New Cloud-version 'Kingdom Hearts' Update Helpfully Tells You When You Shouldn't Play

The halcyon days of purchasing a video game, putting it into your console and playing it to your (Kingdom) heart's content are but a (Dream Drop) distant (Chain of) memory, as evidenced by the 1.03 patch of the Nintendo Switch ports of the Kingdom Hearts games, which will tell you when you shouldn't play the games.

We’ve published Patch 1.0.3 for the Kingdom Hearts series for Nintendo Switch Cloud Version.

Server congestion can now be viewed on the portal page.
While playing KH3, the options "Prioritize Performance" and "Prioritize Graphic Quality" can be selected when starting the game.

— KINGDOM HEARTS (@KINGDOMHEARTS) May 12, 2022

Kingdom Hearts Nintendo Switch Cloud Versions updated to display server congestion!https://t.co/uYIQzwybGk pic.twitter.com/GJK77IzrAy

— KH13 · for Kingdom Hearts (@KH13com) May 12, 2022

The Switch's Kingdom Hearts ports are "cloud" versions, meaning rather than being able to download and play the game directly from the hardware, players are streaming the game via the internet from a server. As anyone who has used anything hosted on a server can tell you, servers and internet connections can be finicky.

Patch 1.03 now has players of Kingdom Hearts III make a Sophie's Choice between "graphics" or "performance," and players can now view the intensity of server activity from the menu. While publishers Square Enix didn't say this directly, many gamers intuited why they added the latter feature: If the servers are very busy, a player may want to hold off on playing the game they paid for because there's a decent chance they could have a low-quality experience, or worse, a crash.

First Square decides to be lazy and use cloud ports for Kingdom Hearts but now warns you to not play if the servers are busy? Crazy. https://t.co/r45e6Hp4rp

— raichu (@raichu_raichu_) May 15, 2022

The cloud versions of Kingdom Hearts now warn you when it's not a great time to play the games you purchased.https://t.co/1Gv3zy56xv

— Matt McMuscles (@MattMcMuscles) May 13, 2022

I find it bizarre that valuable resources were actually spent to develop ‘cloud technology’ for this. You should always ‘not play Kingdom Hearts.’ pic.twitter.com/oa9K1UXvNT

— Citan Uzuki (@DocCitanUzuki) May 15, 2022

The option to choose the type of performance players would like to prioritize and the "server congestion" warning measure both appear to be band-aids over the generally buggy performance of the Kingdom Hearts cloud versions, while gamers cry out for native ports. As Kingdom Hearts IV is in development, gamers aren't optimistic on seeing native Switch ports for the original Kingdom Hearts games anytime soon.