Anonymous 215 KB GIF 02/05/22(Sat)02:32:46 No.67290413 >at gfs house >casually binging youtube while she takes a shower >she asks me to give her a new bath towel >open the door to give her the towel >shes not there >the shower isnt even on >take a moment to process >im in someone's house >last time I talked to anyone was 10 yrs ago >never had a GF (29) >the walls are turning to white >a straight jacket is wrapped around me >im a the psych ward >mfw I trolled myself again by taking the meds

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Anonymous 139 KB JPG 12/19/24(Thu)15:28:13 No.928849473 >Be Rose >Throw away a priceless jewel worth hundreds of millions of dollars >Could have made her family financially secure for generations but says no for le epic symbolism >Reminisces about the man that saved her, but also hogs the floating door like a selfish pig, killing him. (Watch the Mythbusters episode) This is one of the greatest love stories ever told? Dude, Rose is a f------ bitch.

Anonymous (ID: 9Mc0Hnwf 12/19/24(Thu)15:49:03 No.491828169 1.94 MB JPG >sells your gold reserves >basically completely crashes your economy >Canadian dollar crashes >tells leafs to anhero with suicide pods if they get too sick >imports 6 gorillion pajeets to fight over a single Tim Horton's >gets offended when basically only neighbor that has been decent says they would be better off annexed Why leafs? Why?

: Anonymous 05/26/22(Thu)13:13:15 No.68790277 196 KB PNG >Go on omegle >say im interested in politics >match up >ask them about their political opinion >take the radical extreme opposite of the answer >get them riled up >write a question of catalogues >they type for over 2 minutes >disconnect before they can send me their shittext 4 victims today

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Anon is set for life with this one strange trick that liquor store owners don't want you to know about | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 146 KB JPG 02/09/23(Thu)08:03:45 No.72158085 I think found an infinite money glitch >be 24, look 16 >go into liquor store >clerk doesnt believe me >bet him $100 that im actually 24 >call the cops on me >cop confirms I'm 24 >win $100 Would this actually work? I dont see any problem with it except maybe the cops get mad at me for bothering them all the time. : Anonymous 02/09/23(Thu)08:05:07 No.72158091 You are retarded enough to be 16 I'll give you that

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Anon makes her sister cry | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 33 KB JPG 02/09/23(Thu)12:55:01 No.72157703 >sis got new makeup >I was just being honest and told her it was ugly >she started crying and wouldn't talk to me >mom said it would be okay in a week >a week later >"hey sis I just want to apologise about the makeup" >"are you an a------ anon I almost forgot about it but you recall it again" 3 Replies >she starts crying again should I wait for another week? View Thread

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Anon get his ass beaten | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 1.63 MB JPG 02/09/23(Thu)06:37:29 No.72155387 >confronted my sister for losing another job >we aren't going to make rent if she doesn't cover her chunk >I'm paying for her groceries and all other bills right now too >she just starts hitting me >I push her and try to deescalate >she comes at me again >surprise I'm way weaker than I thought >she beats the s--- out of me >like bloody nose, black eyes, ears ringing >pulls my clothes off and keeps beating me >tells me to shut up or she'll kill me >only comes out to eat and use the bathroom 13 Replies I'm officially f----- if I don't move out but I can't let this lease go under because I probably won't get accepted anywhere decent if I do View Thread

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Anon is fed up with racism | /r/Greentext

Oscars: Danielle Deadwyler claims Hollywood is 'deeply impacted by racism' Anonymous 02/09/23(Thu)06:13:47 No. 180362844 >Be Danielle Deadwyler >be greatest actress of her time >give greatest performance of year in Till >miles ahead of any of those white bitches' performances (obviously) >don't get nominated for best actress >go on righteous crusade condemning the Academy's "systemic racism" really applaud her bravery. But I think maybe her argument about the Academy's "unabashed misogyny towards black women" is sort of undermined by the fact that a black woman was nominated for an acting Oscar - just not her...

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Anon is being tortured. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous WANTED 248 KB JPG 02/09/23(Thu)20:42:40 No.72157964 Zoomer girls are >hotter than any precious generation But also >pickier than any previous generation God loves to torture Non-Chad men

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Anon gets clogged up | /r/Greentext

>> Anonymous 10/24/13(Thu)05:28:56 No.512424623 Replies: >>512426008 >>512429005 >>512430782 my best s--- story: >be 18 >get strep >throat swells >glands huge >tonsils purple >fuuuuck >get antibiotics >get tylenol 3s >take antibiotics >take tylenol 3s >warning on antibiotics, "may cause diarrhea" >no diarrhea. end diamica >no s--- for two days ne abit for >no s--- for 3 days Com >have to s---, but can't, stopped up >get quart of prune juice, down it >drink whole quart in ten minutes >nothing >nothing >nothing >HRRKKK Sobdo >ohdeargod Pondear >run to bathroom Pronto >nothing >nothing >feel some movement, like the biggest turd ever is coming out >this "clay" ball starts working it's way out and it's like someone popped the cork on a champagne bottle >start s------- with force, feel it splatter back up >huge stream >feel bubbles working their way up my intestines as s--- comes out >massive gas too >hear my dad on the other side of the house laughing >have to take shower... so codeine stopped my system up, antibiotics gave me diarrhea, so i had liquid sitting on top of solid.... it was epic. my a------ hurt for like two days...

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Anon fails to be funny | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 222 KB PNG >post it >LMAO.jpg 02/08/23(Wed) 22:38:27 No.894045595 >be me >14yo redditfag >browsing r/greentext >fuckicandothat.jpg >go to /b/ >write the funniest story of my life in greentext >enter capchca >return to r/greentext >sort by new and wait for someone to post it on there >upvotes standing by >one hour later, no post >check back on my greentext >no actual responses cuz im a f----- and don't know how to write greentexts >jannies prune my thread 3 minutes later >cry >kill myself out of shame >world is now a better place

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Anon uses nasal spray | /r/Greentext

I wanna die Procto-eze Cleanser 6C0F26FA-D798-47F5-B180-CE393853414E.jpg 3.05 MB JPG >there have been many ads on tv and yt about these new nasal sprays that are actually gels and have better resorption >go in bathroom and see picrel >looks like those new nasal sprays >shove it up my nostrils, works wonders >keep using it for a week every time im in the bathroom >i decide to order it online so i look it up >OHGODPLEASELORDNO >long story short ive been using dads hemorrhoid creme as nasal spray for a week >idk if he applied it via hand or shoved it up his ass but it did smell kinda funny Should i rope?

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Anon really doesn't like punk (I don't understand him either) | /r/Greentext

File: 1662054094368235.png (96 KB, 280x300) Anonymous 02/06/23 (Mon)15:56:31 No.893940994 [Reply] Why do people like punk music? It's f------ s---. >bands are not skilled at their instruments, a lot of them can't even play adequately >vocals are usually just screaming, there is certainly no "singing" >songs are painfully short >the recording quality is usually bad >there is really nothing artistic about it, it all sounds the same, it all has the same structure and style >all of this is done on purpose Why would you willingly and intentionally listen to punk?

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This greentext is a wonderful parable about how we attribute our failures to external causes instead of our own lack of knowledge / effort / discipline. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 78 KB JPG 08/25/21 (Wed)09:01:20 No.16600087 >Reads recipe >Changes it significantly, substituting many ingredients, using differing cooking times and temperatures >Recipe comes out tasting bad >"Wow, this recipe is so s---!"

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Anon becomes bilingual | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 46 KB JPG 06/14/18(Thu)23:24:54 No.46119625 > study a foreign language in secret > study really hard for a couple of years, vocabulary, grammar, the whole nine yards > never tell a soul > hide all of your resources for the target language > talk with native speakers using an alternate skype/discord but never tell them about your life so as to not trace back to you > become a master of this language > one day, go to public place like grocery store > pretend to slip / fall / feint > when you come to, only speak in your target language and act like you don't understand english anymore

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Harry Potter and The Search For My Father | /r/Greentext

IF YOU'RE SURPRISED, IT MEANS YOU DON'T SEE ENOUGH BLACK PEOPLE IN MAJOR ROLES. Harry Potter THE DEATHLY HALLOWS JOIN US ON OUR MISSION FOR BETTER BLACK REPRESENTATION IN THE MEDIA @legallyblackuk Could it work? AND HP.jpg 159 KB JPG : Anonymous >>171762817 (OP) # >accio welfare LEGALLY BLACK 07/28/22(Thu)12:16:15 No.171762966

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Greentext Stories - Anon gets trolled | /r/Greentext

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Anonymous 215 KB GIF 02/05/22(Sat)02:32:46 No.67290413 >at gfs house >casually binging youtube while she takes a shower >she asks me to give her a new bath towel >open the door to give her the towel >shes not there >the shower isnt even on >take a moment to process >im in someone's house >last time I talked to anyone was 10 yrs ago >never had a GF (29) >the walls are turning to white >a straight jacket is wrapped around me >im a the psych ward >mfw I trolled myself again by taking the meds

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