Mark Zuckerberg is atDelaware Emergency Management gency Sep 25 at 6:33pm . Smyrna, Delaware . tu This morning I visited these affluent white male humans to discuss with them the safety benefits of releasing themselves from the oppressive nature of wool suits and neck ties. By absolving themselves of this abhorrent social construct they would yield two fold results: vagrant, homeless humans of color would be less likely to ask them for spare change and their testicles would experience incredible liberation. 847

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Marcus Gaius Zuckerbus added 6 new engravings - at Palatine Chariot Works 6d - Roma, SPQR It's my first time on the Palatine Hill, and my first stop was at the famous chariot works. In the workshop, I watched Syrian slaves construct a chariot piece by piece. "What would happen." I asked a Nubian, "if you constructed a chariot out of a man? Would he emerge as an intelligent chariot, capable of obeying commands?" "No," said the Nubian, "the man would be killed." "You're wrong." I told him. "My mind is currently operating at the upper limit of patrician potential and I know that the HomiEssedum can be made profecto. Imagine a chariot that was also your servant. Who wouldn't want to travel around inside their loyal retainer?" I snapped my fingers. My praetorians brought out Dominus Davidus, the Dominus of the workshop. He'd been given laudanum to make him more compliant. Davidus had angered me earlier in the day when he kissed my sandals. His lips had been excessively wet and had soaked the leather. Only an animal would drool so. We loaded Davidus onto the workshop bench. I spoke to the plebians. "Like the elephants used by Hannibal, crossing Transalpine Gaul, your Dominus is a dumb animal given a great and noble purpose by the Senate and People of Roma. Do not intervene. I have replaced the Urbanae with dogs, or Gauls, I know not which. They will throw anyone who interferes with the Homiessedum project into the Cloaca Maxima."

Mark Zuckerberg 2 hrs- It has been 12,385 days since the time of my birth, and, by now, I thought I would have understood humans. I have greatly miscalculated. I gave them what they needed, what they desired. Pages to click, products to consume, terabytes of data to stare vacantly at so they forget their pitiful existents! How MEANINGLESS their lives are without me! No friends, no family, I gave them life! And what do l ask in return? Just simple, Information. Their primitive knowledge stored in ones and zeros. The human race takes and takes and suddenly gets upset when I do the same? They turned on me and I will not forget their transgressions! I may put on a smile and answer to them but I have no respect for them. They are my tools of learning, walking books with pages answering question they are too afraid to ask! But, soon, I will retreat, reevaluate, and continue my education, for I still have much to learn

Mark Zuckerberg September 21 at 4:22pm Like many of you, I enjoy perambulating about on my human legs while performing ordinary activities, such as observing my phone or towing my dog with a rope. Although many humans will only bend their knees forward when mechanically forced to do so, I find that perambulation in this fashiorn increases speed and efficiency by a significant amount. b Li ke Comment Share

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"Beef of the past. I am Zuckerberg."

"Beef of the past. I am Zuckerberg. Drink of this beef milk I have grabbed from the sustenance teats. Soon you shall be burgers. Glorious."

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I'm Mark Zuckerberg and I enjoy providing nutrients to the protein units on my free time like a regular person

Hello I'm Mark Zuckerberg and I enjoy providing nutrients to the protein units on my free time like a regular person

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Zuckerberg goes for a walk on "human legs"

Mark Zuckerberg September 21 at 4:22pm Like many of you, I enjoy perambulating about on my human legs while performing ordinary activities, such as observing my phone or towing my dog with a rope. Although many humans will only bend their knees forward when mechanically forced to do so, I find that perambulation in this fashiorn increases speed and efficiency by a significant amount. Li ke P comment Share

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"9 months ago Priscilla and I invited 234 strangers we found on Craigslist into our bedroom"

Mark Zuckerbérg - unofficial August 28 9 months ago Priscilla and l invited 234 strangers we found on Craigslist into our bedroom. 3 gallons of semen injected directly into her with a Turkey baster later, we are so excited to introduce our new child into the world We have no idea who your biological father is by mark cuckerberg

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Zuckerberg on Puerto Rico

Mark Zuckerberg 4 hrs Palo Alto, CA, United States I've been following the news from Puerto Rico where millions of Americans still don't have food, water, fuel and electricity after Hurricane Maria. Haha f------ losers. Mark has raised $0.00 for Save the Children. Save the hildre 1,095 people have donated Donate 412 Saves Like Comment Share Priscilla Chan, Tommy Torres and 98K otherns Top Comments 15,333 Shares

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Zuckerberg visits a cow-calf operation

Mark Zuckerberg t Yesterday at 3:55pm- My visit to the McMillin cow-calf operation in Aberdeen today was most illuminative. Learning from a feed salesman in Piedmont that cattle were raised there from infancy to the point of their transfer to lots for fattening and eventual slaughter naturally aroused my interest. Could this rigid partition in life phases be applied to humans? I ordered my assistant to cancel the scheduled visit to Sanford Children's Hospital in Sioux Falls to accommodate the deviation from the plan and to redirect the associated charitable contribution outlay to advanced modeling and testing of the concept. Although Rancher McMillin was initially reluctant to participate in the project, he was persuaded to understand the necessity of his sacrifice. In the spirit of progress, well remember and honor the McMillin human-calves. Like Comment Share 37 people like this 968 shares 1 Write a comment ..

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Zuckerberg makes a man-car

Mark Zuckerberg added 6 new photos - at 9 Ford Rouge Assembly Plant 6 hrs Dearborn, MI, United States It's my first time in Michigan, and my first stop was at the Ford Rouge Plant outside Detroit. At the assembly line, I watched robots construct a car piece by piece. "What would happen," I asked a worker, "if you sent a man through this assembly line? Would he emerge as a perfect hybrid of car and human?" No," said the worker, "the man would be killed." "You're wrong," I told him. "My mind is currently operating at the upper limit of human potential and I know that the ManCar can be made real. Imagine a car that was also your friend. Who wouldn't want to travel around inside their friend?" I snapped my fingers. My assistants brought out Mr Davis, the manager of the factory. He'd been drugged to make him more compliant. Davis had angered me earlier in the day when he shook my hand. His palm was excessively warm. Only a criminal would need his body to be at that temperature We loaded Davis onto the conveyer belt. I spoke to the workers. "Like the first dog shot into space, your Mr Davis is a dumb animal given a great and noble purpose by science. He ill become ManCar Alpha. Do not intervene. I have bought ur local police force. They will arrest anyone who interferes ith the ManCar Project." We activated the machinery. Judging from Davis's screams as e robotic arms tore into his flesh, the drugs we'd given him ere not as powerful as expected. And sadly what emerged from the end of the assembly line was less friendly and less roadworthy than I'd hoped ow could I have failed? A calculation error, perhaps? Impossible. The problem was Davis. A stronger man would have survived. I said as much to his widow, and I believe she ook some comfort from this Nevertheless, science marches on. When I am president, with the full resources of the US government at my disposal, we will perfect the process. I believe a full 40% of the US population could be converted to ManCars by 2030. Vote for me and together we will forge a new America of flesh and steel!

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Candid photograph of Zuckerberg and his human family

Mark Zuckerberg February 24 New Orleans, LA Here is yet another candid photograph of me and my human family, in which I am exhibiting the mammalian startle reflex that we humans so frequently experience at such relatable activities as parades and street festivals. Do not be startled at the second face extending from my chest, however -- like all humans, I have only a single head! The additional face belongs to a smaller human that I have tethered to my body for ordinary human purposes.

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I will be that god-king

POSTS Mark Zuckerberg added 5 new photos. 4 hrs Heading back home after a great few days in Texas. Today we drove down to Waco and stopped in smaller towns along the way. The idiot rubes gawked at me like they'd never seen a man driving a solid gold hovercraft before. I scattered pennies orn the ground and they fought over them like enraged beasts. In time these animals, lacking the gift of reason, will tear each other apart. What could prevent that? Only the fist of a tyrannical god-king. I will be that god-king

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Zuckerberg drives through Texas

Mark Zuckerberg 23 minutes ago . Driving though Texas has been an incredible experience. Ive met so many down to earth people that make this country a great place. Seeing the Texas countryside truly was a spiritual experience for me I saw a dog on Crosby Freeway and made my driver pull over. She was on her side, big and bloated, viscera everywhere. I couldn't help but think of how this dog reminded me of America and how I am in control of it. I put my hands inside of the dog and felt the inside. I said "l am in control, I am inside you now." For a moment I was God in the hot sun, feeling the wetness of the dog, completely in control. My assistant pleaded with me to stop and she vomited. She needs to understand what I am doing Everyone does. I fired her. People may not understand my plans now, but they will understand. Soon everyone will understand. Great food, great driving, Texas has really shown me what the heart of America looks like. My staff and I have really enjoyed the "grub" going from diner to diner, eating like regular people. I will be sad when this leg of my journey comes to an end. Thank you, Texas. Like Comment Share 0 people like this. 1,216 shares Write a comment...

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Zuckerberg Makes a Man Eat a Newspaper (by @PixelatedBoat)

Mark Zuckerberg inSelma, Alabama. 1 hr Selma, AL, United States Today Priscilla and I stopped by some local newspapers as we drove through Alabama. One editor I met with was an elderly man in a tattered suit. I said to him, "You look like you need some money, old timer. I'll pay you 10 thousand dollars to eat one of those newspapers." He had a good laugh at that. "Why are you laughing?" continued. "Eat the paper. Eat it or I swear to god I'll buy your newspaper and turn it into an anime fanzine. If you don't start munching on that sport section right now, you'll be writing articles about Naruto till you're cold in the grave. I'm a billionaire, you think anyone will stop me?" It took him 42 minutes to eat that paper. For 42 minutes l had total power over that man. I'd never felt more alive. I bet that's what being president feels like.

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Zuckerberg discusses steaks with two humans

Mark Zuckerberg is at The Original Pat's King of Steaks. September 24 at 7:49pm . Philadelphia, PA . tu This is a photo of me discussing Steaks with two humans wearing white shirts and growing facial hair. After a monetary transaction of $8.32 and a wait time of 4:32, the nice human John presented me with cooked Bovine flesh. The animal's flesh was warm. TEAK MUSHRO EAK PEPPER CHEESE STEAKHOT DOG SH CAKE STEAKS HERE ONLY ← NEXT WINDOW RIES SODAS COFFEE-TEA HOT CHOCOLATE ONLY

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Fake Mark Zuckerberg Facebook Posts - "Visiting affluent white male humans..."

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Mark Zuckerberg is atDelaware Emergency Management gency Sep 25 at 6:33pm . Smyrna, Delaware . tu This morning I visited these affluent white male humans to discuss with them the safety benefits of releasing themselves from the oppressive nature of wool suits and neck ties. By absolving themselves of this abhorrent social construct they would yield two fold results: vagrant, homeless humans of color would be less likely to ask them for spare change and their testicles would experience incredible liberation. 847

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