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My visit to the mental ward Warning: Talk of suicide, health issues, blood. I will be vulnerable with you here, as I hope it might help someone. Seeing the online speculation about me unfold caused me so much stress, I lost eight pounds in a week, developed internal bleeding, and was in the ER twice for blood loss. I would use the bathroom and then lose feeling in my hands. Even worse, they kept needing to take more of my blood every day to test me for my existing health issues that were worsened by this situation. They had to put me on medication to knock me out every night and I'm still dependent on it. Shortly after you last heard from me, I had dreams and thoughts about ending my own life. I felt I didn't deserve to live. That my life was already over. My mother's high blood pressure was exacerbated by my suicidal ideations, and her health worsened too. She was in the ER twice and only just recently started to recover. When I first called my mom about it, she asked me to hang up and call the state suicide prevention hotline. Some kind folks came to my home, I told them my side of it, and they placed me in a mental ward for my own protection. I spent a night in a holding facility awaiting care at one point, which was the worst night of this entire ordeal. It was four concrete walls, not properly heated, all alone with my own thoughts of how I wanted to die. But it started to get better after that. Everyone on the inside was kind to me and didn't judge; they understood how people could misconstrue several things about me. It wasn't easy, though. I cried for my friends many times, not able to know how many of them still liked or cared about me.

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Chuggaaconroy Mental Ward 1


Uploaded by Phillip Hamilton Apr 17, 2024 at 10:55AM EDT

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Origin Entry: Chuggaaconroy Foot Fetish / Sexual Harassment Allegations

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After communicating with Emile, we would like this message out there. Yes, Emile and I were engaged. Keeping it private was a mutual decision, especially through the first several years. After that, when Emile expressed interest in becoming public, I was hesitant because of how much social pressure was already put on our relationship. He was respectful of that, and we proceeded with the status quo. We do not condone the harassment of any party, and the omission was an effort to prevent speculation about our now very separate personal lives. Ultimately it was a personal matter and a joint decision between two adults. I would like to reiterate that my objective with my previous post was just to be left alone, and that has not changed. I was being asked a lot of invasive questions with increasing frequency, as I'm sure Emile has as well. We do not want to be associated, we do not want to hear of each other moving forward- a mutual sentiment as our paths are now completely separate and we want to move on with our lives. Although I cannot be a part of his journey, I wish Emile luck on his healing and his path forward.
Regardless of my clarifications and context, I definitely still made mistakes and learned lessons, as well as learned new things about how my mind works. I don't want to get carried away and make it sound like I'm 100% blameless. I needed psychiatric help for my depression and roleplay behavior. I took your criticism of my person seriously and am forever working every day to ensure nothing like this could ever happen again. It will not happen again. I'm a fan of numbers, so let me show you. Since privately confronted about this, I: •Saw my therapist 6 times before anything was made public. •Completed 11 behavioral health sessions with a psychologist. Continuing to do so for the foreseeable future. •Spent 5 nights in a mental ward and have met with my doctors twice since then. •Read numerous medical articles to understand my conditions better and how to avoid mistakes. •Have never missed a dosage of 4 medications and supplements that better regulate my brain activity. •Have not ever wanted to roleplay again. •Feel more self-aware and cognizant than at any point in my life up to this point. I can be absolutely certain I would never disappoint you like this again. And I say that knowing you will hold me to a higher standard than ever. I have and always will continue to give it my all in the psychiatric help I sought out. In my mind, nothing after my apology changed that I meant every word and was already in the process of making good on all of this. Months before anything went public. Some of these, I learned and grew from many years ago. I would have been here to tell you this sooner had my mental trauma not kept me from it. I needed to heal.
Moving Forward I'd like to make an ode to my friends. Several reached out the night I came home from the hospital. They didn't want me to be alone and still believed I was a good person. Heck, I think some of you believed I was more innocent than I did. It took me a while to see this your way. I love all of you, my friends. Even if you were critical of me, I cannot bring myself to not love you. Some of it was things I already agreed with, some of it was things I needed to hear. And some of it was telling me this wasn't as bad as I thought. I want to thank my best friend Tim/NintendoCapriSun. He handled so many decisions in all of this for me when I was not well enough to make them for myself. He cooked for me every day when I wasn't allowed near the knives. I think you really saved me. Please support him with all you can. I didn't say this last time. I'm so sorry for all the heartache and worry I caused my friends and caused you. I worked hard every day to make sure I would never make you feel like this again and could be dependable once more. I really didn't mean to do harm here, and feel I've learned about myself in ways I didn't know I needed to. These are positive things.
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Uploaded Apr 17, 2024 at 10:55AM EDT

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Chuggaaconroy Foot Fetish / Sexual Harassment Allegations

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chugga allegations, chugga, lady emily chuggaaconroy

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