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: Anonymous 39 KB JPG 11/18/20(Wed)23:20:49 Be prepared guys, this is a true story N6.840387190 >be me >have qt girlfriend (I really have one) >she's a diagnosed autist >she's always amazed by me being able to give her the perfect gift every time she has birthday/it's Christmas... >truth is it's so f------ easy to question her what she wants and she doesn't realize that I'm doing it >she's absolutely not able to read my intentions when questioning, because autism >one or two weeks before birthday I'm literally asking stuff like "are there any new books/games you'd like to have" or "you told me about ... you liked so much, can you show me where you've seen it" >it's so easy to make her happy >I love her Also her mom gives me b------- on a daily basis

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Anonymous 21 KB JPG 05/07/21(Fri)21:38:10 No.63572031 >massive 4chan data leak happens >IPs for every post are leaked >they can now all be traced back to you What do in this situation? 13 Replies/2 Images Anonymous View Thread 05/07/21(Fri)21:46:14 No.63572130 >yeah i made all those racist, sexist, antisemetic, gay shitposts. What are you going to do about it? Cry? 229 KB PNG >>63572211 # Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)21:47:01 No.63572143 Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)21:50:54 No.63572193 Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)21:52:37 No.63572211 >>63572130 # >No, you're just going to lose your job. >Also, you can't be within 300 meters of a school. >>63572234 # Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)21:54:23 No.63572234 >>63572211 # >Lose my what? >Why would i want to go to a school?

Anonymous 12/05/15(Sat)23:25:38 No.28103985>>28104247 >>28104335 >>28105658 >>28105734 >>28106936 >>28110951 >live next to river >geese swarm our yard every year >neighbor is korean >likes to practice martial arts in his back yard >go outside one moming and look off our back deck >korean is in dramatic martial arts pose with a staff >4 geese are hissing menacingly >KKIIIIYYYAAAAAAAAAAAA! >Korean guy charges >geese charge →KKIIIIYYYAAAAAAAAAAAA! > asian fighting noises >today the spirits of his warrior anscestors have posessed him, a flurry of blows follow >one goose dead, one with its wing hanging like its broken and the rest run away while broken winged one flops around honking >korean guy makes asian fighting noises while he twirls his staff over his head >the east will show no mercy today >he smashes its head > he is breathing heavily and grinning like an idiot >I start clapping >he turns as red as it is possible for an asian to blush >hurriedly grabs two dead geese and sprints into his house >funniest s--- I've ever seen. >he turms as red as it is possible for an asian to blush 404 the east will show no mercy today Lámalian 2011

Being a ninja isn't cool anymore Anonymous 01/28/24(Sun)21:07:00 No.913102938 >Be me >Wayward kid of the 80s >Dad's an alcoholic who hates me and calls me queer >Mom's a w---- who's snorts cocaine off of men's asses. >Outside all the time >No friends. >Suddenly meet new friends >Tell me they think I'm kickass and invite me to their club. >Suspicious but don't wanna go home. >Follow them anyway >Big warehouse with bitchin' arcade games, billiard tables, and some kid smoking a cigar. >Other kids think I'm cool. >Weeks pass >Dad still hates me, Mom still a w----. >Go to clubhouse >Friends tell me this adult came by and wants to speak to me and my friends. >Guy says we're cool and gives us rad ninja outfits and weapons >Fuckyeah.jpg >Guy trains us then tells us to go stand out in an alleyway to guard it. >About to tell my friend that he saved my life >Friend then eviscerated by a big ass turtle with two swords. >FML as another pizza-smelling turtle smacks me in the head with a stick.

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Anon goes to work | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: omJpzVE) 07/25/16(Mon)00:32:11 No.82523258 >be Chinese >wake up for work >elevator is shut down cause it cut someone in half >use stairs instead >can't use car because the garage collapsed on it >barely avoid getting swallowed by a sidewalk sinkhole >narrowly dodge a car that rolls over a 4 year old child >finally make it to train station >escalator eats the guy in front of me > 10 people are trampled to death trying to get on train >train derails killing hundreds >crawl out of rubble and stumble to work >clock in at the oil refinery and light a c-------- >resulting explosion vaporizes 4 city blocks

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Not so different after all | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 07/24/23(Mon)16:28:11 No.435630464 >At a media conference ahead of Morocco's Women's World Cup opener against Germany, a reporter from the British news organization's World Service asked Ghizlane Chebbak: "In Morocco, it's illegal to have a gay relationship. Do you have any lesbian players in your squad and what's life like for them in Morocco? Do they yearn to love as free women?" 608 KB JPG BBC apologizes for reporter's "inappropriate' question to Morocco women's team captain By M TAR 25.35 KOT, AJUAY 24, 20 WA >The press conference moderator interjected, saying: "Sorry, this is a very political question, so we'll just stick to questions relating to football." >"No, it's not political," the journalist replied. "It's about people, it's got nothing to do with politics. Please let her answer the question." >A BBC spokesperson told CNN: "We recognise that the question was inappropriate. We had no intention to cause any harm or distress." Bongs are literally mentally ill. Anonymous → I hate Britain so much it's unreal 07/24/23(Mon)16:29:29 No.435630465- >>435630485 # >>435630494 # >>435630546 # >>435632758 # >>435633692 # >>435634452 # >>435634660 # >>435636656 # >>435637339 # >>435640506 # >>435642370 # >>435643325 # >>435644848 # Anonymous 07/24/23 (Mon)16:29:50 No.435630466 I hate Britain so much it's unreal >>435630485 # >>435630494 # >>435632534 # >>435632877 # >>435633692 # >>435633893 # >>435634660 # >>435635024 # >>435636656 # >>435639736 # >>435640506 # >>435643325 #

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Anon tries to serve his country | /r/Greentext

File: img.png (113 KB, 430x330) SNUFFY >"ok here" >they ask for me to get another physical >"uhhh ok than" USMIL s--- be like Anonymous (ID: K1QqujQC 07/24/23 (Mon)17:43:52 No.435650530 >>435650918 >>435651018 >>435651366 >>435651492 >>435651562 >>435651724 >>435651919 >>435651961 >>435652033 >>435652128 >>435652428 >>435652441 >>435652623 >>435652957 >>435653025 >>435653034 >>435653254 >>435653310 >>435653945 >>435654276 >be me 20 something white guy >attempts to join US army for benefits and dream since highschool >gets to MEPS >gets denied for meds I had when I was 12 years old for a month >they ask for medical history >they make me wait for 3 months straight for a response >"f--- me" >finally gets back up to meps for medical examination to finish >literally pass flawlessly due to lifting since 9th grade >has a 81 in ASVABS >gets told I need to see a psychologist because of medication I didn't use for more than 4 months more than half a decade ago >"oh come on" >gets demanded that I need 3 letters of recommendation Meanwhile: >t----- cousin graduates highschool >gets a 44 on ASVABS >has a history of psychological issues and suicidal idealization >has already passed bootcamp since it skipped MEPs and all medical inquiries for free w-- happened to the military bros

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Lost in Space | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/21/22(Sat)05:44:04 No.878562284 File: realityis.jpg (39 KB, 720x480) >>878561176 (OP) # >be me >be yesterday or last week or something >out somewhere >going somewhere or something >look around >where the f--- am i

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Anon feeds the pigeons | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 3zXMdRI1) 07/08/13(Mon)07:54:19 No.491896598 Replies: >>491897724 >>491898639 >>491900268 >>491900659 >>491900779 File: 1373284459799.png-(68 KB, 189x164, 1531531351.png) >Working at Del Taco >Night manager on the graveyard shift >Treated it like my personal buffet >Gave s--- away to homeless people >Fed pigeons extra fries >Start soaking fries in grease before feeding them >They fatten >They fatten some more >They can no longer fly >One day I come to work and I don't hear cooing MFW I find out later the exterminator just walked around picking them up and dropping them into a plastic trash can

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Anon likes books | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/24/23(Mon)15:02:02 No.22301222 >looking forward to date with gorgeous girl who likes me >artistically choose the restaurant, measuring each step minute by minute from our meeting point to the restaurant >pick her up >ask her what books she likes, literally the only interesting aspect of my personality >"Oh I don't actually read much, I've read some crime novels though! No I've never heard of Dostoyevsky" >we both continue the date staring awkwardly out the window >next day she hits me with the "I didn't feel a connection on our date. I'm sorry and best of luck." text Every. F------. Time. 18 KB JPG

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Anon got fired | /r/Greentext

Anonymous RESPECT 102 KB JPG 07/24/23(Mon)19:09:32 No.74145760 Just experienced the most soul- crushing thing in my wageslave life >Suddenly got fired my from my job because the boss wants to hook a new guy up with my shift >The law of the land says that they have to fire me 3 weeks in advance >They did do that >Now I have to come in and work for them knowing that I don't matter, my works don't matter, and no one will miss me when I am gone for 3 full weeks >Still has a terror of looking for a new job looming on the horizon : Anonymous I have never have a relationship with woman, but is this feel like when breakup happen? I worked hard, gave it my all, and took pride in my work. Now it doesn't matter. 07/24/23(Mon)19:11:01 No.74145779 Thats literally the best time of any wageslave job. You clock in and f--- around doing almost no work because you know you're gone in a couple of days anyway >>74145845 # >>74146256 #

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Anon should schedule a consultation with his doctor - s | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Pimple on penis 33 KB JPG 07/21/23(Fri)09:14:26 No.29406852 >whitehead on shaft of penis >been there two weeks despite showering thoroughly twice a day >virgin, so not STD What do

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Anon fat shames Space Neo Nazis | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/17/19(Tue)09:18:18 No. 125832339>>125832564 >>125833298 >>125833354 >>125833801 >>125835443 >>125836507 >>125837787 File: 1575623704240.png (634 KB, 916x603) Anonymous 12/17/19(Tue)09:41:29 No. 125833298>>125833467 >>125833608 >>125833703 >>125834694 >>125834744 >>125834786 >>125834799>>125834847 >>125834908 >>125834984>>125835096 >>125835229 >>125835489>>125835648 >>125835715 >>125835801 >>125835884>>125836030 >>125836064 >>125836127 >>125836156 >>125836182 >>125836191 >>125836237 >>125836242 >>125836262 >>125836272 >>125836349 >>125836432 >>125836492 >>125836534>>125836548 >>125836569 >>125836582 >>125836633 >>125836781 >>125836808 >>125836820 >>125836879 >>125836941 >>125836946 >>125837013 >>125837025 >>125837093 >>125837241 >>125837271 >>125837300 >>125837345 >>125837367 >>125837443 >>125837474 >>125837530 >>125837554>>125837584>>125837679 >>125837695 >>125837715 >>125837782 >>125837913 >>125837970 >>125837988 >>125838097 >>125838119 >>125838167 >>125838211 >>125838213 >>125838233 >>125838433 >>125838437 >>125838452 >>125838549 >>125838679 >>125838936 >>125839155 >>125839191 >>125832339 >Alright ma'am! 26 big macs, 35 chocolate milkshakes and 68 chicken nuggets. That'll be- >You don't understand >That was merely my First Order (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

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Anon is wise in the methods of science. | /r/Greentext

17 KB PNG >Girlfriend stop hanging out with me early because she wants to go home to take a poop >Confront her about it one day, telling her it's OK to use my bathroom to poop >She says she's too embarrassed about the possibility of stinking up my apartment. >Tell her just flush the minute poops hits the bowl, and there will be pretty much no smell. That the only reason bathrooms stink up is because people leave their poop in the bowl while they sit there or get up to wipe. >This is a huge revelation to her. She tries it out, and is amazed. Apparently I am the poop savior now.

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Anon Has His Assumptions | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 374 KB JPG 07/19/18(Thu)20:28:45 No.774817298 >be me >friend torrents black panther, we're about to watch it >me: "so is this actually good or just overhyped" >him: "apparently actually good, haven't watched it" >me: "i bet there's basketball, rap, and slavery references within the first 2 minutes" >him: "pfbpfptf i don't think they'd go that far man" >me: "no seriously i bet there is." >him: *awkward silence and a weird look* >we start the movie >1 minute of scifi backstory, includes a reference to slavery >followed by basketball and rap >mfw

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Anon has a cuck fetish | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/20/23(Thu)14:16:19 No.74099224 This is what a CUCK looks like. CUCK.jpg 99 KB JPG >be me >cuck fetish >ask gf to f--- a man in front of me >as soon as he slides his d--- in, I regret it >break down crying and ask them to stop >man leaves embarrassed Is there any way for me to regain my gfs respect? This was undoubtedly the most embarrassing moment of my life, and I don't know if she will see me as a man

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Greentext Stories - Anons gf is autistic… | /r/Greentext

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: Anonymous 39 KB JPG 11/18/20(Wed)23:20:49 Be prepared guys, this is a true story N6.840387190 >be me >have qt girlfriend (I really have one) >she's a diagnosed autist >she's always amazed by me being able to give her the perfect gift every time she has birthday/it's Christmas... >truth is it's so f------ easy to question her what she wants and she doesn't realize that I'm doing it >she's absolutely not able to read my intentions when questioning, because autism >one or two weeks before birthday I'm literally asking stuff like "are there any new books/games you'd like to have" or "you told me about ... you liked so much, can you show me where you've seen it" >it's so easy to make her happy >I love her Also her mom gives me b------- on a daily basis

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