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: Anonymous 29 KB JPG 11/10/22(Thu)09:47:38 No.888826796 >be me >fall asleep in end-of-year school hall assembly >suddenly, I wake up to everyone jumping out their seats >people start screaming from the top of their lungs >I get up as quickly as I can and jolt towards the door >some guy in my class thought I was running towards him >for some unfathomable reason, he decides to block my escape >he wraps his arms around me and lifts me off my feet >puts me down, but he's positively beaming at me >half asleep and out of breath, I manage to utter: >"What's going on? What's happening?" >"We did it!" he says >"We've won the House Cup!!!" >I turn around to see the headmaster of the school right behind me >he's old and gay, but somehow managed to grow one of the most magnificent beards I've ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes upon >He asks me: "You've won! Aren't you happy, young man?" >"Great," I say >"What kind of reward do I get?" >"Well, I - why, the House C-" >"So nothing then?" >I can see complete and utter disappointment wash over his face, followed by: >"LISTEN HERE, YOU LITTLE S---. HOW DARE YOU QUESTION THE MERIT OF THE HOUSE CUP! BECAUSE OF YOUR INSOLENCE, THE CUP NOW GOES TO RAVENCLAW INSTEAD. NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT YOU SCUM!!!!" he said, calmly.

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File: IMG_1723.jpg (89 KB, 950x950) > after a while he answers less and less > buys a phone that only has calls on it Miss my friend Anonymous 11/20/24(Wed)10:29:50 No.32338271 >>32340765 >>32340815 >>32340988 >>32340998 > be me > move to a new city and switch schools just before 4th grade > thissucks.png > first day of class > sit next to some random dude > teacher starts roll call > calls his name just before mine >mfw we become friends >mfw we stayed friends since then up to the end of hs >mfw he's one of mine if not my best friend > 11th grade starts > becomes extremely religious (this happened over the course of HS) > decides to leave school and become completely religious > sad to see him go but keep in contact cuz I love my friend > goes to a monastery to be completely isolated > loose contact as he's completely obsessed with religion and scripture and cannot talk about anything else and also cannot accept nor hear any opinion other than the one his religious sect deems right (we're both religious) > last time we talked felt like talking to a stranger, completely different then my old friend >mfw I lost a friend just like that > ffs today > be bored at work > decide to read our old chats > makes me tear up I miss you bro How do you cope with this? He was such a good friend and it still hurts

: Anonymous 03/02/24(Sat) 13:53:30 No.196821808 >when the media literacy kicks and the giant man-eating insects are actually the good guys 69 KB JPG

Anonymous 11/19/24(Tue)00:00:02 No.32331309 NEURON METER IQ CERTIFICATE AWARDED TO Gourn Mueller Your IQ score is 74 Neuron Meber What kind of job can I get with an IQ of 74? March 10, 2023 614 KB PNG Anonymous 11/19/24(Tue)00:02:53 No.32331329 A Trump Cabinet appointee

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anon gets cocky | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous ASKMEN **** pes and says, "pred that und paa det 75 KB PNG 02/25/22(Fri)09:35:13 No.67566802 A girl approaches you and says, "pretend we're friends. I'm being followed." What would you do? 47 Replies / 5 Images : Anonymous >>67566802 (OP) # I'd tell them >you are not entitled to male protection It's that simple View Thread 02/25/22(Fri) 14:09:18 No.67568442

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Anon discovers the truth | /r/Greentext

11/11/22(Fri)12:31:12 No.888865825 >defeat jews >fall asleep >wake up in a weird lab >"congratulations, you beat the simulation" >"are you a jew?!" >"haha, no. the jews are fictional, Al controlled people we created for our simulation. the purpose of which was to see how long it would take humanity to break out of centuries of propaganda by an inherently evil group of people. welcome to the real world, anon. there are no jews here." : Anonymous TH 31 KB JPG >on your way out of the lab back to your house >you kinda get lost in the building and came across the "writer's room" >you sneak inside >what you see there eliminates any doubts in your mind >walls are covered with concept art of jews >lore notes and documents regarding their history and schemes >h--------, they really are fictional! merely an artist's twisted creation! >you hear the door creak >the writer steps in >"i'm sorry what i have put humanity through, but we needed true, satanic evil for this project." >you recognize the mustache >the madlad self inserted himself into the lore

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The key to tranquillity is to cope without seething | /r/Greentext

File: aurelius.jpg (59 KB, 474x711) Anonymous 11/10/22(Thu)14:10:11 No.888832460 >go out into the real world >have an unpleasant encounter >come home >turn computer on >make a meme about the incident >get called a liar because there's no f------ way someone would be as stupid and unreasonable as the other person was >get told I'm making up strawmen because no real person would actually behave in such an insane way irl >feel validated that I was correct >anxieties soothed >turn computer off

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anon is not happy with the status quo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/10/22(Thu)23:00:27 No.888843553 A 3645FD3F-A7F8-4A99-9A6B-32E578B18FDE.png 20 KB PNG : Anonymous >>888843553 (OP) # TOP KEK what's the point if you're born in america? you don't even get to live in your own cities it's all just brown and black people. you just have to work for 35 years to buy a house in idaho. 11/10/22(Thu)23:01:36 No.888843589

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Anon ponders over lacism | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 579 KB JPG 10/19/22(wea)22:10:31 No./0649518 >O WAA WHITE MAN I ROVE WHITE MAN VELY MUCH MY NAME NO MORE LING LING MY NAME NOW JENNIFER BLUE EYES VELY BEAUTIFUR ME BLACK EYES NO BEAUTIFUR PREASE GIVE SEMEN INTO MY SIDEWAYS P---- Why are they like this? 5 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 10/19/22(Wed) 22:11:40 No.70649525 >>70649518 (OP) # >Why are they like this? Go out, touch grass, and observe people instead of fantasising what happens : ENTJ 10/19/22(Wed)22:12:51 No.70649540 Reminds me of the Chinese investor I picked up at the dealership damn she was fine for an older woman : Anonymous >>70649518 (OP) # >Why are they like this? Are you perhaps a male chink? Your post stinks of jealousy, take your meds. 10/19/22(Wed)22:15:52 No.70649565 : Anonymous 10/19/22(Wed) 22:45:01 No.70649905 Self-hate, plain and simple. Too ugly or stupid to make it in Asian societies so they resort to scraping the bottom of the barrel white people : Anonymous 10/19/22(Wed) 22:48:20 No.70649938 >>70649518 (OP) # >BLACK EYES NO BEAUTIFUR PREASE GIVE SEMEN INTO MY SIDEWAYS P---- I ror'd.

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Anon lives the dream | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous sigh 11/10/22(Thu)14:44:54 No.888851752 >Browse 4chan >Game >Watch Youtube >sleep >repeat Everyday is exactly the same 40 KB PNG >Work >Go home >Masturbate

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Anons had contests with friends | /r/Greentext

WHAT THE F--- AMI READING Anonymous 11/10/22(Thu)08:02:02 No.70927940 [Reply] >>70928593 >>7092 >tfw friends had a c--- measuring contest and i came in dead last im not doing ok bros FEMALE AMATORY 3 replies omitted. Click here to view. Anonymous 11/10/22(Thu)08:47:21 No.70928218 Anonymous 11/10/22(Thu)08:50:41 No.70928235 >>70928331 >>70929296 File: 1654176530079.png (526 KB, 1000x982) Anonymous 11/10/22(Thu)09:02:43 No.70928331 File: what_the_fuck_am_1_reading.jpg (68 KB, 600x600) his skin >cleaned up and never talked about it again I'm a virgin besides that experience >did this in high school and came in first >we all had our d---- out and everyone came to touch mine >they used a glove so it wouldn't count as gay >ended up getting jacked off by the guy with the smallest d--- >came all over the glove and some got on >>70928235 >came all over the glove and some got on his skin Anonymous 11/10/22 (Thu)09:38:36 No.70928593 >>70927940 (OP) >Showing your hard d--- to all your friends Very straight.

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Anon on CREED | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous YOUR LEGACY IS MORE THAN & HAME CREED THANKSGIVING 68 KB JPG 11/10/22(Thu)08:04:03 No.176622754 >MC already had: >nice muscles >nice job >nice house >nice gf >nice money >all this and we are only at the beginning of the story W-- how can I relate to this character ?

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anon smacks a woman | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >>65568150 # >be me walking home from uni >middle of winter so it's already dark out >streets are pretty empty >see pretty blonde walking the same direction across the street 02/14/22(Mon)17:29:48 No.65569206 >miraculously her face lights up and she starts running towards me >"oh hey it's you! We met at inserttrendylocationinmycity!" >pause >this is literally impossible since I only ever go to uni and gym >"yeah no sorry that's not me" >she keeps f------ walking towards me spouting some non commital garbage >even my autistic ass realizes that there's no reason for her to come this close if she just wants to talk >in a stroke of autistic genius I smack her across the face as hard as I can >she staggers back a little and drops something >couldn't see it in the dark but sounded like glass or possibly thin metal >at the same time the backdoors of what I thought was an empty van parked nearby burst open and 2 huge n------ walk out >like bigger than the biggest roidtranny at my gym huge >they wear regualr clothes but there's no question of them being innocent bystanders as there isn't a hint of shock or outrage on their faces >they just start quickly walking towards me >I turn around and start sprinting as hard as I can >no idea if they even gave chase since I didn't want to risk turning around to look >sprint past my subway station all the way to my apartment >lock the door, put in the chain, even jam a chair under the doorhandle >puke from exhaustion and anxiety >have nervous breakdown >slow breathing, drink water and decide to call the cops >they're probably just gonna laugh and call me crazy >nope >operator tells me to hold while she reroutes my call >never heard of this happening before >some guy from the actual police picks up >he's super serious and wants me to come in for questioning while the memory is still fresh >tell him there's no way I'm leaving my house tonight >actually sends a f------ cop car to fetch me >cont. >>65569387 # >>65569754 # >>65573409 # >>65574553 # : Anonymous 02/14/22(Mon)17:45:43 No.65569387 >>65569206 # >get driven to police station >meet guy from the phone call >nice enough guy but also f------ relentless 49 KB JPG >questions me for hours about an event that lasted literal seconds >sits me down with a sketch artist to describe the girls and the n------ as precisely as possible >sits me down with a car expert to identify the van (didn't help them much there since I don't know s--- about cars) >keeps asking me about seemingly unrelated background information >what am I majoring in, who knew I would walk home from that class that night, do I always take the same way home, which doctors or pharmacies did I recently visit, could anyone else have possibly gotten access to my medical information >turns out there's an organ harvesting ring in town and I'm the first guy to have gotten close enough to see something useful, but not close enough to get murked >makes me repeat everything like 10 times over to make sure I didn't forget anything then thanks me for my cooperation and sends me on my way >same guy who fetched me brings me home >actually accompanies me all the way to the door of my apartment then leaves >disn't Iwave the house for a week after that s--- >as far as I know they never caught the f------ either So yeah, unless you're gigachad incarnate you should take random thots approaching you as the biggest red flag imaginable. >>65569754 # >>65569880 # >>65574553 #

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Anon looks into FTX | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 20qnxQux ) Barbara Fried 11/10/22(Thu)05:04:14 No.5233600; Sam Bankman-Fried 163 KB PNG >April 25, 2019 - Joe Biden announces his presidental campaign >13 days later, on May 8, 2019, Sam Bankman-Fried, son of Barbara Fried (the co-founder of the political fundraising organization Mind the Gap and get-out-the-vote organizations including the Center for Voter Information), launches the FTX crypto exchange >the exchange is an overnight success that enables Sam to become the second biggest donor to the Biden campaign >really makes you think 11/10/22(Thu)05:31:47 No.52336322 Anonymous (ID: 20qnxQux ) >be Mrs Fried >launch totally grassroots Democrat PAC in July 2018 >wonder how you're going to raise enough funds to make a difference >son coincidentally becomes a multi-billionaire a few months later >sometimes things just have a way of working themselves out, I guess

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Funny At Every Size | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/21/20(Mon)19:16:41 No.57552428 260, @FPHate 1600729145133.png 557 KB PNG >this was considered comically obese in 1990

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anon hires a brazilian hooker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Brazilian hookers are wild 147 KB JPG 11/10/22(Thu)10:23:44 No.70931399 >be me >brazilian single guy living in rio >life is good >a friend of mine one day tells me about this local h----- he knows about >interested.jpg >the legend says that she is super hot and sings while giving a b------ >w-- >a few days later I go to the place where she offers her services >mfw she actually exists >mfw she can actually sing and really well in fact >horny.jpg >pimp says she can only "do her thing" with the lights off >hornier.jpg >f--- it, I pay for it and go to her room >it's pitch black, and sure enough she does it >the best b------ I ever had and she's singing like an angel, not even gagging >wtf2 >my curiosity is killing me, I have to know how she's doing it >I turn the lights on without notice >see a cup with water and a glass eye inside >mfw The bitch gave eyejobs. 2 Replies View Thread

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Greentext Stories - Anon falls asleep at school | /r/Greentext

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: Anonymous 29 KB JPG 11/10/22(Thu)09:47:38 No.888826796 >be me >fall asleep in end-of-year school hall assembly >suddenly, I wake up to everyone jumping out their seats >people start screaming from the top of their lungs >I get up as quickly as I can and jolt towards the door >some guy in my class thought I was running towards him >for some unfathomable reason, he decides to block my escape >he wraps his arms around me and lifts me off my feet >puts me down, but he's positively beaming at me >half asleep and out of breath, I manage to utter: >"What's going on? What's happening?" >"We did it!" he says >"We've won the House Cup!!!" >I turn around to see the headmaster of the school right behind me >he's old and gay, but somehow managed to grow one of the most magnificent beards I've ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes upon >He asks me: "You've won! Aren't you happy, young man?" >"Great," I say >"What kind of reward do I get?" >"Well, I - why, the House C-" >"So nothing then?" >I can see complete and utter disappointment wash over his face, followed by: >"LISTEN HERE, YOU LITTLE S---. HOW DARE YOU QUESTION THE MERIT OF THE HOUSE CUP! BECAUSE OF YOUR INSOLENCE, THE CUP NOW GOES TO RAVENCLAW INSTEAD. NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT YOU SCUM!!!!" he said, calmly.

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