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: Anonymous 23 KB JPG 09/07/23(Thu)22:47:50 No.905704930 > Be me, 27, living in a cozy neighborhood > Wake up one morning to gentle knocking on my door > Expecting Amazon delivery or maybe those Jehovah's Witnesses again > Open door > It's a squirrel with a clipboard and pen > wat.jpeg > "Excuse me sir, do you have a moment to take our survey?" > Can't believe my ears, must've had too many drinks last night > Laugh and close door thinking it's a hallucination > Next day, hear more knocking > Not one, but five squirrels this time, all with clipboards > PanicModeActivated.png > "Sir, it's a short survey about your acorn storage. Only 5 minutes." > Slam door, this can't be happening > Days go by, squirrels now canvassing the entire neighborhood > Neighbors start complaining about squirrel surveyors > HoA meeting turns into a chaos, debating on Squirrel Relocation Program > Some hipster neighbor argues for squirrel rights and their "freedom to survey" > Fast forward two weeks > Squirrels now have tents, tables, and they're everywhere > Can't even go for a jog without being stopped > "Sir, how do you feel about the branch quality in the local trees?" > NoMorePlease.mp4 > Decide to take matters into my own hands > Buy a fake owl, thinking it'll scare them away > Next day, squirrel with glasses and lab coat at door > "Sir, I'm conducting a study on owl populations in this area. Mind if I interview your owl?" > HeadDesk.gif > One month later, life's become unbearable > Can't even get the mail without going through three squirrel focus groups > Decide to move > Find a peaceful place in the city, away from trees > First morning in new place, wake up to soft knocking > Heart races, praying it's not what I think it is > Open door > Pigeon with a clipboard > "Morning, sir! Mind taking a survey on bread crumbs?" > I can't win Therapy doesn't work. What to do /b/ros?

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reddit greentext greentext memes 4chan 4chan memes /r/greentext

Origin Entry: Greentext Stories

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File size: 1.6 MB

HOW IS YOUR NIGHT GOING /v/? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:34 No.39833040 Mine is doing good, I just sat down and cracked open a bear and about to play some TF2. Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:35 No.39833090 You cracked open a bear? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:36 No.39833114 >Cracked open a bear Oh god what OP TF2 IS FOR CASUALS Crro Lack

Anonymous (ID: 31kpyf2g) I f------ hate these people 07/11/21(Sun)21:52:59 No.329597517 1d Amen. As a Democract, I worry about us allowing our cities to become wastelands of homeless drug addicts. I am excited to move out to the suburbs because at least life will be pleasant out there, even if I have to live amongst the Republicans. I want to be able to go for a walk without fear of attack. Do Democrats only care about the rights of antisocial drug addicted transients? I will never vote Republican, but I hate how us Dems don't have the courage to let the ends justify the means. 1625859701519m.jpg 110 KB JPG there is no political solution Anonymous (ID: ricZnDZD) >>329597517 (OP) # 07/11/21(Sun)21:55:23 No.329597743 >I recognize that my party doesn't have my best interests in mind >in fact, I can see that my party favors literal criminals over law abiding citizens >I have to literally pack my s--- up and move because my party ruined my home >I wont ever change the way I vote though Imao Democracy was a mistake >>329599805 # >>329600177 # >>329601081 #

34 KB JPG >Be born in 1949 >Don't have to fight in a war >Be 20 years old in time for the summer of '69 >Pick up some ridiculous 11/10 who's hitchhiking to Woodstock in my Plymouth Roadrunner I bought after working a summer job for a month >She's immediately into me because she's from a small town and I'm the only man in her life who's not her father or brother >Bring her home and marry her >Go to get a job, hired off the street with no experience and get trained >Buy 10 acres of land for less than what I make in a year >rent out my land for decades >retire and sit around house all day looking at my collection of boats and cars I never use Kids today just don't understand hard work and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps

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Why is Todd like this | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 640 KB PNG 09/08/23(Fri)03:22:12 No.649990957 >You are actually a f------ STARBORN >You actually learn space shouts YOU CANNOT BE F------ SERIOUS

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Sometimes the chase isn't worth the achievement | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 529 KB JPG fingers >w-- 09/07/23(Thu)15:13:24 No.74657491 >be me >late 20s autist >finally get a gf >shes half Asian half white >excited to finally have sex >tfw her vagina is really skinny >can only fit one of her skinny > shes crying as Im trying to ram it in but it just feels like a wall >resort to b------ >this is what f------ are crying about F--- you f------, you made me think for years that sex was the end all be all to life but its f------ mediocre. I hate you all. Im going back vidya.

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May all those dreams come true | /r/Greentext

2m (9/8 1:33) 905699649 0 Re - 0 Img JPG 69KB (811 x 527) zzz.jpg dreams bread Tell me about your dreams last night anon. I'll go first. : Don't remember how dream started, went to bed after long day wageslaving. >GF that exists irl says something and gets off couch to get shower >dream s--- idk >when she comes back she lets the towel fall and says hey look >huge domrystan femcock erect just for me >immediately rush over and shove in my mouth >attempt to get sweet girl c-- in my dream tummy >she shoves me off and says that was really f----- up i didn't have consent >Dream ends >mfw I can't escape femoids even in slumber

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Anon visits japan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/20(Sun)15:31:06 No.820837526 F--- Japan /b/, i went there for a vacation for a week with 3 friends and it was awful, let me tell you why so you wont bother going there aswell. Consider this a warning /b/ro's. 116 KB JPG 1: We went to the cinema, watched a comedy movie in Japanese (we all speak it decently and can understand it quite well). Guess what? Appearently Japanese people don't laugh during movies so it was just me and my friends laughing and we got dirty looks and eventually a warning... FOR LAUGHING DURING A COMEDY MOVIE W--! How the f--- do these droids not laugh during a movie? 2- We went to a restaurant and we ordered some food, but the waitress kept saying that she doesnt understand is, so we said it again and she still didnt understand us which is b------- because we can speak it pretty well. So we used an online translator and again she pretended not to understand and we eventually left. 3- You want to shop in a mall as a foreinger? Well sure, just dont get mad when people with 5 f------ bags full of s--- will be infront of you at the register and will look at you while waiting in line and wont let you go first eventhough you have 2 items while they have 5 bags full. Nope, you gotta wait for them to unbag their 5 f------ bags, wait 10 minutes for them to be done, and THEN you can put your 2 items on the register and be done in 2 minutes.

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Who keeps graffitiing green question marks all over the city? | /r/Greentext

Is Gotham really as bad as people say? Anonymous 03/03/19(Sun)19:15:42 No.106232841 ► >>106232946 >>106233221 >>106233386 >>106233434>>106233502 >>106233556 >>106233675 >>106233679 >>106235147 >>106238061 >>106238068 >>106238143 >>106240885 >>106240921 >>106241241 >>106241482 >>106241532 >>106241609 >>106241654 >>106243891 >>106244404 >>106245247 >>106245776 >>106247703 >>106248785 >>106249073 >>106249129 >>106249283 >>106249287 >>106249368 >>106249424 >>106249441 >>106249544 >>106249590 >>106249855 >>106249912 >>106249960 >>106250067 >>106250145 >>106251020 >>106251083 >>106251191 >>106251372 >>106252843 >>106252877 Got accepted into Gotham State for Fall 2019. Mom flipped, said I would get killed or forced into henching. Anyone actually live there, how bad is it? No.106232894 Anonymous 03/03/19(Sun)19:19:11 >>106241507 >>106248689 >>106258823 >>106233500 That f------ f----- Joker keeps dressing up as the milkman and giving me c-- in a bottle like im going to drink it the f------ retard. Hate this f------ town.

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Anon Christmas shops early. | /r/Greentext

59 KB PNG >Be me on vacation >Find an all-year christmas store >They have a bunch of tree ornaments with names on them "Aaron", "Robert", "Jennifer" etc >Buy a bunch >This christmas I'm going to put them on my tree and pretend they are the names of my friends I'm happy lads :)

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He must have hit it hard | /r/Greentext

54s (9/8 0:53)905697728 1 Re - 0 Img JPG 3KB (275 x 183) images.jpg : 8 i have sex with an escort while wearing a condom, but some vaginal fluid went on the very base of my shaft that was uncovered by the condom. Do i now have aids?

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Anon has an idea | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous What's stopping me from utiliz(…..) 9 KB JPG 08/17/23(Thu)21:52:43 No.29590499 >Take a very large loan >Claim to be a woman >Legally change my gender >When bank comes to collect, say that I'm not the person that got the loan >When they keep bothering me sue them for "deadnaming" me in a Californian court >Post it all over Twitter >The trannies come out in full force to attack the image of the bank > The bank settles for a few mill >Now rich Why not? 08/17/23(Thu)21:54:44 No.29590515 : Anonymous Good luck tricking Jews into giving you free money, it's like the one thing they actually care about

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Anon is done for | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Heart pains 05/22/21 (Sat)13:25:00 No.63782206 17 KB JPG >go to bed >you have a gripping pain in your chest >it spreads to the left side of your neck >can't sleep Guys am I gonna have a frickin heart attack? I made a thread about this yesterday and a medanon told me it's all good if it's not in my neck. Well it is. I don't even drink or smoke REE : Anonymous >might have a heart attack >better post on 4chan I hope it kills you 05/22/21 (Sat)15:07:38 No.63783066

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A pattern is emerging | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 21 KB JPG 09/07/23(Thu)13:36:48 No.74656769 >meet female cousin from america >ask if she's in a relationship >first thing she mentioned is his height why are americans like this?

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Just friends, with benefits. | /r/Greentext

mulld! 50 US 43m (9/7 20:53). 18632718 38 Re-8 Img JPG 502KB (2654 × 1792) IMG_2535.jpg >be stay at home dad watching over the kids >your wife keeps staying out late and partying >constantly see pics like this and her getting drunk off her ass >"we're just friends hunny, stop worrying" What do? :

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No turning back now | /r/Greentext

7m (9/7 0 Re 0 Img JPG 24KB (553 x 471) EvMOHIKU4ACA8S7.jpg 21:28).905688779 . >put rat poison in sandwiches to find the food thief : >she f------ dies just after the lunch, h-------- >police start investigating everyone at work should I get out of the state?

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Greentext Stories - Anon would not like to sign your petition | /r/Greentext

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: Anonymous 23 KB JPG 09/07/23(Thu)22:47:50 No.905704930 > Be me, 27, living in a cozy neighborhood > Wake up one morning to gentle knocking on my door > Expecting Amazon delivery or maybe those Jehovah's Witnesses again > Open door > It's a squirrel with a clipboard and pen > wat.jpeg > "Excuse me sir, do you have a moment to take our survey?" > Can't believe my ears, must've had too many drinks last night > Laugh and close door thinking it's a hallucination > Next day, hear more knocking > Not one, but five squirrels this time, all with clipboards > PanicModeActivated.png > "Sir, it's a short survey about your acorn storage. Only 5 minutes." > Slam door, this can't be happening > Days go by, squirrels now canvassing the entire neighborhood > Neighbors start complaining about squirrel surveyors > HoA meeting turns into a chaos, debating on Squirrel Relocation Program > Some hipster neighbor argues for squirrel rights and their "freedom to survey" > Fast forward two weeks > Squirrels now have tents, tables, and they're everywhere > Can't even go for a jog without being stopped > "Sir, how do you feel about the branch quality in the local trees?" > NoMorePlease.mp4 > Decide to take matters into my own hands > Buy a fake owl, thinking it'll scare them away > Next day, squirrel with glasses and lab coat at door > "Sir, I'm conducting a study on owl populations in this area. Mind if I interview your owl?" > HeadDesk.gif > One month later, life's become unbearable > Can't even get the mail without going through three squirrel focus groups > Decide to move > Find a peaceful place in the city, away from trees > First morning in new place, wake up to soft knocking > Heart races, praying it's not what I think it is > Open door > Pigeon with a clipboard > "Morning, sir! Mind taking a survey on bread crumbs?" > I can't win Therapy doesn't work. What to do /b/ros?

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