Twitter Users Put Their Heads Together To Try And Decipher World's First 'Dog Walks Into A Bar' Joke

For (apparently) thousands of years, humanity has been iterating on the classic joke premise, "A man walks into a bar." Most of these jokes have largely straightforward punchlines: The subject has a humorous conversation with the bartender, or perhaps the "man" is actually a talking animal. However, as any comedy scholar will tell you, the humor of a joke can be lost with time, which is what made the purported "world's first" "Man Walks Into A Bar" joke an object of fascination on Twitter recently.

On March 9th, Defector editor Barry Petchesky quote-tweeted the Depths of Wikipedia, which had shown an excerpt from a Wikipedia entry explaining the world's first "bar joke."

The joke reads, "A dog entered a tavern and said: 'I can't see a thing. I'll open this one!'"

If I don’t learn what this means I might explode https://t.co/3hjFFJKthg

— Barry Petchesky (@barry) March 10, 2022

The joke was pulled from a very ancient Sumerian joke book compiled by the University of Oxford. It is believed to have been written at some time between 1894-1800 BCE.

Petchesky's post set Twitter off on a quest to decipher what could have possibly been funny about this to ancient Sumerians. Various interpretations ranged from people thinking it was a bit of ribaldry or blue humor to others arguing it was a Sumerian pun.

Dogs are short, Sumerian taverns were dark & crowded with men wearing tunics, and this is how they drank beer at the time. That's a dick joke! pic.twitter.com/PeOJCaGVid

— Hot Larry Summers🌎 (@slavojvibecheck) March 10, 2022

“Dog” is a euphemism for a person who pretends to be infirm so they can lie about all day drinking. They say “Ahh I can’t see” to make out as if they’re blind, then “I’ll open this one” because they’ve picked out a choice looking jar of beer they’d like. https://t.co/eX2lLZbtQn

— Órlaith (@scratchcarddust) March 10, 2022

It’s actually pretty clear what the joke is -

They would open a window to let light in (no glass)

But it also sounds like they want to crack open a drink (probably from a larger clay receptacle)

— ADVENTURES IN LEFTISM (@leftventures) March 10, 2022

Others merely laughed at the patrician Millennials struggling to understand sophisticated Sumerian humor.

pic.twitter.com/xZ6GtZwLQ5

— 💖💜💙 Robin 💖💜💙 (@dredpiraterobn) March 10, 2022

me and my sumerian friends are cracking up, it's nothing, i mean it's really funny if you know, but don't worry about it

— pastyskin mcirishman (@thepubprobably) March 10, 2022

Average Sumerian reacting to the joke pic.twitter.com/nM8E7wDDuf

— Mom & Pop Insulin Bar (@donorsHATEhim) March 10, 2022

So what's the answer? Twitter user @Abbyfheld seemed to come closest by clarifying that, yes, it is a sex joke. According to Abby, there's a bit of mistranslation in the text. She says taverns used to also be brothels. The Sumerian words for "unopened eye" and "widows" are very similar, so the dog is saying "I don't see anything but widows" with "widows" meaning "prostitutes," and "opens" more accurately reads "pairs off with."

Sumerian taverns are also brothels. A double entendre occurs in line 74. "Igi nu-mu-un-du^[8]" refers to an unopened eye; but "nu mu un su" means widow. The dog enters and says both "I don't see anything" and "I don't see anything but widows." He pairs off with one (taka^[4]) pic.twitter.com/QlchLJQ3oT

— Abby Held (@abbyfheld) March 10, 2022

This isn't the explanation for the joke on Wikipedia, however. After the Twitter debate, the description of the Sumerian joke on the "Bar joke" page changed to read, "'A dog, having walked into an inn, did not see anything, (and so he said): 'Shall I open this (door)?'.' The punchline presumes an inn would also be a brothel, and the humor suggests the dog is hoping to see what transpired out of view."

Scholars may never agree on what the dog truly meant in the ancient Sumerian joke, but it appears to be a safe bet that it had something to do with sex.