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A true story from my youth >be me >extremely depressed with crippling anxiety >finally decide to end it all >take lots of Xanax and wash it 25 KB PNG down with a handle >pass the f--- out >parents find me and rush me to hospital >unfortunately the doctor saves me >two cops come into room and ask me to take drug test >walk to bathroom with dad, qt nurse, and two cops >still extremely intoxicated >me to nurse "can you jack me off?" >dad in shock "did he really just say that?" >nurse "yes" >I don't hear my dad and I think the nurse said yes to my question >turn back to dad and say "later virgin" >mfw I called my dad a virgin

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Origin Entry: Greentext Stories

File type: jpg

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File size: 120 KB

>his waifu doesn't have access to a fleet of private satellites so that she can track a singular person anywhere on the planet and then call in her private B-52 to firebomb half of Afghanistan

Anonymous Failed shopping attempt 105 KB JPG 03/29/25(Sat) 07:38:26 No.80793301 They should stop hiring attractive women as sales associates in men's clothing shops. >be me >trying to buy shoes in a sneakers shop >needed to ask one of their workers to bring out a pair in my size >all the workers, besides one older dude, are attractive girls of my age >feel uncomfortable, but wait till that guy isn't busy and ask him >try the shoes on, it's not a great fit, want to ask for a different size >the guy is now nowhere to be seen >assemble all my courage and ask one of the female workers >8/10 beaty >"yeah, sure..." a bit of annoyance can be heard in her voice and the look of disgust isn't fully hidden on her face >"actually nevermind" >leave the shop F--- I HATE BEING LOOKED AT WITH DISGUST. Most likely would have bought something, if they hadn't decided to hire those Stacies View Thread

Anonymous 03/11/24(Mon) 18:13:14 No. 197128712 file.png 476 KB PNG >over the top, but fun action slop >good cinematography >pacing on point >good acting >certified kino >somehow flops this is why we can't have good things

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the story of anon's hentai addiction (a finale) | /r/Greentext

58 KB JPG >be me at 14 years old >Have major hentai addiction >I watch so much milf p--- that I get horny over my Aunt >One day when she's over I go full tardmode and apply my hentai logic >She's on the couch and tell her my penis got big help >I pull it out and she screams >I get banned from internet, games and TV for a full year >Go to therapy >Time passes and I grow and change as a person >Find my brother's Greentext about me so everyone knows my story >I'm humbled and find god >I learn to walk in Christ's light >My aunt's husband leaves her and I apologize to her while leaving her a Walmart gift card worth $100 >My brother transitions to a female >I travel to other countries and provide service, rebuilding villages and helping grow food >I become the change I want to see in the world and quit watching p--- >Years pass and I'm sitting in my apartment >My aunt knocks on my door >She's wondering if she can stay over >I accept >She's staying on the couch in a tank top and asks if she can take it off >Fast forward a few mins and I'm f------ my aunt on my couch >It's everything I had ever wanted it to be Never give up on your dreams

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We were going to build our lives together | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/25/16(Tue)20:11:08 No.75697195 hqdefault_0.jpg 11 KB JPG >oh, you're sad because a girl at your high-school doesn't like you back? Peter, when I was your age, I left school to bullseye g---- from a helicopter in the middle of some god forsaken jungle. Don't tell me you have it hard because you're a pathetic kissless virgin. You can act sad when you have to leave behind the lady-boy you fell in love with and made passionate steamy love to in a collapsing bamboo shack, just like I did. You think I felt good about firebombing his chink village and watching our f----hut burn to the ground? We were going to build our lives together there, Peter! You know what? F--- you. Get the f--- out of my car. >>75697234 # >>75697332 # >>75698895 # >>75702735 #

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Anon doesn't like being sober | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: WPvAH4bM) 355 KB JPG 10/06/22(Thu)23:56:24 No.16260504 >drink alcohol >better at everything, speak better and more clearly, stop shaking, better with women, funnier >literally better at everything >sober >sad frightened pathetic f----- why does it have to be this way 7 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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anon lacks the looks | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 150 KB JPG 03/08/22(Tue)08:06:59 No.67699733 Has a girl ever stopped talking to you after you showed your face to them on the internet? Anonymous >>67699733 (OP) Multiple times. One example: >meet girl (female) on WoW >hit it off and spend a month talking on the phone every night >she wants to trade pictures 03/08/22(Tue)08:18:09 No.67699810 >she's a qt3.14 somehow w-- >send mine >raucous laughter erupts in the background from what I assume is a friend or sister >"that's what he looks like!?" >"oh my god hahaha" >phone hangs up >next day discover I've been thrown out of guild and blocked for 'harassing a female member'

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Anon didn’t take his pills today | /r/Greentext

Anonymous ITT: Times fate screwed you ov(...) 5 KB JPG 10/07/22(Fri)07:57:06 No.70488332 >be me >In large dorm building >On highest floor >Take the elevator down to ground floor >Stops at floor right below me >qt3.14 8/10 gets on, smiles at me, and starts talking to me >She's really nice >Elevator is slow as f--- so we talk for like a minute >Elevator stops at ground floor >Doesn't open >ohfuck.jpg >She starts to freak out >She asks me what to do and is trying to get me to figure out how to open it >Finally after another minute the door opens >She starts crying and runs up the stairs back to her room >Never see her again I think fate wants me to die alone

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Anon dreaming about being sentient pillow and said that imageboard is infecting their dream | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/06/22(Thu)18:01:25 No.27892934 >dream I have a sentient pillow for some reason >it has gender dysphoria and believes that it's a girl >get tired of it f------ whining and crying all the time 294 KB PNG >stab it with a knife in a fit of rage >f--- the hole >the pillow ends up being grateful for the impromptu SRS >it feels loved and cared for and falls in love with me because I took its (her) virginity Do trannies really? I gotta get off this f------ board you are infecting my dreams

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Anon has a theory about Hitler | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 9sABrLkk 10/06/22(Thu)22:17:53 No.398652412 >there is the historical evidence that Hitler underwent surgery to change his sex. contemporaneous reports from across Europe during the 1920s state that Hitler had surgery to change his sex. This information is corroborated by the fact that Hitler's own medical records, which were destroyed in the final days of World War II, mention the fact that he underwent surgery to change his sex. Chuds... 229 KB PNG

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Anon´s love story | /r/Greentext

Yourn.jpg (4 KB, 225x225) google yandex iqdb wait Anonymous 10/06/22(Thu)19:55:51 No.70485574 ✓ >3rd grade >tell (school) therapist there's a girl I like >she tells me she knows one of the girls from my class likes me >immediately start crying because I assume it's the one with down's syndrome Anonymous 10/06/22(Thu)20:11:00 No.70485705 ✓ >and now I've been married to the down's syndrome girl for 15 years

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Average /r9k/ content | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous SS 188 KB PNG 10/06/22(Thu)22:32:25 No.70486472 >new guy at work started this week >he's small, like 5'5 but not pathetic and thin small just short >long blonde hair, blue eyes >really pleasant face, round and soft features >didn't think about it until we were taking a break and talking >he asked me a question and I looked over and he looked deep into my eyes >unironically froze up >his expression was almost mystical, I couldn't look away >stammer out an answer and move on >now every time I see him I catch myself looking at his ass >think about how his slender frame makes me want to grab him around the shoulders >everything he does is graceful >he unironically is just elegant >I catch myself trying to impress him constantly >accidentally laugh at every slight joke he makes >realized today that I was eagerly waiting for him to show up dudes what the f--- I'm not gay I've been attracted to women my whole life what is going on

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anon listens to the radio | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 64 KB JPG 03/29/22(Tue)13:17:38 No.109596398 >*vinyl scratch sound* >YOU'RE NOW LISTENING TO >*car crash sound* >102.3 >*elephant sound* >REAL ROCK FM >*explosion* >WHERE WE PLAY NOTHIN BUT ROCK, ROCK, AND MORE ROCK >*glass shattering sound* >*police siren* >THIS AIN'T YOUR GRANNY'S STATION >*imagine dragons - radioactive starts playing*

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anon meets an npc | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 2.93 MB WEBM brunch 10/05/22(Wed)19:22:17 No.70473398 >talking to a girl >asks me what my hobbies are >list them all >ask her the same question >she says eating, hanging out with friends and that she loves brunch >literally says her hobby is f------ no she's not fat. why are women so boring? is it because they're given everything in life? no motivation to do anything at all?

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Anon isn't colorblind | /r/Greentext

Am I autistic? Anonymous 07/ >walk into Subway by myself >forget im in real life >see white woman >audibly say "white woman spotted"

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Greentext Stories - Anon played the long game | /r/Greentext

PROTIP: Press the ← and → keys to navigate the gallery, 'g' to view the gallery, or 'r' to view a random image.

A true story from my youth >be me >extremely depressed with crippling anxiety >finally decide to end it all >take lots of Xanax and wash it 25 KB PNG down with a handle >pass the f--- out >parents find me and rush me to hospital >unfortunately the doctor saves me >two cops come into room and ask me to take drug test >walk to bathroom with dad, qt nurse, and two cops >still extremely intoxicated >me to nurse "can you jack me off?" >dad in shock "did he really just say that?" >nurse "yes" >I don't hear my dad and I think the nurse said yes to my question >turn back to dad and say "later virgin" >mfw I called my dad a virgin

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