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111 Views • Created 2 years ago By Reddit Moments • Updated 2 years ago

Created By Reddit Moments • Updated 2 years ago

Anon is a holy man | /r/Greentext

File: image.jpg (265 KB, 1300x957) I am , a holy man Anonymous 06/08/18(Fri)02:17:34 No.45968757 >be me >be priest >get paid to cast out demons >make loads of cash , life is pretty good >one day I get a call >some kid has been possessed , and the parents want me to save him >easy money >l park in their driveway >burst out the front door Tre "Where is the child" >parents begin to explain situation > some boring s--- about atheisim >follow them into the kids room >see kid on floor eyes rolled back and spazzing out >pretty usual stuff >tell the parents in a cool tone "You might not wanna see this next part" >parents leave me to my buisness >l walk over to him >i squat next to him >l pull out my gold encrested vape pen >i load the 10 karat bad boy with holy water >l breath in the sweet taste of Jesus flavored vapor , then exhale the cleansing mist of gods holy vape into the boys face >he breaths it in >his spasms cease >he is enlightened in the way of vape nation >he breaths with new lungs >Lungs full of Goď's own vape >l walk out >parents thank me >get paid 10 grand >hop back in my Lamborghini and drive back home >vape the rest of my night away I am a holy man
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    Anonymous (ID: a0J4u0tP Boomers 807 KB PNG 06/19/24(Wed)19:23:46 No.471603477 >Be born in 1949 >Don't have to fight in a war >Be 20 years old in time for the summer of '69 >Pick up some ridiculous 10/10 who's hitchhiking to Woodstock in my Plymouth Roadrunner I bought after working a summer job for a month >She's immediately into me because she's from a small town and I'm the only man in her life who's not her father or brother >Bring her home and marry her >Go to get a job, hired off the street with no experience and get trained on company dime >Buy 10 acres of land for less than what I make in a year >rent out my land for decades >retire and sit around house all day looking at my collection of boats and cars I never use Kids today just don't understand hard work and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps
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    Anonymous 38 KB JPG 06/21/24(Fri)11:21:06 No.23512498 Went full Nietzsche schizo on my girlfriend and now she's a depressed atheist women are not cut for hard truths they need cuddling physically and spiritually
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    Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous Am I an a------? 54 KB JPG ▼Settings Mobile Home 06/25/24(Tue)13:12:22 No.77950302 >See nephew with a sharp object >Trying to stab dog with it >I get mad take it away from him >He starts crying >My dad looks like me with a blank look in his face >Proceeds to lecture me about babies like as if I done something I wasn't suppose to with babies >"Oh anon, babies at this age just don't know any better" So was I just suppose to the baby stab the dog because the don't know any better? Anonymous >>77950302 (OP) 06/25/24(Tue)13:16:50 No.77950340 i think you should stab your nephew and you dad
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    Anonymous 6 KB JPEG 6/25/2024, 9:16:51 AM No.94089851 > be me > old and single > friends start a writing competition > they love sappy stuff > decide enter anonymously > decide to write about all my relationships and girls I liked > its just my life, no fiction > my friend reviews it > 'the protagonist is creepy and pathetic' >mfw
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    Anonymous 09/16/20(Wed)23:11:57 No.1705950 >>17059546 >>17059609 >>17059665 File: 1587894210677.jpg (103 KB, 733x486) >I consider myself a patient man, Harry. I overlooked that time you kept sneaking trans students polyjuice potion containing their own hair, making them turn back into their normal selves, despite the suicides. >I was even willing to turn a blind eye to you casting memory charms on post op hufflepuffs, because the look on their faces when you showed them a mirror was frankly hilarious, but this fine you've gone too far. >you have to understand that sectumsempra is dangerous magic, Harry, and I can't just let you go round telling Hufflepuffs that it's an instant transition spell if they point it at their crotch. >I hope you understand the gravity of this situation, and see why I'm only awarding you 42 points
    Anonymous 09/16/20(Wed)23:11:57 No.1705950 >>17059546 >>17059609 >>17059665 File: 1587894210677.jpg (103 KB, 733x486) >I consider myself a patient man, Harry. I overlooked that time you kept sneaking trans students polyjuice potion containing their own hair, making them turn back into their normal selves, despite the suicides. >I was even willing to turn a blind eye to you casting memory charms on post op hufflepuffs, because the look on their faces when you showed them a mirror was frankly hilarious, but this fine you've gone too far. >you have to understand that sectumsempra is dangerous magic, Harry, and I can't just let you go round telling Hufflepuffs that it's an instant transition spell if they point it at their crotch. >I hope you understand the gravity of this situation, and see why I'm only awarding you 42 points
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    : Anonymous APATH 269 SPATI ZWE 119 KB JPG 06/25/24(Tue)13:06:49 No.77945749 >be me >lifeless coomer NEET >find my way around femdom communities >learn what a FLR is (Female-Led- Relationship) >seemscool >power through endless autist discord servers for gf >find a girl, 6'0, Blonde, art geek, megatits >we start dating >she cooks, she pays for everything, sex is good, no longer alone >still have to get pegged everyday though Never felt better, but the catch is I exclusively have to bottom. 12 Replies View Thread
    : Anonymous APATH 269 SPATI ZWE 119 KB JPG 06/25/24(Tue)13:06:49 No.77945749 >be me >lifeless coomer NEET >find my way around femdom communities >learn what a FLR is (Female-Led- Relationship) >seemscool >power through endless autist discord servers for gf >find a girl, 6'0, Blonde, art geek, megatits >we start dating >she cooks, she pays for everything, sex is good, no longer alone >still have to get pegged everyday though Never felt better, but the catch is I exclusively have to bottom. 12 Replies View Thread
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    OG pajjeet (ID: [PK6LPK)) Where i can find self hating i(...) 64 KB JPG 06/24/24(Mon)23:07:28 No.472062296 > be me >hates himself for being indian or any other brown person >just think me as a brown uncle ruckus before you comment i am muslim or pakistani. When i say i hate indians i mean all brown f----, F--- the 9 year r----- god and all the gods in general.. We are literal s---, like everything in our country is f----- and i hate it, I hate the fact we are moving to other countries destroying their culture.. sometimes i feel guilty ..anyone else is like me or i am only f----- here where are these like minded indians at? in my 22 years of life i never met any of em Anonymous (ID: HGrCATTK) + 06/24/24(Mon)23:12:45 No.472062772 >>472062296 (OP) # uncle ruckus is a white man suffering from re- vitiligo >>472069743 #
    OG pajjeet (ID: [PK6LPK)) Where i can find self hating i(...) 64 KB JPG 06/24/24(Mon)23:07:28 No.472062296 > be me >hates himself for being indian or any other brown person >just think me as a brown uncle ruckus before you comment i am muslim or pakistani. When i say i hate indians i mean all brown f----, F--- the 9 year r----- god and all the gods in general.. We are literal s---, like everything in our country is f----- and i hate it, I hate the fact we are moving to other countries destroying their culture.. sometimes i feel guilty ..anyone else is like me or i am only f----- here where are these like minded indians at? in my 22 years of life i never met any of em Anonymous (ID: HGrCATTK) + 06/24/24(Mon)23:12:45 No.472062772 >>472062296 (OP) # uncle ruckus is a white man suffering from re- vitiligo >>472069743 #
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    Anonymous 46 KB PNG >>62849459 (OP) # >Be me >17 >Have younger sister, 13 at the time >Parents going out for the night >Take sister out to a movie cause bored >Popcorn, soda, the works. Some capeshit movie. >Have a fun night, she gives me a hug and says thanks after >Feelsgoodman Probably would have roped years ago if not for my family
    Anonymous 46 KB PNG >>62849459 (OP) # >Be me >17 >Have younger sister, 13 at the time >Parents going out for the night >Take sister out to a movie cause bored >Popcorn, soda, the works. Some capeshit movie. >Have a fun night, she gives me a hug and says thanks after >Feelsgoodman Probably would have roped years ago if not for my family
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    : Anonymous 05/17/24(Fri)21:53:59 No.676770594 >get a rock >melt rock cpu-564771_1920 Cropped.jpg 77 KB JPG >turn rock into powder >turn rock into a crystal >turn it back into a rock >inscribe ancient runes with powerful magic onto rock >trick rock into thinking >can now use this evolved rock to play skyrim with the most degenerate p--- mods imaginable how the F--- did they figure all this s--- out?
    : Anonymous 05/17/24(Fri)21:53:59 No.676770594 >get a rock >melt rock cpu-564771_1920 Cropped.jpg 77 KB JPG >turn rock into powder >turn rock into a crystal >turn it back into a rock >inscribe ancient runes with powerful magic onto rock >trick rock into thinking >can now use this evolved rock to play skyrim with the most degenerate p--- mods imaginable how the F--- did they figure all this s--- out?
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    Anonymous (ID: ILoYufmu) 06/25/24(Tue)00:13:18 No.58678292 PSYCHO BITCH >Be me >16 >Go to a boarding school. >It has a work program. from Hell Completely unpaid. All the money you 80 KB JPG make goes to your tuition and the school requires you to work. >A non-profit that works with the school hires me. >It's basically a charity that takes care of old people. >Get assigned to work at a Goodwill knock off for some reason >Boss isn't even that old (probably 55 at most) yet the program considers her the old person I'm supposed to help. >Get screamed at for doing homework on the clock (the guy I worked with previously was fine with it but I guess she has different rules). >Asked to vacuum the book room. I do it and she bitches at me for adjusting it while I'm vacuuming. >Clean her office next and there's papers all over the place. Pick them up and I get accused of stealing company secrets. (What the f--- those secrets are I have no clue). >The building's water has that really bad sulfur taste because the plumbing is ancient. Ask my other boss if I can have some Sprite out of the fridge because I'm thirsty and the water is making me gag / giving me a sore throat and she says yes. >Psycho bitch boss finds out I had something out of the fridge and accuses me of stealing from the company. Apparently I'm only allowed to ask her permission for stuff from the fridge. She holds onto this grudge for a whole week and even tries to take it up with the school and my parents. >Eventually get tired of her s--- and just stop showing up to work one day. >Get moved to the school cafeteria and actually like working there because my previous job was so bad. So box. Anyone else have any worst boss ever stories?
    Anonymous (ID: ILoYufmu) 06/25/24(Tue)00:13:18 No.58678292 PSYCHO BITCH >Be me >16 >Go to a boarding school. >It has a work program. from Hell Completely unpaid. All the money you 80 KB JPG make goes to your tuition and the school requires you to work. >A non-profit that works with the school hires me. >It's basically a charity that takes care of old people. >Get assigned to work at a Goodwill knock off for some reason >Boss isn't even that old (probably 55 at most) yet the program considers her the old person I'm supposed to help. >Get screamed at for doing homework on the clock (the guy I worked with previously was fine with it but I guess she has different rules). >Asked to vacuum the book room. I do it and she bitches at me for adjusting it while I'm vacuuming. >Clean her office next and there's papers all over the place. Pick them up and I get accused of stealing company secrets. (What the f--- those secrets are I have no clue). >The building's water has that really bad sulfur taste because the plumbing is ancient. Ask my other boss if I can have some Sprite out of the fridge because I'm thirsty and the water is making me gag / giving me a sore throat and she says yes. >Psycho bitch boss finds out I had something out of the fridge and accuses me of stealing from the company. Apparently I'm only allowed to ask her permission for stuff from the fridge. She holds onto this grudge for a whole week and even tries to take it up with the school and my parents. >Eventually get tired of her s--- and just stop showing up to work one day. >Get moved to the school cafeteria and actually like working there because my previous job was so bad. So box. Anyone else have any worst boss ever stories?
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    TWRA moment | /r/Greentext

    SMOKY MOUNTAINS VIDEO: Black bear startles guests, employee at >be black bear >see a nature park built directly in the middle of my forest Anakeesta concession stand >wander around the place EAT HEAL PM EDT 62 KB JPG looking for food >see a woman, run away scared shitless >get a f------ hit squad send out to euthanize me >die and enter a higher plane of existence >mfw humans on the other side of the continent heard about my death and are talking about how scary I was and how they would shoot me faster if they saw me in person w--? : Anonymous >>2747858 (OP) # >go outdoors 06/24/24(Mon) 19:56:16 No.2747869 >have non threatening encounter with wildlife >kill it Many such cases. Whether or not someone kills something like a snake or spider that's minding its own business and is not threatening anything is a good test for whether or not they deserve to be treated as human
    SMOKY MOUNTAINS VIDEO: Black bear startles guests, employee at >be black bear >see a nature park built directly in the middle of my forest Anakeesta concession stand >wander around the place EAT HEAL PM EDT 62 KB JPG looking for food >see a woman, run away scared shitless >get a f------ hit squad send out to euthanize me >die and enter a higher plane of existence >mfw humans on the other side of the continent heard about my death and are talking about how scary I was and how they would shoot me faster if they saw me in person w--? : Anonymous >>2747858 (OP) # >go outdoors 06/24/24(Mon) 19:56:16 No.2747869 >have non threatening encounter with wildlife >kill it Many such cases. Whether or not someone kills something like a snake or spider that's minding its own business and is not threatening anything is a good test for whether or not they deserve to be treated as human
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    South Korea encroaches on Japan's cultural exports | /r/Greentext

    Anonymous HERE AR URVIVET 06/24/24(Mon)04:17:15 No.268071537 HADING CLEAR N ERYTHING ECOMING U JT ONE THIN F YOU'RE REAL HERE ARE THREE URVIVE THE APOCA ERYTHING IS FADI ECOMING UNCLE JT ONE THIN GIS CERT ADING TH THREE WAY THE APOCALY HINGS FADING CLEAR N CERT READ TH 0 T SUR 14:46 F YOU When You Become The Main Character Gigguk 619K views 13 days ago 535 KB JPG >gigguk said a korean comic is far better than any manga he has ever read Oh nonononono Japansisters what the f--- I thought he was /our/savior. Why did he betray us? (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
    Anonymous HERE AR URVIVET 06/24/24(Mon)04:17:15 No.268071537 HADING CLEAR N ERYTHING ECOMING U JT ONE THIN F YOU'RE REAL HERE ARE THREE URVIVE THE APOCA ERYTHING IS FADI ECOMING UNCLE JT ONE THIN GIS CERT ADING TH THREE WAY THE APOCALY HINGS FADING CLEAR N CERT READ TH 0 T SUR 14:46 F YOU When You Become The Main Character Gigguk 619K views 13 days ago 535 KB JPG >gigguk said a korean comic is far better than any manga he has ever read Oh nonononono Japansisters what the f--- I thought he was /our/savior. Why did he betray us? (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
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    Grocery Gooner | /r/Greentext

    Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous ▼ Settings Mobile Home 06/24/24(Mon)16:11:46 No.77941464 88 KB JPG >move from geriatric commieblock to dynamic newbuilt codo district >go to local Lidl >it's full of hot young woman >girls in see-through skirts >girls with massive t--- >girls with perky t--- and no bras >girls in all shorts as if they were acting in rap music video >girls in summer-dresses W-- do I do bros, this s--- makes me horny and depressed at the same time. I can't even buy groceries in peace.
    Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous ▼ Settings Mobile Home 06/24/24(Mon)16:11:46 No.77941464 88 KB JPG >move from geriatric commieblock to dynamic newbuilt codo district >go to local Lidl >it's full of hot young woman >girls in see-through skirts >girls with massive t--- >girls with perky t--- and no bras >girls in all shorts as if they were acting in rap music video >girls in summer-dresses W-- do I do bros, this s--- makes me horny and depressed at the same time. I can't even buy groceries in peace.
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