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106 Views • Created 11 months ago By Reddit Moments • Updated 11 months ago

Created By Reddit Moments • Updated 11 months ago

Tom - "Spanko!" | /r/Greentext

In the late 1600s, London was plagued by a sexual attacker, dubbed 'Whipping Tom', who would spank his victims with his hand or sometimes a rod and shout 'Spanko!' before running away. ping Tom ping Tone B122A23B-9CCE-45B3-9E8F-5E2E9EC5AFFB.jpg 213 KB JPG >1600 >Be me, Whipping Tom >Decide it would be humorous to slap some wenches on their bottoms >Starts as a joke but I quickly develop a liking for it, and become quite renound for my spankings, as I'm fleet of foot and yet to be caught >Flash forward over 400 years >Countless great and powerful men have died and been long forgotten, but my tale is still told and my name remembered >Spanko!
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    Anonymous am i gay??? 4 KB JPG me, also studying >glance at him 06/25/24(Tue)18:32:01 No.77954038 >be me, 19yo collegefag >straight as an arrow, been dating the same girl since 7th grade >legitimately truly never ever been attracted to or aroused by men >be in computer lab at college, studying for exam >guy comes in and sits across from >literally the most beautiful person i've ever seen >not sexy, not cute, BEAUTIFUL >petite, east asian frame, wavy hair down to his shoulders >clear skin, glowing, just the slightest bit tanned >immaculately groomed and dressed >undeniably male but just graceful and delicate >i'm literally struck dumb >nod hi to him and he says hi back >his voice is like f------ honey >again, undeniably male, but jesus christ >even his f------ hands are attractive, long fingers and smooth arms >can't get any studying done for the life of me (obviously) >haven't been able to meet my girlfriend's eyes since >failed my exam too >can't stop thinking about him i know this sounds like a psyop, post the f------ cat picture if you want, make jokes about robots being secretly gay, whatever. i'm actually freaking the f--- out. am i gay? do i look for him? it's a smallish college so i'd probably be able to find him.
    Anonymous am i gay??? 4 KB JPG me, also studying >glance at him 06/25/24(Tue)18:32:01 No.77954038 >be me, 19yo collegefag >straight as an arrow, been dating the same girl since 7th grade >legitimately truly never ever been attracted to or aroused by men >be in computer lab at college, studying for exam >guy comes in and sits across from >literally the most beautiful person i've ever seen >not sexy, not cute, BEAUTIFUL >petite, east asian frame, wavy hair down to his shoulders >clear skin, glowing, just the slightest bit tanned >immaculately groomed and dressed >undeniably male but just graceful and delicate >i'm literally struck dumb >nod hi to him and he says hi back >his voice is like f------ honey >again, undeniably male, but jesus christ >even his f------ hands are attractive, long fingers and smooth arms >can't get any studying done for the life of me (obviously) >haven't been able to meet my girlfriend's eyes since >failed my exam too >can't stop thinking about him i know this sounds like a psyop, post the f------ cat picture if you want, make jokes about robots being secretly gay, whatever. i'm actually freaking the f--- out. am i gay? do i look for him? it's a smallish college so i'd probably be able to find him.
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    Anonymous (ID: a0J4u0tP Boomers 807 KB PNG 06/19/24(Wed)19:23:46 No.471603477 >Be born in 1949 >Don't have to fight in a war >Be 20 years old in time for the summer of '69 >Pick up some ridiculous 10/10 who's hitchhiking to Woodstock in my Plymouth Roadrunner I bought after working a summer job for a month >She's immediately into me because she's from a small town and I'm the only man in her life who's not her father or brother >Bring her home and marry her >Go to get a job, hired off the street with no experience and get trained on company dime >Buy 10 acres of land for less than what I make in a year >rent out my land for decades >retire and sit around house all day looking at my collection of boats and cars I never use Kids today just don't understand hard work and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps
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    Anonymous 05/17/24(Fri)21:53:59 No.676770594 >get a rock cpu-564771_1920 Cropped.jpg 77 KB JPG >melt rock >turn rock into powder >turn rock into a crystal >turn it back into a rock >inscribe ancient runes with powerful magic onto rock >trick rock into thinking >can now use this evolved rock to play skyrim with the most degenerate p--- mods imaginable how the F--- did they figure all this s--- out?
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    Anonymous 38 KB JPG 06/21/24(Fri)11:21:06 No.23512498 Went full Nietzsche schizo on my girlfriend and now she's a depressed atheist women are not cut for hard truths they need cuddling physically and spiritually
    Anonymous 38 KB JPG 06/21/24(Fri)11:21:06 No.23512498 Went full Nietzsche schizo on my girlfriend and now she's a depressed atheist women are not cut for hard truths they need cuddling physically and spiritually
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    Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous Am I an a------? 54 KB JPG ▼Settings Mobile Home 06/25/24(Tue)13:12:22 No.77950302 >See nephew with a sharp object >Trying to stab dog with it >I get mad take it away from him >He starts crying >My dad looks like me with a blank look in his face >Proceeds to lecture me about babies like as if I done something I wasn't suppose to with babies >"Oh anon, babies at this age just don't know any better" So was I just suppose to the baby stab the dog because the don't know any better? Anonymous >>77950302 (OP) 06/25/24(Tue)13:16:50 No.77950340 i think you should stab your nephew and you dad
    Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous Am I an a------? 54 KB JPG ▼Settings Mobile Home 06/25/24(Tue)13:12:22 No.77950302 >See nephew with a sharp object >Trying to stab dog with it >I get mad take it away from him >He starts crying >My dad looks like me with a blank look in his face >Proceeds to lecture me about babies like as if I done something I wasn't suppose to with babies >"Oh anon, babies at this age just don't know any better" So was I just suppose to the baby stab the dog because the don't know any better? Anonymous >>77950302 (OP) 06/25/24(Tue)13:16:50 No.77950340 i think you should stab your nephew and you dad
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    : Anonymous 06/24/24(Mon)08:15:46 No.77933129 17130340394832.png 215 KB PNG >try to stalk my former high school classmates on instagram >they notice me watching their stories and ask who I am before blocking me It doesn't matter who I am you stupid bitch. You posted it publicly on the internet. Just let me watch
    : Anonymous 06/24/24(Mon)08:15:46 No.77933129 17130340394832.png 215 KB PNG >try to stalk my former high school classmates on instagram >they notice me watching their stories and ask who I am before blocking me It doesn't matter who I am you stupid bitch. You posted it publicly on the internet. Just let me watch
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    MALE #1, No. 31505851 1 hour ago 1432459383395 JPG 1680x1050 832.1 kB >hook up with girl from some app >have sex, she sleeps at my apt >the next morning i wake up and ask her if she can take care of my morning wood >she says ok but asks me to warn her when i'm about to c-- because she doesn't want it in her mouth >ok >she's too good at it, i c-- too fast and have no time to react >she spits it out and says it's disgusting, accuses me of doing it intentionally >starts crying >i try to calm her down but she goes ballistic >storms out of my apartment saying shes going to call the cops >try to text her >blocked >mfw living in fear that the cops will break down my door at any moment 4 replies
    MALE #1, No. 31505851 1 hour ago 1432459383395 JPG 1680x1050 832.1 kB >hook up with girl from some app >have sex, she sleeps at my apt >the next morning i wake up and ask her if she can take care of my morning wood >she says ok but asks me to warn her when i'm about to c-- because she doesn't want it in her mouth >ok >she's too good at it, i c-- too fast and have no time to react >she spits it out and says it's disgusting, accuses me of doing it intentionally >starts crying >i try to calm her down but she goes ballistic >storms out of my apartment saying shes going to call the cops >try to text her >blocked >mfw living in fear that the cops will break down my door at any moment 4 replies
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    least horny gooner | /r/Greentext

    17 KB JPG >stayed up all night on a gooning bender >almost got in a car accident driving to my fast food job because I was tired and watching goon hypo compilations on my phone while driving >nut in the bathroom at work while thinking about my hot Latina coworker and wrap it in a tissue in my pocket to rub on food whenever hot girls come by later >nut again at lunch time thinking about the hot blond girl and the Asian girl who just ate trace amounts of my semen >one of my coworkers sees me rubbing a burger patty with the open tissue in my hand >tell them I'm wiping some spilled mayo off the burger >get off work and surreptitiously lick my hot Latina worker's car door handle like I always do >sit in my car for another two hours watching goon compilations waiting for my hot worker to go home from her shift >see her open her car door handle while jerking myself off under my pants in the car Sstart following her home she doesn't soom to notice
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    Anonymous 06/23/24(Sun)06:33:18 No.200383491 house-review-image-1024x587.jpg 85 KB JPG >"patient is 25 years old, exhibits extreme right wing conservative views, racist, misogynist, transphobe, doesn't have a job, spends all day sitting on a chair playing videogames..." >house, those aren't symptoms of anything >"...and is a virgin" >i'll start with the MRI
    Anonymous 06/23/24(Sun)06:33:18 No.200383491 house-review-image-1024x587.jpg 85 KB JPG >"patient is 25 years old, exhibits extreme right wing conservative views, racist, misogynist, transphobe, doesn't have a job, spends all day sitting on a chair playing videogames..." >house, those aren't symptoms of anything >"...and is a virgin" >i'll start with the MRI
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    Anonymous 6 KB JPEG 6/25/2024, 9:16:51 AM No.94089851 > be me > old and single > friends start a writing competition > they love sappy stuff > decide enter anonymously > decide to write about all my relationships and girls I liked > its just my life, no fiction > my friend reviews it > 'the protagonist is creepy and pathetic' >mfw
    Anonymous 6 KB JPEG 6/25/2024, 9:16:51 AM No.94089851 > be me > old and single > friends start a writing competition > they love sappy stuff > decide enter anonymously > decide to write about all my relationships and girls I liked > its just my life, no fiction > my friend reviews it > 'the protagonist is creepy and pathetic' >mfw
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    Anonymous 09/16/20(Wed)23:11:57 No.1705950 >>17059546 >>17059609 >>17059665 File: 1587894210677.jpg (103 KB, 733x486) >I consider myself a patient man, Harry. I overlooked that time you kept sneaking trans students polyjuice potion containing their own hair, making them turn back into their normal selves, despite the suicides. >I was even willing to turn a blind eye to you casting memory charms on post op hufflepuffs, because the look on their faces when you showed them a mirror was frankly hilarious, but this fine you've gone too far. >you have to understand that sectumsempra is dangerous magic, Harry, and I can't just let you go round telling Hufflepuffs that it's an instant transition spell if they point it at their crotch. >I hope you understand the gravity of this situation, and see why I'm only awarding you 42 points
    Anonymous 09/16/20(Wed)23:11:57 No.1705950 >>17059546 >>17059609 >>17059665 File: 1587894210677.jpg (103 KB, 733x486) >I consider myself a patient man, Harry. I overlooked that time you kept sneaking trans students polyjuice potion containing their own hair, making them turn back into their normal selves, despite the suicides. >I was even willing to turn a blind eye to you casting memory charms on post op hufflepuffs, because the look on their faces when you showed them a mirror was frankly hilarious, but this fine you've gone too far. >you have to understand that sectumsempra is dangerous magic, Harry, and I can't just let you go round telling Hufflepuffs that it's an instant transition spell if they point it at their crotch. >I hope you understand the gravity of this situation, and see why I'm only awarding you 42 points
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    : Anonymous APATH 269 SPATI ZWE 119 KB JPG 06/25/24(Tue)13:06:49 No.77945749 >be me >lifeless coomer NEET >find my way around femdom communities >learn what a FLR is (Female-Led- Relationship) >seemscool >power through endless autist discord servers for gf >find a girl, 6'0, Blonde, art geek, megatits >we start dating >she cooks, she pays for everything, sex is good, no longer alone >still have to get pegged everyday though Never felt better, but the catch is I exclusively have to bottom. 12 Replies View Thread
    : Anonymous APATH 269 SPATI ZWE 119 KB JPG 06/25/24(Tue)13:06:49 No.77945749 >be me >lifeless coomer NEET >find my way around femdom communities >learn what a FLR is (Female-Led- Relationship) >seemscool >power through endless autist discord servers for gf >find a girl, 6'0, Blonde, art geek, megatits >we start dating >she cooks, she pays for everything, sex is good, no longer alone >still have to get pegged everyday though Never felt better, but the catch is I exclusively have to bottom. 12 Replies View Thread
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    OG pajjeet (ID: [PK6LPK)) Where i can find self hating i(...) 64 KB JPG 06/24/24(Mon)23:07:28 No.472062296 > be me >hates himself for being indian or any other brown person >just think me as a brown uncle ruckus before you comment i am muslim or pakistani. When i say i hate indians i mean all brown f----, F--- the 9 year r----- god and all the gods in general.. We are literal s---, like everything in our country is f----- and i hate it, I hate the fact we are moving to other countries destroying their culture.. sometimes i feel guilty ..anyone else is like me or i am only f----- here where are these like minded indians at? in my 22 years of life i never met any of em Anonymous (ID: HGrCATTK) + 06/24/24(Mon)23:12:45 No.472062772 >>472062296 (OP) # uncle ruckus is a white man suffering from re- vitiligo >>472069743 #
    OG pajjeet (ID: [PK6LPK)) Where i can find self hating i(...) 64 KB JPG 06/24/24(Mon)23:07:28 No.472062296 > be me >hates himself for being indian or any other brown person >just think me as a brown uncle ruckus before you comment i am muslim or pakistani. When i say i hate indians i mean all brown f----, F--- the 9 year r----- god and all the gods in general.. We are literal s---, like everything in our country is f----- and i hate it, I hate the fact we are moving to other countries destroying their culture.. sometimes i feel guilty ..anyone else is like me or i am only f----- here where are these like minded indians at? in my 22 years of life i never met any of em Anonymous (ID: HGrCATTK) + 06/24/24(Mon)23:12:45 No.472062772 >>472062296 (OP) # uncle ruckus is a white man suffering from re- vitiligo >>472069743 #
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    Anonymous 06/23/24(Sun)15:39:58 No.200393458 4fn5ysb0gd781.jpg 22 KB JPG >You see this watch? This watch cost more than your car. How do you respond without sounding poor and mad?
    Anonymous 06/23/24(Sun)15:39:58 No.200393458 4fn5ysb0gd781.jpg 22 KB JPG >You see this watch? This watch cost more than your car. How do you respond without sounding poor and mad?
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    Anonymous 46 KB PNG >>62849459 (OP) # >Be me >17 >Have younger sister, 13 at the time >Parents going out for the night >Take sister out to a movie cause bored >Popcorn, soda, the works. Some capeshit movie. >Have a fun night, she gives me a hug and says thanks after >Feelsgoodman Probably would have roped years ago if not for my family
    Anonymous 46 KB PNG >>62849459 (OP) # >Be me >17 >Have younger sister, 13 at the time >Parents going out for the night >Take sister out to a movie cause bored >Popcorn, soda, the works. Some capeshit movie. >Have a fun night, she gives me a hug and says thanks after >Feelsgoodman Probably would have roped years ago if not for my family
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    Praise The Machine God | /r/Greentext

    : Anonymous 05/17/24(Fri)21:53:59 No.676770594 >get a rock >melt rock cpu-564771_1920 Cropped.jpg 77 KB JPG >turn rock into powder >turn rock into a crystal >turn it back into a rock >inscribe ancient runes with powerful magic onto rock >trick rock into thinking >can now use this evolved rock to play skyrim with the most degenerate p--- mods imaginable how the F--- did they figure all this s--- out?
    : Anonymous 05/17/24(Fri)21:53:59 No.676770594 >get a rock >melt rock cpu-564771_1920 Cropped.jpg 77 KB JPG >turn rock into powder >turn rock into a crystal >turn it back into a rock >inscribe ancient runes with powerful magic onto rock >trick rock into thinking >can now use this evolved rock to play skyrim with the most degenerate p--- mods imaginable how the F--- did they figure all this s--- out?
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    Anon's boss is evil | /r/Greentext

    Anonymous (ID: ILoYufmu) 06/25/24(Tue)00:13:18 No.58678292 PSYCHO BITCH >Be me >16 >Go to a boarding school. >It has a work program. from Hell Completely unpaid. All the money you 80 KB JPG make goes to your tuition and the school requires you to work. >A non-profit that works with the school hires me. >It's basically a charity that takes care of old people. >Get assigned to work at a Goodwill knock off for some reason >Boss isn't even that old (probably 55 at most) yet the program considers her the old person I'm supposed to help. >Get screamed at for doing homework on the clock (the guy I worked with previously was fine with it but I guess she has different rules). >Asked to vacuum the book room. I do it and she bitches at me for adjusting it while I'm vacuuming. >Clean her office next and there's papers all over the place. Pick them up and I get accused of stealing company secrets. (What the f--- those secrets are I have no clue). >The building's water has that really bad sulfur taste because the plumbing is ancient. Ask my other boss if I can have some Sprite out of the fridge because I'm thirsty and the water is making me gag / giving me a sore throat and she says yes. >Psycho bitch boss finds out I had something out of the fridge and accuses me of stealing from the company. Apparently I'm only allowed to ask her permission for stuff from the fridge. She holds onto this grudge for a whole week and even tries to take it up with the school and my parents. >Eventually get tired of her s--- and just stop showing up to work one day. >Get moved to the school cafeteria and actually like working there because my previous job was so bad. So box. Anyone else have any worst boss ever stories?
    Anonymous (ID: ILoYufmu) 06/25/24(Tue)00:13:18 No.58678292 PSYCHO BITCH >Be me >16 >Go to a boarding school. >It has a work program. from Hell Completely unpaid. All the money you 80 KB JPG make goes to your tuition and the school requires you to work. >A non-profit that works with the school hires me. >It's basically a charity that takes care of old people. >Get assigned to work at a Goodwill knock off for some reason >Boss isn't even that old (probably 55 at most) yet the program considers her the old person I'm supposed to help. >Get screamed at for doing homework on the clock (the guy I worked with previously was fine with it but I guess she has different rules). >Asked to vacuum the book room. I do it and she bitches at me for adjusting it while I'm vacuuming. >Clean her office next and there's papers all over the place. Pick them up and I get accused of stealing company secrets. (What the f--- those secrets are I have no clue). >The building's water has that really bad sulfur taste because the plumbing is ancient. Ask my other boss if I can have some Sprite out of the fridge because I'm thirsty and the water is making me gag / giving me a sore throat and she says yes. >Psycho bitch boss finds out I had something out of the fridge and accuses me of stealing from the company. Apparently I'm only allowed to ask her permission for stuff from the fridge. She holds onto this grudge for a whole week and even tries to take it up with the school and my parents. >Eventually get tired of her s--- and just stop showing up to work one day. >Get moved to the school cafeteria and actually like working there because my previous job was so bad. So box. Anyone else have any worst boss ever stories?
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    SMOKY MOUNTAINS VIDEO: Black bear startles guests, employee at >be black bear >see a nature park built directly in the middle of my forest Anakeesta concession stand >wander around the place EAT HEAL PM EDT 62 KB JPG looking for food >see a woman, run away scared shitless >get a f------ hit squad send out to euthanize me >die and enter a higher plane of existence >mfw humans on the other side of the continent heard about my death and are talking about how scary I was and how they would shoot me faster if they saw me in person w--? : Anonymous >>2747858 (OP) # >go outdoors 06/24/24(Mon) 19:56:16 No.2747869 >have non threatening encounter with wildlife >kill it Many such cases. Whether or not someone kills something like a snake or spider that's minding its own business and is not threatening anything is a good test for whether or not they deserve to be treated as human
    SMOKY MOUNTAINS VIDEO: Black bear startles guests, employee at >be black bear >see a nature park built directly in the middle of my forest Anakeesta concession stand >wander around the place EAT HEAL PM EDT 62 KB JPG looking for food >see a woman, run away scared shitless >get a f------ hit squad send out to euthanize me >die and enter a higher plane of existence >mfw humans on the other side of the continent heard about my death and are talking about how scary I was and how they would shoot me faster if they saw me in person w--? : Anonymous >>2747858 (OP) # >go outdoors 06/24/24(Mon) 19:56:16 No.2747869 >have non threatening encounter with wildlife >kill it Many such cases. Whether or not someone kills something like a snake or spider that's minding its own business and is not threatening anything is a good test for whether or not they deserve to be treated as human
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