>I was only 9 years old
>Loved F-Zero so much
>Owned all the games and merchandise
>Every night I pray to Captain Falcon, thanking him for the life I've been given
>Falcon is love, I say. Falcon is life.
>My dad hears me and calls me a Farquaad, while praising Shrek.
>He was just jealous of my devotion to Captain Falcon
>I call him a neckbeard
>He slaps me and sends me to my room
>My face hurts, but it doesn't matter, I have my Nintendo 64
>I smell onions
>It's Shrek
>He whispers into my ear
>'Don't worry, laddeh. It'll soon be ogre'
>He puts me on my hands and knees with his giant ogre hands
>For what should I dream, where should I turn?
>Shows his eshrektion while nearing it to my asshole,
>How much longer can I remain pure?
>I'm so scared, shivering in fear of The Green One
>Even if I'm confused and hurt, on the other side of this horizon
>There's the answer I can't see yet.
>I hear The Meaning Of Truth come out of my computer, very quietly
>Suddenly, I feel a tremor, and the sonic boom of a thousand keyboards in the distance
>I see a blue object coming through the distance
>It's Captain Falcon
>I'm so happy
>The Meaning Of Truth is now on full blast, coming from The Blue Falcon
>I'm hiding a shadow on the other side of my smile.
>He crashes through my bedroom wall at 700 mph, crushing the still-erect penis of the monster to be vaporized straight off
>He destroys the roof of The Blue Falcon in midair, jumping and caving Shrek's skull in with a amazing Falcon Kick
>'Show me your moves', he says
>Smash Mouth begins playing
>Shrek begins lobbing Onionades and ogre cum at Captain Falcon
>He Raptor Boosts straight towards him, dodging the desperate attacks of the hued pedophile
>The green rapist is power-knee'd, while the Captain shouts 'Come On!'
>He throws him in the air, successively juggling him, then Falcon Dives him onto my broken bed
>He rips his cracked hide out, and reaches into his beating heart
>History trembles with unbearable anger
>He tears Shrek's heart out, puts it into his bleeding, ripped off dickhole, and ties it to his neck
>Under Shrek's clothes, was a black jumpsuit
>Black Shadow is Shrek
>Captain Falcon cracks his fists, pulsing with rage at the heinous act that was nearly committed
>Flames come out of his back
>FALCON!
>PUNCH!
>'WATASHI WA SHINAN, SHINAN ZOOOOOOOOOOO Shrek/Black Shadow screams
>My near-rapist is obliterated by Captain Falcon, with this song playing from his cruiser
>He piledives the charred remains into my Shrekfag dad's room, decimating him as well
>'SHOW ME!'
>'YOUR MOVES!'
>The amalgamation of blasphemy is buried into the earth's core by the Eaglelord
>Even if we turn to ash, even if the end comes tomorrow, search for your fever now!
>Captain Falcon surges through the other side, and back again, with no sign of the former swamp owner and racer
>He steps on my floor, covered in dust
>I am ready for him
>I get on the floor and spread my asscheeks for his Falcon Fingering
>He tells me there is no need for that
>He gets me up off the floor, and passes his helmet to me
>'Only he who surpasses the Falcon, may become the Falcon.'
>'You strong and fleeting ones, lead these hands of mine
>If there's a place that can be called truth
>I don't want to know ego any more than this
>So that an episode of destruction isn't engraved
>Even if the sun carries the contradiction that's too great to ignore
>It still shines on the path to the future
>And on that day, I found out what The Meaning Of Truth was.
>Captain Falcon is Truth, Captain Falcon is life.
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