this entry from ED made me cry:
Catch 22/Streetlight Manifesto/Tomas Motherfucking Kalnoky
Yes, someone actually DREW this.
Once upon a time, Tomas Kalnoky (a fucking Czech) made a shit punk band. After that failing, he decided to pollute the genre of ska with his unbelievable pretentiousness, in the form of a band called Catch 22, which ended up recording “Keasbey Nights”, a song which created the template for every other fucking ska song to ever exist from then on. After beginning to get a fanbase, he did the reasonable thing that any of us would do when beginning to achieve respect, fucking quit. However Tomas’s pretentiousness was beginning to bottle up without an outlet, and something had to be done. He made a shitty EP with his circlejerk pals, and noone cared. But Tomas had a better idea, and fucking quit again. Tomas’s new band, Streetlight Manifesto, released a album that wet the panties of every 13 year old boy who knew what ska was. All of a sudden, forums exploded with screams of “STREETLIGHT >>>>> CATCH” and “TOMAS IS A VISIONARY”. Once again, ska fans couldn’t have been farther from the truth. Tomas just pushed out the same old shit from the same old ska formula, and gave new names to old terms. But the main reason Tomas was such a messiah in the eyes of these misguided cocksniffs was his enormous amount of pretentiousness. As his ego inflated, he realized what he had to do. COVER HIS ORIGINAL CATCH 22 ALBUM.
--You, reading that
That’s right, Tomas rerecorded the entire CD, with double the BAWW and double the pretentiousness. While other ska bands pretty much copied this album anyway, Kalnoky, being the genius that he is, went straight to the source and rerecorded it, song for song. He then released another new album, but people were fucking sick of him now, and he fades into obscurity.
Typical Streetlight Manifesto fan.
However, he does have some whiny quotes about Catch 22 not giving a shit about him leaving.
Don’t forget, I connect
And I read every word you said like a child who believes he was wronged If you hate me so much then stop singing my songs
--Streetlight Manifesto whinin’ it up old school
But Catch 22 had an equally emo retort.
I can’t believe you’re still mad about that.
I can’t believe you’re still living in the past.
--Catch 22, unable to beat him, and joining him
All in all I’d say he’s a huge pretentious faggot.
New Evidence that Tomas Kalnoky is a queer, excerpt from an article which outed him.
If there isn’t already plenty of proof that Tomas is a fanny bandit, look at the song The Receiving End of It All off the new alBUM. You can already tell it’s a fag anthem by the title, but I shall elaborate. In Catch 22 interviews everyone says Ryan Eldred would win any of the band fights and also is the most equipped (he has a big dick). Marigold is also Ryan Eldred’s favorite flower, coincidence? This song is obviously about how Goiter is tired of taking it in the ass from his butch bandmate Ryan so he left and formed Streetlight where he was the butch and every joining member was the bitch (see: Michael Soprano).
“First we were in love
now we’re just in like
And we broke all our promises and baby that ain’t right!"
--a quote directly from the track which proves the faggotry without question. [this quote is actually incorrect…]
Obviously the above quote is about how he was supposed to stay in Catch 22 for at least 100 years and tour and make CDs about how he hates taking it in the ass every night but loves being held in Ryan’s manly but grip. This isn’t the only track on Somewhere in the Between (of being gay and straight) that alludes to Tomas boarding the fairy express, but the album is too shitty for our experts to research. Please contact us if you can take that shit and still be sane.
The article continues, I think, to prove without a doubt that Streetlight Manifesto gives me a boner. They’re pretty cool.
STREETLIGHT LYRIC GALLERY:
“Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na "
--OMG TOMAS I LEIK SOO GOOD AT RITING LIRICS!!1111111
any other things that make you cry post ’em here