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Posted by u/capi 2 years ago 892 Lined up all my hot sauce collection on the staircase in my building 162 Comments DANGER Share >>5345311 >>5345315 Save Hide Report 98% Upvoted Anonymous 10/30/21 (Sat)22:43:54 No.5345308 >Be me >Get home from a long day at work >The Redditor in my walkup decides to display his hot sauce collection for the fifth time in three months I hate it

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Inaqar 137 KB JPG land you protect 12/24/23(Sun)09:54:58 No.91319497 >skilled warriors seen as the main bulwark against dark forces >sons of powerful and intelligent beings of legend >follow the teachings of a golden, almighty Master who created the >sometimes have powers such as shooting fire, lighting, shockwaves, blasts of ice or energy >wield some of the most powerful weapons around >battle beastly green enemies, awakened soulless armies, spirits, undead, malicious versions of yourselves, daemonic forces, and the literal embodiments of evil >wear bright colors to sell plastic toys >be the Ninja from Lego Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu >pic unrelated

Anonymous 10/26/13(Sat) 19:06 No.215457549 File: 1382828761196.jpg-(42 KB, 480x480, 1353212900339.jpg) >My dads face when >"Well have fun" >leaves room >Playing Silent Hill 3 >at the end >dad walks in >"Hey son, what you playing?" >Heather regurgitates a fetus >the other girl picks it up and shoves in his mouth >"I WILL BIRTH THE GOD"

>she stops me, wants to roleplay >blindfolds me, we're playing doctor >kinky but okay >feel pressure around my ass >pull off blindfold 00 Anonymous (ID: zuq0 ITT: Weird sex experiences >be 22 >start dating blonde. 7/10 >shes quirky but fun > dat ass >second date >go to her place >shewantstheD.jpeg >go down on her >things are going well >crazy bitch is shoving 3-4 plastic horses into my a------ >she says my condition is "stable"

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Anon cracks the code | /r/Greentext

File: 1pepesgls.jpg (33 KB, 600x612) Anonymous 12/28/22(Wed)14:52:53 No.71591090 >>71591105 >Be me >Named John >About 1.7 percent of people in america alone are named John >Millions of people have my name >Statistically speaking, at least a few thousand of them have to have had sex with some qt 3.14s >Some of them definitely moaned their name >Basically made hot girls moan for me Later Virgins Anonymous 12/28/22 (Wed)14:54:31 No.71591105 >>71591090 (OP) >tfw named Melvin

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/fit/ watches Harry Potter | /r/Greentext

File: 4E9B9D17-5886-43D8-8F5E-1(...).png (272 KB, 854x480) Anonymous 01/03/23(Tue)09:43:55 No.69458588 ► File: 4F17D2EB-E8D2-4CCC-9921-8(...).jpg "There's no such thing as keto! >> Anonymous 01/03/23(Tue)10:40:59 No.69458873 ► >> Anonymous 01/03/23(Tue)10:55:37 No.69458971 ► >>69459015 File: BU-GPRICEAEThon.jpg (91 KB, 599x524) >do you even Leviosa, Dumbelldoor? Anonymous 01/03/23(Tue)08:27:30 No.69458090 >>69458193 >>69459082 >>69459393 >You're a Chad, Harry... >A what? >A Chad, and a thumpin good one I'd wager once you've roided up a bit >> Anonymous 01/03/23(Tue)11:01:55 No.69459015 ► File: 5fcxb9j330371.jpg (62 KB, 450x360) Anonymous 01/03/23(Tue)08:42:39 No.69458193 >>69458873 File: 42C29A1B-7049-45F2-BBBF-E(...).jpg (120 KB, 1024x421) (28 KB, 1066x480) >>69458971 >get behind me, Harry Squatter. I'll take care of Lord Swoledemort Anonymous 01/03/23(Tue)11:06:59 No.69459046 ► File: 788CB1BE-EA30-4254-892A-4().jpg (115 KB, 1629x878) >>69458090 (OP) obligatory >SCARED, POTTER?! 41 >Blimey Harry, you've squatted 500. If you can't get a date, who can? ☐ Anonymous 01/03/23 (Tue)11:10:41 No.69459082 ► >>69459212 >>69459350 File: scaredpotter.jpg (40 KB, 380x491) >>69459082 >you wish Anonymous 01/03/23(Tue)11:12:10 No.69459095 ► File: 0645D98D-1AFA-40A7-977F-F(...).jpg (104 KB, 1331x555) >That's not just a barbell, Harry, that's a Liftus 2000! Anonymous 01/03/23(Tue)11:28:58 No.69459212 ► File: aBrvVLz_460swp.jpg (94 KB, 460x691) >>69459082 >you shall NOT harm Harry Potter >> Anonymous 01/03/23(Tue)11:51:22 No.69459350 ► File: 960za7ponjg21.png (330 KB, 458x595) >> Anonymous 01/03/23(Tue)11:52:46 No.69459354 ► File: 27C53BE3-8D7C-4B55-B8CC-0(...).jpg (843 KB, 1874x2272) room! Anonymous 01/03/23(Tue)12:00:13 No.69459393 ► >>69458090 (OP) >sirus gains has escaped from the manlet pit! >"Hungry, Severus?" >"Always" >Anything's possible if you've got enough roids Anonymous 01/03/23(Tue)12:00:37 No.69459397 >>69459429 >>69459552 File: 51b59067bec0548534242e567(...).jpg (14 KB, 166x213) C >> Anonymous 01/03/23(Tue)12:06:33 No.69459429 ► >> Anonymous 01/03/23(Tue)12:10:05 No.69459448► >>69459511 File: 2kgo20.jpg (115 KB, 990x600) CURLS!!! CURLS IN THE SQUAT RACK!!! Anonymous 01/03/23(Tue)12:12:12 No.69459456 ► >>69459552 File: 51b59067bec0548534242e567(...).jpg (14 KB, 164x212) >"No more tendies?" >my father WILL hear about this >>69459511 >we'll take the lot! Anonymous 01/03/23(Tue)12:24:08 No.69459513 ► >>69459511 3 plates please Anonymous 01/03/23(Tue)12:23:26 No.69459511 ► >>69459513 >>69459538 >>69459448 >Anything off the squat rack, dears? >>69459545 >What? I'm hungry >> Anonymous 01/03/23(Tue)12:27:12 No.69459538 ► >>69459545 >>69459552 File: 51b59067bec0548534242e567(...).jpg (12 KB, 172x203) >>69458090 (OP) >Twinks in the locker room! >There's twinks in the locker >>69459538 >do you EVER stop eating? >> Anonymous 01/03/23(Tue)12:28:18 No.69459545 ► >>69459551 >>69459552 File: 51b59067bec0548534242e567(...).jpg (15 KB, 165x213) >> Anonymous 01/03/23(Tue)12:29:30 No.69459551 ► File: 51b59067bec0548534242e567(...).jpg (11 KB, 165x213)

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Anon has a chance of not becoming a wizard | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 2.06 MB GIF 01/02/23 (Mon)23:32:30 No.71669694 >Be me >2 years from wizard >Tinder and Bumble >nada >OkCupid >match with girls in SEA >most of them can't really hold a or just ghost after a few messages conversation >don't really know what to do with them >whatever >match cute shy nerd >open with nerd stuff >she's glad I wanted to talk about nerd stuff >eventually move to whatsapp >been talking about various things for several days >text for hours a day >only talk about innocuous things >haven't really talked about relationship or anything similar >don't want to freak her by coming out and saying I want a serious relationship >have no idea how to progress beyond chatting about random bs I know this is a terrible place to ask, but any advice on what I can do to go further without spiling my spaghetti and scaring her away?

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Anon took the v pill | /r/Greentext

Anonymous B 73 KB PNG 07/16/22(Sat)17:27:46 No.882132533 >have a s----- lonely life >will never have friends, a girlfriend, a good happy life >one day dream about having a girlfriend >she is extremely cute, after i wake up, i am both happy from the dream and sad that its over >i start dreaming about her or other girls in the next nights >also dream that i have a lot of friends, cool cars, yachts, even superpowers >start meditating before sleeping to influence my dreams >learn lucid dreaming to improve it >after a few months, i became a true dream director >i can now create my own reality in my dreams >spend up to 16 hours sleeping >at this point, my real life feels like a nightmare and my dreams like the life i deserve why havent you taken the dream pill yet anons?

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Femanon seeks attention | /r/Greentext

Anonymous i hate myself. i wish i wasnt (...) 329 KB PNG 01/02/23(Mon)23:38:42 No.71669755 >be me, autistic fembot until last week when e-bf took my virginity >he only lives 2 hours away >his best friend lives in my city >we met up before i met e-bf >have a lot of fun but hes so flirty that even i could tell >gets my number >day after me and e-bf f--- his best friend talks to me about sex stuff for a few hours >acts very forward but i enjoy a lot for some reason >he meets me in public and we make out >he gropes me and i give in >dont f--- but send him nudes idk what to do. i dont want to cheat on my bf and i dont want to hurt him. his friend can blackmail me with my nudes and force me to f--- him. i hate myself for playing into his hands. i think its the autism. i cant stand up for myself or understand social situations. im easily manipulated but my bf is so sweet and now im gonna hurt him.

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Anon gets a lot of money | /r/Greentext

Anonymous scambuxx 239 KB PNG 01/02/23 (Mon)23:52:32 No.71669884 >childhood friends brother is ultimate scammer >ended up gigarich with penthouse and exotic cars >gave my friend more money he can spend, bought him his own apartment, car, paid off college tuition and thousands for spending money >am his closest friend and he insisted I buy stuff as well >resisted at first because it felt wrong but he kept insisting so I caved in >got ultimate setup, ebike, designer clothes, latest tech, expensive gifts for my parents >went on trip and lost virginity to hookers, f----- multiple for a week straight. Best use of friends money so far >family kept asking where I get all this money from since I dont work and go to school >keep telling them its from online giveaways, I got them dirt cheap used, clothes are all fakes, friend works and gifted it to me >dont know how long I can play this off >in person classes start after Covid break >second year college and my classmates see a completely different lifestyle change >commute to class on ebike, use all the newest tech products to take s----- class notes, dripped out in low key designer clothes only a few people would recognize, get Uber eats every lunch >everyone is so surprised >I feel very uncomfortable, am so used to all these things that I dont notice how lavishly im living compared to my previous lifestyle >people think i have gigarich parents >I feel so fake, people judge me at face value Did I just get a taste in how rich people feel? Should I continue with this and not care what my college friends think? I dont want to tell them my friends brother scams everything. Never expected this lifestyle change, what do?

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Anon plays nofap game | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous midnight coom control 262 KB JPG 01/02/23 (Mon)23:05:14 No.71669434 >alone on 2021 nye >coomer brain came up with idea to try to coom exactly at midnight >coom almost on time, was fun >2022 nye have same idea but with a twist >make it so that for each second Im before or after midnight I wont fap those number of days >coom right at midnight like the pro degen I am >Jan 1 midnight coom 17 seconds early >amfucked.jpg >day 1/17 of trying not to coom and cant seem to make it >give me strength r9k

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Anon Makes a Painful discovery | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 24 KB JPG 11/10/21 (Wed)19:40:22 No.866494139 >be me >22 year old virgin, never hugged anyone other than my mommy >good at making crafts >meet a qt >sweet, similar interests, naturally beautiful and never once seen her in make up >expresses genuine interest in me, mentions she likes snow globes >spend a night looking up how to make snow globe. do it for over a week. it doesn't look like s--- and it has an elephant in it because it's her favorite animal. >still talk to her every day. this is the nicest a girl has ever been to me. >fantasize about her smile upon receiving it, and our life together afterwards >stumble upon her of tonight, sub, and see her getting f----- by a monster d--- while she moans like a w---- >cry, break snow globe, slip and hit my head. I. Want. To.Die. I want to die. I. Want to die. I want to die. I hate all women. If you are a woman and reading this, I hate you.

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"straight" | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/02/23 (Mon)16:58:00 No.891911149 >>891911230 >>891911372 >>891912381 Any other straight guys have a suck buddy? I'm straight, but single. But met another single straight guy on an adult Reddit sub for my area, and we give each other b------- weekly. Obviously I'd prefer a girl for casual action, but that's not possible currently. Anonymous 01/02/23(Mon)16:59:39 No.891911230 ► >>891911678 >>891911149 (OP) # >I'm straight >I suck d--- pick one

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Anon browses r9k | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 162 KB JPG 01/02/23 (Mon)23:56:53 No.71669920 >browse r9k every once in a while >can physically feel the suicidal thoughts I haven't felt in months come back Genuinely impressive how bad this place is for your brain

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Anon discovers spring theory | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Spring universe is a terrifyin(...) 36 KB JPG 01/02/23 (Mon)08:26:18 No.891880054 >be me >human >makes a gigantic f----- >doomed to repeat this exact same f----- for all eternity >mfw there's nothing I can do about it

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Schizo anon foretells the next few days | /r/Greentext

: The weather has cooled (ID: a0cDyNbe A warning 01/02/23(Mon)23:40:42 No.410676212 Timeline of the next few days: >January 3-7: Ukraine war escalates at an unprecedented rate >January 8: Russia drops nuke in uninhabited area as a show of power and threatens to nuke NATO if they don't withdraw from the Ukraine 78 KB JPG >January 9-10: Futile attempts at negotiation >January 11-13: Full nuclear exchange between NATO and Russia. China may join as well. This will be your only warning. If you survive, carry a 4 of clubs so we know who to trust. Memorize the following phrase and say it to fellow survivors so we can identify each other: >The bear has left its cave and now the rod and ring await This will be your only warning.

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Greentext Stories - Anon hates plebbitors | /r/Greentext

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Posted by u/capi 2 years ago 892 Lined up all my hot sauce collection on the staircase in my building 162 Comments DANGER Share >>5345311 >>5345315 Save Hide Report 98% Upvoted Anonymous 10/30/21 (Sat)22:43:54 No.5345308 >Be me >Get home from a long day at work >The Redditor in my walkup decides to display his hot sauce collection for the fifth time in three months I hate it

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