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painandcats [two images taken from above the clouds. A rainbow is visible below the clouds.]

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fulgur-caligo-custodis kurlyfryz Power move: Next time you go to the airport, bring a bottle of shampoo, but it's filled with yogurt. When they tell you that liquids aren't allowed Drink it Posted in r/madlads by u/ProbablyM_S reddit

lesbianshepard Jul 24 travelling next week for work. googled the nearest city and none of you are prepared to see what passes for the local style pizza. lesbianshepard Jul 24 this should be a crime lesbianshepard Jul 25 #someone needs to die for this #divorced dad type food #is the local chef a 12 year old latchkey kid? #as a new yorker im about to k J elf #abolish all prisons except one for these guys #that is a crime where I'm from #I'm anti regional food variation shaming but this is a crime man #mamma mia. #i took like a deep shuddering breath #i feel nauseous. #oh no they should be shot #literally the closest thing to anti-Italian racism the reviews are in: Pennsylvania must pay for its crimes

theaccidentfactory Follow I explained the concept of "blorbo from my shows" to my 71 year old immigrant grandfather because I referenced it in passing and I thought nothing of it, until today when he said "I think I'll watch peaky blinders tonight and see my blorbo from my shows" referring, of course, to Cillian Murphy playing Tommy Shelby theaccidentfactory English isn't his first language so he's not super in touch with modern slang, so I've been accidentally teaching him to talk like a tumblr user. His favorite thing to say lately is "me when I'm a little hater" when he's like talking s about the neighbor's son

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the pirate merman (🤔sound uncanny idea but nice...)

O Chwistopher @Loudwindow Concept: Pirates slay a monster mermaid to steal its treasure chest. Pirates open chest, finds a sleepy baby mermaid within. Monster mermaid was using the treasure chest as a cradle. Pirates: 00 otherwindow This is how the golden age of piracy ended. The first mermaid to get tattoos :) I dragonsateyourtoast "we didn't know any better," the crewman says, and swallows, presenting the chest to the captain. "what do we do now?" "kill it," the captain says, but the ice is melting in his eyes. "we can't," the first mate says desperately, praying she won't have to fight her captain on this. "we can't. we - i won't. we won't." "i know." "daddy," she says, floating in a tub of seawater in the hold, "daddy, la-la, la- la-la." her voice rings like bells. her accent is strange; her mouth isn't made for human words. it mesmerises even the hardiest amongst them and she wasn't even trying. the crew has taken to diving for shellfish near the shorelines for her; she loves them, splitting the shells apart with strength seen in no human toddler, slurping down the slimy molluscs inside and laughing, all plump brown cheeks and needle-sharp teeth. she sometimes splashes them for fun with her smooth, rubbery brown tail. even when they get soaked they laugh. they love her. "daddy," she calls again, and he can hear the worry in her voice. the storm rocking the ship is harsh and uncaring, and if they go down, she would be the only survivor. "don't worry," he says, and goes over, sitting next to the tub. the first mate, leaning against the wall, pretends not to notice as he quietly begins to sing. "father," she says, one day, as she leans on the edge of the dock and the captain sits next to her, "why am I here?" "your mother abandoned you," he says, as he always has. "we found you adrift, and couldn't bear to leave you there." she picks at the salt-soaked boards, uncertain. her hair is pulled back in a fluffy black puff, the white linen holding it slipping almost over one of her dark eyes. one of her first tattoos, a many-limbed kraken, curls over her right shoulder and down her arm, delicate tendrils wrapped around her calloused fingertips. "alright," she says. "why am I really here?" she asks the first mate, watching the sun set over the water in streaks of liquid metal that pooled in the troughs of the waves and glittered on the seafoam. "we didn't know any better," the first mate says, staring into the water. "we didn't know- we didn't know anything. we didn't understand why she fought so viciously to guard her treasure. we could not know she protected something a thousand times more precious than the purest gold." she wants to be furious, but she can't. she already knew the answer, from reading the guilt in her father's eyes and the empty space in her own "it's alright," she says. "i do have a family, anyways. i don't think i would have liked my other life near as much." her kraken grows, spreading its tendrils over her torso and arms. she grows too, too large to come on board the ship without being hauled up in a boat from the water. she sings when the storms come and swims before the ship to guide it to safety. she fights off more than one beast of the seas, and gathers a set of scars across her back that she bears with pride. "I don't mind," she says when the captain fusses over her, “now i match all of you." the first time their ship is threatened, really threatened, is by another fleet. a friend turned enemy of first mate. "we shouldn't fight him," she says, peering through the spyglass. "why not?" the mermaid asks. “he'll win," the first mate says. the mermaid tips her head sideways. Her eyes, dark as the deep waters, gleam in the noon light. "are you sure?" she asks. the enemy fleet surrenders after the flagship is sunk in the night, the anchor ripped off the ship and the planks torn off the hull. the surviving crew, wild-eyed and delirious, whimper and say a sea serpent came from the water and attacked them, say it was longer than the boat and crushed it in its coils. the first mate hears this and has to hide her laughter. the captain apologizes to his daughter for doubting her. "don't worry," she says, with a bright laugh, "it was fun." the second time, they are pushed by a storm into a royal fleet. they can't possibly fight them, and they don't have the time to escape. "let me up," the mermaid urges, surfacing starboard and shouting to the crew. "bring me up, quickly, quickly." they lower the boat and she piles her sinous form into it, and uses her claws to help the crew pull her up. once on the deck she flops out of the boat and makes her way over to the bow. the crew tries to help but she's so heavy they can barely lift parts of her. she crawls up out in front of the rail and wraps her long webbed tail around the prow. the figurehead has served them well so far but they need more right now. she wraps herself around the figurehead and raises her body up into the wind takes a breath of the stinging salt air and sings. the storm carries her voice on its front to the royal navy. they are enchanted, so stunned by her song that they drop the rigging ropes and let the tillers drift. the pirates sail through the center of the fleet, trailing the storm behind them, and by the time the fleet has managed to regain its senses they are buried in wind and rain and the pirates are gone. she declines guns. instead she carries a harpoon and its launcher, and uses them to board enemy ships, hauling her massive form out of the water to coil on the deck and dispatch "you know we are dying," the captain says, looking down at her. she floats next to the ship, so massive she could hold it in her arms. her eyes are wise. "i know," she says, "i can feel it coming." the first mate stands next to the captain. she never had a lover or a child, and neither did he, but to the mermaid they are her parents. she will always love her daughter. the tattoos are graven in dark swirls across the mermaid's deep brown skin and the flesh of her tail, even spiraling onto the spiked webbing on her spine and face. her hair is still tied back, this time with a sail that could not be patched one last time. "we love you," the first mate says simply, looking down. her own tightly coiled black hair falls in to her face; she shakes the locs out of the way and smiles through her tears. the captain pretends he isnt crying either. "i love you too," the mermaid says, and reached up to pull the ship down just a bit, just to hold them one last time. "guard the ship," the captain says. "you always have but you know they're lost without you." "without you," the mermaid corrects, with a shrug that makes waves. "what will we do?" "i don't know," the captain says. "but you'll help them, won't you?" "of course i will," she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “i will always protect my family." the captain and the first mate are gone. the ship has a new captain, young and fearless of the things she can afford to disregard. she fears and loves the ocean, as all captains do. she does not fear the royal fleet. and she does not fear the mermaid. "you know, i heard stories about you when i was a little girl," she says, trailing her fingers in the water next to the dock. the mermaid stares at her with one eye the size of a dinner table. "is that so?" she hums, smirking with teeth sharper than the swords of the entire navy. "they said you could sink an entire fleet and that you had skin tougher than dragon scales," the new captain says, grinning right back at the monster who could eat her without a moment's hesitation. "i always thought they were telling tall tales." "and now?" "they were right," the new captain says. "how did they ever befriend you?" the mermaid smiles, fully this time, her dark eyes gleaming under the white linen sail. "they didn't know any better."

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Video Game Hot Takes

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We're Calling Him Ben

WHAT YOU JUST I MEAN TT. I'M HAVING ...סוס A BOY. YOU SAVED ME. I NEED YOUR REAL NAME. IT'S KINDA MY THING. Y'KNOW, I'M USUALLY THE ONE WHO DOES THE JOKES. I'M GONNA NAME MY KID AFTER YOU. NO JOKE. WHAT'S YOUR REAL NAME? I'M GONNA NAME MY SON AFTER YOU. I'LL NEVER TELL ANYONE. I SWEAR ON HIS LIFE. I JUST NEED YOUR FIRST NAME. PLEASE. TO HONOR HIM. JUST TELL ME YOUR NAME. BEN. BEN. THAT'S A GOOD NAME. maxximoffed Marvel Comics #1000: We're Calling Him Ben sulemania EET YOOK NEW BROTHER BEN. BEN. BEN CALLINS HIM DEN. BEN. CALLING HIM BEN SPIDER-MAN gets his new black costume in AMAZING 86 WE'RE CALLING HIM BEN JULIAN TOTINO TÉDES CO ELIOPOULOS ARTIST FOR MY GRANDFATHER. BEN. FOR STAN LEE AND FOR THEO AND JONAS. CHRIS BRAD MELTZER SPIDER-MAN 252 WRITER I feel this is an important addition. He saves so many people on a regular basis that this just keeps happening. And he feels so much for his uncle that the answer is always the same. just-odradek This hits different when you realise he's canonically Jewish marvel-and-dc-geek Can you please elaborate ? I'm curious as to what it means just-odradek You can read a pretty good summary of it here, but as (most likely) Ashkenazi Jews, PP probably follows the minhag (custom) that says "that by naming a newborn child after a deceased loved one, the soul lives on through the child." (Quoted from the site linked above.) And given how his Uncle Ben died, it just makes it all the more sadder tbh. R roach-works another fine distinction is that the soul isn't thought to be reincarnated, it's that the memory of the loved one is kept alive and more good deeds in life can be inspired by (and thus partially attributed to) the dead. 'may their memory be a blessing'-the memory of the deceased is honored, respected, and who they were is retold as inspiration to the next generation. ben's memory is a blessing. that's extremely jewish. spiderman is inspired not just by the shame of his death, but by the moral teachings he'd given peter in life. and his name given to these babies is another part of it: babies named in spiderman's honor are also very honestly and truly named in his honor, and continue be blessings to the world. it's very joyous, i think. very sweet. Source: maxximoffed #jewish spiderman #most superheroes are jewish in origin #and christian by the time hollywood gets done with them #but comics remembers spiderman's roots 145,586 notes Nov 15th, 2020

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oi the puns on ancient greek

Ancient Greeks loading their Dishwasher arroz-con-yolo Follow There is NO reason this should be so f------ funny

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glitch on matrix, reincarnate on future time, mobius situations? nvm :P

Two pictures - on the left, a painting of Albert Square Manchester, by the French painter Pierre Adolphe Valette, and on the right a photo of the same spot in 2018. lalonde-lesbian Follow this picture illustrates one of my favorite concepts: people have always been people.

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chill man,you need help in this year

fleetwoodbrak Follow Aliens are the least of our worries right now but listen to me. Aliens don't want to hurt us but the government is gonna convince us they do and incite worldwide panic and start a real space war to avoid advancing technology for the general population because efficient non oil based energy that the aliens have will crush the capitalist industries that need it to thrive welcome to my ted talk Inalovegd this post so confidently and sincerely made it's point that i had to stop myself checking the news to find out if first contact had happened this morning

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space cat? book where?

PEARL Amber Straughn @astraughnomer Actually discussed in a virtual meeting today: how to keep cats from accidentally commanding spacecraft while this work is going on in people's homes on laptops instead of inside a cat- free #NASA building #catsofquarantine sariahsue This makes me happy in ways I can't completely describe. ingridverse There was a science fiction short story with that plot. Evil Aliens hit a spaceship full of humans with a paralysis ray before boarding. The ship's cat 1.) wasn't affected 2.) had been entered into the system as a crew member as a joke. So, being the ranking crew member, the cat was in charge. Ship's computer displayed the enemy ships on the tactical command touch screen and the cat swatted at the glowy dots, targeting the ships and activating the defenses. i-fought-space how can you say this and not tell us the name of the story of the author because I AM DESPERATE NOW... kyraneko Everything about this post is causing me to make the same face as that cat. gritsinmisery T HAVE A BOOK THAT STORY IS IN!!!!The story itself is titled "Well Worth the Money" and written by Jody Lynn Nye. The book I have is titled "Cats in Space (and Other Places)" edited by Bill Fawcett and published in 1992 by Baen Publishing Enterprises, distributed by Simon and Schuster. ISBN 0-671-72118-6. EVERY STORY IN THE BOOK IS GREAT, and I suggest if you can lay your hands on a copy you do so. (Warning, the front cover says "In space, no one can hear you meow..." and the back cover says, "Space, the Feline Frontier." Just in case you're allergic to puns or something.)

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The Joy of Pronouncing Words Ending in "Cles" like "Heracles"

| fuckyeahdnd Mitch + @HxOvAx just discovered the joy of pronouncing all words ending with "cles" like "heracles". obstacles. tentacles. motorcycles. testicles. microparticles. popsicles. debacles. i love words and sounds Don't mind me just looking for inspiration for my swords and sandals campaign celtic-pyro Testicles, son of Bophedes, the demigod who was invincible in all but his genitals. Thus was the tragedy of Bophedes' Nuts. Posted in r/tumblr 6 reddit

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Obsessed Uber-fans are the real MVP

bogleech Follow Honestly it is delightful when you look up a piece of media that has very few fans and still find a detailed wiki clearly written by just one person with a strong hyperfixation, like, for real, thank you for being at least one person who appreciates this thing that had so much work put into it and archiving information that could have been lost to time. Thank you for filling most of this cartoon show's story synopsis with a description of the background architecture. There is no sarcasm or irony here, it is enthralling to read someone's unapologetic fascination with something that I wouldn't have ever otherwise considered. 18,633 notes

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GameStop Story

femaleryder I don't think I ever shared this story so l'll share it now. By far THE best interaction I had while working at GameStop was when this older woman, probably in her mid to late 7O's, came in asking for games she could play that were similar to The Witcher 3 because she had completed the entire game, despite hating the game mechanics. When I asked her what she liked about the game that made her want to finish it, she looked me straight in the eye and deadass said, "Geralt." So basically this elderly woman competed every single mission in The Witcher 3 solely because of how hot she found Geralt. I died. And set her up with a copy of Uncharted after she gave Nathan Drake her Hot BoyTM seal of approval. 24,180 notes

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Why make dark theories about kids' cartoons when you can make cute theories about live-action adult shows?

lokiloo I hate hate HATE all those 2edgy 4me theories about kids shows. Like Angelica dreaming up the rugrats, or the ed, edd, and eddy children being ghosts, or literally anything that takes a lighthearted and fun kids show and has to turn it into some tragic take of r--- or murder or misinformed mental illness. So you know what? From now on I'm gonna do the exact opposite. Every cool grim-dark show is now because of a bunch of children. To get us started: Game of Thrones: A middle-school DnD campaign with the most angry, vindictive DM who has promised to kill everyone's player characters (and their family) by the end. dreadwerewolf The Walking Dead is actually a bunch of kids playing zombie apocalypse in their neighborhood and every time someone "dies," it's because their parents called them home for supper. leaveliestotheliars Breaking Bad is actually just a fanfic the students in Mr. White's class write about him because no one has any idea what he does with his free time and the running jokes about it got wildly out of hand.

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Night at the Museum is underrated

E goddessofidiocy okay but why don't more people talk about Night at the Museum like poc characters and people being portrayed by poc people this movie is so good and it has one of the funniest, best, most ridiculous friendships in movie history and you have Robin Williams as Teddy Roosevelt I mean and if all that didn't convince you there's also a t-Rex skeleton that playa fetch with one of its own ribs THIS MOVIE e cosplayer-m DON'T FORGET THE QUIRKY AND FUNNY IMMORTAL VILLAIN SQUAD LED BY D--- VAN D--- OR THE EASTER ISLAND HEAD THAT LOVED BUBBLEGUM (or, as he called it, gum-gum) OR THE FACT THAT THEIR HISTORICALLY-ACCURATE CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DIDN"T SPEAK ENGLISH

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Tumblr - Mecha Phantom Beast sky route

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