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When I was a little kid, I set the carpet on fire in my house and blamed it on my older sister. My parents still don't know it was me.

I did a 4 week cycle of prohormones a couple months ago to gain ten pounds.

I don't think I would do it again though. Nothing bad happened at all, I just don't think I'll do it again.

I took all of my KYM image gallery submissions that had received positive feedback and reposted them on FunnyJunk.

The results were so catastrophic that I deleted my FunnyJunk account 45 minutes later.

I used to shove things that I like into other peoples throats. God, I'm such a faget.

I've failed 3/6 college semesters I've taken. And by failed I mean my GPA was less than 1 most of them.

I used to be a zealous young-earth creationist and evolution denier when I was a kid.

…Then I started using the internet. Lets just say I had that line of thinking bitch-slapped out of me

I almost got committed in my freshmen year of high school when I managed to convince some of my schoolmates, friends, and parents that I was a sociopath. It was all just a ruse to mess with people, but needless to say it kinda got out of hand. Some of them still question my mental state.

Whenever I watch Family Feud, I always secretly hope that the white families lose.

I'm more sexually frustrated than perverted.

Sounds like an epic troll… Nice.

Whenever I talk to people, I rarely look at them in the eye because I fear that my curiosity will make me follow them up to an uncomfortable level.
Also my IRL gaze is pretty terrifying.

I have no job and live off of my parents. I'm having trouble finding work because I have severe social anxiety, so I play video games all day and do some college stuff. I rarely leave the house except to go to class.

In other words, I'm kind of a useless shut-in.

Same here, except I'm out of college and I have a job. I'm working at the same fast food restaurant I've been working at for almost seven years. SEVEN YEARS. I need to find a new job.

How? Cat turd don't look like carrot.

I've got an exam in two days and haven't been revising like I planned to… ._.

@Crash
If you think I’m lying, you sadly do not know me.

Dude, you gotta slow down, at this rate you'll wear yourself out! Gotta take it easy on the "little guy", y'know?

I've been told that when I stare at someone it looks as if I want to kill them. I remember very clearly that I was thinking about pistachios at the time my friend told me that.

Also, unless you ask someone the following questions, your curiosity will never be on an uncomfortable level:
- How to pigeons have sex?
- How to snakes have sex?

I've been asked these questions by a girl I had a crush on in secondary school… who knew I liked her.

Tomorrow I have a solo for the schools chorus concert. The whole school will be there and I have a solo meant for a soprano. I'm a tenor and I've spent most of the night thinking of a way to make this sound good.

@Crash

Dude, you gotta slow down, at this rate you’ll wear yourself out! Gotta take it easy on the “little guy”, y’know?

I don't know what you are talking about. What am I going too fast for?

Just do what a guy did in my junior high. Guy with a solo got sick the day before the school concert, so we reassigned the part. When it came time the soloist pulled this move.

He got detention for the next day or so, but it was so worth it.

Sorry, accidental downvote. >.< Please give this guy an upvote.
- – -
Confession: I was an emo four years back.

I am a chicken shit!

I have a crippling fear of heights. Whenever I go up stairs I have to look up and I can't go down stairs without holding on to someone. One time when I was 12 my mother had to grab my hand and pull me me up a flight of stairs when we went to see someone about my acrophobia. Not only did the sessions fail but I think I became even more afraid of heights…

I'm also afraid of fire. Whenever I see a lit candle I want to blow it out right away. It took me a couple years before I had the bravery to cook on the stove. I still wish my family would stop using candles for my birthday cakes but I don't want to sound like a pussy in front of Crow (and if you see this I swear if you tell anyone I will rip your "chicken" off and feed it to you in the form of noodle soup!).

I am also afraid of blood. I feel weak and nauseous if I see someone else bleed. I feel I'll end up fainting from the sight of it someday. It's a shame too, I've been told I could make a great veterinarian…

\@BSOD: Getting "worn out" from sleeping with more than one person at the same time.
Just a dumb little joke, was trying to make a funny remark and get some humor out of it so you wouldn't think I was judging you or anything like that.
Sorry, shouldn't have said anything…

"Dad, how to squids have sex?"

"Oh, son, the same way that I have sex: with squids."

@Crash

Oh don't worry. In a threesome, it's more like you get two people working together to give you a climax rather than getting it off twice with two people in a row. So I was at no risk of wearing myself out.

I know you aren't judging, I just didn't catch the joke is all. It's all cool.

@Littlebluedragon
HA! A friend of mine has the EXACT SAME PROBLEM: Fear to blood. I remember that in the high school my face was fricking covered in acne..from every kind such as black dots filled with pus. I dont want to get very descriptive here, the point is that I used to get rid of these things in my classroom so my face was always covered in blood most of the time…and with this friend of mine..hilarious results.
Bonus points, he wants to be a surgeon now.
Me on the other hand..

Okay, I'll admit it, I used to like Justin Bieber and Jonas Brothers for a few months in 2010

WHAT THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH ME BACK THEN

It looked kinda orange and was buried in the ground. I didn't try to eat it or anything so there's that at least.

@owens

I'm kinda in the same situation. I'm still looking into what kinda jobs would be right for me and I'd like to move out but I worry about my parents. They're not aging well and they need me around most of the time to help them with stuff.

I've had the nail of the big toe of my left foot removed three times.

Besides that, I used to have claustrophobia but I managed to destroy it… but then it got replaced by vertigo.

@Necro
Ohh god… I can just imagine the nail thing.

Anyways, sometimes wake up in a different location than from my bedroom. Last time this happened I woke up in the hallway of my house. What the hell is wrong with me?

I really fear becoming a useless piece of shit and not being able to do anything when I graduate college. Sometimes I think about it all night, wondering if I'll be able to find a decent job and start a family. I try to tell myself I'm still young, but I can't help but feel time is running out.

I really hate KYM

You're far from alone, bro.

Even if one graduates from Harvard with a masters in theoretical physics and quantum mechanics, the econony is so bad right now, there's no reasonable assurance of landing a job, much less a high pay job.

I know that's a terrible consolation but know you're not alone.

WE HAVE FOUND KYM HATER

I worry I might be a sociopath since I lack emotional connects with others, totally fail to understand the concept of romantic love, and only show sadness for the death of family members when it directly impacts the routine that I've established. Thus, I have to adopt somewhat of a facade in my daily life.

…wait, this was supposed to be a comedic confession thread? Shit.

It was buried in ground? Cat's turd is being to liter box for cat poops

I made you a cookie, but it fell into a black hole.

Don't we all?

I've been hitting the gym to vent the frustration of being romantically attracted to my best friend's girlfriend. I've almost completely gotten over her, she and I are very good friends, I look and feel better, and I have made gains. feels good, man.

I can't drive 95 (because I can only go 88)

Why? Tell me more.

Turns out DeLoreans can apparently only reach 50mph when they go up a hill, and to get to my house you have to drive up this massive hill.

It doesn't look that steep on photographs though

My username is "thegreato" because my real name is Owen

Back in 2009, I had a Sonic OC who was a recolor of Rouge the Bat.

Along time ago, back in LittleBigPlanet, I used to date with a PSN user, named MidnightRayn; she was a brony [reason I became one]. One night, she told me she was raped, and then I cried. She told to not to cry and hugged my Sackboy and I became in love with her.

When ever Rayn begins playing LBP, I would often visit her pod if I get a chance or sometimes she visits me. We had conversations about our daily lives.

Throughout the past 9 months, Rayn had given birth to a newborn child. I felt happy hearing about it. But later, she typed on a subtitle above her gamertag "stillborn". I didn't know what it means until I realize her child was born dead. …It was a catastrophe. I tried helping her feel better but she wanted to kill herself. At least she recovered from the incident, but now she hates guys and how they're perverted and sexually frustrated. After everything we've done, she left PSN and we never talk to each other again.

Man… After all of this, I felt disgusted to myself and realized internet dating is wrong and I began believing everything was all just a fake.

Also seeing this forum was just for fun to me:

I was just walking down the street one day and some guy was following me for quite a while, kept on annoying me and begging for food. I kept telling him that I had no food to give him and told him to get lost. He kept bugging me and just wouldn't stop until I finally stopped and turned around and beat him to death with a baseball bat. I immediately regretted my actions, especially after his friends showed up so I ran away from the scene and never looked back. Worst part? I got away with it completely, no consequences either way. I think that's what makes it so hard for me to be able to do something so evil but get away with nothing more than regret.

DayZ is one hell of a game.

Maybe people who have been here long enough does, yeah.
But not everyone.

I actually would like to serve the Gods of Chaos….and I've never played the tabletop games.