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000 No.50060599 13 hours ago >>50041236 My dad told me a story from his driving class in high school (mid 80s) and a classmates we shall call Dave >Dave driving down anonsville road >there is a cat about to make a dash across >oncoming traffic won't allow for a swerve >traffic behind so can't stop on a dime. >instructor sees the cat >dad in back seat sees cat >Dave sees cat and doesn't know what to do >"hit the cat" sighs the instructor >cat burns out gets past Dave >Oh good >Dave swerves into the otherlane trying to hit the cat >W-- >DAVE YOU RETARD W-- ARE YOU DOING >YOU SAID HIT THE CAT >No one got hurt >Miraculously no accidents >Traffic is jammed >Dad's pants are passed >From laughing >Dave fails >Cat is fine 1 reply

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File: chainsaw man.jpg (100 KB, 1627x915) Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)07:55:42 No.252911844 ►>>252911908 >>252914188 >>252914377 >>252916077 >>252919346 >>252919475 >>252920429 >>252921191 W--? >> Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)07:58:52 No.252911908 ►>>252913869 >>252913951 >>252914028 File: 06467EB6-9CF5-49FC-84A4-5(...).jpg (599 KB, 2730x4096) >>252911844 (OP) Denji could've got laid. He f----- up bad.. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)08:21:47 No.252912389 ► ok groomer Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)09:44:20 No.252913869 ▶>>252914047 >>252914093 >>252914100 >>252914125 >>252914134 >>252914294 >>252914315 >>252914527 >>252914536 >>252914582 >>252914605 >>252914643 >>252914670 >>252914680 >>252914780 >>252914811 >>252915009 >>252915019 >>252915216 >>252915260 >>252915280 >>252915315 >>252916087 >>252916275 >>252916436 >>252916516 >>252916539 >>252916565 >>252916569 >>252916574 >>252916659 >>252916737 >>252916787 >>252916802 >>252916842 >>252916974 >>252917020 >>252917066 >>252917095 >>252917156 >>252917166 >>252917201 >>252917265 >>252917325 >>252917490 >>252917497 >>252917507 >>252918071 >>252918109 >>252918460 >>252918543 >>252918601 >>252918806 >>252919082 >>252919137 >>252919328 >>252919382 >>252919432 >>>252919448 >>>252919457 >>252919510 >>252919544 >>252919551 >>252919576 >>252919615 >>252919616 >>252919650 >>252919702 >>252919759 >>252919779 >>252919804 >>252919882 >>252919944 >>252919980 >>252920003 >>252920030 >>252920106 >>252920276 >>252920335 >>252920347 >>252920412 >>252920415 >>252920494 >>252920535 >>252920577 >>252920610 >>252920647 >>252920712 >>252921030 >>252921081 >>252921110 >>252921138 >>252921146 >>252921257 >>252921392 >>252921415 >>252922113 >>252922329 >>252922635 >>252922833 >>252923296 >>252923418 >>252923492 >>252923792 >>252924120 >>252924150 >>252925598 >>252925778 >>252925795 >>252925980 >>252926106 >>252926146 >>252926234 >>252926278 >>252926350 >>252926563 >>252926620 >>252926624 >>252926689 >>252926756 >>252926764 >>252926876 >>252926911 >>252926918 >>252926925 >>252927034 >>252927073 >>252927110 >>252927127 >>252927301 >>252927310 >>252927461 >>252927677 >>252928003 >>252928114 >>252928431 >>252928442 >>252928498 >>252928709 >>252928848 >>252928958 >>252929393 >>252929964 >>252930095 >>252930514 >>252930728 >>252930740 >>252930886 >>252930911 >>252931013 >>252931111 >>252931128 >>252931382 >>252931493 >>252911908 losing your virginity to the office slut is like eating the last balloon at a wedding as in, only have you in if only one Donaustk € 12, kwĐH T• MAZD ALİH PF 12. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)09:58:27 No.252914093 ► >>252913869 brother what Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)11:20:41 No.252915260▸ File: doomer Zoomer.png (802 KB, 720x720) Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)09:55:23 No.252914047 ► e: 1266667790002282.jpg (134 KB, 1234x521) >>252913869 >losing your virginity to the office slut is like eating the last balloon at a wedding as in, only have you in if only one >>252913869 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:59:10 No.252920412 ► >>252913869 This is a certified 4chan moment Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:15:48 No.252919432 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:57:35 No.252916842 ► e: b81.png (264 KB, 474x377) File: 1495908995260.jpg (78 KB, 1280×720) >>252913869 >>252913869 at last I truly see Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)13:25:28 No.252917325 ► File: i kneel.jpg (86 KB, 405x720) >>252913869 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:47:49 N File: file.png (178 KB, 404x489) my f------ sides best post all day i kneel >>252913869 >t. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)19:13:15 No.252927301 ► File: it's so over.png (816 KB, 1121x673) >>252913869 My sides Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)10:33:58 No.252914670 ► File: 1683785740614529.jpg (30 KB, 567x496) >>252913869 Damn, this post really mindbroken everyone Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)10:44:57 No.252914811 ► File: 1674008914715180.jpg (29 KB, 680x504) >>252913869 Never have I seen a sentiment conveyed through nonsense with such clarity before. A true modern poet. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:27:55 No.252919702 ► File: 1235316161e7427.png (161 KB, 774x788) Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)18:43:30 No.252926278 ► >>252913869 ESLkun... >>252913869 >The most sane CSM fan Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:56:05 No.252920335 ►>>252920351 File: 1681220115757034.jpg (95 KB, 1200x1200) >>252913869 Anon bravely dying of a stroke to shitpost one last time. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:30:34 No.252919759► File: 1667874544032923.png (42 KB, 289x256) >>252913869 XXXX Anonymous UCDAZZJIVYOCHT_42:16 No.2021 20224 IC: JUS_405_4.129 [12 <1, 300 Audinous 1024/2004; 004:20 > 2225 4000 desale Zaroor A 7841 IN It's because that man's arguments are so right that they leave no room for debate. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:41:19 No.252916516 ► File: 1679679759269336.jpg (9 KB, 302x225) >>252913869 >thread doesnt eat their balloons at a wedding Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)17:24:07 No.252923296▸ File: 1682955308164217.jpg (85 KB, 415x375) >>252913869 I HATE THIS i am extreme dissapoint *forced smile Are you allright anon? Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)17:26:44 No.252923418 ► File: Interrogation_mark.jpg (266 KB, 659x932) >>252913869 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)11:33:23 No.252915435 ►>>252916020 >>252916057 >>252926173 I just want to know who in the hell eats balloons Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:20:59 No.252919551► e: 1683274551527799.jpg (22 KB, 800x450) Neory BonCINII VA; CDT > < = >>252913869 >only have you in if only one Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)16:26:01 No.252921146 ► 4148bc178917d22bf0a75c7d3(...).png (2.97 MB, 2508x3541) >>252913869 This feels like an eldritch being is trying to communicate and spread its wisdom on thots. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)18:51:26 No.252926563 ► File: 1628025425644.png (86 KB, 250x250) >>252913869 Holy f--- I missed these kind of posts. Thanks anon. "cb1100 "PRETEND" ? Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)19:06:55 No.252927073 ► File: 1616620564086.png (506 KB, 709x708) He is speaking the language of gods. >>252913869 beautiful I-I DON'T KNOW! JUST... PRETEND TO BE RETARDED OR SOMETHING! Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)16:06:02 No.252920577 ►>>252920932 >>252913869 Confused reaction image farmpost Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)17:36:25 No.252923792 ► File: 1680879053748926.jpg (87 KB, 644x954) >>252913869 Funniest s--- ive all week Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)16:02:20 No. File: 1647832313112.png (236 KB, 405x560) >>252913869 We got it all wrong. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:55:51 No.252916802 ► File: 1676938237963971.jpg (285 KB, 1711x1108) >>252913869 put me in the screenie weenie

Inaqar 137 KB JPG land you protect 12/24/23(Sun)09:54:58 No.91319497 >skilled warriors seen as the main bulwark against dark forces >sons of powerful and intelligent beings of legend >follow the teachings of a golden, almighty Master who created the >sometimes have powers such as shooting fire, lighting, shockwaves, blasts of ice or energy >wield some of the most powerful weapons around >battle beastly green enemies, awakened soulless armies, spirits, undead, malicious versions of yourselves, daemonic forces, and the literal embodiments of evil >wear bright colors to sell plastic toys >be the Ninja from Lego Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu >pic unrelated

Anonymous 10/26/13(Sat) 19:06 No.215457549 File: 1382828761196.jpg-(42 KB, 480x480, 1353212900339.jpg) >My dads face when >"Well have fun" >leaves room >Playing Silent Hill 3 >at the end >dad walks in >"Hey son, what you playing?" >Heather regurgitates a fetus >the other girl picks it up and shoves in his mouth >"I WILL BIRTH THE GOD"

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American Pisces | /r/Greentext

308 KB JPG old chad Ok /b/ros this is the story of the day my dad stopped loving me >it happened a while back >I was 13 >had recently started jacking off >had a friend who was a 14 year >he got a b------ from some thot at the winter dance >fuckingcoolguy.jpg >asked him what it was like >"it's the f------ best anon, nothing feels better than lips around your d---" >gotta get me some of that. >but am anon, am ugly, am not athletic >have never ran without holding down X >idea.wav >we have a koi pond in the backyard.. >so one night I act on my idea and sneak out and abduct one of the fish from the pond >look it in the eye because you have to respect your lady amirite? >shove d--- in fish mouth >f------ the life (literally)out of this koi's throat >dad just f------ barges in my room >sees me with my d--- in the fish's mouth >I stare at him in horror >the koi stares at him with hope >he just shakes his head says "god damn it" and leaves >he didn't say a word to me for 13 years.

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Microsoft CoPilot Debuts | /r/Greentext

2h 53075044-3 Replies 4 6 Re. 1 Img JPG 30KB (660x574) >Windows randomly installs "Photos add-on" app to my computer >starts making "albums" out of my p--- and emailing it to people I just want to be left alone

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Anon's friend gets invaded irl | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/04/23(Sat)23:46:41 No.140415941 >guy invades me in dark souls >have a fair duel >message him that he is good >adds me as friend >surewhynot >we start playing games together >learn he lives in a pretty shady neighborhood, crime is pretty high >fast forward a few months >"wait I heard a noise from downstairs, gotta check it out, brb" >last online 218 days ago should I start worrying?

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Anon learns how to cook | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 242 KB GIF 05/04/22(Wed)21:03:17 No.68493582 Why don't you learn to cook anon? >really fun >make delicious meals >girls love it and find it hot >literally beating a difficult dark souls boss-tier satisfaction after learning a new recipe and successfully cooking the food >nothing comfier than drinking a glass of red wine and listening to music while cooking, i like to listen to jazz >great date idea, invite a girl over to eat and get her drunk on wine, high probability of getting your d--- wet I used to eat like a peasant until 4 months ago when I decided to make it my weekly goal to learn one new recipe every week and actually cook it on the weekend. Now it has become a hobby for me and I will never stop making delicious meals. I love cooking Spanish and Italian meals. 7 Replies 1 Image View Thread

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Anon puts on a magic show | /r/Greentext

File: magician.png (110 KB, 318x363) Anonymous 12/18/24(Wed)08:01:15 No.79788202 >Be me, 25 years old >Pretty good at magic tricks. >Have a couple acts I put together as part of my magician senior project back in the day. >Sometimes perform small shows for my friends when we're drinking. >They seem to enjoy it. Ladies seem to enjoy it if they're around. >I'm always learning new tricks, but start experimenting with other mediums. >Realize I'm pretty good with controlling farts. I can make farts of all different sounds. Also start experimenting with different foods and carbonated beverages. >Decide it would be a good idea to perform a fart show. >Basically I perform an act which incorporates a variety of farts with a few magic tricks and jokes mixed in. >Tell my friends I'll do a small magic performance but don't tell anyone any specifics. >Friendsgiving finally rolls around. >Gather everyone around and put on a drumbeat loop in the background(standard stuff). >Begin my fart show to a mix of jubilance and horror. >Performed the entire show(almost five minutes) and I didn't quite get the reaction I thought I would. There were a couple ladies who left in the middle of it. Everyone mostly avoided me for the rest of the night. I don't understand. I put so much work into my act, even researching the types of food combinations to eat in order to put on an entire five minute show. I feel betrayed in that all these modern performative art shows get all the attention, meanwhile nobody really appreciated the performative value of my show. Should I give it up? Or maybe I should try again at an actual performative art show?

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Chickens discovered meat | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/10/17(Sun)11:09:47 No.36117406 >>36098782 (OP) # >have a chicken coop HEGRET NOTHING 422 KB GIF >mice come for free gimmidats >have an old air rifle >decide to go full swat >rush in to catch mice off-guard >its very hard to hit a small moving target with a single shot rifle >shot one in the back, it couldn't move but it was still alive > chickens sense the distress and go full t-rex mode >now they acquired the taste for mice > chickens now actively hunt mice >mfw the problem has solved itself 8:0

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Anon obviously couldn’t take a hint | /r/Greentext

Anonymous F--- DEADASS? >be me 37 KB JPG her friends >hate her guts 07/04/23(Tue)16:20:37 No.73905484 >in 9th grade >know this one girl in my classes >9/10 hot asf but she's the most annoying bitch I've ever met. >steals my s---, insults me, s---- on my hobbies, tries to humiliate me in front of >one day I've had enough of her s--- and yell at her in the middle of class >her face is bright red and she stops messing with me >constantly tries initiating conversation with me afterward >ignore her or give one word answers >randomly stops me in the hallway and tries to talk to me >I was having a bad day >tell her to f--- off and die >runs away crying and stops talking to me >find out years later from a friend that she had a huge crush on me and bullied me to get my attention cuz thats how I acted with my friends >look her up on insta >she's drop dead gorgeous and in medical school studying to be a neurologist >realize what my life could've been I'm a virgin at 25 f--- everything man

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Anon clears out his phone | /r/Greentext

File: bouncejak.png (191 KB, 1248x1284) ☐ Anonymous 12/18/24(Wed)08:22:44 No.79788307 >clearing out my phone >get to texts >it's literally all OTP and automated notifications from random s--- >the last time a human being texted me was in february when a coworker needed a ride to work anyone else at the point where you can hardly be said to exist because nobody perceives you?

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Anon make friend | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 399044708 640.5 KB PNG >>399044395 (OP) >be me 16 mins ago >finally get a decent computer for that time (i live in australia so we're always behind other countries) >about 10 >befriend a guy from europe on runescape >we become best buds >he messages me everytime I logon without fail >we skill together >we slay hill giants together >one day login >he tells me he got rune armour >says his gonna go in wildy and wants me to come >decide to go with him >he gets attack by ranger but we kill them >european friend low on health >pull out my rune scimmy start hitting him >kill him >he messages me "w-- bro i thought we friends" >take his armour >block him and logout crying I-I hope his well.

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History repeats itself | /r/Greentext

Anonymous >>63044441 (OP) # 12/17/24(Tue)08:26:54 No.63044459 how do i get a 1x4 inch cylinder of soft material out of a rifle's chamber? additionally, its imperative that the cylinder goes unharmed >>63044476 # >>63044487 # >>63044528 # >>63044750 # >>63044843 #

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Manifest destiny | /r/Greentext

File: IMG_2098.jpg (548 KB, 932x651) ☐ Anonymous 12/14/24(Sat)04:07:00 No.206973547 >>206976476 >>206977045 >>206979316 >>206979391 >goes to "war" >girlfriend cucks him >does nothing in war What was the point of this movie? >>206974004 >>206974035 >>206974053 >>206974054 >>206974065 >>206974066 >>206974083 >>206974139 >>206974144 >>206974325 >>206974641 >>206974663 >>206974754 >>206974824 >>206974834 >>206975359 >>206975518 >>206975695 >>206975983 Anonymous 12/14/24(Sat) 04:21:37 No.206973948 >>206973974 >>206973987 >>206974052 >>206974055 >>206974065 >>206974085 >>206974464 >>206974489 >>206974575 >>206974645 >>206979237 Average US vet experience.

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This community requires title to be at least 10 characters | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/18/22(Thu)18:18:41 No.69860893 81 KB JPG >be me >have gf >hear about Andrew Tate, decide to look him up >really like his advice >decide to try it on gf to gain her respect >be with her one day >tell her that I cheated on her (i didn't) >she is understandably upset >tell her "Yeah, got drunk. F----- some girl. Don't remember her name. If you want to leave you can leave." >she actually does >heartbroken, text her every day telling her it wasn't real and I was just following advice I got online to be cool >tell her to look up Andrew Tate so she'll see what i mean >pretty sure she blocked me, all our friends hate me now What the f--- do I do? She was my first gf, I literally have nothing without her.

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Greentext Stories - To Be Taught | /r/Greentext

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000 No.50060599 13 hours ago >>50041236 My dad told me a story from his driving class in high school (mid 80s) and a classmates we shall call Dave >Dave driving down anonsville road >there is a cat about to make a dash across >oncoming traffic won't allow for a swerve >traffic behind so can't stop on a dime. >instructor sees the cat >dad in back seat sees cat >Dave sees cat and doesn't know what to do >"hit the cat" sighs the instructor >cat burns out gets past Dave >Oh good >Dave swerves into the otherlane trying to hit the cat >W-- >DAVE YOU RETARD W-- ARE YOU DOING >YOU SAID HIT THE CAT >No one got hurt >Miraculously no accidents >Traffic is jammed >Dad's pants are passed >From laughing >Dave fails >Cat is fine 1 reply

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