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Everyone knows that Captain Blubber is the king of comedy on kym.
Few have dared to challenge his rule,and none have succeeded.
Today, TRISTAN will attempt to bring down the throne,in the form of…
A PUN OFF.

Oh, deer. What the buck? A pun off? Fawn over my pun-derful skills.

I bet that the Captain will be making his own joke of sorts (like he always does) to put everyone else back in their own proverbial places on the KYM comedic step-ladder (which are right below his eagle's peak) once he sees this thread.

A lot of people are funny on KYM but Blubber is truly the king of comedy. Though, out of all the jokes told, I especially have to give credit to Dave Davidson for this as it was almost as awesome as one of Blubber's posts:

Makes me wonder what other KYM royal titles there are floating about.

Brad Kim – King of entry improving

@Watcher

Sorry to the guy, but I would have to disagree with that. I believe that that role belongs to Chris Menning.

Jamie Wilkinson, on the other hand, would be King of KYM himself (as proven by our lovable story).

@Jostin I'm afraid i'm to good to be afraid of the captain-I graduated from a school filled with venomous snakes,but i'll give you one thing,it did take away my ability to unwind.

Our one cross eyed teacher had trouble with the crazy pupils

But the english teacher kept the class spell bound.

We had an amputee teacher who taught everything.Everything plant related,everything Botony.

He taught us about mushrooms, and studying them molded our minds into shape.

He taught botony because he couldnt teach anything else.His math didnt add up.

And he and the other science teachers just had no chemistry.

Even teachig social studies,he couldnt motivate people-the globe in his room was thrown away,nevermind meaning the world to him.

I actually managed to use Punzy McHale's giant sandwich pun combo at school once.

The results? Stunned silence.

Well, first off, thanks for making this thread during the hours I'm asleep.

You've successfully made me look like a wuss.

But, I'm here now so strap yourself in bro, because this is going to be messy.

I used to own a styling salon for pets. It was called "Braid and Groom".My memory is a bit fuzzy but we made made a lot of scratch.

We had a specialist on birds, his name was Jay. He always smelled fowl and he was always a little peckish. But he ducked out of the business fairly soon, it seems he couldn't put up with all the bills. We hear he had a religious epiphany and he's now a cardinal out in the Canary Islands, he's as happy as a lark.

Small mammals were handled by Lemmy and Ming. He was a dirty rat with a gross mole on his face. She was a shrew who would badger me for more money. But when I caught them with one of my galoshes full of cash, I had to give them the boot.

Large mammals were handled by Moose. I always found him overbearing. He would have a cow if anyone as horsing around in his office. We all gnu he wasn't going to last long. He quit because he found it *boar*ing.

Felines were handled by *Cat*hy. I fired her early on because she would send me dirty lynx in e-mails. What a cougar.

Canines were handled by Doug. He had it ruff. He would come to work dog tired, he would whine that his girlfriend will never collie him again because he broke her car's subwoofer and now he's in the dog house. He left mysteriously, probably to become a bounty hunter.

Insects were handled by Harold. Who the hell has insects for pets?

As you can see, I work at a real zoo!

The ball is in your court, Tristan.

Animal puns,eh? Well I guess I'll come back with puns about people,so please lend an ear and listen.

Fingernails can grow up to yards in length,so cut them before they get out of hand

But long nails can be helpful if your a builder.

Speaking of builders,did you know that I hurt my head on a rock the other day?

That happened to my friend Chad the other day,he got hit in the eye and couldnt see straight for days!

My eyes are great. I can'teven see myself being away from them.

The other day I decided to sit down on a pile of knives.In hindsight,that wasnt a good idea.

My friends visited me in the hospital after that,and since my body was hidden under a sheet,they tried to be nice and compliment my hair-you could say it got to my head.

After a while,in the hospital bed, I got tired of sleeping

So I got released *ear*ly,Them saying I could go sounded great.

The first thing I did was go to the libary,I swear if Isee another twilight fanatic,the necks one will end up in a coffin

Speaking of coffin,the medicine I got was giving me a bad coff,so I went home to relax.

Shortly afterwards,I noticed I had very pore skin.

When the day couldnt get any worse,I slipped through my second story window,but then I *fell*t better!

So face it Blubber,and hand me the title.Eye can see you are getting *tire*d so roll on outta here,*bee*cauzzzze i'm the big cheese with puns because i'm just that gouda at it.Your *waist*ing your time,you being the king will soon be a tall tale.
So purse your lips and coin a slogan,you'll need it to bee t me,buzzzz ter.

Come on Tristan, bring your A game.

This will B over soon, I can for-C it.

Your D-feat will be E-sier on you if you just F off now.

I mean G-sus, your jokes are so old they're H-ient.

I don't know why you aren't in J-il because your terrible puns are basically K-ruelty.

Why the He-L are you doing trying to fight me?

You are going to lose soon, it is M-N-int.

I saw your post and I was like "O boy, P-ple puns, how lame."

Now, Q the ending music, because you R going to get your little S-capade put to an end.

I know this is getting T-dious for U, and I don't want to V-r off course.

I W in both wit, intellect and X-pertise, so Y do you want to fight?

Tristan, give up, catch a few Zs, I'm going to be #1.

^
I lol'd

OH. SNAP.
Blubber is a beast.

The other day, I saw a forklift pick up a crate full of forks, and it was way too literal for me.

I'm so sorry I had to do this Blubber.
You left me no choice.

I've RED those jokes in bathroom stalls.

ORANGE you going to try harder?!

I've already given you the GOLD shoulder.

They're so bad after I read them my head BLUE up.

If you can't get a people to hear your puns, why not YELLOW they hear,but mine are better.

So don't PURPLE sly tell bad puns, it makes my ears hurt.

They are so bad it makes me want to DYE.

You can't sway me,i'm like an Ever- GREEN

Maybe puns ain't your thing,I suppose you could win if you used alot of BLACK mail.

It sucks that this is the internet,otherwise you could use some WHITE out and rewrite the puns.

Even looking at thosejokes gave me some nasty PINK eye

So get real, Blubber. Or I'll arrange a RAINBOW of COLORFUL language on your face.

Beeeeetch, I'm just getting warmed up.

Iran to my computer to see what was up.

I opened my inbox and I was like "Kenya believe this kid's still trying?"

Israel cool that your trying Togo and beat me. But you know I'll kick Djibouti in the end.

Iraq up points and you're like "Canada-mb guy get a break?"

The way you Russia your posts, Jamaica grown man cry in disappointment.

It's Sweden sour that I have to give you this Laos.

There is Norway you will win.

So tell me, Uganda give up or do you want Samoa beatings?

Oh man, this is the battle for the ages. I love this.

OOOOHHHH SNAP!

COME ON EVERY ONE!
PLACE YER BETS RIGHT HERE!
COME ON DOWN TO SEE THE GREATEST PUN OFF OF THE CENTURY!
WHO WILL WIN?

FIND OUT AS NEWCOMER TRISTAN FACES OFF AGAINST THE REIGNING CHAMPION CPT. BLUBBER!

TAKIN BETS HERE!

NUFFIN OVER TWO DIGITS PLEASE!

Country puns?
How about something that'll fill people up?
So,my blubbery friend…
Do you carrot all for me?
Lettuce make peas and settle that I am the pun pernickle king.
Even though weed not be a pear of kings,there can still be only one,which would be me.
Stop relishing yourself to be the king,it's time the torch got passed.
you are no longer the pun hero,all of the puns you have are bologna.
Really, you have acorn-y list of jokes,and you sauce up the stories.
After all,my heart beets puns,whereas your puns are;
Dry
Flakey
And above all, rotten.
SO EAT it Blub!
You just got served

Let's leave Flapjack on the TV, shall we?

Epic thread is epic.

EDIT: This had better get a mention in the next episode.

Time for the Coup de grâce.

We both know that soon, i'll have 1 the contest.
2 give it up now would be a wise idea.
How about I put you out of your Mise 3 ?
I 4 see a slow and painful loss if you do not give up.
In fact,it'll be a mircale it you left a 5
So just throw in the towel now,you look pretty green. Maybe losing makes you 6 ?
C'mon,it's like watching a *7*'d head roll around.
Do you H 8 being the loser of our little game?
This is the mercy killing pun,like killing a rabid ca 9.
After all,you seem 10 nse.

First off, pun check.

Tristan: 74

Captain Blubber: 69

Remember Tristan has 2 more pun posts then me.

Now.

Buckle your bad self in for:

CAPTAIN BLUBBER PUNS WITH 47 STATES (North and South states have joined an no West Virginia, sorry)!

This epic pun tie Wisconsin-glehandly make me win goes like this:

Ohio, Hawaii doing Tristan?

Utah-k about beating me but you will lose.

"Wyoming-onna lose?" you say?

For one, your puns are like those of Curious Georgia monkey for Crist's sake.

Plus your form is lame like a female pacifist, a Missisippi, if you will.

If you can't out-pun a Pennsylvania never gonna out-pun me.

Alabama you in the mouth if you think your victory is even possible. My punch will Connect,icut your nose up.

You face is the Colorado-s stop signs, red with embarrassment.

And I am Delaware of you making 2 posts before I make 1. Nevada that again.

The Maine point of this thread was integrity, but you flunked that.

You New Hampshire that was against Dakota conduct but you did it anyway.

I mean I New York-razy but not CHEATING crazy.

Idaho-ld a grudge if this contest wasn't already in my favour.

People wonder "In a pun w-Arkansas-ss beat actual wit?" Kansas-ss ever beat true wit? No way.

I phoned Montana m'uncle, the Anna's, Indiana and Louisiana they said you should give up, they are good people, listen to them.

That voice of yours, so shr-Illinois me.

You try but no one seems to Car,-olina cocaine may make you forget your problem.

Maybe you could leave the country, find a New Mexico family, then work for an American resturant Washington-s of dishes.

Now get THIS Minn(me)esota, a Coke to celebrate my victory. Get me a New Jersey that says King, because my current won is getting worn out.

Look at the other KYMers Vermont Blubber's side they are against Tristan. These f-Olklahoma crowd, they cheer for me.

Your parents Kentuckey you into bed now, it's over.

For my victory dance, I'll shake Massachu.-sets-xy beast that I am.

Now I'm California-n ambulance, Alaska paramedic if you'll survive my puns, they are like a punch to the Virginia.

Seeing you suffer emotionally Texas me. Watching me knocking your to the Florida-es nothing for me. I don't like seeing you try again and Michigan. I hope I never have to beat you in a pun w-Oregan

You see when our pun planes are Rhode Island safely but you crash and burn.

Iowa you an apology, I shouldn't of been so tough to beat, but you've learned to Nebraska man to fight in pun duels, don't come back until h-Arizona your chin. Maybe I shoulda gave you a head start, Tennessee if I still would of won. I think I just put YOU out of YOUR Missouri.

…

Maryland.

Now let's see, that makes this:

Captain Blubber: 115 (116 is you think the maryland joke was a pun, I don't)

Tristan: 74

What now Tristan? WHAT NOW?

Mind is blown

I'm pretty sure Blubber is like a drum in Fort Knox: unbeatable.

Here's a little victory lap if Tristan gave up.

Not unlike your b-EARTH your performance was disappointing.

If puns were your job, you'd be FIRE-d.

You thought you'd be the victor, but it was I who WIND (bad grammar lolz)

WATER you waiting for? Admit defeat.

My puns are works of HEART.

Now you know, this isn't just the Captain forum, this is the CAPTAIN PLANET.

^ icing on the cake

EDIT: inb4 "the cake is a lie"

Sigh… if Tristan doesn't make a comeback, I guess the Cap'n gets to keep his crown:
| |
| |
V

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EDIT: NVM, the PUN's not over yet.

Oh, it’s over? Oh well, I thought it was dragon on. I mean, half of these were so uni- corny that it made me want to sas- squach this thread with my bigfoot and spirit myself away to phoenix . I mean, this is just a giant waste of my time. I could be goblin some snacks, and if I’m hungry enough I would were- wolf them down. You might think I’m troll -ing, but its just that puns really get my ghost .

I love puns.

@ Blubber : OH SNAP

Ah. Now I feel stupid… Oh well, sorry, thought I was deleting it.

Edit: The deed is done, plus I've learned a wonderful lesson about editing! Tnxs!

I GNU it might come to this.
People SHEERING you on.
But ol' Tristan's not going to PAWS forever.
After all, all Ineed to live are puns and *OX*ygen
So stop em BARKING on this quest to be a better punster.
I think soon enough your jokes will be told a little *SHEEP*ishly
After all,it's not like I see you as a scape*GOAT*.
So *MOOOOOOO*ve over,Blub
There's a new KID on the block.
SOW please,DEER Blubber. HERD my warning.
Being whupped BEAR is not admirable.
I wouldnt buy those jokes for a SCENT.
After all,I'm at the BEAK of my *pun*formance.
I've been telling TAILS like this since I was a babby.
Is your head too empty for puns?Too AERIE if you will?
So don't make the people De- BATE who wins when it's very obvious.
I'm the preist at this pun BRIDLE and you are always a bridesmaid,never a bride.
Since your puns BOAR me,I guess i'll wrap it up quick.
My puns go down like MOOSE.
And yours make my voice HORSE.
So get ready for the WHALING your about to get!

EDIT: Score after next post:

Cap'n Blubber: 6 rounds, 130 w/o Maryland

Tristan: 6 rounds, 98

Hockey greats! GO! GO! GO!

Don't Messier your pants Tristan, this'll be a shorter one for you to try and catch up.

My pun Fuhr-y can't be beat.

I hope you re-Gretzky trying to be victorious, because it didnt work out well.

You have nothing to Gainey from posting again, so give up.

I think you should Hull (alternate player) ass out of here Orr face the consequences.

Howe can you live with yourself after posting such lame puns? I don't know if I should Lafleur cry when I read them.

It's not all bad, you at least let all the users see me Roy-ck the house.

I am, as the French would say Lemieux.

Well, it's been more then a week.

I'm gonna go and say I win this one.

The game is not over til the fat lady sings, and Queen Brahne is quiet.

Come on Tristan, bring your A game.

This will B over soon, I can for-C it.

Your D-feat will be E-sier on you if you just F off now.

I mean G-sus, your jokes are so old they’re H-ient.

I don’t know why you aren’t in J-il because your terrible puns are basically K-ruelty.

Why the He-L are you doing trying to fight me?

You are going to lose soon, it is M-N-int.

I saw your post and I was like “O boy, P-ple puns, how lame.”

Now, Q the ending music, because you R going to get your little S-capade put to an end.

I know this is getting T-dious for U, and I don’t want to V-r off course.

I W in both wit, intellect and X-pertise, so Y do you want to fight?

Tristan, give up, catch a few Zs, I’m going to be #1.

SCREW THE LIMIT!