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ile 1308777721 jag-(108 KB, 650x476, phone-sex.jpg) □ Anonymous 06/22/11(Wed)17:22:01 No.3361 17649 post greentext of the moment when you realize youve gone to far uetteer.Mgadhdkeu >fapping away scellphone rings swithout thinking, pick up phone with d--- in other hand >it's the girl i like >calling me asking me if i want to go eat later and chill with some friends i say sure swithout thinking, my right hand starts pumping i talk to her about other s--- swe carry on for a bit, with me still fapping away silently, trying hard not to breathe hard say something to make her laugh >she laughs >i c-- with the force of a thousand suns >we finish talking hang up >clean myself >oh god, w-- did i just do, that was horrible, im a pervert part 2 >go eat with her and friends >cant look her in the eye the whole time >she asks me whats wrong >say im just tired >awkward night for me the whole night >specially when we got drunk and were karaoking, and she was being flirty with me, and i woulda done something, but was so beta and ashamed of myself i couldnt do it

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□ Anonymous 06/22/11(Wed)17:37:55 No.336120651 sex gf of long f------ time >find out she's been flirting with some other kid sgo over to her house stake her picture and the necklace she gave me >pull out my Bic lighter Slight that s--- in front of her sshe cries and begs for forgiveness in front of me >i keep rejecting eave No b-------, this happened. I was mad.

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□ Toxik !lOveb5SXyU 06/22/11 (Wed) 1 7:40:49 No.3361 211 84 >Two weeks ago, I think >Bonfire party with 8 guys, 2 girls sWhiskey, Vodka, and Shwag galore. >l don't do drugs >Start yelling 1 dunt doo durgs' in redneck accent >Leave Next Day >Bonfire party >9 guys, 7 girls >Dank galore Toke it up >Feel like an Olympic sprinter >Sprint >Go back to friends house >Can hear him f------ my girlfriend through door >Open the door >Get on the floor >Every one walk the dinosaur

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Greentext Stories
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g-(44 KB, 500x461, whiteboyshugging.png) Anonymous 06/26/11 (Sun)18:43 No. 100334278 I KNOW THAT FEEL BRO >Call friend up >"Hey you wanna hang out, play some vidya?" >"Yeah! Sure!" >Go to meet up with friend >Excited for night of vidya fun >Get home >Pop in vidya game >Teach friend controls >Going to take turns every time we die in the story mode >During the whole time I'm playing, I'm trying to have conversation, make jokes etc >Friend is barely making an effort to even remotely show he's listening >Keeps texting on his phone look over at him >Not even looking at the screern >I die >Give him the controller >He doesnt say a single word the whole time he's playing >Isnt even trying >Dies >Gives controller back like he doesnt even want to play >Night is ruined because I'm not going to tell him to leave >We watch a movie >Barley making a sound >Movie is finished >"Should we go to bed?" >Answers yes straight away without giving a moments thought >Leave to take a piss >Come back >He's in bed with the covers over his head already sleeping Go to bed C'mon SOMEONE else has to have experienced this at some point or another

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Greentext Stories
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File 1309130255 ipg-(4 KB, 237x195, 1298420289481 .jpg) □ Anonymous 06/26/11 (Sun)19:1 7:35 No.337019552 let's have a full retard thread, i'll start >be 10-11 ride my bike to school almost late, as usual >arrive realize i forgot my backpack sask teacher if i can go back to get it >she hesitantly lets me sride back home >ask mom where my backpack is son your back MFW □ An onymous 06/26/11 (Sun)19:20:59 No. 337020167 another one from op to get this s--- going sbe about 5 sput on my jacket on my own backwards inside out supside down >whatthefuckamidoing.jpeg

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□ Anonymous 06/26/11 (Sun) 19:27:53 No.337021437 i cant be the only one doing these things be 13 have exam dutch (i'm belgian) actually studied for it sturns out it was math exam >get 80% everythingwentbetterthanexpected □ Anonymous 06/26/11 (Sun) 19:29:15 No.337021661 >be in 2nd grade smy hand held pencil sharpener is pretty dirty >decide to clean it with my finger >everything is going good till I twist my finger the wrong way >bleed everywhere in classroonm >No one remembers next year >fuckyeah.jpg □ Anonymous 06/26/11 (Sun)19:29:41 No.337021738 s minutes ago s sitting in living room brother tells his girlfriend theres a party on 4rth of july s his girlfriend says whens the fourth of july?" s nobody says anything s i leave and come on newt gingric □ Anonymous 06/26/11 (Sun)19:31:28 No.337022016 few days later >have exam geography sworking with atlas >suddenly realize i can't find my exam >panic, try finding it in my atlas >finally raise my hand and tell teacher i lost my exam >she turns around my atlas >exam falls out sclass laughs MFVW

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□ Anonymous 06/27/11(Mon)11 :35:47 No. 337156481 >be at party friend pact to watch each other's backs srun out of hunch punch friend hands me a handle of rum schugged the remaining amount >make complete ass of self sit down and the room started spinning scute girl asks if I was ok sblow chunks on cute girl □ Anonymous 06/27/11 (Mon)11:36:18 No.337 156542 23 I sucked off a black guy S □ Anonymous 06/27/11 (Mon)11 :36:56 No.337156620 337156481 □ Anonymous 06/27/11 (Mon)11:37:20 No.337 156658 >be at party >drink too much Sthrow up on EVERYTHING too dark snobody knew it was me

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File 1309380682 ipg-(46 KB, 200x242, shoplifting21.jpg) □ Anonym o us 06/29/11 Med) 1 6:51:22 No. 3376411 03 Let's have a shoplifting thread Tell us your stories, your accomplishments, your tactics, and give a few of your fellow /b/rothers some hints on r----- the stores of their goodies □ Anonymous 06/29/11 (Med)16:53:01 No.337641379 CVS is my favorite target. No cameras. No mom and pop stores. Only major chains sS □ Anonymous 06/29/11 (Ned)16:53:43 No.337641492 >Be 10 Wanted Pokemon Cards >Too many people around >Kick somebody, while standing next to someone else, to make it look like he did it >They start shouting and s--- >Make a big scene >Shove 5 packages into my pocket Charizard Get >Best day ever □ Anonymous 06/29/11(Med)16:53:51 No.337641514 got a video card once... from wal-mart □ Anonymous 06/29/11 Med) 1 6:54:34 No. 337641 635 >old plastic target bag swalk into target fill bag with goods swalk out >fuckyea.jpg

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File : 1309545096 ipg-(B KB, 182x250, BloodArnold.jpg) □ Anonymous 07/01/11 (Fri)14:31:36 No.338068583 ITT: Greentext stories. Be in 10th grade >My school was predominantly black >Huge brawl breaks out between two black groups in the middle of the science hallway >Teachers and administrators trying their hardest, but the blacks kept fighting. >The cops were callerd >Upon seeing the cops, one black kid ran as fast as he could out of the fight >As he turned a corner, he lost his balance and let out a loud "OH S---" and fell >Milk explodes from his backpack >Milk, milk everywhere >Black kid had a gallon of milk in his bag at school □ Anonymous 07/01/11 (Fri)14:32:39 No.338068732 wat □ Anonymous 07/01/11 (Fri)14:34:30 No.338069035 wat □ Anonymous 07/01/11 (Fri)14:34:35 No.338069047 cool story bro

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□ Vlad the Implier !!8UBW7Q0g2P 07/29/11 (Fri)13:38 No.8287567 OH f--- I forgot one. Be 15 >Share a room with little brother who is 13 >One night, chillin' in bed, facing the wall Hear footsteps pacing around my room >Hear them come over to me >Think it's my brother picking something up from the floor by my bed Hear little brother grunt and move around in his bed >Footsteps still there >Stop dead still >NOPE NOPE F------ NOPE >> □ Anonymous 07/29/11 (Fri)13:39 No.8287568 File 1311961148.ipg-(43 KB, 486x486, holyshit.jpg) Be 3 years old (My memory is VERY good >Live in an apartment building >There were mirrors in the elevators Mom and dad explicitly told me not to go out alone >One day, the door was open for some reason Venture outside, elevator door was open too >Get in THERE'S A F------ BLACK, HAIRY MAN-THING THING IN THERE > INSIDE THE MIRROR NOPE THE F--- BACK HOME >Some months later >My sister and a female friend of hers had an argument >My sister told her to leave When the elevator doors opened, IT WAS THERE >Except not inside the mirror, HE WAS F------ RIGHT THERE >My sister's friend does seem somehow scared, it wasn't like she could see it >She gets in the elevator FACING the thing >Elevator door takes longer than usual to close To this day I am convinced this was not a dream.

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Dean 07/29/11 (Fri)11:08 No.8287004 File 1311952103 ipg-(25 KB, 350x329, 1311695472904.jpg) be relaxing at the watering hole >hougarth is swimming and having fun he tells the iron giant to jump in and join him the iron giant does >suddenly tsunami NOPENOPENOPE Anonymous 07/29/11 (Fri)11:08 No.8287005 >Be out on the front porch >Petting the neighbor's cat >Hear someone call my name from the direction of the house's mail slot. >Cat and I: NOPE!

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File : 1296595194.jpg-(49 KB, 400x272, Jonestown.jpg) Anonymous 02/01/11(Tue)16:19:54 No.306365196 Go to Psychology of Religion class Sit next to girl I like, tell her funny stories of what I did this weekend She laughs, we talk a bit more and she asks if I wanna hang out tomorrow F--- yeah Lecture starts, Professor starts talking about group mentality of small cults >Shows touching slideshow of Jonestown massacre, sad music playing, a few girls start crying, overall somber mood in the room >Being the desensitized /b/tard that I am I dgaf and start playing snake on my phone >Look up at the last slide, see picture on left >Start laughing Since I'm in front, the professor sees and asks why I'm laughing >Class is dead silent, everyone looking at me >Face goes red, trying to hold back more laughter >f------ awkward >Finally gather my breath and reply "Who's gonna feed the poor parrot?" >One guy in the back laughs >Everyone looks at me disgusted >Glance at the cute girl, her mouth is open in disbelief >Get up and leave, entire class still staring Guess my plans tomorrow got canceled :

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File 1281729005 ipg-(12 KB, 242x238, 1281622206139s.jpg) □ Anonymous 08/13/10(Fri)15:50 No.701 78XXX >At a track meet >Chilling out on bleachers, waiting for my race >Cute girls in skimpy track uniforms EVERYWHERE. >A group of them are on the field stretching CAMELTOE SPOTTED >Begin thinking naughty thoughts Massive boner is hidden by roomy track pants "HEY ANON WE CANT FIND JOE YOU HAVE TO TAKE HIS SPOT." >Slip Mr. Johnson into my waistband as I stand up >Solid Snake my way >Take pants off, am now only wearing bright yellow short-shorts >Walk quickly to my blocks >Bend over to hide the massive bulge >THE MOMENT OF TRUTH IS AT HAND across the field >Race starts >Boner immediately frees itself >Begins bouncing and waving dramatically >A loud slap can be heard each time it hits my thigh >THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE >It begins spinning as we round the corner >D---: "DONT WORRY BUDDY, IVE GOT YOUR BACK." HELICOPTER MODE: ENGAGED >D--- propels me into first H-------- I FEEL LIKE A SUPERHERO >Beat the black kids >Receive prophetic vision of one day creating a helicopter made of d---- >Still have to walk all the way back across the field to the starting line to retrieve my pants >Let my boner shamelessly protrude AND NOT A SINGLE F--- WAS GIVEN

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File 1326146785 png-(23 KB, 300x289, 1318785391707.png) □ Anonymous 01/09/12(Mon)17:06:25 No.373179525 >only had 1 friend in my childhood >she was femanon >fall in love with her >friendzoned >stay friends as she's all I got >both move to different uni after highschool >0 friends at uni stry to stay in contact with her epic ignore >go visit her at her university as a suprise >see her kissing some alpha >okay.jpg >talk to her the next day >was nice, still friendzone >don't see for years after that >decide to do something with my Sjoin the army >get sent to fight somewhere in the east >be there for a few years >made 1 friend in army >he got shot and died >think about the girl I love everyday >write her letters >no response >leave the army after returning home >buy own house >after a few years the girl comes to my house >she's in deep s--- and has nowhere else to go >happiest time of my life >still cant bear only being friends with her ife >tell girl I love her (again) >everything went better than expected have sex with her next morning >she's not in the house anymore >don't see her for a few years again >few years later I get a message from her > go visit girl >she has a child >my child wants go marry me >we get married >1 year later she dies >single father >no chance of ever getting a woman again >my name is forest gump | Preload images (113 □ Expand images Fun Funnier and FunPlaze.com

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□ BROther Laughing Man !!6Ltud83uedV 11/20/10(Sat)03:18 No. 12863338 8 File 1290241136 jpg-(54 KB, 380x373, ist2_136840-lucha-libre-wrest(...).jpg) >playing half orc monk >decide to play something beyond weeaboo i am a master of martial arts >spend 100 gp on inlaid mask with intricate tribal designs sewn on the side with a fin >BECOME LOS TIBURON, THE SHARK OF THE LAND, MASKED WRESTLER take feats revolving around grappling >grapple EVERYTHING >EVERYTHING >EVERY. F------. THING sincluding, but not limited to, a bear >final part of campaign >OH S--- DRAGON >dragon acts like a f-----, ducking into water and popping up to use breath weapon >f--- that, I'm charging his ass >brother, playing warforged fighter, assists my MIGHTY LEAP into the air, where I pose in mid-air, shouting about the HONOR OF THE MASK >TACKLE A F------ DRAGON >deal unarmed damage, latch on, take deep breath in preparation for the underwater struggle >dragon goes up. forgot they can actually fly >DM gives me option to let go before he goes up. F--- that, I'm still wrestling. >200 FEET IN THE AIR, STILL WRESTLING A DRAGON AND DEALING UNARMED DAMAGE >Dragon actually starts hurting me. Have to come up with a plan. BRILLIANCE STRIKES ME. >"I roll to pin.' >Entire table is silent. >l roll to pin' his wings behind his back, so he can't fly anymore. >ENTIRE TABLE IS LEANING OVER SO I CAN MAKE MY ROLL OF DESTINY >NATURAL. F------. TWENTY >I pin the dragon's wings, sending it and me hurtling into ground. I have six seconds to make my final statement. >"I AM LOS TIBURON! And I am...a lucha!!! >Dragon's neck snaps on impact >Through sheer luck or GM fiat, possibly both, I survive with -4 HP >Cleric puts me back at one, picks me up, holding one arm into the air >My brother immediately bangs his shield twice, making a bell noise >Party's bard/diplomancer: "And the winner is....Los Tiburon!" high fives all around And that was the story of how I made it to level four. □ Anonymous 11/20/10(Sat)03:22 No. 12863367 □ Anonymous 11/20/10(Sat)03:29 No.12863425 12863338 you win d&d forever

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□ Anonymous 12/07/11 (Wed)16:28 No.5220706 Reposting my all time favorite greentext. >playing soccer in gym ball is up in the air >think I'm gonna be awesome and air kick it into the goal stry >miss ball >kick goalie in the face try to ask "Are you okay?" and "I'm f------ sorry."at the same time instead end up yelling "ARE YOU F------ SORRY!?" goalie is choking back tears

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