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OP 02/08/13(Fri)22:09 No.17620091 Replies: >17620214> 17620269 >176203951762054917626168 >176265121762708017627407 Doradus wonders where her plate is Foodbro loses it "Bitch, you ate 3 pounds of f------ ground beef today. Thats enough food for your fat-ass today. In fact, thats enough caloric intake for like 3 days. If I catch you in my kitchen for the next three days I will lose my f------ mind." sits down next to chillbro, immediately back to good mood watching the game h-------- this sashimi doradus quietly sobbing, bonybro shamefully passing her pieces off his plate keep in mind, doradus pays nothing to exist in our space in addition, because foodbro is such a foodnazi, he practically foots the entire food bill himself so we dont fill his kitchen with cheap s----- food bitch is literally a financial drain, does nothing to contribute, and always gets super upset if someone mentions how much of our s--- she eats a few days go by me, chillbro, and foodbro coming home, bonybro has late lab lights are on, loud f------ noise sounds like the cawing of a billion crows and the shrieks of a billion banshees foodbro immediately mad goes inside oh my god, doradus invited the rest of the large magellanic cloud and currently has food everywhere and everyone is screaming and laughing and making a huge s--- of my f------ house foodbro strides through room, rips ipod out of ipod dock and screams GET THE F--- OUT OF MY HOUSE stampede of white whales doradus says "oh bonybro said I could have a few friends over foodbro notices all the food that is out. Ice cream, cup cakes, chicken sandwiches and s--- "Youre going to pay for all this. Im tired of you eating my food without asking." doradus starts tearing up "but the food is for the house" >I pipe up "youre not part of the house" Foodbro agrees with me and says "you just come in here and eat all my s--- because you think you can doradus stumbles over to foodbro and tries to stroke his chest (w-- amirite) "its okay, stop getting mad because Im bonybros girlfriend" foodbro gets so mad he leaves

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OP 02/08/13(Fri)22:08 No. 17620059 Replies: >17620214 >17620269 17620395 1762054917626168 17626512 >17627080 >the next problem occurs when doradus starts f------ with foodbro >first incident was when we all got back from class expecting to find her devouring our winter stocks or something >cant find her >foodbro: "maybe she went for a jog hahahaha (bonybro mad)" and goes to throw his s--- downstairs WHAT THE ACTUAL S--- >we go downstairs, doradus is naked, and sleeping in his bed >she tries to take his expensive sheets, wrap them around herself and run upstairs >foodbro furious, forcibly takes his s--- and makes her run, crying and naked as a newborn up to bonybros room >bonybro mad, but foodbro madder and bonybro apologizes quietly and chases her upstairs >we would find out later this was a seduction tactic that didn't even make it to launch because the fat bitch fell asleep (f----- lol) >second incident, foodbro always leaves a lot of food resting >chili simmering overnight, flank steak marinating for a few days, all sorts of s--- that I dont even f------ understand but is f------ delicious >starts to notice this s--- disappearing >mad as hell, foodbro demands at least a little semblance of courtesy >foodbro has a roll of little red circle stickers >if something is in the fridge with a red circle sticker, dont f------ touch it >he goes to make his hamburgers for dinner (foodbro hamburgers will make you believe in a kind and merciful god) >"Guys, where is the groundbeef. I literally only bought it like three hours ago." >doradus starts giggling like its cute or some s--- >"Oh I was just so hungry I couldnt help myself so I made a little snack" >"That was 3 lbs of ground beef!" >"Oh it was just so good, I just fried it all up and ate it. Sorry" and she plasters this s----- trying-to-be-cute pouty face on her mug >Foodbro ships out, brings back salmon, handmakes some sushi >plates it and brings it out

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□ OP 02/08/13(Fri)22:07 No. 17620037 Replies: >>17620214 17626193 17626512 >1762708017627638 >17620269 >>17620324>>17620392> 17620395 >>17625975 17 Boy, have I got a story for you /fit/. oP >Univeristy share a house with 3 bros Bonybro is scrawny as f---, beta as hell, but genuinely nice dude Chillbro is a huge stoner, but the nicest guy you'll ever meet, also impossible to make him mad >Foodbro, cooks like a m------------, super charismatic, and although he's a heavier dude, he's full bearmode, gym everyday, arms like pythons, super nice cat but easy to make mad for first two years, house is awesome vidya like m------------ foodbro cooking like we at grandma's thanksgiving every other day chillbro always has good herb all sorts of fun and games and s--- then one day, the moon descended from orbit and smashed into the house oh no wait, bonybro pulled a female right away chillbro and I realize Doradus here is going to be a problem the first problem is she is one of those fatgirls who just thinks shes hot as s--- because she is a beta hunter "real men want curves, Im the same size as Marilyn Monroe hurr hurr" the whole f------ 9 the way the house is set up, there are three bedrooms upstairs and a basement suite foodbro pays the most, so he's in the suite. Got a king sized bed down there and everything, full chill pad doradus starts spending every f------ night at our place the noises this girl makes while f------ are just impossible to handle she sounds like a cross between a death metal singer and an elephant seal "ORGHHHHHHH ORGHHHHHH ORGHHHHHH" Im p----- as hell but chillbro tries to just initiate live and let live we tell bonybro to cool it on the noise anyway bonybro mad because we arent supporting the fact that he finally bagged a girl poor bastard is already under her spell

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Anonymous 03/04/14(Tue)21:42:54 No.234262709 >>234262802 >>234262838 >>234263079 >>234263091 >>234263302 1393893320310.ipg (66 KB, 550x552) google igdb sounds You f------ want rage? >am 24 and work as a engineer >got into project M after apex >decide to play it with friends/ people from smash boards for maybe an hour or two a day holy f--- this is fun as f--- >also start homebrewing the hell out of my wi >girlfriend starts complaining that I'm "ignoring" tell her it's nice to have some time to play video games because I've been very busy with work >she sigh:s >come home the next day >see my copy of brawl, the SD card, and my wi broken beyond repair see my gf >ask her, in a very calm manner, what happened to the wii and copy of brawl, mind you I got that wii and brawl from a friend who died in 2009 oh anon it was the sillies thing you were playing that game more than you were paying attention to me >feel several of blood vessles burst in my brain very calmly tell her to pack up her stuff and leave my apartment and don't ever contact me again >she starts screaming about how I'm picking video games over her and that I'm some loser f----- >I tell her that I'm picking my own sanity over her and I have a high paying job and you've been living here rent free for the last three months without lifting a goddamn finger >she starts crying Just grab her and shove her out of my apartment and just pack of her s--- up in a suitcase tell her to have a nice life >go out to buy a wii and copy of brawl the next day the police come by to tell me I beat the hell out of my gf >show them my bank statement >the exact time I supposedly beating the hell out of her I was buying a り38 likes mannymackintosh "All these games, and you decided to play me copy of brawl and a wi >she's now being accused of filing a false police report

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Anonymous 03/12/14(Wed)21:33 UTC-3 No.21 702203 Replies: >>2 17022842-21702366 File: 1394670796619.jpg-(28 KB, 445x302, 1371243729006.jpg) 1. flageroonie 2. Cringe just thinking about it >be me in middle school at week-long summer camp with friends and one hyper douche who my friends like ask a grill to the end-of-the-week dance but with much spaghetti >she actually says yes >the next day hyper-douche "rhino rapes" me (knees me in the ass full force) >my tail bone instantly out of commission I can't bend my back or sit without excruciating pain >I pass out and counselors haul me to the med station >med guys are just a couple of jackasses who don't know s--- "what do you want us to look at your ass or something?" they give me blood-stained pillows to sit on for the rest of the week the blood is dried so it looks brown >I become known as the kid with the s----stained butt pillows >hyper-douche convinces all of my friends I'm faking it for attention while the pain worsens >limp around with butt pillows all week, grills all give me weird faces and whisper around me >hyper-douche tells all of them I'm faking it >become famous among camp grills as the pasty baby s----stained butt pillow kid >fast forward to dance on the last night actually recovered enough to dance, but really awkwardly >grill I asked is nowhere to be found (she was there but avoiding me) try to join two grills and they give me disgusted faces and move end up surrounded by friends and hyper douche >they're juggling me around by pushing me back and forth while I'm trying not to fall over from tail bone pain, all while I'm yelling at them to stop >punch hyper douche in the face and get one moment of ultimate satisfaction as he falls to the floor >he chimps out f------ hardcore by getting me in a headlock and screaming in my ear for a good minute before a counselor pulls him off some 100 kids are staring at us forced to sit on my butt pillows in plain view of everyone for the rest of the night see grill asked dancing with some decent looking guy And that, my friends, was the worst week of my existence x---DdDD

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U Anonymous 03/12/1 4(Wed)21:27 UTC-3 No.21 702004 Replies: >>21702073 >>21 702100 >>217021 35 >>21 7021 86 >>21702296 >>21702344 >>21702361 File: 1394670475755.jpg-(4 KB, 232x217, 1366993185929.jpg) >Best friend is a grill We dated while she was in high school (nothing serious) and decided we both only wanted to be friends after her graduation Closest friend I've ever had, she's like a sister >A few years later, we get a place together >She begins dating an old high school friend of mine >Dormed with him in uni, he has some serious insecurity issues >Best friend seems happy, so I tell myself he worked through that s--- >Things go great for the first few months, she says he treats her like gold >Then things start to spiral downward >Best friend is now quiet, constantly glued to her phone >Try and cheer her up, ask her if she wants to hit the bars or something like we used to "No Anon, BF will be upset." >Stop offering Months pass and she grows more and more miserable >He has begun restricting her wardrobe, where she goes, when she works, what she buys, who she sees >She tells me he periodically shows up at her work to make sure she's there Tell her she needs to break it off >She claims she's tried to, but she always takes him back after he promises to change >Get all tough and protective, tell her I'll "deal with him" >This guy is a fat manlet, even the biggest of DYELs could take him >She begs me not to get involved unless things get violent >Things only get worse over the next few months We're all at home one night, me in my room, both of them in hers >He starts yelling at her >Saying awful s--- >Then I hear it, the unmistakable sound of a right hook to the jaw >Sit there for a moment, listening to her sobs >Turn up the volume on my TV until I can't hear her anymore I could have done something

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413531-CosmicBrownies ina (195 KB, 800x600) gooqle iadb LUN Anonymous 11/24/13(Sun) 13:00:34 No.28470756 [ 2-28470732竺24470790 >Last Night's D&D session DM decides to reveal that he's actually a bit of an amateur chef >Spends ten minutes puttering around in the kitchen, and we hear the constant churning noise of a blender >Comes back with large mugs filled with a thick, brown liquicd Pt's my cosmic brownie shake. Just try it -Try it It tastes like sex with an angel Everyone drains their mugs > Don't worry, there's plenty left! You can drink as much as you want And, the best part is, its actually really healthy for you! We start playing, continuing to drink the tasty shakes the entire time >About an hour in, I start to feel funny >One guy dashes off to the bathroom, and a few seconds later we hear him screaming S"ITS LIKE SNAKES. ITS LIKE SNAKES ARE IN MY GUTS AND ARE TEARING APART MY A------. >No one has any idea what he's talking about One minute later Everyone knows what he's talking about manage to reach one of the three bathrooms >Pain >Agonizing pain Like my liver is strangling my stomach while my intestines tie themselves into knots >l am s------- and crying and occasionally screaming Hear screaming coming from outside the window One guy didn't manage to get into a bathroom He's screaming and crying and s------- outside in the backyarod Neighbors walk out of their house to see whats going on >Guy in the backyard is pleading with them to kill him Everyone spends the entire night just s------- and crying l just got back home and I think I lost thirty pounds Gaming food thread? [-]O Anonymous 1 1/24/13(Sun)13:02:47 No.28470782 [▼] >>28470798 >>28470804 >>28470828 228470756 (0P Did you get the recipe?

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anime Anonymous (ID: gTvKlzCM) 03/03/14(Mon)22:12:19 UTC-5 No.535464048 be me facebook page manager post image of the greatest anime in history, Shrek just want to spread the joy of the ogrelord to all people bash the image, saying Shrek isn't an anime, blaspheming the holy onion peeler call the heretics dreck Zuckerberg shuts down my facebook account for hatespeech >crying alone on my bed feel a warm onion scented presence fill the room look up from my tear-stained pillow it's Shrek >I look at his hands he's holding the decapitated heads of Zuckerberg in one hand, and the heretics in the other he looks at me and says "it ain't ogre till it's ogre" I know what I must do get on my knees >Shrek takes out his massive ogre sized c--- >I'm ready he shoves it down my throat and instantly shoots his onion love down my gullet. wake up the next morning wondering if it was a dream turn on news headline states that Zuckerberg's and three others' decapitated bodies were found in an onion patch get on laptop facebook account is back and am now CEO of facebook notice an onion next to my feet pick it up there's a message engraved into the side "Welcome to the swamp, laddeh" Shrek is love Shrek is life Anonymous (ID: Jme7FvNB) 03/03/14(Mon)22:14:28 UTC-5 No.535464437 Can we admit that Looney Toons is, at the very least, in the top 5 anime series ever?

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□ Anonymous (ID: H4poLZ52) 03/02/14 (Sun)12:59:11 UTC-8 No.535239345 Replies: >>5352458932-535251 267 535234787 (OP hahaha thats nothing >be me about 3 years ago jehovas doing their thang. come to my door at least 3 times that week cause I didnt answer >persistent bastards decide one day ive had enough > get black hooded cloak from halloween costumes box get big cutting knife cut my thumb a bit and draw pentagram of blood on forehead > lie in wait.. >jehovas come like lambs to the slaughter >they knock a few times. finally answer >"hello th...! oh my god" they are shocked > me in black cloak holding knife blood pentagram on forehead respond really impatiently. "what?! what do you want im busy!" > "please sir we REALLY need to talk to you about god it will change your life we promise!" laugh really loudly say something about the fires are coming and slam door and I have never been bothered by cult of jehova again

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Anonymous (D: f7XIZgOB) 03/02/14 (Sun)15:26:08 UTC-8 No.535261394 >Knock on the door >Go to door >7/10 woman and old ass c--- >Old ass c--- says "HEllo, I'd like to talk to you for amount about our lord and savior Jesus Christ and I." >l say "I know you guys, you don't believe in hell and stuff, so let me tell you, if you don't believe in hell, then what are the consequences of not being apart of your religion? >Both of them are speechless >"That's what I thought. >Slammed the door >Weeks pass >Both of them come back >Old lady says "We dont believe in the traditional way of what people think hell is, just lesser degrees of heaven and-" >Say to them "I'll take number three!" >Slam the door >Months pass, they are planning something good. >So am I >They knock at the door >I'm giddy like a child in a candy store ready to do this >l put a rag on my head and put on a fake beard >l open the door >"Hello an- OH MY GOD?! What happened!" >I scream "PRAISE ALLAH AND HIS HOLINESS! WHY DO YOU DISTURB ME?!" The old c--- says "l-i-i-l just wanted t-t-o show you t >I scream again "GET OFF MY FRONT STEPI INSHAALLAH I WILL TAKE OFF YOUR HEAD FOR THE GLORY OF ALLAHI" >They turn around and walk back to their cars >Police roll around my house for weeks thinking I'm a terrorist or something he Watchtow- Sometimes I love living in a small white cracker town.

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1-1 Anonymous 08/14/12(Tue)10:32:56 No.3420448回 s"Son, your the games you are buying are viruses! You need to remove them >"But Mom! My Sister has Napster and Limewire installed on the computer, and she constantly downloads viruses disguised as music! I bought these games from Best Buy, they are not infected with anything" >"No anon, Music cannot have viruses, only games can." She took the computer to Best Buy, and the employees told her the same thing after they fixed it. She ignored them and just banned me from using the family computer for two years, because my Mom always needs someone to blame except for my sister I eventually saved up enough money to buy a near-mint condition Thinkpad, that had a broken Windows installation. I just installed Debian (Linux distro) and called it a day Replies to this post: | Anonymous 08/14/12(Tue)10:33:34 No.3420456 3420448 CONT >Sister continues to use Limewire to download viruses, since she cannot tell the difference between a 5kb exe and a 5mb mp3 >While I am at school (she is supposedly sick), she takes my laptop and tries to use it for her various online activities, and quickly discovers it is impossible to install Windows programs natively on it. >She talks to my Mom and tells her that I broke my computer, and that I was probably too embarrassed to fix it >They go to Best Buy and have a fellow install Windows on it, along with every junk program on this side of the galaxy >They wiped all of school assignments and notes in the process, even the ones I was working on, AND EVEN THE F------ FAT16 PARTITION THAT WAS NAMED "BACKUP - DO NOT WIPE" >By the time I arrive home my sister has managed to f--- it up with more viruses than a two-bit w---- >My Mom tells me that the laptop is now my sisters property, since "I cannot be trusted with computers" > "But Mom, I bought it with my own money from the jobs I did last Summer. Whether I can use it well is irrelevant" >She tells me that if it wasn't for her status as a local pharmacist I would have never had the jobs, so it was her money anyway >mfw only half the people I worked for knew her name And that /r9k/, is how I became known as the computer illiterate of my family Replies to this post: 0493 3 0505 3 552 2 413 3 | Anonymous 08/14/12(Tue)10:51:50 No. 3420598 0 3 | Anonymous 08/14/12(Tue)10:42:26 No.3420529 File: 134495534624 48 KB. 259x194, 1344309378480.jpg) IM BEYOND MAD Lt 3420529 I did, though I locked it in a locked chest instead of putting a lock on it Of course my Sister though a hissy-fit, and my Mom responded by taking some of my CDs to "see how I feel when someone takes my stuff." They somehow ended up broken (including a backup disk of my sisters data), but I still refused to hand over my laptop because f--- the police, I value my computer more than any other of my possessions (besides memorabilia) 3420456 Why didnt you just take it back and put a lock on it you f------ p---- 10/10 I got so f------ mad My Mom just called a locksmith and got the computer out of the chest and gave it back to my sister, who raged because I had reinstalled debian and apparently deleted her information without backing it up. Being the calm, cool, rational being she was, she through the laptop outside during her fit of rage, and it fell in a puddle while running Replies to this post: I did not mention it earlier because this part is just retarded, not entertaining in the least

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ile: 1358148753159.ipg-(105 KB, 300x300, 300.shrek.forever.lr.121809.jpg) Anonymous (ID: CBcH+zLI) 01/14/13 (Mon)02:32:33 No.450921803 Replies: 24509 >I was only 9 years old > I loved shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies > I pray to shrek every night before bed, thanking him for the life I've been given > "Shrek is love" say. "Shrek is life" > My dad hears me and he calls me a f----- > I knew he was just jealous of my devotion for Shrek > I called him a c--- > He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep Im crying now, and my face hurts > I lay in bed and its really cold >A warmth i > I feel something touch me > Its shrek > I am so happy > He whispers in to ear, "this is my swamp > He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands and puts me on my hands and knees s moving towards me > I'm ready > I spread my ass cheeks for Shrek > He penetrates my butthole > It hurts so much but I do it for Shrek > I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water > I push against his force I want to please Shrek > He roars a mighty roar as he fills my butt with his love > My dad walks in > Shrek looks him straight in the eye and says. "Its all ogre now" > Shrek leaves through my window > Shrek is love, Shrek is life Anonymous (ID: fBWBqNjg) 01/14/13(Mon)02:33:51 No.450922048 what the f---

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□ childhood greentext stories Anonymous 11/19/10(Fri)20:40:30 No.288495 >11 years old >twin brother dies >parents don't let me go to his funeral or tell me where it is stells me it would be inappropriate to be there as it could confuse people □ Anonymous 11/19/10(Fri)20:41:15 No.2884950X 0 10/10 Anonymous 11/19/10(Fri)20:46:00 No.288496xXx my mom died once □ Anonymous 11/19/10(Fri)20:47:16 No.288497XXX File1290217636 jpg-(74 KB, 720x540) >go to ymca Sfamily showers >see naked 4 year old grow up to be a p--------

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/b/-Random How to Take a Screenshot i ← → C O boards·4chan.org/b/res/335695449 Click for JList! Anime Figures Oppai Mousepads TENGA Male Toys TH File 1308618284 ipg-(33 KB, 319x239, 1308034939787.jpg) Anonymous 06/20/11(Mon)21:04:44 No.335695449 Awkward girl Stories are a go lm 15 n bible camp >Girl in a wheelchair, who is actually f------ hot as f---, is sitting in her chair next to the the sports field >l go up to her and ask if she's ok >She says yeah, but obviously she's a bit bored to being able to play ABACUST get a tennis ball and we throw it back and forth >Later on she texts me from her lodgings (girls and boys in separate areas) asking ifI wanna meet at sunset >Meet the chick, she's folded her chair and is sitting on a blanket so she doesnt seem brokern >2 hours later we're kissing, I tear her clothes off and undress, and f--- her >It's really hard to control her legs while im on my knees thrusting, as they are flopping about in my one free hand >Camp leaders come close, I say "F---, run" and run away later realize she was disabled and she was lying there naked when the bible leaders came round Anonymous 06/20/11(Mon)21:05:37 No.335695616 Well s---. HAHAHAHA sS Anonymous 06/20/11(Mon)21:06:13 No.335695718 win 2 Anonymous 06/20/11(Mon)21:07:07 No.335695888

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El Anonymous 02/27/11 (Sun)01:34 No. 140589 10E) >Walking home from party late one evening >Several guys were following me, as my drunk ass managed to piss them off by existing >Try to walk faster, to no avail, as I'm drunk as s--- >Catch me in some random college student neighborhood >Oh s---, my ass is about to be beaten >Still in talking phase >Lights fick on in the house >Three guys in full musketeer garb walk out >Leader is some blond guy with a beard, eyepatch, and some weird-ass accent >"What sort of ruffians would be accosting someone outside our residence? Stand and deliver! >Guys start yelling at them to f--- off, that I deserved to get my ass beaten >Very well, then. Draw steel, you blackguard! >All three of them draw rapiers on their belts >Guys run >"1 know not why those foul men sought your harm, but come and tell us the tale, stranger!" >Spend remainder of evening drinking mulled wine with lunatics >Bunch of Swedish re-enactors live there >Blond guy is actually missing an eye; lost it in a machine shop accident >Stagger home completely drunk with a hat I have no idea people like that existed. Or had the money to rent a house. □ SothlknPhGLZt6gr 02/27/11(Sun)01:36 No.14058930曰 F------ EPIC Anonymous 02/27/11 (Sun)01:41 No. 140589829 214058910 THIS A THOUSAND TIMES THIS

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thread File :1267653199751 ipg-(49 KB, 374x357, you-gonna-get-r----.jpg) Anonymous 03/03/10(Wed) 16:53: 1 No.7743764 The awkwardest thing that ITT happened today, presented by greentext. Gaze aimlessly on train Prealize you're looking at a hard-gay black man >look away look at him again >he nods arrive at your stop, which is coincidentally his stop miss your stop

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File: 1371922563634.ipg-(769 KB, 2849x3474, Theodore_Roosevelt laughing.jpg) Anonymous (ID: Q6RIFYsi) 06/22/13(Sat)13:36:03 No.488565345 Replies: 2488565738 >Be me >Be 16 >New school, introduced to class >Meet guy who is an a------, let's call him Shitgut >Shitgut tries to start bullying me >Be alpha and resist >Dont make many friends, don't need them >Notice Shitgut bullies other kids >Decide to f--- him up >Figure where his locker is >Wait until school is over, follow him home from a safe distance, unseen >Mark down where he lives, GTFO >Find out he does hockey, figure out where his ice rink is, and what time he trains >Spend six months practically stalking that f---, making sure I don't get caught >Map out where he is at any time, at all times >Then proceed to phase two, buy a pineapple On a day I get off school earlier than he does, bike to his house and leave the pineapple at the door >His parents ain't home for hours, seen by nobody >He tells people about the pineapple tomorrow, nobody cares >Two weeks later, sneak a pineapple at the ice rink, in the men's dressing room >People think he's making it up >Start buying a pineapple on a regular basis, always have it ready when opportunity strikes >Hallway empty, pick his locker and leave a pineapple >His motorbike is unwatched, leave a pineapple >He doesn't mention the pineapples to anyone anymore >Figure out where they keep his home's spare key >Skip school, sneak into his home while his parents work >Leave a pineapple on his bed >Hear he's failing classes >His parents put up a security camera, I figure the blind spot and dodge that s--- >Send him a f------ pineapple for christmas through the mail from a fake address >He doesn't show up to school every day anymore >Don't even think about why I do it anymore, it's just for s---- and giggles now >Bombard that f--- with random pineapples every few weeks for two f------ years >School year ends, finish school Go to college like a boss Come back home for the holidays >Hear someone from my old school had had a panic attac >It's Shitgut >Someone had left a f------ pineapple on the beer shelf k at the grocery store

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