Tigran L. Petrosian Copypasta

This text was originally submitted by u/dxdydzd1 on r/HobbyDrama

[Chess] PIPI in Your Pampers: The Story of Chess's Greatest Copypasta

Copypasta? In my chess? It's more likely than you think.

Chess is an old game, but it's survived into an age of social media. Where there is social media, there will be someone saying something utterly crazy and everyone latching on to it, never letting them live it down. This is one such story.

Who is Wesley So?

Wesley So is an American chess grandmaster, born 1993. He was born in the Philippines, but moved to the US and now plays for them. He is known for wearing sunglasses indoors, making him resemble an Asian version of The Terminator.

Who is Tigran Petrosian?

Tigran Petrosian is an Armenian chess grandmaster and former World Champion, born 1929, died 1984.

"Died 1984? How did he interact with Wesley if he was six feet under before Wesley was even born?"

Sorry, wrong guy. You see, Tigran V. Petrosian, the former World Champion, was so influential that several people named their kids after him. The Tigran in our story, Tigran L. Petrosian, was one such lad. Tigran L., born 1984, is also an Armenian chess grandmaster.

Did I say "several"? There's yet another chess master named Tigran S. Petrosian. These guys really love ol' Tigran. Tigran Petrosian is not a man, it's a way of life.

The Drama

27 Sep 2020. It's the finals of the PRO Chess League. The Armenia Eagles have just defeated the Saint Louis Arch Bishops. Tigran (L., in case you need reminding), on the Eagles' side, was asked his secret to winning. He replied that he had been drinking gin during the match.

Wesley, of the Arch Bishops, felt that Tigran was punching above his weight and acting suspiciously, frequently looking down at what could have been an off-screen cheating device. He not-so-subtly hinted in the comments that Tigran was cheating:

• Yeah, Petrosian played better than Magnus Carlsen yesterday. I need to have some of that secret gin also.

• I wonder what happened to the Eagles' top scorers Andriasian and Shant Sargsyan. Why they don't play on chess.com anymore ;)

(They don't, because they were banned for cheating.)

For a grandmaster to accuse a fellow grandmaster of cheating is a grave insult, and one had better be damn sure they really were before lobbing that accusation. Some commenters told Wesley he was just being a sore loser, that upsets happen and he should learn to live with it.

The Pasta

Tigran, on the other hand, went completely ballistic, and produced what is now one of his most beautiful contributions to chess:

• Are you kidding ??? What the **** are you talking about man ? You are a biggest looser i ever seen in my life ! You was doing PIPI in your pampers when i was beating players much more stronger then you! You are not proffesional, because proffesionals knew how to lose and congratulate opponents, you are like a girl crying after i beat you! Be brave, be honest to yourself and stop this trush talkings!!! Everybody know that i am very good blitz player, i can win anyone in the world in single game! And "w"esley "s"o is nobody for me, just a player who are crying every single time when loosing, ( remember what you say about Firouzja ) !!! Stop playing with my name, i deserve to have a good name during whole my chess carrier, I am Officially inviting you to OTB blitz match with the Prize fund! Both of us will invest 5000$ and winner takes it all!

• I suggest all other people who's intrested in this situation, just take a look at my results in 2016 and 2017 Blitz World championships, and that should be enough… No need to listen for every crying babe, Tigran Petrosyan is always play Fair ! And if someone will continue Officially talk about me like that, we will meet in Court! God bless with true! True will never die ! Liers will kicked off…

This was a perfect combination of broken English and Internet Tough Guy, now forever seared into the minds of chess enthusiasts.

Some noted the resemblance to the Navy Seal copypasta and attempted to create a variation of it using Tigran's rant. You know what? That's gilding the lily. Tigran's rant is a brilliancy that stands on its own.

Wesley, presumably taking a moment to recover from laughing too hard, accepted Tigran's invitation to a money match:

• You got yourself a deal man. Anytime, anywhere.

Tigran, ever the Internet Tough Guy, said in another interview that he would punch Wesley in the face if they met.

Aftermath

Wesley and Tigran never had their fated over-the-board battle.

The Armenia Eagles were eventually found to have been cheating, and disqualified from the tournament. The Saint Louis Arch Bishops were deemed the winners, and Wesley was vindicated.

Tigran's copypasta was so frequently spammed on r/chess that the AutoModerator was eventually set up to automatically remove it, and taunt the user who posted it with a short, modified variant of the rant with equally broken English. r/AnarchyChess, on the other hand, went the opposite route, and set up a bot which would repost the copypasta whenever words like "PIPI" or "Petrosian" were detected in a user's post.

chess.com did agree with Tigran on one thing, which was that "liers will kicked off". They banned him for life on their platform, as did the PRO Chess League. He did not have his Grandmaster title revoked, as that falls under a separate governing body.

Tigran L. Petrosian may have been disgraced, had his trophy stripped, and his career carrier in shambles, but he will always live on in our hearts. And our underwear.