my date how everyone used to laugh at me for my retarded socks >try to explain to qt that i wasnt bullied casue i wore funny socks on purpose as a joke >never hear from qt again

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Greentext Stories - Anon is in P.E class | /r/Greentext

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$Anonymous 01/22/21 (Fri) 19:15:59 No.845507560 >in P.E class >run into wall >scrape d--- >start to cry >cute mommy coach walks over >'whats wrong anon? You got a boo boo?' >pulls down my pants and kisses the head of my fractured weewee >'better?' >i nod 57 KB JPG >mfw i try to go back for seconds but get stuck behind line of male students claiming to have d--- injuries You f------! This was my idea!!$

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