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A red cloaked figure walks through a craggy canyon. Upom the figure's back rests the symbol of the Adeptus Mechanicus. The figure seemed to be in a hurry, as if escaping from something.

I stick out my foot and trip the figure then run away laughing.

The figure does some sick acrobatics to avoid falling over. Fucking meatbags, who do they think they are?!?!?!

Ya know, threads like this usually work better when people know what the hell they're suposed to do.

A tiny green alien you didn't even realize you were standing over says,
"I don't know, they're kind of funny."
He then strolls away, pushing a dumb ball of some kind.

Suddenly, I, an armored figure with a one-handed shortsword, appear and cast a barrier spell on the area, keeping all who have entered thus far from leaving.

Gabe Newell appears from nowhere and uses his secret Steam Sale technique to deliver a critical strike to the cloaked figure's wallet.

I stab Gabe Newell in the stomach and repair the cloaked figure's wallet with a healing spell.

A Milotic hiding in the world's deepest 5-foot-wide puddle surfaces to see what the commotion is about.

It's getting kinda crowded in this "barrier-ed" canyon. Did whatever threat that was chasing OP ever catch up?

It said AS IF escaping from something. Doesn't necessarily mean there was something he was running from. Maybe he was just the kind of person to hurry? Why don't we ask him?
I ask the cloaked figure if he was running from something or nah.

Gaben yanked the blade from his layers of lard before letting out a guttural chuckle. "Did you think your weapons could stop me, Professor? I can only be satiated by the money of innocents."

He leapt into the air and prepared a flying body slam. "Hopefully this will be worth the weight!"

I cast a smaller but more powerful barrier spell around me, protecting me from Gabe's immense weight but destroying the barrier keeping us here.

Welp, I'm outta here. Things are gettin' too crzay for me, and that's saying something.

Goat-tan appears to cleanse the heretics

The figure turns around.
"Finally, a goat's here. Time to kill it"
The figure reveals that it was a Sicarian Ruststalker Princeps, and from the top of the canyon there comes the sound of binary chant, as Sicarian Rustsalkers climb down the canyon to kill the goat.
The goat cleansing has begun.
(Cant fucking sleep without people shitposting on my thread goddammit. Whatever, this is fine)

You're thread is failing, and so will your plan.

This is fine. Everything is going according to plan. Everything is great.
*the techpriest drinks tea as he watches his skitarii minions kill THE WRONG FUCKING GOAT
*Everything is burning around him

So, you could say this a "hot tread?" says someone.
Then, a rectangular section of the canyon wall sinks into the ground, revealing an unlit, hidden passage?
Who created this passage? What lies further in? And why was a bad pun able to reveal it?

Please pay no attention to the opened wall.
There is no techpriest in there. Nope.

*waits for the goat

Goat?

*the techpriest jumps out from behind a rock and shoots the goats with a disintegration beamer
*it was a life sized painting
*the techpriest is angry

*the goat left you a letter *

Dear tech-priest loser

You can wait for all of eternity for my arrivel, I will not come!

with kind regards
the goat

P.S.
since you like cleaning goats so much here's a picture of a goat taking a bath I'm sure you'll find a use for it

monolith surfaces from ground
disgorges an intoxicated imotekh
he vomits scarabs everywhere

"Imotekh go home, you're drunk"

the scarabs are pissed they have no way home *
*they start a bake sale to raise funds to get home *
*they are making donuts out of themselves *
*imotekh shits himself and cries on the floor

"Look man, are you okay? Also, how are you shitting yourself, that isnt even physically possible"

The tea causes your circuits to blow, setting you on fire

>implying I havent taken the neccessary precautions to avoid having my circuitry damaged by fluids
>implying I learned nothing from your little comment

Roasts a marshmellow on the end of a stick using the flames radiating from your body
Implication doesn't always mean its always wrong

The armored spell-sword appears again and slays Gabe by slicing off his head. He then proceeds into the unlit hidden passage revealed by a bad pun, because screw whatever is going on here, I'm going on an adventure!

There is a small room with a curtain. Youre pretty sure there's someone behind it.
The burning techpriest looks up at you and shouts:
"PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN"

• a long line of people are queuing up to buy scarab donuts *
• imotekh is still sobbing on the ground *

The armored spell-sword pulls back the curtain.

Behind the curtain is another techpriest, who is studying vials of a strange white liquid.
"I knew I should have gotten a team of Skitarii Vangaurd. This is what I get for trusting a only a ranger alpha and one ruststalker team to protect me"

Then suddenly, the milotic, who everyone had forgotten about, pushes a button on a small device it had pulled out just a few moments ago.
It causes everyone present except the milotic present to do the harlem shake, and the device itself also blasts the infamous song.
The milotic looks at the scene with a cruel smile.

The Milotic regains its senses from being brainwashed and lines up for a scarab donut.

The armored spell-sword, having some ideas as to what that strange white liquid could be and not wanting it to be true, immediately leaves and gets in line as well for a scarab donut. Going on adventures is hard work.

The socially awkward techpriest, who lacks in common sense what he has excess of in intelligence watches the spellsword leave, confused as to the spell swords uneasiness.
He was just studying liquid determination. Whats wrong with that?

After learning of this, the armored spell-sword rushed back in and drank the white liquid. Thankfully, it was not what he hoped it wasn't.

"WTF I WAS STUDYING THAT YOU PRICK"

The spell-sword goes, "yes, I know. Your point is?" and walks out nonchalantly.

The techpriest thinks of something quickly
"It was laced with CANCER THREADS"

Fortunately, the internet had not been invented yet, so the cancerous growths had no ability to grow within the armored spell-sword. He then left the techpriest to continue researching whatever the hell he was before he messed him up.

In the middle of all this, a tree has appeared. It silently judges its surroundings and begins emanating its powerful aura.

I put on my robe & wizard hat.

Some random nerdy kid appeared and yelled out to the heavens:
"Hey! Can we have the thread title updated?"

A pile of ooze in the corner laughs at how derailed this thread has become.

The nerdy kid waits but gets no reply.
"Fuck it, Im moving this derailed thread to a new one. Hey guys! Follow me to RP shitposting general!"