Forums / Discussion / Serious Debate

Listen to me, please.

My parents are at the point where they're pretty much forcing me to have a social life. They don't like that I spend the time that I do in my room on the internet, because they think that it doesn't make me happy. While I do agree that I should probably make more friends, they don't get that it does make me happy. They see y'all as just words on a computer screen; they don't trust you. And they think that a good way to help me learn to balance my hobbies is to severely limit one. They think that internet is to blame for some shit I do in school. I think it's general apathy that needs to be fixed – by me.

I need you guys to tell me that you actually are my friends, that you aren't creeps and are good people. I need you to tell me that this forum is a group of friends who legitimately care for each other. And I need you to explain how I need to teach myself how to keep the time I spend here from being unhealthy. Because honestly, there needs to be a wake up call.

No bullcrap. Please be serious. I want to prove that I can learn to balance myself on my own, and how I'm in good company. Please help.

I think we're all half-friends on here. We're all cool with each other and we form actual bonds. Saying anything else would be lying. However, it's definitely not a replacement for people in real life. Not at all. It's fun and social and stuff, but it's not a true social experience. Having both is really cool. I really recommend making friends, but don't dump the ones on here. Making you leave the internet forever sounds pretty extreme. Just prove to them that you can make friends while spending lots of time on the internet. Ask them to let you prove them.

While I'm not anyone's friend here, I can at least say that some of us aren't creeps. And that we do, at times, care for each other.
We're still people, regardless if we're on the internet or not. We may be miles upon miles away, but we still talk to each other as if we're there.

You'll be fine. My parents had the same problem with me up until I got myself a GF and a job. They shut up quick about my time on the computer.

Your parents need to give you a chance. Tell them that.

@A Furry: My issue here is that I've already had chances. They have a hard time trusting me anymore.

Well, as Sam said up there, there is no comparation with having friends in real life, but here you can tell the people about your problems, and most likely, you will get a wellcomeing answer.

Also, its a lot more easier to find someone with your same hobbies, favourites, and stuff like that.

Here you find people from arround the world, and most of times if you search well you will find interesting persons.

I myself had many experiences with persons in the internet, i once met a really nice guy from Slovenia (never heard of that country? neither did i) with who i had many things in common. Here i have met a nice person who teached me some things about mithology, and had some nice phylosopical conversations with. And sometimes you get to have some fun with people too.

If Jimmy's parents read this, well, the coments here are words from real people, from arround the world. Have a nice day, everyone that reads this.

Thank you all for the advice… but I have another issue. I'm afraid to talk to my dad. Ever since we moved to South Carolina, I've felt very nervous around him. I'm afraid that he'll lash out at me. How do I talk to him?

I think you need to pull out some courage and just talk. If you think your dad is a good man then I think the best thing is to explain how you feel and make it as clear as possible. There may be a bit of confusion but he cares about you and he should listen and not get angry if he is reasonable and you are.

I had something similar recently, trust me.

Okay. I'll talk to my mom first, then my dad. Thanks for the advice; I'll get back to ya tomorrow, most likely. Anyways, I need to finish off a project. Night.

Wait, are you going to show this thread to your parents?

As some posters have already said, it's important that you do interact with people in real life. If you have good parents (it sounds like you do), then they're only doing what they believe is in your best interest. While going out and trying to make friends will be challenging at first, it's really important to develop social skills.

An issue to which I'm sensitive is "neuro-diversity," which can include difficulties in processing social information. Basically, the person who has to cope with this kind of thing is physically exhausted from social situations because they have to exert tons more effort to figure out social behaviors that others just know by sense. You may have to deal with this or you may not; I don't know you and don't want to presume.

While the Internet is a great tool to reach out and know others on your own terms, social growth will improve you in so many ways, even if it's hard or even if you fail at first. Learning to interact with others is like learning a language or an instrument. The are formal rules and implicit rules you have to pick up on and nobody expects you to get all of them at once.

I'm guessing you're a high school student. High school is a tough time for everyone. Those who judge others in high school and those who seem like they're perfect, however, have their own anxieties and their own problems to deal with. Remember as you navigate social situations that many people will have the same problems as you.

I'm also assuming you'll want to go to college or at least eventually move out on your own. While you still have your parents' wisdom, it's important for you to start navigating the social scene now. While you can still go home and talk about your interactions and reflect on them in a safe place, it's important for you to start learning these things.

I'm not sure that this is the answer you wanted, but I feel strongly that you do need to interact with people your own age in an interpersonal setting. That was something I struggled with in high school and I know it's not easy, but if you start now and work at it diligently, then pretty soon dealing with your peers will become second nature. Just try to be mindful, patient, and confident.

From a computer? Fuck no. We do, after all, have a thread called "How would you fuck the person above you?" No, what I plan to do is print out this thread and use scissors to leave just the replies.

I would say that calling us all friends is a bit of a stretch. Instead, we're really a small community, kind of like a school. In fact, really a lot like a school- most everyone knows most everyone else, but mostly only as acquaintances. There are a few people you can't stand the sight of, and a few others that you come to enjoy hanging out with and get to know well. There are even "clubs" to discuss various interests. Except here, you can mostly just relax. It's a sanctuary for a random few who happened to bump into the site some time ago.
What I'm really concerned about is that I think from what you wrote that your parents are forcing you to try and make friends. That's extremely ill-advised. It's common knowledge that everyone has their own personality, which dictates the type, degree, and frequency of social interaction that makes you comfortable. As someone who's fairly introverted, I can tell you that kind of situation would be pretty much a nightmare. I'm guessing you're the type who gathers a few very close friends over many years, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that,
But if your parents won't even give you the respect to listen and trust what you have to say on what makes _ you_happy, then there's nothing anyone here or anywhere can do to help.
Just hang in there, man. Real life is coming soon, for you and me both.

Can internet relationships be just as meaningful as irl relationships? Of course they can be. But I think your parents do have a point that it's important to have real life social relationships too. You're, what, 13-14? It's pretty difficult to make social connections at that age and I wouldn't blame your parents if they were afraid you wouldn't adjust well and grow out of it (and by extension think internet is causing this potential "block" in your growth). I remember when I was about your age I spent way more time than I should've online, but now I consider myself someone with a very healthy social life. I know talking to your parents and having the threat of your internet being taken away can be intimidating, but communication really is the best way to gain trust.

I don't know you but I'm willing to become your friend, so…. yeah!

Wanna be my friend?

Yay, friends!

Actually, that's a good question- exactly how old are you, Jimmy? I assumed 16-17; the difference between the way me and Crimson see you right now is the difference between a high-schooler and a middle-schooler, which is typically a pretty big one.

And as for you Crimson, I would like to restate that what constitutes a "healthy social life" is different for everyone, and there's no good reason to force him to conform to the perceived norm. Obviously the degree of this is going to depend on the answer of the above question, but either way he should be able to make at least some of his own life choices. What the hell is he going to do in the adult world if during the time he's supposed to be preparing for it his path is entirely determined by someone else's actions, like a baby in a stroller?

(Oh, and back to you for one second. As for the whole work issue- just do it man. I totally understand, having similar problems. Ask for help in strategizing from anyone who's smart and willing to give their effort. Also, if you truly have a hard time caring, you should ask yourself why that is. The answer may tell you a lot about yourself and how you see your life moving forward.)

I'm sixteen.

(I think I really might need to buy this song.)

You're quite alright, Jimmy. I myself, I'm 20 by the way, didn't really have that much of a social life when I was in school up until high school and college when I met some pretty cool people with similar interests. However I kept most of my social life at school and never went to a friend's house up until college, mainly personal reasons and my parents were far too busy for me to go anywhere at the time. While I do cherish the friends I had made in school and college, I also like some of the friends I had made online just as much, as they help me cope with my severe depression I feel constantly from my life and every witty thing on this site helps me feel better just as much as my "real life" friends saying I'm funny or I'm a good cartoonist. Also the internet has given me the opportunity to meet and talk with so many people I would never have met at all in my life and become a friend to and that is actually a pretty cool experience.

I don't think I could really say I'm friends with anyone on this site, I know it is possible to have real friends over the Internet. On another site I go to I am familliar with almost everyone and consider them my friends. If you are more comfortable with the people on this site then I see no reason why you should pretend that those relationships aren't real. People have had pen pals for centuries. It's just in modern times that the same concept has been vilified because of technology. Honestly the Internet is just a much better version of that because of the speed in which you get replies. And if you take things like Skype into account then the communication is exactly the same as normal. Basically what I'm saying is that it is the intensity of the relationship that determines if someone is a friend, not the way in which you met them.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Boxtrousers,

Hi. I'm from the internet.

Okay, so the web is a weird place. And the ways you interact online are totally different from face-to-face interactions. If you are concerned that your son might not be developing interpersonal skills, I can see why you worry about him spending so much time online. But he is learning to communicate with the written word, which is an invaluable skill. Plus and minus, I guess.

We, here on the internet, are all real people. We're normal people, but we are diverse. Your son is interacting casually with people from all over the world, of different religions, backgrounds, political leanings, and cultures. You can't get that anywhere besides the internet.

Now, your son only wants freedom. He wants to set his own limits and make his own decisions. You have the power to veto his decisions, but should you? Talk to him about what he does online. Respect his privacy, but maybe ask him for his online handles so you can see what he's doing and saying online. (Remember that online = public, use this to your advantage).

Maybe he should get out more (I should have at his age). Maybe he should have more "real-world" friends. But in the end, only he can decide who his friends are. He can choose not to socialize. There may well be "social" hobbies that will catch his interest – Dungeons and Dragons comes to mind.

You know your son better than we do. You're his parents, and can decide what's best. But we'd miss him around here if he left. That's how this forum is.

Thanks for listening,
- Serious Business
https://knowyourmeme.com/users/serious-business/forum_posts

…Holy crap. That was incredible, Serious. Thank you.