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98 KB JPG sure? Shoot." >Be me, sleep deprived DM, half an hour ago >Get startled by phone ringing >It's one of my players >Me: "Dude, it's midnight, you good?" >Friend: "Yeah yeah, sorry if I woke you. Could I ask for a favor?" >OhGod HeKilled Someone.gif>Me: "Uh, >Friend: "My daughter can't sleep, could you tell a quick story over speakerphone? She loves listening to the recordings of our sessions before bed, but I left my laptop at the office so I can't play them." >NaniTheFuck.mp3 >Me: "She listens to us to fall asleep?" >Friend: "Yeah, but she really likes your plot and NPC acting bits. She calls you 'dumb dumb mister! Guess Dungeon Master is a bit hard for a preschooler." >Me: "Wow...well, if it will help her sleep, then sure." >Friend: "Thank you! Okay, give me a sec to head back to her room." (pause) "Okay, you're on speaker." >Me: "Hey, [daughters name], it's uncle Anon." >Daughter: (Happy gasp) "Dumb dumb Mister!" >I've Never Been Happier ToBeCalledADumb Dumb.jpg >Me: "You ready for a story about... (DM IMPROV SKILLS ENGAGE)...the time your daddy and his friends went deep into a cursed temple to save a frost dragon egg?" >Daughter: (Incomprehensible happy squealing noises) >I then proceed to spend nearly 20 min spitballing a story over the phone for the most fascinated little girl until she eventually fell asleep. Friend thanks me for the help and says he'll see me on game night. >Lay down in bed, actually feel content and comfortable for once. I should have thanked him. >I am the dumb dumb mister.

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reddit greentext greentext memes 4chan 4chan memes /r/greentext

Origin Entry: Greentext Stories

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File size: 1.94 MB

HOW IS YOUR NIGHT GOING /v/? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:34 No.39833040 Mine is doing good, I just sat down and cracked open a bear and about to play some TF2. Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:35 No.39833090 You cracked open a bear? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:36 No.39833114 >Cracked open a bear Oh god what OP TF2 IS FOR CASUALS Crro Lack

Anonymous (ID: 31kpyf2g) I f------ hate these people 07/11/21(Sun)21:52:59 No.329597517 1d Amen. As a Democract, I worry about us allowing our cities to become wastelands of homeless drug addicts. I am excited to move out to the suburbs because at least life will be pleasant out there, even if I have to live amongst the Republicans. I want to be able to go for a walk without fear of attack. Do Democrats only care about the rights of antisocial drug addicted transients? I will never vote Republican, but I hate how us Dems don't have the courage to let the ends justify the means. 1625859701519m.jpg 110 KB JPG there is no political solution Anonymous (ID: ricZnDZD) >>329597517 (OP) # 07/11/21(Sun)21:55:23 No.329597743 >I recognize that my party doesn't have my best interests in mind >in fact, I can see that my party favors literal criminals over law abiding citizens >I have to literally pack my s--- up and move because my party ruined my home >I wont ever change the way I vote though Imao Democracy was a mistake >>329599805 # >>329600177 # >>329601081 #

34 KB JPG >Be born in 1949 >Don't have to fight in a war >Be 20 years old in time for the summer of '69 >Pick up some ridiculous 11/10 who's hitchhiking to Woodstock in my Plymouth Roadrunner I bought after working a summer job for a month >She's immediately into me because she's from a small town and I'm the only man in her life who's not her father or brother >Bring her home and marry her >Go to get a job, hired off the street with no experience and get trained >Buy 10 acres of land for less than what I make in a year >rent out my land for decades >retire and sit around house all day looking at my collection of boats and cars I never use Kids today just don't understand hard work and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps

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Anon doesn't find it very funny | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 21(Mon)18:02:0 No.15768 How do I cook this massive Wal Mart steak? 2.4 MB JPG Anonymous >>15768003 (OP) # 03/15/21(Mon)18:06:28 No.15768042 >massive - mass - Massachusetts >Wal Mart - Wal - Walled >Cook - crook- crooked >steak - stake- wood- woods I know this is your way of telling me that I was wrong and I don't find it very funny. Maybe you won't find it funny anymore now that I let everyone see what you're doing. I'm not afraid of you anymore and I have nothing left to lose. >>15768066 # >>15768117 # >>15768172 # >>15768585 # @massive.horses >>15768978 # >>15769096 # >>15769102 # >>15769399 #

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anon casts a spell | /r/Greentext

File: Screen Shot 2017-12-12 at(...).png (459 KB, 1236x768) haha Anonymous 04/21/18 (Sat) 08:01:49 No.44836617 >Be me Haha, now that you are me, that must mean I am you, have fun with my s----- life toodaloooooo00

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Anon on the world's greatest gamer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Billy Mitchell vs Karl Jobst 2 448 KB PNG Anonymous 04/01/25(Tue)07:14:53 No.706950484 Billy Won. Thoughts? 04/01/25(Tue)07:15:21 No.706950543 >Ohhhh husbant... You lose all our money to Billy Mitchell and now we are homeless 55 KB JPG >>706950773 # >>706950792 # >>706951003 # >>706951315 # >>706951850 # >>706952353 # >>706952476 # >>706952703 # >>706953016 # >>706953407 # >>706953898 #

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Getting lucky | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/24/24(Wed)18:23:32 No.664830897 phase connect gabe.jpg 347 KB JPG >does nothing >competition just keeps shooting themselves in the foot What is this business strategy called?

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Will never forget this one | /r/Greentext

File: 10673shotgun_shells.jpg (82 KB, 700x466) Anonymous 06/26/14(Thu)17:53:27 No.21721806 ►>>21721835 >>21721852 >>21721970 I f----- up /k/. I f----- up bad. /k/ Anonymous 06/26/14(Thu)17:56:29 No.21721835 >>21721846 >>21721806 (OP) What did you f------ do Anonymous 06/26/14(Thu)17:58:26 No.21721846 >>21721852 >>21721911 >>21721835 Long story short I tried going hunting with my "F--- your s---" rounds Anonymous 06/26/14(Thu)18:02:50 No.21721884 ►>>21721899 Anon, tell us in detail what you did. What did you load shells with? Anonymous 06/26/14(Thu)18:05:17 No.21721899 >>21721908 >>21721909 >>21721912 >>21721914 >>21721915 >>21721918 >>21721920 >>21721921 >>21721924 >>21721937 >>21721947 >>21721964 >>21721983 >>21721884 Basically I mixed 93 octane with rubbing alcohol and Styrofoam and loaded it into 12 Ga shells. My idea is that it would burn all the fur off of the squirrels, not set the f------ woods on fire Anonymous 06/26/14(Thu)18:06:02 No.21721908 ► >>21721899 N----- YOU WHAT Anonymous 06/26/14(Thu)18:06:03 No.21721909 ► >>21721899 You're a f------ retard. ☐ Anonymous 06/26/14(Thu)18:07:33 No.21721918 ► >>21721899 N----- do you think life is a f------ cartoon m8 Anonymous 06/26/14(Thu)18:08:58 No.21721930 ► >I tried hunting with napalm rounds WHAT HAVE YOU DONE Anonymous 06/26/14(Thu)18:09:43 No.21721937 >>21721899 I'm f------ dying. A magical place

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Anon doesn’t have /b/ anymore. I wonder if he will turn his life around. Probably not. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 79 KB JPG >bald >poor 02/14/24(Wed)15:07:07 No.913939024 Valentine's day again... >be me >40 yo >alone yet again >kissless, touchless virgin, never even smelled a whiff of p---- >extremely fat >very unhealthy, feel like s--- 24/7 >bad teeth >bad hygiene >micropenis >brain absolutely fried from cooming and browsing /b/ all day for decades >can barely get hard anymore, all p--- has to be extreme >unemployed, never had a job >no education, couldn't even finish HS >no friends >live with embarrassed, disappointed, elderly parents >shamefully mooch off of their meager retirement >steal their money to buy weed >stay up every night getting high and playing vidya/watching anime, just like when I was a kid >sleep until noon like a worthless p------------ >cyberstalk all my old friends from school and watch enviously as they live normal, happy lives >siblings absolutely despise me, rightfully >wish so desperately that a female would even look at me like a person, and not a freakish monster >heart hurts for intimacy and yes, sex >daydream and obsess about junior high experiences and what I could have done differently to be cool > fantasize about the girls in my eighth grade class in 1998 >imagine scenarios where they think I'm cool and we have sex >alternately imagine brutally r----- them >know in my heart that they're all ugly, old, fat moms now >live in a miasma of self hatred, loneliness, and regret >too much of a f------ coward to become an hero is there any hope for me? don't answer, I already know.

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Anon takes a nap | /r/Greentext

>>16253606 I only get those when I'm extremely exhausted, funny story actually: >at sister's house >i fall asleep sitting up on a couch >gf is sleeping with her head on my shoulder >have a dream I'm in the Vietnam war >in my dream there's a half naked Vietnamese guy in an African style tribal get-up >throws a spear at my face >simultaneously in the dream and in real life i whip my hand up to block the spear >end up popping my girl in the face >she gets scared and starts asking "ANON WHAT'S WRONG WHAT HAPPENED?" >according to her i faced her, and with my eyes still closed said, "The f----- Charlies recruited spear chuckers" >and then fell back to sleep I gave her a bloody nose.

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Sad old green text | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/08/24(Mon)08:02:36 No.921024208 sad-apu-with-eyes-closed-v0-n68pruyl99eb1.png 365 KB PNG >When I was 14 I played spin the bottle at a party >When I sat down, all the girls said "If it lands on you, we only have to hug you" >The girl I had a crush on spun the bottle and it landed on me >She looked up and said "I don't want to play anymore" >All the other girls stopped playing too and the guys got mad at me for ruining the game >I ended up crying in the bathroom and called my mom to pick me up >When she arrived I tried to sneak out but on my way out I saw them playing spin the bottle again. Sooo which events completely destroyed your self esteem anons?

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The first greentext that I saved | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/02/19(Fri)18:54:50 No.13574705 About two years ago I actually got approached by a girl while reading The Castle by Kafka on my train back home from university. She was pretty cute and awkwardly told me that she loved Kafka and that The Castle was her favorite. I told her that I hated the book (not true, it was alright) and she went away, seemingly embarrassed. Since then, I have probably masturbated at least 50 times to the thought of f------ her. >>13574845 # >>13574900 # >>13574913 # >>13574944 # >>13575825 # >>13575913 # >>13575936 # >>13576629 # >>13576930 # >>13576950 # >>13579613 # >>13580549 #

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Spiderbro a real one | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/13/11(Thu)21:50:0 No.302167405 not my story, but one I had seen like 7 months ago. >have spiderbro >eats random bugs and s--- in my kitchen >once killed a mouse >>we live happily together for a few months >one night, go to bars and pick up girl >bring girl home, end up heading to my bedroom >spiderbro is on wall >girl screams runs home >>get so angry I kill spiderbro for denying me my needs >find out from friend couple days later that the girl had herpes >spiderbro knew >sadface.jpg

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anon understands dear leader | /r/Greentext

[] File (hide): b0f39890-3c96-11ef-8b26-8d....jpg EAT AGAI VOT DONA (59.05 KB, 1024x576) ImgOps Chud ID: cdmgCY31 2 hours ago Nº1070635 [Quote] [Voice Chat] >>1070710 >>1070730 Why has he been so quiet lately? Chud ID: jfESeFfN 2 hours ago Nº1070660 [Quote] >do something retarded >fly to palm beach >golf until it blows over >fly to DC >repeat for 4 years

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Anon ponders about women | /r/Greentext

An Are women just biologically gross? Are women just biologically gr(...) 56 KB PNG 04/14/25(Mon)19:32:47 No.80984936 My older brother and his friends used to beat the s--- out of me when I was like 8- 12, he had this one friend who was massively fat, I'm talking 5'7 and 450+ pounds. They would do this thing where they'd make the fat friend run on our treadmill till he was drenched in sweat, my brother and his other friends would then grab me, pin me down and the fat guy would sit on my face completely drenched in sweat. Every vagina I have ever smelled has smelled worse than that fat sweaty guy did sitting on my face.

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Greentext Stories - Anon is the dumb dumb mister | /r/Greentext

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98 KB JPG sure? Shoot." >Be me, sleep deprived DM, half an hour ago >Get startled by phone ringing >It's one of my players >Me: "Dude, it's midnight, you good?" >Friend: "Yeah yeah, sorry if I woke you. Could I ask for a favor?" >OhGod HeKilled Someone.gif>Me: "Uh, >Friend: "My daughter can't sleep, could you tell a quick story over speakerphone? She loves listening to the recordings of our sessions before bed, but I left my laptop at the office so I can't play them." >NaniTheFuck.mp3 >Me: "She listens to us to fall asleep?" >Friend: "Yeah, but she really likes your plot and NPC acting bits. She calls you 'dumb dumb mister! Guess Dungeon Master is a bit hard for a preschooler." >Me: "Wow...well, if it will help her sleep, then sure." >Friend: "Thank you! Okay, give me a sec to head back to her room." (pause) "Okay, you're on speaker." >Me: "Hey, [daughters name], it's uncle Anon." >Daughter: (Happy gasp) "Dumb dumb Mister!" >I've Never Been Happier ToBeCalledADumb Dumb.jpg >Me: "You ready for a story about... (DM IMPROV SKILLS ENGAGE)...the time your daddy and his friends went deep into a cursed temple to save a frost dragon egg?" >Daughter: (Incomprehensible happy squealing noises) >I then proceed to spend nearly 20 min spitballing a story over the phone for the most fascinated little girl until she eventually fell asleep. Friend thanks me for the help and says he'll see me on game night. >Lay down in bed, actually feel content and comfortable for once. I should have thanked him. >I am the dumb dumb mister.

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