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: Anonymous 03/10/21(Wed)15:51:35 No.849270245 >>bought a house >>beating off on the couch >>see movement out of the corner of my eye >>forgot front door has a window now >>amazon delivery driver saw me 27 KB JPG masturbating to mistress T

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reddit greentext greentext memes 4chan 4chan memes /r/greentext organism terrestrial plant font

Origin Entry: Greentext Stories

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HOW IS YOUR NIGHT GOING /v/? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:34 No.39833040 Mine is doing good, I just sat down and cracked open a bear and about to play some TF2. Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:35 No.39833090 You cracked open a bear? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:36 No.39833114 >Cracked open a bear Oh god what OP TF2 IS FOR CASUALS Crro Lack

Anonymous (ID: 31kpyf2g) I f------ hate these people 07/11/21(Sun)21:52:59 No.329597517 1d Amen. As a Democract, I worry about us allowing our cities to become wastelands of homeless drug addicts. I am excited to move out to the suburbs because at least life will be pleasant out there, even if I have to live amongst the Republicans. I want to be able to go for a walk without fear of attack. Do Democrats only care about the rights of antisocial drug addicted transients? I will never vote Republican, but I hate how us Dems don't have the courage to let the ends justify the means. 1625859701519m.jpg 110 KB JPG there is no political solution Anonymous (ID: ricZnDZD) >>329597517 (OP) # 07/11/21(Sun)21:55:23 No.329597743 >I recognize that my party doesn't have my best interests in mind >in fact, I can see that my party favors literal criminals over law abiding citizens >I have to literally pack my s--- up and move because my party ruined my home >I wont ever change the way I vote though Imao Democracy was a mistake >>329599805 # >>329600177 # >>329601081 #

34 KB JPG >Be born in 1949 >Don't have to fight in a war >Be 20 years old in time for the summer of '69 >Pick up some ridiculous 11/10 who's hitchhiking to Woodstock in my Plymouth Roadrunner I bought after working a summer job for a month >She's immediately into me because she's from a small town and I'm the only man in her life who's not her father or brother >Bring her home and marry her >Go to get a job, hired off the street with no experience and get trained >Buy 10 acres of land for less than what I make in a year >rent out my land for decades >retire and sit around house all day looking at my collection of boats and cars I never use Kids today just don't understand hard work and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps

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anon and the necromancer's apprentice

Anonymous 04/11/15 (Sat) 03:28:59 No.89067 >89081 YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play. Skeleton Star >Novice necromancer submits a spell to the DM. >DM "It's poorly written but whatever. You can use it" >As is the nature of a f------ weirdo the necromancer goes off by himself to perform his degeneracy >A successful summoning >Roll to control it >fail >The skeleton sorcerer summoned an additional skeleton sorcerer minion. >Nervouslaughter.jpg by everyone at the table. >Roll to banish >another fail >each of skeleton sorcerers then summon another sorcerer, 1 per skeleton sorcerer. >Necromancer "oh god, this is getting bad...I'm gonna need some help" >party is in an inn across the way >necromancer runs for help. >DM runs the calculations. >in the time it took for him to get the party from the inn the skeletons have reproduced. >There are now over 16000 skeletons and they're continuing to multiply exponentially. >"oh god. >"Tha... That's too many skeletons guys, we need a high level NPC!" >"DM, how many more skeletons can be created?" >DM-"According to the spell submitted by Drenokan, there's no limit.." >"FUCKI" >The party bails from the town. The screams of the townsfolk can be heard in the distance as the skeletons continue to multiply. Everyone smacks Drenokan in the back of the head as they >As they run a tower of skeletons emerges from the horizon as the dawn breaks. >Party arrives at a port town as a wave of skeletons builds in the forest behind them, Skeletons now tumbling over one another summoning more skeletons as they fall as skeletons summoning skeletons summoning skeletons summoning skeletons summon yet more skeletons. >"we'll take a boat and just head off to another continent, problem solved guys. let's get out of here" SDM's narration is >"As the boat departs skeletons are just beginning to tumble onto the docks. The panicked screams of the townsfolk generate an eerie melody as a precession of percussion drifts through the air. An untold number of bones clattering together herald the end of Swiftwater, the small port town at the western edge of the continent of Ed'hyak. Ed'hyak, known for it's bustling cities and vibrant merchant commerce was thus buried beneath a mountain of bones. In the coming hours millions die in this bonocolpylse, their bones merely acting as a foundation for yet more bones to follow" >Mackleroy, a merchant character in the party is livid. He's real big into world building and he'd spent a month with the DM developing this place and it basically became a barren bone wasteland in a matter of 6 or 7 turns. >Mackleroy "Okay, can we restart already? This is getting stupid" > DM "No, Not until we finish the story. > Boat is filled with weeping people lamenting their forsaken homes. Mackleroy is considering tossing Drenokan overboard. Other party members are actually trying to critically think things through "How can we stem this tide of undead?" "mayhaps we can draw them into the void..." >captain >DM narrates further "In the distance a wave of skeletons roll across the horizon cutting the sea in twain. The rattle of their bones has become a deafening roar. The ship breaks out into a panic. People are screaming, crying, jumping overboard; complete pandemonium. The boat gets swept up in this skeleton tide. Skeletons appear from thin air tumbling onto the boat as they do. >The party is fighting off skeletons on the boat in a sea of skeletons. >The wave of skeletons gradually continues to overtake the boat and soon the boat itself is adrift in this sea of skeletons. Party takes turns fighting off the skeletons. Frantically making saving rolls that never hit 20 for some kind of divine intervention. At one point our sorcerer tries to reason them "PLEASE, STAHP, NO MORE!" >nothing >DM intervenes "There are countless skeletons now. Even if you could cut down one million with a single swing you'd never be able to overtake their ability to reproduce. This continues for a while longer and then...they reach a critical mass. The weight of the skeletons becomes so great that their combined mass crushes the innermost portions of the planet. The generation of gravity from the skeletons' ever increasing mass sucks them into a void of density instantly killing anyone left on the planet who wasn't already dead...or a skeleton. This starts a chain reaction with fuels the creation of a new star. A star born of death. The cries of many are lost to a burning blaze in the aether. Some say you can still hear the rattling of bones echoing around this star. of ship calls out "Gods alive! Protect us! Thar be skeletons head'n our way!" Tongue in cheek. This short campaign is affectionately referred to in our group as "Mr Bone's wild ride"

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Anon faces a moral dilemma | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/22/19(Fri)03:00:39 No.793293384 >be me >have a giant crush on this girl I've known for 4 years but she's been in a relationship with a dude whom I also know >host a party but he was busy and didn't come 17 KB JPG >she was too drunk after party to drive and asked to stay over >found out she had been having relationship issues and wanted to cheat on him >refused >she gave me a sad look and feel asleep I'm still a virgin. I did good, right anons?

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Anon has schizophrenia | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/22/17(Sun)12:06:39 No.40579901 >tfw you're browsing late at night with headphones on and can hear faint chinese whispering >webcam light is on 32 KB PNG

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Anon tries to learn Cyrillic alphabet | /r/Greentext

>be me >bored af >decide to learn a new language >f--- politics. But looks like Russia might rule the world soon >decide to learn Russian language >look up Russian alphabet 44 KB PNG >w--.m4a Why does the Russian alphabet look like the English alphabet but written by an autist?

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Anon goes for a walk | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/23/18(Mon)19:42:38 No.44891102 >walk down street >trip >pants touch ground >pants touched my underwear >underwear touched my d--- >ground was touched by woman's shoes 30 KB JPG >woman's shoes touched woman's socks >woman's socks touched woman's feet >basically got a f------ from a girl See you around losers

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Anon has a realization | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/25/18(Sun)13:57:27 No.44135120 >straight boy >about 5'5 but I don't let it get to me >meet 6'5 guy at a camp that I work at >we have to move a bunch 229 KB PNG of boxes >I pick one up, trip and fall >"don't be such a silly little boy" >instant throbbing boner fuckfuckcfuck please don't be gay I don't want to be gay what does this mean 34 Replies / 5 Images View Thread

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Anon found the worst place in the internet | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/11/21(Thu)09:09:02 No.849327632 >get in argument with friend about worst places on the internet >I say this bored >he links me this 35 KB JPG https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDati ngStrategy/ and i thought you f------ where spiteful 23 Replies View Thread

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Anon meets a farmer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/05/14(Wed)20:29:30 No.530995260 ITT: Autistic Mistakes > Be 15 > Go to farm on after- school group's field trip > Want to be funny > Go to farmer 19 KB JPG "You have a nice d---." > MFW meant to say c--- > MFW I realize he grew vegatables > MEW I'm probably retarded Anonymous 02/05/14(Wed)20:38:06 No.530996935 this thread is a good thread

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Anon discovers the truth. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/11/21(Thu)20:03:13 No.849318094 So most condombrands do animal testing right? durex durex >get a new job at trojan Gurex durex >first week was great, get lots of durex condoms for free >not that i use it but they make great balloons for your kids (i have a shitload of 232 KB JPG kids cause i dont use condoms) >next day at work, boss hands me, what he calls "prototyp-condoms" >"so anon, you come from the south right?" >me ready for another joke about i----- ect. says yes >"so you prefer sheeps or goats?" >dont understand, but answer "i am vegan, i wrote that in my application and say that every 15 minutes" >he laughs as we enter the testing lab >mfw its a barn full of animals >"we need you to test these on at least 3 different animals today, have fun anon" >company is in cooperation with victorias secret wich also do animal testing (its true, google it) so all the animals wearing lingerine >find myself a 7/10 turkey, take off my wedding ring and start to work We are still looking for employees in testing so write your application today and become professional sheep-f-----

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Anon spends time with his nephew. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/11/21(Thu)07:16:00 No.62699465 >be me >sister is having an extra rough day >take my nephew to one of those jump parks just to give her a moment to breath >hes enjoying himself >wants to play dodge ball with the other kids >other kids are 12-14 when he's 7 75 KB PNG >tell him that I won't stop him from having fun but expect no mercy from the older kids >he gets slaughtered >clearly upset >the other kids were clearly targeting him >his entire team gets obliterated >decide enough is enough >walk into doge ball court like big d--- in a locker room >be 25 year old 6'4 fat ass r9k user adult >can throw one of those "balls" with the speed of a meteor compared to the plebeian kids on the other team >re-intact that scene in doge ball where the looser f---- gets really p----- off and murders the entire team solo >jump up on the trampolines so high that when my full fatass weight goes into a throw I knock kids down >kids are flying into the sides of the trampolines after my gorilla throws >nephew thinks its the most badass s--- ever >our team wins >take him out for ice cream after I've not done much with my s----- life but l'll never forget how happy my nephew was to tell my sister that I slam dunked the other children

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Anon Needs A Mechanic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/11/21(Thu)00:26:23 No.62696920 >Be Me >Be living in Hawaii >Have a problem with feral chickens >f------ lived in the avocado tree 2 feet from my window >dumb motherclukcers would make bird 363 KB JPG noises at 2AM >HOA does jack s--- >look up city and county ordinances >Start trapping the little bastards and driving all the way across the island to the humane society to turn them in >One day stuck in H1 traffic like usual, blasting rammstein >Get to humane society, dead chicken in trunk >turns out I have an exhaust leak in my s----- ass car >pic related

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Anon has a small dick | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/11/21(Thu)00:21:38 No.849303839 >Be me >tiny d--- boi >not micro or anything but barely 4 inches ? >meet girl >we get kinda intimate >she sees my tiny d--- laughs and leaves 106 KB PNG >besadasfuck.wav >find out later she is f------ a girl on the regular >w-- >girlsdontevenhavepps.jpg >be confused Seriously, I mean it sucks I got rejected for having a tiny c--- but I at least get it...but if you need a big d--- why would you f--- someone with no d---?? Why are girls like this?

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Greentext Stories - Anon buys a house | /r/Greentext

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: Anonymous 03/10/21(Wed)15:51:35 No.849270245 >>bought a house >>beating off on the couch >>see movement out of the corner of my eye >>forgot front door has a window now >>amazon delivery driver saw me 27 KB JPG masturbating to mistress T

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