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: Anonymous 146 KB JPG 02/09/23(Thu)08:03:45 No.72158085 I think found an infinite money glitch >be 24, look 16 >go into liquor store >clerk doesnt believe me >bet him $100 that im actually 24 >call the cops on me >cop confirms I'm 24 >win $100 Would this actually work? I dont see any problem with it except maybe the cops get mad at me for bothering them all the time. : Anonymous 02/09/23(Thu)08:05:07 No.72158091 You are retarded enough to be 16 I'll give you that

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File: IMG_1723.jpg (89 KB, 950x950) > after a while he answers less and less > buys a phone that only has calls on it Miss my friend Anonymous 11/20/24(Wed)10:29:50 No.32338271 >>32340765 >>32340815 >>32340988 >>32340998 > be me > move to a new city and switch schools just before 4th grade > thissucks.png > first day of class > sit next to some random dude > teacher starts roll call > calls his name just before mine >mfw we become friends >mfw we stayed friends since then up to the end of hs >mfw he's one of mine if not my best friend > 11th grade starts > becomes extremely religious (this happened over the course of HS) > decides to leave school and become completely religious > sad to see him go but keep in contact cuz I love my friend > goes to a monastery to be completely isolated > loose contact as he's completely obsessed with religion and scripture and cannot talk about anything else and also cannot accept nor hear any opinion other than the one his religious sect deems right (we're both religious) > last time we talked felt like talking to a stranger, completely different then my old friend >mfw I lost a friend just like that > ffs today > be bored at work > decide to read our old chats > makes me tear up I miss you bro How do you cope with this? He was such a good friend and it still hurts

: Anonymous 03/02/24(Sat) 13:53:30 No.196821808 >when the media literacy kicks and the giant man-eating insects are actually the good guys 69 KB JPG

Anonymous 11/19/24(Tue)00:00:02 No.32331309 NEURON METER IQ CERTIFICATE AWARDED TO Gourn Mueller Your IQ score is 74 Neuron Meber What kind of job can I get with an IQ of 74? March 10, 2023 614 KB PNG Anonymous 11/19/24(Tue)00:02:53 No.32331329 A Trump Cabinet appointee

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Anon makes her sister cry | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 33 KB JPG 02/09/23(Thu)12:55:01 No.72157703 >sis got new makeup >I was just being honest and told her it was ugly >she started crying and wouldn't talk to me >mom said it would be okay in a week >a week later >"hey sis I just want to apologise about the makeup" >"are you an a------ anon I almost forgot about it but you recall it again" 3 Replies >she starts crying again should I wait for another week? View Thread

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Anon get his ass beaten | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 1.63 MB JPG 02/09/23(Thu)06:37:29 No.72155387 >confronted my sister for losing another job >we aren't going to make rent if she doesn't cover her chunk >I'm paying for her groceries and all other bills right now too >she just starts hitting me >I push her and try to deescalate >she comes at me again >surprise I'm way weaker than I thought >she beats the s--- out of me >like bloody nose, black eyes, ears ringing >pulls my clothes off and keeps beating me >tells me to shut up or she'll kill me >only comes out to eat and use the bathroom 13 Replies I'm officially f----- if I don't move out but I can't let this lease go under because I probably won't get accepted anywhere decent if I do View Thread

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Anon is fed up with racism | /r/Greentext

Oscars: Danielle Deadwyler claims Hollywood is 'deeply impacted by racism' Anonymous 02/09/23(Thu)06:13:47 No. 180362844 >Be Danielle Deadwyler >be greatest actress of her time >give greatest performance of year in Till >miles ahead of any of those white bitches' performances (obviously) >don't get nominated for best actress >go on righteous crusade condemning the Academy's "systemic racism" really applaud her bravery. But I think maybe her argument about the Academy's "unabashed misogyny towards black women" is sort of undermined by the fact that a black woman was nominated for an acting Oscar - just not her...

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Anon is being tortured. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous WANTED 248 KB JPG 02/09/23(Thu)20:42:40 No.72157964 Zoomer girls are >hotter than any precious generation But also >pickier than any previous generation God loves to torture Non-Chad men

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Anon gets clogged up | /r/Greentext

>> Anonymous 10/24/13(Thu)05:28:56 No.512424623 Replies: >>512426008 >>512429005 >>512430782 my best s--- story: >be 18 >get strep >throat swells >glands huge >tonsils purple >fuuuuck >get antibiotics >get tylenol 3s >take antibiotics >take tylenol 3s >warning on antibiotics, "may cause diarrhea" >no diarrhea. end diamica >no s--- for two days ne abit for >no s--- for 3 days Com >have to s---, but can't, stopped up >get quart of prune juice, down it >drink whole quart in ten minutes >nothing >nothing >nothing >HRRKKK Sobdo >ohdeargod Pondear >run to bathroom Pronto >nothing >nothing >feel some movement, like the biggest turd ever is coming out >this "clay" ball starts working it's way out and it's like someone popped the cork on a champagne bottle >start s------- with force, feel it splatter back up >huge stream >feel bubbles working their way up my intestines as s--- comes out >massive gas too >hear my dad on the other side of the house laughing >have to take shower... so codeine stopped my system up, antibiotics gave me diarrhea, so i had liquid sitting on top of solid.... it was epic. my a------ hurt for like two days...

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Anon fails to be funny | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 222 KB PNG >post it >LMAO.jpg 02/08/23(Wed) 22:38:27 No.894045595 >be me >14yo redditfag >browsing r/greentext >fuckicandothat.jpg >go to /b/ >write the funniest story of my life in greentext >enter capchca >return to r/greentext >sort by new and wait for someone to post it on there >upvotes standing by >one hour later, no post >check back on my greentext >no actual responses cuz im a f----- and don't know how to write greentexts >jannies prune my thread 3 minutes later >cry >kill myself out of shame >world is now a better place

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Anon uses nasal spray | /r/Greentext

I wanna die Procto-eze Cleanser 6C0F26FA-D798-47F5-B180-CE393853414E.jpg 3.05 MB JPG >there have been many ads on tv and yt about these new nasal sprays that are actually gels and have better resorption >go in bathroom and see picrel >looks like those new nasal sprays >shove it up my nostrils, works wonders >keep using it for a week every time im in the bathroom >i decide to order it online so i look it up >OHGODPLEASELORDNO >long story short ive been using dads hemorrhoid creme as nasal spray for a week >idk if he applied it via hand or shoved it up his ass but it did smell kinda funny Should i rope?

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Anon really doesn't like punk (I don't understand him either) | /r/Greentext

File: 1662054094368235.png (96 KB, 280x300) Anonymous 02/06/23 (Mon)15:56:31 No.893940994 [Reply] Why do people like punk music? It's f------ s---. >bands are not skilled at their instruments, a lot of them can't even play adequately >vocals are usually just screaming, there is certainly no "singing" >songs are painfully short >the recording quality is usually bad >there is really nothing artistic about it, it all sounds the same, it all has the same structure and style >all of this is done on purpose Why would you willingly and intentionally listen to punk?

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This greentext is a wonderful parable about how we attribute our failures to external causes instead of our own lack of knowledge / effort / discipline. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 78 KB JPG 08/25/21 (Wed)09:01:20 No.16600087 >Reads recipe >Changes it significantly, substituting many ingredients, using differing cooking times and temperatures >Recipe comes out tasting bad >"Wow, this recipe is so s---!"

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Anon becomes bilingual | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 46 KB JPG 06/14/18(Thu)23:24:54 No.46119625 > study a foreign language in secret > study really hard for a couple of years, vocabulary, grammar, the whole nine yards > never tell a soul > hide all of your resources for the target language > talk with native speakers using an alternate skype/discord but never tell them about your life so as to not trace back to you > become a master of this language > one day, go to public place like grocery store > pretend to slip / fall / feint > when you come to, only speak in your target language and act like you don't understand english anymore

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Harry Potter and The Search For My Father | /r/Greentext

IF YOU'RE SURPRISED, IT MEANS YOU DON'T SEE ENOUGH BLACK PEOPLE IN MAJOR ROLES. Harry Potter THE DEATHLY HALLOWS JOIN US ON OUR MISSION FOR BETTER BLACK REPRESENTATION IN THE MEDIA @legallyblackuk Could it work? AND HP.jpg 159 KB JPG : Anonymous >>171762817 (OP) # >accio welfare LEGALLY BLACK 07/28/22(Thu)12:16:15 No.171762966

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Anon doesnt like sex | /r/Greentext

140 KB PNG 02/09/23(Thu)08:23:35 No.17011650 sex is not worth trust me > be me > 18 > fat virgin > started working out, looksmax > somehow went to club and got 8/10 girl > we went back to her > got nervous > couldnt get erection > I have sensitive penis so when she started blowing me it hurted even more > somehow fingering her > didnt get hard > I felt like we are doing something weird and we shouldnt do that > I didnt even c-- at her place > went home > c-- 4 times while thinking about her Actually sex isnt as good as it looks. I am deeply disgusted and sad. M----------- is better cuz noone is watching and judging your body

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Greentext Stories - Anon is set for life with this one strange trick that liquor store owners don't want you to know about | /r/Greentext

PROTIP: Press the ← and → keys to navigate the gallery, 'g' to view the gallery, or 'r' to view a random image.

: Anonymous 146 KB JPG 02/09/23(Thu)08:03:45 No.72158085 I think found an infinite money glitch >be 24, look 16 >go into liquor store >clerk doesnt believe me >bet him $100 that im actually 24 >call the cops on me >cop confirms I'm 24 >win $100 Would this actually work? I dont see any problem with it except maybe the cops get mad at me for bothering them all the time. : Anonymous 02/09/23(Thu)08:05:07 No.72158091 You are retarded enough to be 16 I'll give you that

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