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Greentext Stories - Literal weaponized autism in the military | /r/Greentext

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File: Screenshot 2023-07-08 130959.png (147 KB, 378x398) O Autist in military Anonymous 02/21/24 (Wed)20:12:25 No.914265961 >be me >21, turning 22 in less than a month >enlisted into the national armed forces about 8 months ago >had the option of being exempted due to autism, but decided to go for reassessment because I wanted to serve as a professional soldier, not as a conscript >had my autism diagnosis from age 4 basically nulled >go into basic military training >had an almost consistently nasty experience; being bullied, ostracized and mocked by my BMT mates >survive only by the skin of my teeth due to a few very kind friends who made life easier >got fitter (but not jacked tho) >during BMT, applied to serve a 5-year bond contract as an intelligence specialist >got contract, but only kicked in if I entered command school thru my own merit >somehow, qualified for command school despite being autistic and retarded as f--- >enter command school, survive again by the skin of my teeth by somehow avoiding any nominative leadership roles, and also having a few good friends >enter professional training, did pretty badly but passed somehow >now enter unit, but still the same autistic f--- >feel empty, no one to bond with comfortably. I've always felt like I'm a disgusting plight to others, and that I only know how to be an idiot who doesn't know how to take social cues or speak like a normal person. I felt that way throughout my life, and thus became very intimate with the feeling of loneliness. >It f------ SUCKS (trust me). I only had the company of my diary to keep me sane throughout BMT Anons, I chose to enlist because I thought that I could change my future and become a man that I can be proud of. But yet, I continue to screw up whatever I touch. I am very socially inept, and I know eventually my commanders will begin to shun me for it. I get flustered easily when I get spotlighted or under stress, which makes me look like a blundering idiot. I've only understood one feeling adequately, and that is self-hatred. I feel it intensely everyday, and I hate that feeling. Will it get better?

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